"Are you sure (y/n)?" Ellie asked slowly getting up.

"Yes el' go dance with Dina, I know you want to." I laughed and winked at her.

Her eyes shone in the twinkling lights strung about. She chuckled and blushed.

"Yeah but I don't wanna leave you by yourself." She rubbed the back of her neck.

"Ellie. Go." I smiled at her. She squeezed my hand and went to find Dina.

Tonight was couples night dancing at the barn, a little party Tommy and Maria threw together to gain some of our humanity back.

I had a date but of course he bailed on me. I wasn't too upset because I didn't know him anyway. Just some stupid boy from our little town. There weren't many options to choose from so I wasn't picky.

Ellie came and had a few drinks with me and I knew she felt bad. But the more I drank, the less I cared.

I was on my 4th shot of whiskey and didn't seem to be slowing down. I put my chin on my palm and caught a glimpse of Ellie nuzzling into Dina, hand in hand, and swaying gracefully.

I sighed and poured another shot.

"What's got you down kiddo?" I hear a voice from behind me.

I turn.

"Oh, Hey Joel." I slurred.

"I'm okay." I waved my hand at him.

He pulled up a chair and sat next to me.

"Y'know, I been watchin you. Now I'm not dumb, so tell me what's goin on."

I poured my 5th shot.

"Want one?" I gestured to the bottle on the table.

He hesitated for a second and then answered.

"Yeah."

I poured him one and we clinked our glasses together.

"I'm okay Joel, really. Just a little tipsy." I chuckled.

My eyes averted to all the couples on the dance floor, swaying to a slow song. He followed my gaze and sighed.

"What happened to that boy you were seein'?" He questioned.

"Pfft. I was never seeing that loser." I laughed.

He stared at me silently.

I shook my head, getting more serious.

"It doesn't matter. He ain't here." I reached for the bottle but Joel placed his hand on mine.

I furrowed my brows confused. He took the bottle from me and poured himself a shot.
He downed it and poured another.

He sighed and took my hand and pulled me up.

"You uh, wanna dance ?" He asked awkwardly.

I laughed.

"Sure old man, show me what ya got." I let him lead me to the dancefloor.

"Kid, I'm a hell of a lot better than you." He chuckled.

"Yeah right." I rolled my eyes.

Some people cleared the way for Joel and I, a few staring.

Once we were situated in the middle, I looked up at him shyly.

"Joel I-, I think I forgot how to dance. To this music I mean." I blushed, embarrassed.

"Hey, that's okay. I'll teach you."

A new song stared playing and he showed me what to do.

'I feel so unsure
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor'

"You put your hand here, on my shoulder. And I-"

He snaked his hand around my waist and held me tightly, forcing our bodies together.

"I put my hand here." His dark eyes stared into mine.

My heart leapt and I felt butterflies by the sudden action.

He tangled his other hand with mine and we started swaying.

"You doing okay there?" Joel snapped me back to reality.

"O-oh yes I'm fine." I said nervously.

"I'm a bit more tipsy than I thought I was."

"That's alright, you're doin just fine." He said warmly.

Warm. That's what Joel was. Warm and safe, inside his strong arms.

'I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool'

I shouldn't be feeling like this. Joel is 43, and I'm 24. That's a big age gap. Plus there's no way in hell Joel would ever want someone as young and inexperienced as me.

But the way he held me said otherwise. Could I be imagining it?

I sighed contentedly and leaned my head on his chest.

~~~~~~

Joel's eyes widened and he looked around to see if anyone was watching. They may get the wrong idea.

Or maybe it was the right idea? What the hell was he trying to do here? He asked himself.

His eyes met Tommy's noticing maria standing next to him. They held each other but we're watching him.

Joel looked to the floor and back up to this brother. Tommy gave him a look he couldn't read and suddenly he felt weird. Perverted.

Joel pushed back from you, and spun you around to create some distance, but you had other ideas. You wrapped your arms around his neck and his other hand found your waist.

Give in.

Joel's gaze veered to Tommy again, and he gave his brother a smile and slight nod. This relieved Joel.

'Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd'

Maybe it was the liquor that gave him courage, but he leaned his head down and kissed the top of your forehead.

"I don't know if anyone's told you, but Um. You look beautiful tonight. That boy don't know what the hell he's missin."

You leaned your head back and looked up at him with those doe eyes, and he almost lost himself right then and there.

"Thanks Joel." You slurred.

"Anytime kid." He looked away to break the intense gaze.

Your hand slid down to his chest and his breath caught.

"You look very handsome." You whispered.

"Yeah right." Joel chuckled, trying to play it off.

He looked off to the right and saw Ellie staring at him weird. He frowned and shook his head. She hesitated and went back to minding her business at the bar, glancing back occasionally.

Joel felt exposed and dumb.

The hell was he doing ?

Ellie wouldn't like this. She wouldn't be comfortable with her dad-like figure getting intimate with her best friend who's the same age as her.

'Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say'

Joel rolled his eyes. The lyrics to the song playing were putting him down.

"This song is pretty but it sounds kinda sad." You said, interrupting his thoughts.

"O-oh yeah. This song was big back in my day. George Michael." He hummed.

He mentally face palmed. 'Back in my day' another reminder how old he was.

"It's nice. I like it." You nuzzled your face into his chest, Just as Ellie did with Dina.

You didn't seem to mind.

'We could have been so good together,
We could have lived this dance forever'

Fuck. He wanted you. But he's not allowed. He'd be looked down on, and he has a reputation to uphold. He wished for the song to end so he could disappear from prying eyes and forget this ever happened.

But did he really want to forget?

"Joel?"

He looked down to see you staring up at him.

~~~~

Joel's mind seemed to be elsewhere so I called his name.

His attention snapped back to me.

"You alright?" I asked sweetly.

"Of course, are you?" He replied.

"Honestly Joel...this is the most comfortable I've felt in a long time." I told him. And it was the truth. He smelled so good and his beard tickled my face when he pecked my forehead.

Joel was a man. Not some boy.

Big broad chest, salt n pepper hair. He was very attractive, I couldn't deny. But was the liquor making me think like this?

I've never thought of him in this way until tonight. What changed ? Maybe I liked the way he held me. Maybe the whiskey was getting to my head. I didn't care. I knew that I wanted him in the moment.

Would he even want me ? I've never even had sex, I wouldn't know how to be intimate with him.

Does he think I'm sexy? Or does he see me like he sees Ellie? Oh god, for him to see me as a daughter would be the worst.

Maybe it was liquid courage, but I was determined to find out.

He stared at me intently.

"Well I'm glad kiddo." He answered awkwardly.

"Do you see me as a daughter? Like Ellie ?" I blurted out.

His eyes widened in shock.

"Erm, I reckon I suppose, but it's different."

"Oh" I replied, defeated.

"How different?" I pressed.

"Well I- where the hell you goin with this?" He asked confused.

"Joel, you said I was beautiful-"

"(Y/n) I don't think-" he started.

"No, you told me-"

"(Y/n) " he warned, cutting me off.

I fell silent, still in his arms.

I started sniffling and he noticed right away.

He sighed.

"(Y/n), I think you're gorgeous. But I shouldn't look at you like that. It isn't right." He declared.

"Who said?!" I raised my voice, looking at him.

He looked around to see if anyone heard.

"Will you keep your voice down!" He countered with a hushed tone.

I sniffed.

"Goddamnit (y/n)" he curses, wiping a tear from my cheek.

"I'm no good for you. I'm an old man. You should be with someone your age." He admitted.

"B-but I want you." I buried my face in his chest.

~~~~~

You wanted him...?

Even though he was so much older than you, with his greying hair?

He felt so guilty. You should be with someone your own age.

What was he supposed to say to that? He didn't want to be mean but it's all he knew. He hasn't been with anyone in years, not since Tess. And even then, she was older and he still didn't know how to act.

~~~~

"Will you kiss me Joel?" I questioned, bringing him back from his thoughts.

He scoffed.

"Are you kiddin me? What'll everyone think? There's gonna be rumors flyin everywhere." He said sternly.

I sniffed again and stared into his beautiful hazel eyes.

"Don't you want me?"

~~~~~

There it was. That line that made his heart get caught in his throat.

'Don't you want me?'

Of course he fucking wanted you. He wanted to pepper kisses all over your bare body. He wanted to show you what a real man was.

But he also could see fun nights like this with you. Snuggling by a fire in the winter, or dancing the night away.

Of course he wanted you, what kind of question was that?

His heart raced as he thought about doing the unthinkable.

He didn't care anymore. Your pretty doe eyes, lashes glossed with tears. Your lips parted, waiting. He didn't give a fuck if people called him a dirty old man. He wasn't a pervert. You were of age, after all.

Ellie might not take too kindly to this but he'd have her come around.

He made his decision.

~~~~

"you sure this what you want?" He said lowly.

I nodded.

He brushed my hair from my face and leaned in.

Our mouths collided softly and I let out a hum of content.

My heart felt like it would explode. He tasted like whiskey but I'm sure I did too. His lips were slightly chapped but soft nonetheless. His beard tickled my chin and we finally broke away.

"That what you wanted?" He asked quietly. I nodded my head shyly. I wanted more but I had realized a few prying eyes were staring at us and I got embarrassed.

Blushing a deep red, I bravely asked something I never thought I would.

"Do you want to go back to my place ?"