He would never be able to understand the Bat. Let alone follow his plots and the "logic" in them. He had been a "good" guy for five months now to comprehend his actions but this was too much and by far the most stupid plan and it drove him nuts to the point of losing it completely, punching him straight in the face.

"No way in hell, flying rodent."  Joker hissed, rubbing his knuckles, ready to strike once more. "I'm not leaving them for one second!"

"I need you there. We need you there." Bruce winced and sat by the desk, placing a hand over his swollen jaw, "Seems you missed punching me, Joker."

J laughed darkly, his head thrown back in frustration. The Joker was going back to Arkham, leaving Harley and an unborn Lucy for a month, maybe two. With Daemon locked up possessing vital information about the clown and Batman, the security of the Asylum vulnerable, Bruce had decided having Joker there as a spy and an alibi would help to keep the pirate behind bars.

"And how does your little plan help me? What if I'm sent to Black Gate? Harley and my baby need me here, not there babysitting that son of a bitch!" Joker snarled, throwing all he could find towards the floor causing Bruce a terrible urge to tie him up.

"They will be fine! They are safe here with me and Alf– Argh! Clown, for God's sake Joker stop it!" Bruce was hit by J's boot when he finally ran out of ammunition, the clown's signature laughter filling the batcave as the Bat got up and punched Joker to the ground, holding him still against the floor, his hand on his throat.

They stared at each other angrily for what seemed hours until Joker managed to sigh and raise his hands up in defeat, Bruce's grip untightening from his throat.

"I will do it. But I swear Bats, if anything happens to my girls I will skin you alive and make Alfred a nice coat with it for him to wear on his funeral. Mark. My. Words." he hissed, getting on his feet. Joker watched Bruce as he focused back his attention on the screen filled with Arkham images. Inmates pacing around their cells screaming, doctors walking through the corridors, guards playing cards.

He sighed when the face of a beautiful blonde woman with black glasses and perfect smile flooded his brain and warmed his heart. J cursed under his breath at the thought of being far away from his only reason of living, taken back to the place where it all started. Except his Harleen Quinzel wouldn't be there.

•••

"And just flip it and there you go!" Alfred waved his hand as Harley managed to turn the perfectly cooked omelette with the spatula, placing it on the plate by the counter and burst into giggles.

"I did it! And no one got hurt!" the girl leaned down and hugged Alfred tightly, almost flipping the wheelchair he was sitting on to the side. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Alfred chuckled as he accepted the plate from her and took a bite, a grin of approval drawn on his tired face. He was recovering under Harley's care from the wound Daemon had inflicted. The harlequin was happy, having her old friend back home, alive and loving towards her as always.

Harley and Alfred were having a happy and peaceful breakfast when Joker entered the kitchen, greeted by a cheerful Harley who threw herself into his arms.

"Puddin! I cooked an omelette without burning the kitchen!" she said happily, a frown replacing her giddy mood when she noticed a faint bruise on J's cheek. "Puddin, what's wrong? What happened to your face?"

"We need to talk, baby." he whispered, looking back at Alfred. The old man ate the omelette quietly and watched the couple leave the kitchen without a word.

Once they stepped into their room, J pulled Harley into his arms and kissed her deeply, his heart breaking at her touch when her small hands met his face. She broke the kiss reluctantly and stared into his eyes, trying to read them. Something was wrong and Harley knew he was in terrible pain, unshed tears already forming in his beautiful ice blue eyes.

"Everything I've done, every single decision I've made for the past couple of years have been completely and entirely for you, my little dove." he whispered, his voice cracking.

"You're scaring me, J." Harley took a step back and he grimaced, kneeling before her to lean his head against her belly. As if she knew what was happening, Lucy kicked softly and J laughed, his arms wrapping around his Harley as he kissed the baby's home lovingly.

"I need you to be strong for the three of us, Harls." Joker stood up, his hands cupping Harley's face so she wouldn't look away, "I've been asked by Bruce to got back to Arkham. It's only for a month, maybe less. I'll be here before Lucy is born and you wi–"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" she screamed pushing him away. Suddenly, Harley forgot the bruise adorning J's cheek and she slapped him again. He closed his eyes and accepted every single blow from Harley to his chest until she grew tired and finally buried her face on his chest, sobbing histerically against it.

"I need to do this, baby. For your safety and Lucy's. Arkham is weak, Daemon could break out any minute and if everyone in Gotham knows I'm working with Batman, we're screwed. I will come back for you and Lucy when it is all over."

"What if you get hurt? What if Bruce can't get you out?" Harley refused to look up and stare into those eyes that broke her. She just let him hold her tightly as she cried into his chest. "I can't live without you, Puddin."

The clown sighed, his own fears haunting him. He knew going back to the Asylum was a risk and the thought of leaving his two girls by themselves, whether if he died or wasn't able to come back, broke him into a million pieces.

"I'll be back, my love. Have I ever broken a promise?" he tilted her chin up and she shook her head, sniffling back her own tears. "I won't start breaking promises now, then."

"Do something for me first." said Harley before slamming her lips against his, his strong arms wrapping protectively around her fragile form.

"Anything, my harlequin." he mumbled against her lips.

Harley pulled away and smiled sadly, "Let's get married before you leave."

•••

No church, no people. Just the four of them.

Harley had always thought marriage was bullshit: the expensive dress, the hundreds of unwanted guests waiting for the boring ceremony to be over so they could eat all the free food.

This was different. Meaningful.

They stood face to face, holding hands and staring at each other under the moonlight and the starry sky. Candles surrounding them, the smell of flowers and grass complementing the scene.

J looked down at his beautiful bride, wearing a simple white dress that made her look like an angel, her hair falling gracefully by her shoulders and her baby bump peeking sweetly through the silky fabric. He couldn't remember contemplating anything more perfect in his entire life.

Harley smiled, her eyes filled with tears as they listened to Alfred reading a heart warming passage to them before they started their own vows.

"You little pain in the ass..." Harley giggled at his romantic words, "There's not a single moment I don't thank the universe for putting you on my way. You reminded me who I was and gave my life a whole new meaning. You saw the real me under this bleached disguise and brought back the man I managed to bury. I promise I will keep you and Lucy safe from all danger. I promise I will make your life a wonderful fun ride, to make you laugh, to cherish every single wrinkle adorning your face. You will always be my only love, my best friend, my partner in crime. My adorable harlequin."

He reached inside his pocket and pulled out a simple golden chain with a tiny heart locket, a J&H carved on it. Harley whimpered and held his hands up to her lips, kissing them softly.

"My annoying crazy clown. I'm the luckiest woman on earth. The best days of my life have been next to you. You will never be alone again, me and Lucy will follow you to end of the earth. I'm yours forever, Puddin."

Harley's hands shook as she slid a ring on his finger that had the same inscription as her locket. J grinned and kissed his wife for what seemed like an eternity, everything and everyone around them disappearing.

The clowns were united, beneath the moon and the stars.

•••

I realized that if I ever get married I would suck at writing my wedding vows 😂

They finally got married! But he is leaving! 😭 Welcome back to Arkham, J!

This book is coming to an end guys, but guess what? I am working on the sequel with my dear purple_lambo_lover and it's gonna be awesome!

What do you think of this chapter? I'm sorry I took so long but I promise I will update real soon.

Comment and send some love, babies.

xoxo