I wished I could help myself. But when I saw the first tear fall out of the homeless man's eyes, I couldn't stop my own from falling off. 

"Oh, please don't cry," I sniffled, trying to cover my face with my fist as I wiped my tears away discreetly. "Look, you're making me cry too," I gave him a guilty chuckle and found myself feeling light-headed and overwhelmed. 

"Thank you," he recited for the umpteenth time, hugging my jacket closer to him unconsciously.

"Gah, please don't make me feel any more conceited. I've barely done anything."

He cried again and my heart fell out before I rushed to comfort him. "Shhh. . . you're okay. You're alright." I mumbled as I took care of him in a vulnerable state. "What's your name?" I softly asked.

He took a moment before his breath evened out and responded. "Kent."

"Well, hello, Kent," I beamed at him again, waving at him as I did so. "I'm Clare. Would you accept my proposal of being my first proper friend?" I deepened my voice in an attempt to humor him and I think my heart did a somersault the moment he let out a grin.

It was an internal agreement and I decided, Kent and I were going to be great friends. 

Ensuring Kent would be alright, I bid him goodbye and turned on my heels, heading in the opposite direction. It was then when the whole situation sort of hit a sense of realization upon me. The poor man probably didn't have anyone give him anything at all. I was too privileged while he couldn't afford his food. My eyes glistened as my unshed feelings of emotion rumbled inside of me.

For a second, Mr. No and his disappointment pictured itself in my brain again and I felt another pang in my heart. While on one hand, I felt terribly relieved I helped someone sleep better tonight, I felt just as awful for possibly ruining another's day. A shiver ran down my spine at the lack of a jacket in the chilling breeze and I rubbed my hands together to bring warmth to me. 

A tear fell down my face again as I refused to let go of my newly-found attachment and sympathy to Kent. I sighed, in the process looking up and stumbled, both in shock and despair as I stone under my foot shook my foot gripping. Luckily, I was just in time to catch myself and prevent myself from an ugly fall. 

Shaking my head at the fate I was brought down to, I looked up.

The second I did, however, I knew life was mocking me. There he was in all flesh. 

I wanted the world to swallow me whole. I was probably the last person he wanted to see. 

I quickly brought my hands to my face to rub the tear away, more embarrassingly if anything, and looked down, avoiding the gaze of Mr. No. 

Relax, Clare. You're overthinking it. He doesn't even know you. He maybe doesn't remember his confrontation too. Not everything is about you. It's not like he'd be thinking about you all day. 

Only, the last sentence of my conscience reasoned with me. The rest were dismissed just as fast as they came.

Don't look. 

Despite the best of my efforts, I sneaked in a glance at him. He still looked at me with a frown on his face. I gulped down the lump in my throat and walked faster to get past him to give him some space. It was my eternal weakness. I couldn't see people disappointed in me. And it didn't help that I was probably more disappointed in myself. 

I'd called dad up earlier to inform him that I'd rather walk down for another 30 minutes or so while he got back here, and he more than enthusiastically responded. With the new job, I was sure he would appreciate any extra time he could get before he had to get back to the duty of picking me up. 

Guilt ran through me, and I scolded myself for being so hard on myself. If I were ever given a wish to change something about me, it wouldn't even take me a second to finalize that I would want my negative genes gone. Especially the ones that turn against me myself. The betrayers.

It'd probably spare me my anxiety at least. 

While I sat down at the nearest bench towards the pavement, early on time, I took out some of my books to both kill time and wrap up all the work I had pending. With me being behind on classwork, there was already a lot to revise the second I got home. I could start by getting my homework out of the way. 

Dad came in about 20 minutes later than he'd promised to. I didn't mind too much. I mean, maybe my muscles did feel a little sore from sitting in one uncomfortable spot for a terribly long time, but I understood why he was late and the reason made it all acceptable. 

The second I got into the front seat, he pouted at me, "I'm sorry."

I laughed at the ridiculous face he pulled. "Dad, I got more work done here than I ever would at home. Don't worry about it. And I liked the weather out today."

He was satisfied at that answer and revved the engine up again. "How was first day of school?" he asked, his eyes focused on the road. 

Terrible. "It was great! I think I made a new friend."

"Oh really? What's their name?"

"His name's Kent," I smiled at him, excited to share the piece of information with him. I didn't mention that Kent was homeless and I wanted to literally gift a house to him with my non-existing money. 

Dad looked at me as we hit a signal and his eyebrows furrowed. "Clare, didn't you get a jacket with you today?"

An awkward laugh escaped me as I racked my head to give him a plausible excuse. When I realized it was never going to work out anyway, I resorted to the truth. "Uh. . .I may have given it to someone who needed it more?"

"Clare," my dad emphasized, looking at me with disapproving eyes. I lowered my gaze yet again. 

"I'm sorry, dad. But I swear I wouldn't have given it if I didn't think he really needed it," my defensive nature spiked up and I felt the need to explain myself.

His eyes softened. "I'm not mad at that. I'm madder that you've been out in the cold without your jacket for this long. You know you've got no resistance with the cold at all and are probably going to get sick first thing tomorrow."

I fiddled with my hands and looked down again. "I know," I sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Clare, I just. . ." dad shut his eyes and looked at me. "I worry about you. You don't care about yourself and I just want you to know that you're genuinely allowed to be selfish every once in a while."

I winced. "I know, dad. I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

He chuckled. "You're too good for this world, sweetie," he ruffled my hair again and turned to the signal that beckoned him to get on with his driving. I blushed, not dwelling on his words too much as my mind disregarded them. 

We reached home to my mom's delicious cooking aroma building on our senses. Once again, I thought back to Kent who didn't have this luxury in his life. So I met my mom in the kitchen, greeted her, and asked her of a request. "Mom, could you teach me how to cook?"

She looked taken aback and slightly chuckled. "Of course, darling. But why so suddenly?"

I decided not to reveal Kent yet. I wasn't too sure about them allowing me to meet him anymore and it would hurt me if the situation came to be. "Lunch isn't too great at school, and I'd like to try to make my own before I'm off." 

"Alright then, I've made dinner already today, but I'll see what I can do tomorrow."

I grinned like a Chesire cat. "You're the best."

"I know, I know," she laughed off before instructing me to grab the pans from the stoves and set up the table.

It was clear that I'd wanted to take on dad's words so I wouldn't worry him too much. But I also knew that I couldn't leave Kent hungry anymore. So, it really was just the perfect idea and I could already see it working wonders. I'd have the lunch coupons and Kent could have the homemade stuff.

What if they turn bad though? I pondered. Then I'll take the homemade. Silly, Clare. Stop overworking your brain--

A groan came to me. Ah, the amount of work I had flooding my plans today. I couldn't even relax because I needed to catch up with schoolwork. I could almost see it turn into chaos if I didn't do something about my blanking-out-in-class issue quick. I knew myself well enough to know that I could not proceed with the next thing knowing the previous was incomplete.

I hurried up my early dinner, telling mom I loved the food before speed-walking to my room. My bag was already sprawled across the bed as though it owned it and I pouted at it. "You're mean to me," I grumbled at the inanimate object, knowing very well it couldn't talk back to me.

I picked up my least favorite subject and worked up from there. However, with my unfortunate attention span of fifteen minutes, I couldn't help but distract myself by something or another. I really didn't have any friends back home, but despite that, my helpless self would continuously scroll through all my social media, miraculously expecting for a message to appear out of nowhere. To be fair though, the Instagram memes made my night just fine.

I dwelled on it. Maybe my determination to get a friend went way too over the top? Maybe the whole change of state sort of messed with my head and made me an obsessed freak. I should probably just stick to myself. I had way too much energy in me sometimes, and I knew it could get quite overwhelming. Even though I still wasn't going to let go of Kent like that. He promised me he would be my friend. Or maybe I bribed him to be.

Ahhh, I screamed in my head, Clare! Math! Focus.

Hating myself for going down the same old self-deprecating rabbit hole, I scolded myself and brought in an awareness that I was getting too desperate for a friend. Negative emotions always messed my brain the wrong way. Be grateful for what is, I reminded myself.

When I finally called it a night, I let out a quick prayer, and shut the lamp, hoping my thoughts would dwindle out the same way the light did.