My nerves had kept me up all night. 

I glanced at the calendar on my bed table and November the first stared back at me, filling me up with more dread. 

I stared at myself again in the mirror, pulling at my eyes and cheekbones in weird ways to properly assure myself that I'd woken up. After that incident in the shower where I'd accidentally napped, that reassurance had become terrifically necessary. 

But the awakening of the brain tended to make me want to kill myself more often than not. And hence began the overthinking. 

What if everyone was way more advanced than I already was? They're going to send me to nursery before I even start my classes. The stupidity showed on my face, didn't it? 

Okay, it definitely did. I knew it. 

Deep breaths, Clare. 

Baby steps. Let's just get the tangles out of my hair first. 

I could never sleep like an angel. It was a curse. 

Fighting through the tears as my brush pulled tightly on my hair, I took a deep breath of relief when my hair finally combed out by the end of it. I gave it a smile when I saw my natural wavy hair fall into place.

Then, I stared at the four products of makeup I could convince my mom to buy- a primer, foundation, mascara, and lip gloss to be more specific - and debated whether to put them on or not.

I'd look cute if I put it on. 

But I knew for the life of me that I couldn't keep it up and that it was going to be a lot of effort trying to get up as early in the morning. 

But I'd look cute for one day, at least, my mind pressed.

Eventually, the decision-making got too much for my pea-sized brain to handle and I pouted looking at it longingly and swerving away from it. 

So I went downstairs, beaming as I gave a kiss on the cheek to my dad and mom on the way to the table. "Good morning," I let out, still stretching out happily as my mom placed my cereal in front of me.

"Morning, darling. Are you all ready, dear?"

"When am I not," I winked at them, attempting a pathetic joke and they laughed at me. 

I was dying internally, anxiousness filling me up. There were going to be new kids and new teachers who don't know about me. 

It's okay. I'm amazing. Somewhat. 

Oh shit, I really should've put on that makeup.

"Let's go?" my dad offered as he saw my cereal bowl empty. 

Well, there goes my ticket to be cute. 

It's okay. I'll still wow everyone with my presence. 

"Yeah," I blinked at him, giving my answer with an uncertain smile. 

"You'll be okay," he ruffled my hair and went on his way to get his car keys. My bottom lip jutted out as I thought of the tangles I spent tears and hard-work trying to get rid of by waking up in the morning. 

This was what pain felt like. 

My mom laughed at me with tears in her eyes as she kissed me a goodbye, turning to the sappy old saying about her daughter growing older. But even as I cringed through her cheesy words, I couldn't fight the one big smile sitting on my face, my heart swelling with pride because my parents were happy. 

"I love you. But you gotta let me go, mom," I laughed, as I rubbed her wet, sloppy kisses from my cheek in amusement. 

"Fine, fine. You drive her safe, Frank!"

"Aye, aye, Mrs. Jones," dad tipped his index and middle fingers off his head, saluting and winking at my mom. 

Dad sat in the driver's seat, while I took my place in the front passenger seat. He put his key in, twisting it around to finally get the engine up and running. Soon, we were off on a 15-minute ride to my new school.

The low humming of music from the barely audible radio only kept my mind racing with thoughts, and my heart filled with nerves. It was my first-ever shift and the whole change kept me on the edge. 

There was one person I knew. Instantly, a smile came over my face. 

I definitely irritated him. 

But it was so entertaining, I couldn't even resist.

Dad pulled up to school and I ran out, bidding him a proper goodbye with flying kisses. Students around the area stared at me weirdly and went on, continuing their business. I shrugged, pulling my bag tighter to myself, self-consciousness affecting me by the slightest. Was I too loud?

The moment's gone, Clare. Don't overthink it. 

I'd already pulled out my schedule into my hand, staring at the numbers slowly blur in my head through my squint as I tried to figure out what rooms I was near. Then, deciding it was the easiest option, I rushed towards the first adult I could find in hopes of help. 

Thankfully, I caught a hold of a teacher and she guided me to the room I'd needed to reach. Following that came in the typical terrifying introductions, where I greeted everyone with the basic tag of a 'new girl'. 

Needless to say, for the two lessons after that, curious stares became my only companion. The discomfort made me want to dig up a hole and scramble into it. 

Hence, when lunch rolled by and my eyes scanned the cafeteria, I couldn't fight the smile on my face as a particular hunched back person came into my vision. Sitting all alone on a chair, witnessing a war waging between his fork and his untouched pasta. There was Mr. No. 

For the first time the whole day, I felt elated to be in the company of someone I knew and didn't stare at me instead like I was a runaway criminal. 

I used my own lunch coupon and retrieved my food before walking around the tables to finally make my presence known.

"Hello!" I waved at him. "Is anyone sitting here?" I pointed at the chair in front of him. 

"Yes."

His tone was blunt enough to indicate that there was no one sitting there. "Thank you," I gave him a toothy grin before plopping down on the chair. 

I shoved a couple of pasta pieces into my mouth, feeling a glare rage on me as I did so. "Did you not like the pasta?" I questioned in curiosity as I slowed down my pace and glanced at his food.

Blank face. 

"I get it, you know? It could be quite bland if you think of it. But back home, this used to be the typical pasta you would get out in restaurants even. So, I guess I'm a bit used to it. Although pepper and salt could help. I can go ask the lunch lady if she has some if you want?" I asked, placing my hands on my table to push myself up upon hearing an answer. 

There was no answer. 

"Okay... What about your day? How was it?" I gave him yet another warm smile. 

Silence. 

"Well, mine was weird. All I did was roam around like a lost soul around the building, give terrible stuttering introductions, and struggle with the classroom pace all day. And I can just feel everyone's eyes on me no matter where I go--"

"What is your problem?! Just. Shut. Up!" Declan finally exploded. When I finally looked up at him, I saw how red his face was. And how fed up and angry he looked. 

My heart sank knowing I made him feel that.

Some tables turned around to see the commotion and tune into obvious drama. While the further tables couldn't bother, the constant noise of teenagers blurring out the outburst. 

"I- I--" I stuttered again as no words came out. 

He merely rolled his eyes, no doubt looking for another place to go. I looked at his untouched food, and guilt filled my stomach as I realized that I'd probably made his appetite go away even further. 

"I'm really sorry," I looked into his eyes, before casting mine downwards in shame. I'd meant it. I shouldn't have pushed. It really was my fault. And now he was unnecessarily the villain. 

Without another word, I gently picked up my food and turned on my heel. I only hoped he hadn't taken that as a dramatic exit. I only hoped I would move away so as to not disturb him more than I already had. 

Oh no, Clare. What have you done?  I thought as I quickly scurried off outside the cafeteria, finding myself heading towards the only place I knew from yesterday instead. 

I stared at my pasta, my appetite long gone with the guilt that had consumed me for possibly ruining someone's day like that. He had made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to associate with me. So why was I so stupid to invade someone's privacy like that. 

Shutting the plastic lid onto the pasta, I took a deep breath as I tried to clear some thoughts out of my head. I knew someone that could really use the pasta instead. 

But, with a confrontation I only brought on myself, my only thoughts led back to a certain brown-haired boy. With the bell ringing in a painful manner mere minutes later, I soon realized that there was nothing I could do to get rid of the growing concern and restlessness I now harbored.