Alex POV

This was it. The final final battle. The boss level.

When I was little, I had one of those ancient gameboy video games that played the rectangle cartridges. My favorite game was called Muppets Spies. I would always start by fighting Dr. Nose, and then the lobster guy, and last, but not least, Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy's boss level always fascinated me. Like, why the heck would you throw food like that? Why can't you just pull out a shotgun?

Just now, it hit me. To be fascinating, you gotta do something unheard of and unique. So, I decided to do something crazy.

"May the wrath of cheesecake OBLITERATE YOU!!!" My warrior cry sounded throughout every street in New York. I didnt know I could do it; it must have been one of my supernatural powers. But it happened. Cheesecake, from every direction, rushed down the streets like a river, with one objective:

To kill Loki, god of mischief and trickery.

Just kidding. That's not how it rolled.

After I screamed about the cheesecake, I stood there like an idiot, waiting for something to happen. Realizing my plan would never work, I drew my sword and swiped at Loki. He pulled out a golden sword and countered my attack, bringing my weapon close to my chest, but not near enough to stop me from swiping his weapon away from me and jabbing my sword at him.

"I really wish I learned how to use this thing a while ago," I admitted. "I suck."

Loki's laughter caught me off guard. It was like an angel chuckling as it pulled out its weapon to kill a small, wounded animal. But it was so gorgeous. I small smile crept up on my face.

And then suddenly pain erupted in my left shoulder. Loki wounded me, almost playfully, to get my attention.

"Ouch!" My hand drifted to my arm as blood trailed down my body. "Dude, that was totally unfair! I was distracted!"

Loki didnt say anything. He simply smiled apologetically and swiped at my other arm. I jumped out of the way just in time.

"Butt face!"

Jab, jab, jab, stab, swing clash clang, buh bang! Onomatopoeia!!!!

"You think you have the power to destroy me?" Loki laughed. "I am a god. I fight trolls for entertainment. Compared to me, your skill is no better than a dog's."

"If I was as bad as a dog, you wouldn't need to intimidate me," I insisted annoyingly. "I would've been dead by now."

My sword met Loki's in a flurry of sparks as I groaned in a disgruntled manner. My arms hurt, and my feet were probably dead.

And he was so strong and handsome.

He swiped his sword down skillfully, almost like a Jedi Knight or Sith Lord would, twisting at the end so that the blade was coming from a side angle towards my lower torso.

All I could think at this moment was, Is he about to slice my stomach? What's he looking for, butter?

As I dodged his attack, I spanked his butt with the butt of my sword, making him stumble back. I then took the opportunity to kick him in the groin and laugh triumphantly.

It seemed to me that Loki had grown tired of this ridiculously boring, never ending fight, and desperately needed a moment of rest. So he punched me in the face. I fell to the ground, my mind locked on the fact that a man just abused a young girl. Typical.

"Jerk!" I declared. Anger boiled in my bones. He was gonna die. And I mean it this time. Actual progress will be made.

I stood up, became very dizzy, and fell back down, only to fall on top of something hard and scary. The hard and scary thing (which turned out to be a shovel-- how the heck did a shovel appear in time square, I do not know) flew up like a domino towards Loki and hit him straight in the face. He stumbled toward a hotdog cart, fell inside of it, and the whole entire thing rolled away, down a hill, and disappeared behind a building. A crash sounded, as if the hotdog cart had fallen over, and the god's pathetic cry echoed throughout the streets of New York. Following the noises was the sound of water exploding, and suddenly water was flooding a small portion of the streets.

"Holy crap!" I gasped and ran to the god's aid. When i got to it, there stood Percy Jackson, standing triumphantly over a hotdog stand. But no Loki. "What happened?"

"To Loki?" Percy smirked. "Nothing too crazy. Suffered a crash, but he'll survive. I sent him with Thor. He'll probably go to Asgard to face trials, but knowing the god of thunder, he'll probably escape and start a fight later. Only difference between now and later... I'm only helping today. I'm going back to camp so I can protect it. Wanna come with? There's an entirely different family who would welcome you with open arms."

Well, that was a quick turn of events... Very anticlimactic, if you ask me...

"I'll visit during the summer and holidays and whenever the heck i feel like it."

"Cool."

That was it. I didnt defeat Loki like Kermit the Frog defeated Miss Piggy. I certainly didnt trap him in jail where he lost his memory and fell in love with me like the video game.

I thought about my best friend Sarah who I had ruthlessly and mercilessly killed; I thought about all the pain and stupidity I went through to get to this lame ending.

At least I wasn't sitting in my bed writing a pathetic fan fiction. Fan fiction author's definitely need lives. And friends. And to not make fun of themselves while writing fanfics just to be funny because they're bored.

And then it dawned on me. Baby poop monsters were waiting to be murdered.

"Hey, Percy," I said as he was turning to leave. "There's an army out there that we need to take care of."

"Oh, okay..."

One week later...

"Wake up!" Someone shook me violently as I peacefully snored in my bed. A graceful smack in the face made by yours truly caused whoever dared try to wake me up stop. "Hey! Alex! Its Peter. Its Christmas day, you lazy--"

He stopped mid sentence when I punched him in a very vulnerable spot. My eyes tore open as the feeling in my arms and legs began to tingle up and down my floppy limbs.

"Hello," I said innocently to my nerd friend, Peter Parker. "How are you? Isn't it a lovely morning?"

"Lovely morning, my butt," he replied, sticking a Santa Claus hat atop my head. "Its Christmas!"

"It is," I agreed, a wide smile spreading across my face. "My first real Christmas in a very long time, actually."

Peter smiled. "What did you ask Mister Stark to get you?"

"You'll see," I answered. I stood up and followed him to the living room, where a Christmas tree was decorated with ornaments and presents.

The day went on, but the one thing I had so desperately needed never came. I got Sherlock, Smallville, and Doctor Who, plus a bunch of blankets and chocolate, so I shouldn't complain; but I really was looking forward to my big present. Peter, the Avengers, the Guardians of the Galaxy, Percy and his friends, and I sat around the living room, some on the floor, as we conversed about presents and traditions and shared some really weird stories. But when Tony saw my crestfallen mood, he knew what was wrong.

"Hey, Alex," he nudged me in the shoulder. "I have a surprise for you. Follow me."

He held my hand and dragged me into the kitchen. "Here you go. Go, look."

He pointed to the refrigerator, and suddenly everything became clear. He had gotten it; the one thing I really wanted more than anything in the universe; my big present! I rushed to the fridge and yanked the door open.

But I never expected it to be as extravagant and generous as it was.

Cheesecake stacked upon cheesecake filled the entire fridge, and if my guess was correct, there was no other type of food in there.

"This is all for me?" I asked Tony.

"Well, that's kind of the dessert for everyone tonight, but--"

"NO ONE ELSE IS GETTING IT!! ITS ALL MINE."

"Understood."

I picked up the first cheesecake, opened the container it was in, and sniffed my first of hundreds of treats.

"Hello," I said to the cake. "My name is Alex and you will be my dinner."

I walked away cheerfully to my bedroom to feast on my new friend, who didnt last longer than a day; and neither did five other cheesecake friends.

I love cheesecake.

The end.

A/N

Sorry for the terrible ending... I must've written this part in the middle of the night while I was in a delusional state of mind. I may change it later if I feel like it.

YAAAAAY! YOU JUST READ MY ENTIRE STORY! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!