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28th October 2020

To my dearest husband, Nathaniel

Today marks our 25th anniversary together. Can you imagine? We spent almost three decades with one another!

We survived a couple of economic crises, stormed through a few pandemics and posed for far too many Christmas cards. Writing it down makes me feel like we've been together since forever!

Forgive me if my thoughts are all jumbled up everywhere! I have no choice but to write this during company time since it's the only time my brain is being paid to function.

We've passed the romantic stage of our relationship a very long time ago. If I had only known that you were going to be cranky and brutal with your words in the future, I would've compiled all the cheesy pickup lines you used and all the sweet text messages you sent me while we were dating on my emotional well-being box.

You are often insufferable and a killjoy. Your gym diet makes your farts smell noxious. I wish you would properly dispose of your toenail clippings. You always forget to turn the power sockets off before leaving home. You use my shampoo as a body wash when you run out of yours. You are a stupid man-child.

Despite having said that, I guess what I wanted to tell the most was -

After six years of dating AND 25 years of marriage, thank you very much for choosing to stay married to me. There were times when it felt like you decided to stay for the sake of our daughter. I wasn't always the loving wife, nor were you the perfect husband. But still, we somehow made it.

You and Carmela are my happiness and my world. My heart will never grow tired of watching the two of you interact.

I remember when the economy wasn't doing very well. The ongoing pandemic wasn't helping. My previous company got downsized, and I had to be let go. Our daughter was only four months old then, and I was cradling her that night. I remember softly crying beside the crib while she was latching. I was so tired. The hospital bills, the payment for the house, the health crisis, utilities and grocery expenses, the pressure from your mother- everything crept up from behind.

You came into the room and hugged me from behind. I remember asking you how we were going to afford milk powder. Our cupboard was nearly empty. It was all very scary. I felt like a failure. But when you told me that we were in this together, everything magically felt better. I felt that I wasn't alone, that I wasn't a burden, and that our baby would be safe.

Since that night, our fridge has always had food, and you made sure our cupboards were always full. Now, our baby is 22 years old, and she is still emptying our food cupboards.

I know you sold your grandfather's violin to make that happen. I've been listening to you play for so long that I can tell that the instrument you used to play isn't the same. I've been looking for it since I got a steady paycheck.

You are a stupid idiot. You are always trying to act cool. I feel blessed and loved for that.

My dear husband, I am grateful for all the boring and predictable days we have spent together. Thank you for having silenced my insecurities and giving me a chance to be with you as I am.

I have watched my love for you burn ever so brightly, and I chose to stay when it was reduced to cinders. Our love may not last perpetually, but it has been my greatest pleasure and displeasure to have experienced it all these years.

Please continue to love me until we die. I better end this letter or else Mr. Gerard will catch wind of me tearing up while reviewing new applicants.

I look forward to many more afternoons talking about whatever with you over chai and naan.

I will wait for you even when the sunlight leaves.

With love,

Meera

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"Stop fidgeting, sweetheart." Nathaniel reproved his daughter as she kept fidgeting and clacking her heels against the floor.

Carmela's saccading eyes stopped as she shifted her posture. It was only a brief pause before she started tapping her foot again as she read aloud one of her mother's old love letters to her dad. His daughter sported a wrinkled forehead while tilting her head slightly to the right.

"I don't get it, Daddy." Carmela carefully put the yellowed paper inside the square tin box containing them. Her eyes gave a pained and perplexed look at her father.

"Mama sounds so different." Carmela delicately flattened the pile of papers before placing the lid back on the box.

"She doesn't sound very romantic!" Carmela's voice rose with irritation.

"It's like she's fierce and irritated with you half the time."

Nathaniel laughed at his pouty daughter and nodded his head slightly in agreement. "Well, you aren't wrong. Meera was irritated with me most of the time. But-"

"She also loved me more than I deserved."

He took a deep breath and remembered his emotions from reading that letter for the first time. Meera slipped the letter underneath the tray where he placed his car keys. Reading it while in traffic made his whole day.

"I knew Mama loved you a lot." Carmela raised her feet up the chair and crossed her legs in a pretzel position, tucking the box of letters under her clasped hands. She always reverted to being Daddy's little girl whenever they were alone. Meera upheld proper poise and decorum, while Nathaniel was more lax.

"She was always vocal about it. I remember that she didn't sleep until you came home. There were times that I'd accompany her when I was younger, but most of the time, I ended up dozing on her lap."

She drummed her open palm on her knee. "Why does she act so different when the two of you are alone?"

"That's just how it is when you've been with the same person for a long time. The love turns from romantic to comfortable." Nathaniel scratched at his beard. It doesn't necessarily mean that the romance dies out. It just changes form to something deeper-something more mature. I guess you can call it companionship."

Carmela frowned. Her eyes were shaded with slight worry.

"That's kind of scary. How do you even know they'd still be there when that time comes?"

"You don't," Nathaniel answered frankly to his daughter's dismay.

"When the butterflies in your heart disappear, it becomes a choice whether you want to stay with that person or not."

"Then how do you make them stay?" Carmela might have been in her mid-twenties and a veteran of relationships, but she still carried the same anxieties as someone hopelessly devoted to their person.

"You don't," Nathaniel's answer was no surprise. However, hearing it made her shrug her shoulders in defeat. "You just have to hope for the best."

"Noooooo~ I'm doomed!" Carmela raised her opened arms in an exaggerated outcry. "To be tossed and abandoned~"

"Now you're just being melodramatic, sweetheart." Carmela was no stranger to the phrase, "If you love someone, you let them go. If they're meant to be yours, they'll return." She had her fair share of heartbreaks, after all.

Out of nowhere, like another epiphany, Nathaniel found himself speaking from the heart.

"The longer I spent with Meera, the more she became part of my being. She became my source of power." The words Nathaniel wished he had said to Meera when she was still alive found their way to his tongue.

"We were growing old, but she made me feel the strongest and most confident I've ever been."

Carmela was stunned by her father's sudden expressiveness. Then she remembered that her mother would also become unexpectedly eloquent when thinking about Nathaniel.

"I felt so connected with Meera that I could share my hopes and fears without being shunned. It is very liberating, I tell you. The peace and stability you feel knowing that someone is there for you."

Carmela's cheeks began to flush with a gentle blush as she continued listening. The little girl inside of her was quaking with excitement.

"Meera became my compass. We faced many challenges over the years that I found simply beyond me. There weren't any musical scores to follow, and there weren't any maps. We acted with each other's best interest in mind and somehow never went wrong!"

Nathaniel was smiling as he spoke.

"Our adventures were not smooth sailing. It wasn't all dazzles. There were times that we argued. We bickered like any other couple. We fought, but we were never on opposite sides. Deep down, we both knew that we cared for each other."

"Meera made my life significantly better. Doing nothing was always something when I was with her. I wish I could've told her that."

Sniff. Sniff. Carmela quietly gripped the box. She lowered her head so that her curls would hide her face.

"Wow.." Carmela rubbed her eyes and choked on her words. "I didn't expect all that coming from you, Daddy."

"I entrust Meera's letters to you because I hope you can reach the same milestones as your mom and I when you get married."

"Whenever you're angry or resentful, or if you ever find your feelings shaken- know that it's part and parcel of a long-lasting relationship. Marriage is not proof that you found your soul mate. It is only the beginning of a lifelong process of developing into each other's soul mates."

"Speaking of soul mates, Daddy." Carmela cheekily interrupted him.

"What did you give Mama as a present?"

"That's a good question! I already forgot." Both father and daughter cackled.

"It must have been a great present because she stayed!"