THE PAST BECOMES THE PRESENT

Ileana watched from the side as Rhodey walked along the rail. The suit that Tony had made for Rhodey to help him walk enclosed his legs, the metal trapping them in an impenetrable cage. His clothes clung to his body, sweat gluing the material to it. Her eyes lingered on the smooth lines of his muscles revealed beneath. 

His focus remained on the task at hand, his fingers wrapped around the rail. They were turning white, and Rhodey's breaths were laboured. Ileana stood up, walking alongside the opposite side of the rail, as though they were both taking a casual stroll through a park. He didn't acknowledge her presence with any words, his jaw too busy clenching his teeth together. 

She couldn't imagine what he was going through. 

Having gone on so many life threatening missions, and to survive must have been something strange to wake up to everyday. But it must be even stranger to wake up one day and realised that your former friends stole your ability to walk. And now he had to try and teach himself again, with gritted teeth and muttered swears. Ileana didn't know if she could cope being in his situation. Not being able to walk, along with her inability to speak? She wouldn't make it through a day without sobbing hysterically. 

Her thoughts were broken when his hand slipped from the rail. Before she could even think, she pounced over and grabbed his hand. The sudden heat caressed her skin, her cold as ice hand melting in the instant warmth. She kept her focus on their hands, her guiding his back to the rail carefully, her trying to ignore the rough callouses tickling her hand. Ileana knew she had to remove her hand; she didn't want to. 

His gaze was setting her on fire, the raw emotion igniting blazes all throughout her body. She couldn't look up. She wanted to look up. She wasn't brave enough to look up. 

The fire was still there, even as she heard him twist his body so that he was facing her. The thud of the metal foot echoed harshly throughout the room, breaking the tense silence. His strong scent - old books and spices - hit her nostrils, putting her under a spell. His hand squeezed hers. If it hadn't had been for the pair leaning on each other, they both would have fallen. 

"Ileana?" She averted her gaze, focusing on the yoga ball placed firmly in the corner. "Please, Ana, look at me." 

That damn nickname. Every time he even pondered it she found herself wondering what it would sound like every day, every hour, every minute. She found herself wondering what it would be like to be with him. She never allowed herself to do anything more than wonder - the truth would repulse him, and she wouldn't have a friend anymore. But yesterday it happened. The one thing she didn't want to happen but needed like she needed oxygen. They kissed. It both excited and terrified her. 

She gave into the nickname. 

Her eyes were slowly dragged away, until they fell on his face after what seemed like a life time. His intense stare was drinking in her face, eyes lingering on the stark scar on her neck as they usually did. She brushed it aside, finding herself leaning forward in anticipation. He parted his mouth to say something. She moved closer. 

Slam!

Ileana jolted away from Rhodey, as though she'd been electrocuted. She saw his face morph into terribly hidden disappointment, the grin faltering from his face, her heart feeling heavy. Before she could feel worse, she turned away from him, looking at the source of the sound. Tony had waltzed in, a tray of coffee in his hands and a brown paper bag hanging from around his mouth.

She hid her relief - things between her and Rhodey were about to get serious, and she was reluctant for them to have that talk. She was reluctant to talk about anything like that. It would only make her have hope, and the problem with hope is that it can be destroyed as easily as it's created.  

Tony kicked the door closed behind him, mumbling incoherently. Shaking her head grinning, Ileana walked over to Tony and took the tray of coffee from his hands, leading the way over to a bench near the rail. She carefully placed the tray on the bench, taking a deep breath before walking back over to Rhodey. She ignored his gawking, going past him and grabbing his wheelchair. Ileana began rolling it over, the wheels faintly squeaking on the laminate floor. 

"Wait!" Rhodey spoke up, holding onto the edge of the rail. "I want to try getting there myself." 

She froze. Her mouth dropped open, and her eyes frantically connected with Tony's. Despite having half a doughnut in his mouth, he looked perplexed. Abandoning his food, he quickly got to his feet, his shoes clapping against the floor as he rushed over to Rhodey. "Are you sure that's such a good idea, buddy?" 

Rhodey nodded his head, gritting his teeth. 

"Okay then, if that's what you want. I'll be with you the entire time." Tony pointedly looked at Ileana over Rhodey's shoulder, leaning to the side slightly. His hand was in view, and a single finger was making a circular motion. Instantly she understood, preparing herself to walk behind Rhodey with the wheelchair in case he got tired, or worse, fell. 

Again Rhodey nodded, releasing a deep breath as his fingers loosened from the rail. He tried to take a step forward, his legs not cooperating. He stumbled, plummeting towards the earth. As fast as a viper, Tony leapt forward, grabbing a hold of his arm. Tony helped him right himself, and sent him a reassuring smile. "Just lean on me." 

Ileana watched Rhodey not take a single step. When he spoke, his voice was solemn. "Maybe I can't do this." 

Her heart ached for him. He was always so happy, and seeing him no longer having light tone to his voice made her want to cry. He needed support. Casting a conflicting glance at the wheelchair, she turned away from it, and found her place at Rhodey's side. A soft smile decorated her face for him, and not missing a beat she wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Tony picked up on the idea, picking up Rhodey's other arm and draping it around his shoulders. 

"You can't do this now. But we can." 

Rhodey was heavy. He pulled down on her shoulders, making her entire body quake from the effort. Yet she moved with them, the three of them working together as one unit to achieve a mans daily goal. 

Getting to the bench became easier the more they moved. They all became familiar with the rhythm of the other, and soon they fell into a pattern they all recognised. They got there in no time, both Tony and Ileana making sure that Rhodey was sat comfortably before sitting down themselves. Tony swiped up the remains of his doughnut, eagerly chomping down it.

Ileana rolled her eyes, spotting the crumbs lining his lips. She dug into the bag herself, scooping one out and passing the bag to Rhodey. He accepted it gratefully, his hands shaking. Tony noticed this too, wiping his hands on his pants. "I'll go get you some water, I doubt coffee is going to help." 

Rhodey thanked him as he left, his attention snapping straight away to Ileana. She shrunk slightly under his watchful eye, taking a minuscule bite of her doughnut. He cleared his throat. "Thank you, for the help earlier. It means a lot." 

Ileana shook her head, giving him a closed lip smile. He smiled back, and he did something he didn't expect. "Can I ask you a question?" Ileana raised an eyebrow. "Right, I mean is it okay if I ask you something about yourself?" 

Reluctantly, she nodded. She had an inkling what it could be, and if she was right, she felt as though she couldn't hide it any longer. It was as good a time as any to bring the truth to light. 

"What's the story behind the scar on your neck?" Ileana licked her lips, dragging her answer out. She'd been right. Sighing she placed her doughnut to the side, wiped her hands on her jeans and gently picked up his hand. "What are you doing?" His voice had a tone of hysteria behind it, and a red blush was attacking his cheeks. 

Ileana ignored him, tracing a letter on his hand. He frowned, asking her to draw it again. She did. "Is it an s?" 

She nodded, moving onto the next letter of the word. She kept doing this until the whole word had been traced on his hand. Ileana powered through the shivers she got when her skin made contact with his. He finally got the entire word. "Surgery? You got that scar because you had a surgery?" 

Ileana nodded again, heart rate rocketing. She knew what he'd ask next, and she was petrified to how he would react. 

"What was the surgery for?" 

A thin film coated her eyes, making the world blurry. She was grateful for it, so she couldn't see his horror as clearly. It would just make her feel a lot worse. She pointed a shaking finger at herself, waiting for Rhodey to repeat the word. "I'm," he said, waiting for the rest of the word. She took his hand again, savouring the tough texture of his skin in hers for one last time. 

"T." 

She could barely make out the details of the world. She carried on, she was too far gone. 

"R." 

He's going to hate me, she thought to herself. She was going to have to leave. 

"A."

She didn't know if she can handle it, knowing that he hates her. These thoughts kept ricocheting throughout her mind. 

"N." 

Ileana's hand was trembling so hard that it took several times to paint the letter on his hand. 

"S." 

She released his hand, cold poisoning it immediately. She already missed him. 

Now, he knew. 

"Ileana, you're trans?" Ileana couldn't bare to look at him, knowing what she'd see there. Disgust. Repulsion. Detest. All of the same things she saw from her own family. Tears freely spilled out of her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. 

He reached for her; she jumped away. He called out for her, but she kept running. She ran past a confused Tony, a bottle of water in his hand and a frown upon his face. She ran past her room. She ran past the doors, and into the wild. She didn't stop, letting her feet carry her into the woods. 

Where she silently screamed and sobbed. 

-

hi guys, my first authors note of this entire book wowzers. I would just like to clarify that Ileana isn't trans for the sake of a plot twist - it's an important element in the story. It's the very reason that she was on the streets in the first place - an expensive botched surgery meant that she couldn't afford much of anything and her family hates her for it. I also wanted to explore this because I have seen hardly any trans characters on wattpad which breaks my heart considering many close friends of mine are. I didn't want her to be openly trans since her family shunned her for it and it made her feel ashamed, a secret she would keep at any cost. But at the same time, she felt more free and comfortable. I really hope no one is offended by this, I tried to make subtle hints but never explicitly said it before since I don't think that's what defines Ileana as a character. She's a fierce individual who has had her heart broken too many times. She's human. Again I really hope that no one is offended by this, and if I've used incorrect research please correct me. If it does come across as me being offensive I'll edit the story and make this a fact from the very beginning. Thanks guys.
-thirdwheelchurchill