LYING SMILE

Blinding light pierced her eyes, the world becoming a blur around her. Automatically, Ileana snapped her eyes shut. She could sense the burn of the artificial lights behind her tightly closed lids, it brightening up the darkness - the only thing she could see. Was she in Heaven? Panic erupted within her, her heart rate jumping. The vibrant lights had made her think of the tales her preacher father used to tell her. The gates to Heaven are so luminous and beautiful that the human eye can't even comprehend it. She questioned him immediately - how did he truly know? The only answer she got was a scowl and his figure abruptly walking away. 

She instantly ridiculed herself for believing she'd get into Heaven. The least she deserved was to go to Hell for what she'd done.

Strong bleach invaded her nose, attacking her senses. Her nose crinkled at the sudden invasion. To her, that wasn't what she imagined Heaven to smell like. She imagined the aroma of freshly cut grass - a smell she'd never been able to indulge in without her allergies blocking her nose and all scents from her. 

Her hands brushed a scratchy material. If she was in Heaven, they sure did lack the luxury her father always talked about. The slight movement sent pain snaking up her arm, slithering to the rest of her body. A small groan escaped her lips.

She definitely wasn't in Heaven. 

"Hey," someone's hand touched Ileana's arm. It was dainty, yet surprisingly calloused. It belonged to Natasha, something she pieced together when words flowed past her lips. "I can't stay for long kid. Tony will have my ass for even walking through the door." Natasha sighed, and Ileana could picture her averting her gaze from her battered body. 

Ileana swallowed, ignoring how parched her throat was. She just nodded her head, trying to convey that it was okay. 

"It's not okay. I just stood there when that concrete came down. I could've done... something." Her hand drifted down to Ileana's, and she gave it a tiny squeeze, as though she was afraid of breaking Ileana if she pressed any harder. Ileana was more resilient than most gave her credit for. "Look, I know why you were chasing after Barnes. He means something to you, doesn't he?" 

Ileana didn't move a single muscle. Did Bucky mean something to her? He helped her out when nobody else would, made sure she ate when they barely had enough money for one of them to eat, he spoke to her when no one else could and smiled at her when everyone else sneered. He left her when the soldiers came after them, he wasn't there to console her after she killed that man, he only watched as the ceiling fell around her. He didn't even wait to see if she was okay. 

Biting her lip, Ileana shook her head. Natasha sighed. Another friendship had been broken by the feud. That sudden realisation rested on Natasha's chest, and she seemed to force her next sentence out. "Either way, you ran after Barnes at the airport because you needed him, not because you were going to trick him." 

Ileana stayed silent. 

"Look, as far as Tony is concerned, you were trying one more time to get Barnes to come with us. He won't ever know your real motivation, and you won't tell him. If you did, you'd be in prison before you could even stop to breathe." Ileana's brows pulled together. Tony had told her that he knew, and that he was okay with it. Were Tony and Natasha not talking? "I have to go now." 

The sudden scrape of the chair against the floor pierced Ileana's ears, and before Ileana could even open her eyes and wave Natasha goodbye she was walking out of the room, her footsteps becoming even more distant by the second. Ileana let loose a heavy breath, her eyes gradually opening. She found the light didn't hurt her as much as it did the first time she tried opening them, and grew the confidence to open them fully. 

She was in a hospital. 

Her hand had a needle sticking in it, with various wires jumping off her body to the different monitors that they belonged to. She found herself entranced by the heart monitor, watching each spike of the line and listening intently to the steady beep of the machine. It reminded her that she was alive. 

Blinking, she took in more of the room, finally catching sight of the table at her side. On it was a single piece of paper weighed down by a paper cup filled with water. At the sight of the liquid, Ileana licked her cracked lips and tentatively reached over, cursing the people who placed the table a seemingly far distance away. At last her hand grasped the cup and ignoring the agony ricocheting throughout her body she greedily gulped the water. She had to suppress a moan at the relief of it. 

She was disappointed when she reached the bottom of the cup, reluctantly placing it on the table next to her easier this time. She placed it next to the paper, and her attention was immediately captured when she saw something written on it. Curious, she slid the paper closer to her, reading the words off of the page. 

I'm sorry. 

For some reason unknown to her, her vision became blurry. She didn't think she'd be emotional at reading the words - she barely knew the red headed woman, so why did her heart feel heavy? The two words had a finality that invaded her barely awake mind. In the time they had known each other, they got along fairly well. Natasha respected Ileana, and Ileana respected her. Sure they couldn't exactly chat like most people do, yet she still felt that she could talk to Natasha about anything, and that Natasha would read the words on the page with no judgement. 

Remembering Natasha's words, she quickly snatched the paper up, folding it and placing it in the pillowcase. She'd keep this note for many years, reading over the words whenever she felt lonely or worthless. Because at least one person cared - that she knew was certain. 

*

Hours passed, stretching into what felt like aeons. Boredom burrowed into her bones, and the doctors had come by occasionally to speak to her, checking up on her and making sure that she was alright. She looked forward to when they came - it was the only human interaction she got all day. 

The nurses sensed her boredom, and they kindly rolled in a TV that Ileana stared at for hours, not fully paying attention to the day time TV. She wanted to see Rhodey, but since she had deteriorated in that room, which made it harder for her doctors to find her, they didn't want to risk it again. So she waited. And waited. 

Sleep soon became the most entertaining thing to do, her eyes fluttering shut for short spaces of time. Her mind would create adventures to fill the time, and she loved it. In some dreams though, the fun melted away in red rivers and the face of the man she murdered would stare at her. He would scream and shout and yell about what she'd done, calling her a sinner and wishing for her to die. When she woke up from these adventures, she'd sometimes be disappointed; not this time. 

Groggily, she arose from her slumber, shifting her neck side to side. There was a slight cramp in it that had her wincing each time she rolled it a certain way but it wasn't the worst she'd endured in the past few weeks. 

"Morning Sleeping Beauty." 

Ileana jumped in surprise, snapping her neck in the direction of the voice, grateful that pain medication pumping through her veins dulled the agony of the action. Behind the words was Rhodey, sitting in a wheelchair close to Ileana's side, a notepad and pen sitting comfortably in his lap. His nurse lingered at the far back of the room, enough space to give them privacy but close enough in case something happened. She hoped her own nurse wasn't in trouble for what happened. 

A smile spread across her face unconsciously, and she turned her body in his direction. Jolts of pain careened through her body yet she ignored it, grinning through the pain and focusing all of her attention on her friend. His lips followed Ileana's orders, twirling up his face in the largest smile she'd seen on his face in a long time. 

"I was afraid you weren't coming back." Rhodey admitted, a smile still adorning his face. Ileana pointed her gaze at the notepad, nodding when Rhodey picked it up and passed it to her. Wearily, she flipped it open and painfully slowly wrote down her silent speech. 

I won't be leaving that easily.

Rhodey chuckled, rolling his chair closer to Ileana. She felt pride swell up within her as he moved the chair with ease, parking it perfectly without any help. He'd been so pessimistic about the chair, but she knew he was secretly grateful for it. It allowed him to explore. It allowed him to see her. 

"I noticed, you're quite the stubborn individual." Without any thought he brushed his hands against Ileana's arm, her suppressing the goosebumps begging to rise up at his touch. "Truthfully, I was terrified when you started throwing up." 

Ileana let her hand dance across the page, anything to take her mind off of his hand on her arm and the discomfort arising from her action. 

It's okay now. Let's talk about something else.

Rhodey read the words carefully, lifting his eyes to connect with hers. He wracked his mind on what to say, looking back at the TV in the corner of the room. "Do you know if that thing plays DVD's?" 

Ileana shook her head. Rhodey pursed his lips, thinking. He turned around to the nurse in the back of the room who was trying her hardest not to listen to their conversation. "Hey, do you know if those TV's play DVD's?" 

The nurse frowned, standing up and bending down to look at the TV more closely. "I don't think so, but if you get a DVD player connected to it then I guess it's possible." 

Rhodey thanked the nurse, turning his attention again onto Ileana. "What's your favourite movie? I'll get Tony to bring in a DVD player and we can watch it together. To pass the time."

Ileana thought deeply about the question, finally deciding on Jurassic Park. "So you're a fan of the classics huh? I'll get Tony to bring some in and we can make a day of it."

Ileana nodded eagerly. Rhodey opened his mouth to speak again when Tony burst through the door. 

"The party has arrived." Tony strode towards Ileana, doing a double take when he saw Rhodey by her side. "Sorry buddy, am I cramping your style?" 

"Speak of the devil," Rhodey muttered, and Ileana had to cough to cover up her laugh. Tony shook his head at the two, his lips lifting slightly. 

"Rhodey, don't you have an appointment with the doctor?" Tony hinted, raising his eyebrows high at Rhodey, hoping he'd get the message. 

Rhodey frowned, "I don't know what you're on - oh wait. Oh, I've gotta blast. See you Ileana, Tony. You'll be out of here in no time, Ana." He waved at them both before rolling away, his nurse following closely behind. She was glad he was turned around, so she didn't have to face the humiliation of him witnessing the heat attacking her cheeks. 

Ileana turned to Tony, her sole focus being him. He gulped under her intense gaze - she was slightly annoyed at him for making Rhodey leave when they were having a nice time, and she knew from the look that Tony gave Rhodey that he just wanted Rhodey to leave the room. After not being able to talk for so long, she picked up on things like that. 

"So," Tony picked up a chair and brought it closer to Ileana's bed, sitting on it backwards. "How do you think he's doing?" 

It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that Tony was talking about Rhodey. What shocked though was that he was asking her, when the two of them were best friends. She thought they told each other everything. 

She picked up her pen between her fingers, twirling it before deciding on what to write. 

As well as a man who can't walk. 

Tony scoffed, crossing his arms on the back of the chair. "Is your superpower being vague, because I know the Avengers has been looking for someone with that ability for a long time." 

Ileana rolled her eyes at his sarcasm, writing more words on the page, much to the annoyance of her hand. 

He seems okay, he's pissed off at the world but who isn't?

"Yeah, that's true." Tony nodded, all humour wiped off of his face. His dragged a hand across his face, as though he was trying to rub away all of the worry and torment. "Look, I'm sorry I wasn't here when you got up. I had to deal with the Secretary, and we all know how high maintenance he is." 

Ileana pointedly looked at him, one of her eyebrows arcing upwards. Tony dismissed it, his body slumping forwards. 

"I just found out Barnes didn't set off the bomb. He killed my mother though." He paused. "I think I would've preferred it if he'd made the UN go boom instead." 

She wanted to ask him how he found out, even though she already knew that Bucky didn't set off the bomb. She had to hold in her gasp at hearing what Bucky had done - she knew that he'd done a lot of things as the Winter Solider but she never thought that it would've hit this close to home. Instead, she reached out to Tony, placing a tentative hand on his arm. He looked up at her and smiled. It wasn't a real smile. It bounced back instantly and his face became even more tormented. 

"It's okay." 

She didn't need to understand body language to know that that was a lie.