BANISH THE GUILT

The incessant beeping of the heart monitor was the only reassurance he had. It continued to beep nonchalantly as though she hadn't been close to flat lining mere hours before due to an internal bleed gone unnoticed by the doctors, the piercing sound soothing Tony's erratic heartbeat. It was the only thing that proved that the girl laid on the bed was alive, was okay and not dead because of him. Her body lied about this fact - her skin having been sucked of all colour, her tall frame having become even smaller than he could have imagined, crumbling under the pressure he'd put her under. 

He shouldn't have brought her into this.

She was homeless, looking for a friend - which she'd found - and Tony took advantage of that. Just so that he could settle a disagreement. Not that it worked out in the end anyway. He didn't just harshly rip her from a life that she had been surprisingly content with, but he'd also pinned her against the only person who had shown her any kindness. He couldn't look at his reflection for too long. If she died, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle it. She would've died for nothing, and that wasn't something Tony Stark could have.

Tony sat back in his chair, dragging a hand over his weary face. His wrinkles had crawled deeper into his face as though searching for comfort he couldn't provide, carving it into something he no longer recognised. Heavy bags weighed down under his eyes, the mass he was carrying evident in the depth of them. He hadn't had a wink of sleep since the fight at the airport - which he was grateful for. If he closed his eyes he knew that he'd relive the heart dropping moment when Rhodey's suit hurtled towards the ground, or the horror he felt when he heard Natasha solemnly tell Tony over the comms to make sure extra help was brought.

When he got there, all he could see was rubble. Dust suffocated everything - suffocated her. He couldn't imagine Ileana being buried under all of it. He couldn't imagine Ileana being alive.

He knew that if he let himself succumb to sleep, he'd imagine the crushing pressure on his chest, the dust gathering in his lungs and feel the blood pooling around him. He'd imagine all of the torture she'd been put through, and he was selfish enough to be thankful that he was stubborn.

Natasha hadn't told Tony that she'd seen Ileana fighting T'Challa in the airport, or that she believed that Ileana was running after Bucky because she needed a friend. She kept her lips zipped closed, not even giving the slightest inkling that Ileana was about to double cross them. She let him believe that she was running after Bucky in order to complete her mission, the one the government gave her, the one that nearly killed her. What she didn't know was that the King of Wakanda had already spoken these truths to Tony, and he honestly didn't blame her for reacting in the way she did.

She was grateful she hadn't spoken her mind as she watched the billionaire wipe at his eyes, slumping forwards in the chair. If he knew the truth she wasn't sure how he'd react - he would still blame her current state on his own actions though. 

"Hey," Natasha spoke up, breaking the solemn silence in the room. Tony's head snapped up, his eyes whipping in her direction. She saw the fleeting disappointment cast across his face. It soon turned sour, his gaze on her becoming bitter. Natasha stayed stood where she was. "How is she doing?" 

His eyes never left her, searing a hole into her skin. "Better than she was before, not that that's saying much. They were lucky they caught the internal bleeding when they did - any longer and she would've been a goner." His voice took a darker tone. "Did you know after a extreme crush injury, internal bleeding can take time to develop? I sure as hell didn't."

"It's not your fault." She stepped closer to him, noticing the slight wince as she grew nearer. Natasha paid no mind to this, looming over his shoulder, hand hovering in the air as though she was about to place it on his shoulder to give him the comfort he so desperately needed. 

He scoffed, "How do you know that? How can I even trust what you say?" 

"Because I know that Tony Stark cares about people whether or not he knows them, and I know that he would've done anything to prevent this from happening."

"Thanks Romanoff, that's really reassuring. Being told I'm caring by a traitor, that really boosts my self esteem." He rolled his eyes lightly, again rubbing at his face. It reminded her of someone she used to know - she always believed they did it in an attempt to banish the memories and guilt away, yet it still remained. 

Natasha sighed, shoving her hands into her pockets. She quickly averted her gaze, keeping her eyes trained on the floor. "I didn't want this to happen Tony. I didn't want to have to pick a side."

"And yet you did." 

The assassin shook her head, lips pursed. Silence followed, and all she could do was huff. No amount of reasoning and explanation would paint her any different in Tony's eyes - she was the serpent hidden underneath an innocent flower, and nothing would change that. 

"I hope for your sake she recovers." 

Natasha stormed out of the room, slamming the door mercilessly behind her. Tony's straightened back instantly slumped, and his hands found his way back to his eyes. His breath couldn't leave his body quietly enough, loud huffs escaping his mouth in large gasps. 

He needed to leave. He couldn't handle staring at her broken, battered body any longer. If he did, he was certain that he would be driven insane. 

Tony stumbled up from his chair, tripping over his feet as he blindly snatched out for his jacket, his fingers finding it swiftly. He swung his arms into the sleeves of the material, marching through the same very doors that Natasha had left out of mere minutes before. He dug his hand into his pocket, pulling out his phone. Several missed calls under the same caller ID screamed out at him, demanding that he reply. Without missing a beat, he pressed his thumb on the contact, sighing before putting on the mask that oozed calm. 

"What can I do for you, Mr Secretary?"