MEMBER OF THE CLUB

Agony erupted in every pore in her very being. She was a walking inferno of pain, consumed by it's merciless tendrils and unable to move. Ileana didn't want to open her eyes, fearful of what they'd see. An insistent beep of the heart monitor grated on her nerves, and she had an itch she needed to scratch on her hand. It was enough to tell her that she was in the hospital. 

Something scraped against the floor, letting out an ear piercing screech. Involuntarily, she flinched. 

"Hey, Ileana." His voice penetrated her ears. She internally groaned - the fight was over, why were they still bothering her? She remained still, hoping that by freezing he would get what she couldn't say and leave. "You gave us all a big scare." 

The irritating scraping met her ears again, and she could feel the heat of his body. He'd moved his chair closer. He spoke quietly, and even though she couldn't see his face, she knew his lips were quirked up at the sides. "Between you and me, you helped me grow some grey hairs." 

She wanted to roll her eyes - of course one of the first things he would talk about would be himself. What she didn't see though, was the dullness in his eyes, contradicting the artificial light of his smile. Having both Rhodey and Ileana injured at the airport had taken a toll on everyone, and it hit him the worst. One glance at Rhodey's motionless legs or Ileana's freshly scarred head was enough to send him into a turmoil of guilt. 

"I know you're ignoring me." The area around her grew warmer, his body nearing hers. She did the only thing she could do: she opened her eyes. Her tired, brown irises met his, half of her eyes being hidden by her lids. Tony let the smile on his face grow wider. "There you are, I was worried that the sound of my voice put you into a coma."

Ileana snorted. The action scratched her raw throat, the pain multiplying in her body. A small tickle formed in the back of her throat, and it grew into a hacking cough. She wanted to bend over, crumple her body together and curl her body in on itself. She wanted normal, something she would be deprived of for a long time. She didn't even know what the true definition of normal felt like anymore. 

Horror clouded Tony's face, and he jumped up, hurriedly leaping for the water and throwing a straw in the cup. He was before her as another cough possessed her body, gently patting her back and bringing the cup closer to her lips. Gratefully she grabbed the straw between her lips, greedily sucking up the cool liquid. Her parched gulps couldn't get enough water into her body, and it took three more cups of it for her to finally be able to breathe without coughing. Ileana nodded her head to Tony in thanks. 

Gingerly, she let go of the straw, watching Tony as he placed it back on the table. He was distant; he was trying to cover it up with random lifts of the lips and an occasional comment. None of them had held any meaning until he sat back down, his hand resting next to hers. He didn't want to pick it up in fear of seeing her flinch again. "I never got to thank you for what you did, back at the airport. Tackling Sabrina the Teenage Witch takes a lot of balls, some I thought you didn't have. I'm sorry for underestimating you." 

She smiled, moving her hand on top of Tony's. She had so much to say, and no way to say it. Her words were trapped within her, begging to be released. Ileana lifted her other hand for Tony to see, her wrist moving back and forth and her fingers gripping an invisible pen. He frowned, concentrating on her moving hand. She didn't want to show him that it sent a fresh wave of torment throughout her, so she kept repeating the motion, caging her flinch. 

He assessed her movements. His eyes focused on only her hand moving, brows furrowed. "Do you want a pad and paper?" 

Her fingers relaxed, her arms dropping back to her side. Eagerly, she nodded.  

"Are you sure you'll be able to write?" She stared at him, her expression dubbing him as an idiot. "Guess we'll find out then, huh?" 

Tony got to his feet, excusing himself for a minute. It didn't take him long to hunt down some paper and a pen, and he was back before she could succumb to the loneliness nestled deep. He walked over to her bed, sliding the paper under her hand and placing the pen in her hand. 

"Voila!" 

She didn't pay any attention to what he said, her full concentration on getting her hand to move in the right way. She had to clamp her fist around the pen lightly, pumping her arm up, down and around in order for the wobbly words to appear on the page. It took longer than she wanted, but she managed to do it, and that was all that mattered. 

What happened? 

Tony sobered, unable to make eye contact. His hands folded together and then unfolded, as though they didn't fit together right, like broken pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. His leg jostled up and down, and Tony decided to let his hand run through his hair, dragging on the strands. "Do you remember how you got here?" 

Ileana nodded, wisely not wasting her energy on writing something that could be conveyed in an action. 

"Natasha saw you go down, as did T'Challa. They both called me on the comms, and we had to bring in extra medical assistance. You had been crushed under tonnes of rubble, and it took the pros three hours to get you out. Somehow you survived, and then you died twice in surgery. I mean seriously, you could've died at the airport and you decide to die somewhere where people don't die? Your logic astounds me." Tony poured himself a cup of water, bringing it to his mouth. 

Her eyes widened. She immediately brought the pen back to the paper, her tongue jutting out as she scratched the words down. 

 I died? 

"Twice, we can't forget that. They were trying to fix your brain bleed, and fix all of your, well, brokenness." 

Ileana shook her head, wincing at the pain it sent shooting throughout her body. She couldn't even move a single muscle without being in never ending agony. She wasn't sure if she was glad she was told that she died - it would've been a mercy compared to the torture that was happening to her. Maybe it was karma for using that faceless man as a human shield.

Tony placed his cup on the table besides hers, turning his face both ways. His eyes darted about the room, catching sight of the camera in the corner of the room. He casually leaned on the barriers of the bed, lowering his voice to barely above a whisper. "T'Challa hasn't told anyone about the reckless stunt you pulled. As far as the government knows, you were chasing after Barnes to convince him to come back with you. If they ask you, which they will, tell them you were only doing what you were told to do. I'll have your back. Now smile as though I said something me-like." 

Upon command, Ileana let her mouth shift into a dazzling grin, a small chuckle escaping her for good measure. Tony reflected her actions, keeping his voice quiet. "Good, good. When you get out of here - in a long time, sorry - you will magically disappear, after I've helped you get on your feet that is. Go, do something you've always wanted to do. Travel. Try new things. Just don't go to places that are closely linked to your identity."

She forgot about keeping up the pretence, her brows pulling together. Her hand clutched onto the pen, and with a few harsh jolts of her arm she managed to write out one word. 

Why?

He read it several times over. He was silent for a long time, staring at the paper with a sorrow she never expected to see on Tony Stark's face. By the time he eventually gathered the strength to talk, a nurse had come in to do the routine checks, having left when his mouth parted. "You shouldn't have been involved in this. It's only fair that you get to be free. They were never planning on letting you be free, especially with them seeing you as the enemy." Her head hung in shame. Tony made no move to console her. "Anyway, I know you were running to Barnes to go with him or warn him. I'm not that offended - I'm told often that I don't play well with others." 

Ileana's grip tightened on the pen. Her knuckles were white as she stabbed the words down, punching holes in the paper and nearly making her words indecipherable. 

He is nothing to me. 

Tony reigned in his shock. His mouth opened and closed, like a fish. It would've been amusing if fury hadn't been coursing through her veins. He managed only one word. "Why?" 

She paid no attention to the pain in her arm. 

He did this to me. Him and Steve's damn stubbornness.

Tony re read the sentences, mouth agape. Bucky and Ileana had been really close, seeming to have become each others family on the streets. For her to blame him so blatantly, with a bond as strong as theirs, he knew that she really truly hated him. 

"Join the club, we have membership cards." Sarcasm laced his voice, and she couldn't stop the smile forming on her face. Even if Tony Stark was an ass hole at times, he was an ass hole who cared. He wasn't as bad as everyone made him out to be. Instantly she felt guilty for thinking such negative things about him when she woke up. She realised suddenly that he was the last person he ever thought about. 

He checked his watch. He jumped to his feet, scooping up his jacket and bending over to kiss Ileana on the cheek. "I'm so sorry. I have to go and see Rhodey, it's about this time he tells the doctor to shove his expertise up his ass and I have to stop him from filing a law suit. I promise I'll be back later." 

Ileana did a double take. Rhodey was in the hospital? She rapidly scribbled the words on the page, hissing under the breath as the sudden strain lit her arm on fire. She didn't care though, needing her questions answered. 

He was halfway across the room, and she couldn't call out to him. She did the only thing she could. She tossed the pen at his head. Ileana was reminded of when she did that with Bucky, but she shook off the memory. There was time to reminisce on the past when you were on your death bed. 

Tony spun around, rubbing the back of his head. "Did anyone tell you that it's rude to throw pens at people?" 

She shrugged, lifting her hand up and beckoning him towards her. He sighed, grumbling under his breath about how he didn't have any time for this. It all quietened when he saw the words on the page. 

Is Rhodey okay? Can I go see him? 

He smiled, passing her the pen. "I'm sure something can be arranged." 

Happiness built up within her. If she could see Rhodey, she wouldn't be as lonely. Maybe she would have a real friend. Maybe after having lost Bucky - the only family she thought she had - she would gain a new one.