FORGETTING KINDNESS

Ileana didn't see him for weeks. She was stuck in the same cycle of waking up in her alcove, sometimes by the cops who wanted her to fester somewhere more private, sitting on the streets and hoping people would understand she needed their help, then she'd resume her usual spot in the alcove, the solid bricks morphing into a bumpy mattress. Ileana hated to admit it but she missed him: Bucky. He provided her with a puzzle to unravel, an escape from the routine she'd been stuck in, or at least offer her some company. She had plenty of time to fantasise about what they'd do with their time together - go to the park on a sunny day and indulge in each others presence and the sunshine, sign jokes and stories to each other in the close confines of their hiding place and just struggle to survive. Together. 

Her need for a companion only increased. He got her hooked on a drug called company, and the only way to cure it was to indulge herself in the guilty pleasure. She hated him for that. 

The loneliness was more daunting, and she found herself at a bridge, or near a train or a main road. It scared herself how she found herself sometimes picturing what it would feel like. If she would feel Death's fingers caressing her or if it would be over in a matter of seconds. As much as she wanted Bucky to kill her, she couldn't find the strength to do it herself. To her, it was braver to succumb to the darkness, as you were stepping head first into the unknown. She knew this was why she couldn't take the final step. It wasn't that she wanted to die - she wanted to know if she truly was a ghost, if she was alive. Pain was the only way to know if you're living. 

The one thing pulling her away from the edge was the idea, the fantasy, that she'd see Bucky again and he'd fix her problems. He made all of her problems invisible when he spoke - well, signed - to her. She wanted that back. He didn't know it, but he was saving her without even being there. 

Ileana wondered again for the third time that day that if she did die, if the people strolling past her would notice. As soon as the dishevelled blankets and gaunt face comes into their view their gait lengthens and they're suddenly preoccupied. If she was bleeding out, would the passerby's help? She didn't need to think long to know the answer. Most of them would still walk by, averting their gaze to ignore the life left to fade.

Another clang fell into the tiny hat at her feet. She glanced up, seeing a man in a business suit grinning down at her. "Get yourself a hot drink or something. You look like you need it, darling."

She forced herself to be grateful, knowing without looking in the hat that he couldn't have given her more than a few spare pieces of shrapnel. If anything, he only did it to keep up the pretence of being a kind, good working man. Still, she plastered a grin to her face, one as plastic as his, and signed her gratitude. He frowned, the lines on his forehead creasing. 

"What?"

She felt all the hope she had within her deflate. Shaking her head as if she was dismissing her previous action, she bowed her head thankfully. He seemed to understand, and he smiled to himself before hurrying off. Probably going to put gas in his Audi, she bitterly thought. She couldn't complain though - money was money, and she was in desperate need of it. 

Rooting through the hat, she mentally counted what change she'd managed to gather. She'd been right about the man, with all of the other sympathetic strangers she still couldn't afford a hot drink, yet alone a meal. Ileana considered saving it, but knowing the gluttonous ways of the other homeless, she decided that the money ought to spent straight away. 

That was when she saw him again. 

She knew who it was instantly. She couldn't forget anything about the man who gave her a trickle of hope again. He was curled up on the other side of the street, eyes cast downward and hair disguising his face. A ragged hat in front of him was painfully empty, and the clothes that had been tight on him were slightly looser. Ileana's heart ached. 

Letting her addiction guide her, she gathered together all of her money and gently poured the coins into her pocket, snatching up her blanket and draping it over her shoulders, shoving her head into the hat ungracefully. With a renewed purpose, she strode across the street, weaving through the thick crowds of people. 

It wasn't until she was standing in front of him did she think through what she was doing properly. He never moved his eyes off of the ground, and she couldn't say anything to alert him of her presence. 

Taking a deep breath, her heart racing, she prodded him lightly. His eyes snapped up, them widening in recognition. She smiled self consciously, resisting the temptation to shove her hands into her pockets. Ileana could only hope that he was grateful to see her, and not see her as a annoying brat. 

Swallowing all of her fear, she began to sign. "I see you're having a pretty slow day."

His brows crunched together, and Ileana pointed at his nearly empty hat. He'd barely managed to collect a single leu, from the lack of change in it. Sometimes she was glad to be a woman - people were more sympathetic and easier to convince to give her a few coins. 

He nodded his head, licking his cracked lips. He opened his mouth to speak, letting it fall closed a second later. Slowly, he pulled his hands out from his pockets. Ileana had to conceal her smile at seeing his gloved hands wave and flow in a rhythm only people who cared enough to know. She'd gotten what she needed after a long time. 

She'd been so fixated on the fact that she was actually having a two sided conversation that she didn't pay close attention to the words he signed to her. She kicked herself at seeing Bucky's expectant gaze, replying with her hands. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Deliberately, he slowed his hand movements, as though they were wading through deep water. "Most days are like this."

Her heart ached. She couldn't bare knowing that the familiar stranger was in the same predicament as she was. Without thinking, her fingers spoke her mind. "We could pool our cash together and share something."

His eyes followed her hand gestures, taking in what she couldn't say. His voice faltered him, and he had no clue how to reply. 

Frantic, her hand gestures increased in speed. "That is if you want to."

Wordlessly, he nodded. Ileana couldn't hide her glee, her plaque ridden teeth unveiling themselves and shining in all of their grimy glory. Bucky didn't flinch at the sight of them, only sending her a small curve of the lips. 

Eager, she grabbed his hand and began pulling him in the direction of the shops. He tugged back, her body being flung backwards. She hit his chest with a thump, and her bruised back flaring up in agony. She bit her lip to hide her newfound pain. 

Bucky didn't notice, reaching down and snatching up his hat. He grabbed her free hand, prying her fingers out of the fist they'd been in, sliding the coins in it. She shivered at the sudden coldness, quickly shoving the coins into her pocket to prevent the cold spreading further. As she did this, Bucky slotted his hat back onto his head, ensuring that the cap was pulled down far enough that no one could see his eyes. Ileana didn't comment on this. 

Gathering that he was ready, she again grasped his hand and dragged him through bustling crowds of people, weaving their way out of the paths of the blind and oblivious. Ileana ignored the pressing weight of the bodies around them and focused on the calloused curves of Bucky's hand, tightening her grip on it. 

After what seemed to be forever, they managed to escape the river of people, Ileana gasping for air as though she was a fish that had been out of the water. Cool oxygen froze her from the inside, and she used her free hand to grab onto Bucky. She needed to hold onto anything, and the stranger who was on the verge of becoming a friend was that anything. She bunched both of her hands in his shirt, trying to find stability in a world that's constantly turning. 

Unsure as to what to do, Bucky stood still, his arms resting at his sides. He couldn't offer any words, for he felt that it was rubbing it in her face that she wouldn't be able to respond straight away. So he stood, letting the dishevelled woman hold onto him as though he was her only lifeline. It'd been a while since he'd felt needed, and even longer that he felt like he was needed for something good. 

Her breaths became more steady, her grip on him loosening. He was glad that she was feeling better; he already missed the feeling of importance. Eventually she let go, her hands open to talking. As she was withdrawing, he saw something that shocked him to his core - a thin scar slicing across her throat. He averted his eyes from it immediately. 

"Should we get something to eat?" 

Shakily smiling, she shook her head once. Bucky let out a breath of relief - she would be distracted by the food long enough to calm fully down. 

They strolled into a small bakery, the warmth hitting them the moment they walked in. The smell of cooked bread graced their noses, and instantly Ileana could feel saliva building up in her mouth. There thankfully wasn't anyone in the bakery, so they walked straight up to the counter. Behind it, a bewildered man with greying hair gawked at them. Ileana self consciously patted her brown, matted hair down. 

Bucky spoke for the both of them, ordering one hot sandwich. The man behind the counter blinked, before hurrying around to gather the ingredients. Bucky smiled at the mans discomfort - it was amusing that someone was uncomfortable over the fact that they slept on cement whilst the man slept on a mattress. 

Within a matter of minutes the sandwich had been made, and Ileana scooped all of the change out of her pocket and laid it on the counter. She began counting it, her palms getting sweatier as she noticed that they were a few lei short. Her panicked gaze met with the man behind the counter, and he gulped, looking nervously behind him. 

"Keep the money."

Ileana frowned, attempting to hand the sandwich back over to the man when Bucky grabbed her arm. This time when he spoke to her, he used words. 

"He's giving it to us." This caused the frown on her face to deepen. Why would he do that? Still puzzled, she put the money back in her pocket and smiled at the man. He seemed to understand the gesture, and he mustered a small one in return. 

As they walked out, she swore she heard the man utter under his breath, "Poor woman doesn't even know what kindness is anymore."

She was sad to leave the shop - the man was kind, and the heat in there was glorious, but she knew that she would have to return to the world of whipping winds. Bucky was the same, already missing the warmth the moment he stepped outside. 

Trying to savour the warmth, they huddled near the doorway. Ileana went to break the sandwich in half, but Bucky grabbed her hands. 

"You have it, you need it more." 

Again she frowned, and moved his hands off of her before trying to break the sandwich in half. He let her this time, watching her struggle to split the bread. Eventually the wheat broke, and she offered her his half. He shook his head. Frustrated, she shoved it more ferociously his way. He shoved it back. 

"I don't need it."

With that he walked away. She wanted to run after him, offer him some space in her alcove but it was too late. What she didn't know was that a certain metal armed soldier stood only across the road, watching her stare down at the bread disheartened. 

And so did the people ready to kill her. 

-

hey guys! to clear up any potential confusion, leu/lei is the romanian currency. i originally had used different currency but it wouldn't be realistic, so i decided to change it! what do you guys think will happen next? 

-thirdwheelchurchill