The smell wakes me up: a stinging stench of stale urine. I sit up, hold my pounding head and think, this is it Kade, you've dived to rock bottom.

Waking up hung-over in a stinking toilet cubicle, it don't get much lower than this.

I slam my hand to my pocket: PHEW! My cell's still there. Some small relief.

It doesn't help that the events that led me here are pretty hazy. I recall: beer, a pretty girl, a bartender, and Tan in the arms of another guy.

'Tan in the arms of another guy' that thought hurts as much as it did before I used the beer to blot it out.

I call her again.

Nothing.

My battery's almost down. Good thing I've got my emergency charger on me. I'm hoping this doesn't become an emergency.

My head hurts even more when I phone Kelly and it goes to voice mail. My anger mounts when I phone Troy and it rings out. Then I think, it must be the middle of the night. Jeez, how could I sleep so long in this stinking pit?

WHAT? This door's locked from the other side. "Hey, open this freaking door!"

When there's no reply, I don't worry, these cubicle doors are weak; I can kick it open.

No I can't. It's locked, or stuck solid. When I throw my body into it, the only result I get is a bruised shoulder.

Looking up, there's a gap between the door and ceiling. It'll be a squeeze but I could just about make it.

I climb onto the toilet. But the sight of what's looking down at me from the gap jolts me. An imp, a female one, all big Disney Princess eyes and mane of pink hair, with little furry hands grasping onto the door. And here's the killer, it's laughing, cackling. The little shit's almost teasing me.

The Kade's anger fuels me and I dive upwards grab the door with my left hand and smack the giggling imp into infinity with my right hand.

Hanging from the door, I hear it simper and scurry someplace. I guess I wiped the smile from its face.

That was tough, but I did it, I'm out. I peeled some skin off my back in the process, but I'm free. Scanning the bathroom, I see no sign of the imp. Which is a shame, I wanted to tear it apart and see what these London imps are made of.

I want: water, home, a shower. Most of all I want Tan. A shower with Tan would be beyond awesome. Despite my hurting head, shoulder and back I'm feeling curiously positive. I believe I may have over-reacted about what I saw at Tan's office. I'll go home and probably find Tan and the others all there, worried about me. After explaining and apologizing, that shower with Tan will be a reality.

The pub is in blackness and deathly quiet; I guess it is the middle of the night. My hand finds the wall and I pat around it looking for a light switch.

Suddenly blinded, I instinctively cover my eyes against the harsh light that floods the pub.

It would appear that someone found the light switch for me.

"So young man, have you slept it off?" It's a guy's voice, but I can't see anyone in the glare. "Sleep what off?" I ask, as my eyes slowly adjust to the light.

"Your violent attitude."

Looking behind me to the source of the voice, I see him, sitting on a chair, his hands clasped on a table, like he's praying.

It's a Police Officer.

I shake my head, "I'm not a violent kinda guy."

He smirks, "Try telling that to the innocent bartender you knocked out cold with a perfect right hook, last night," he says.

Looking at my right hand, I notice blood, smeared and congealing under my wedding ring. When I open and close my fingers I feel the soreness in them.

The officer notices, "I'm sure your hand hurts, I'm surprised you didn't break a couple of fingers," he says.

"Why did I punch him?"

"You tell me, young man. It was a totally un-provoked attack," he answers.

I think hard but have to admit, "I've no recollection of hitting him."

The Officer stands up and walks towards me, "Look, it's clear alcohol doesn't agree with you. I advise you to give up drinking because you have a problem with it."

"No, that was the first drink of my life," I explain.

"Well make it your last. You were a real animal last night, out of control. It took three paramedics to hold you down and sedate you," he says.

I'm stunned. I have absolutely no memory of these events. The last thing I remember was going to sleep in the toilet cubicle.

Aaaaah, a recollection pops into my head, "What about the girl?"

"What girl?" Asks the officer.

"The lady who kept buying me drinks."

He sits next to me, "There was no lady. All the drinks were purchased and consumed by yourself."

I look along the bar and in my head, I can visualize her sitting next to me, smiling, flirting. When she put her hand on my knee, I remember lifting it off and telling her I was a married man.

"No, there was a lady. She put up her hood and said she was taking me back to her place to sleep off the alcohol," I say.

The officer shakes his head again, "You can have full access to the CCTV footage, see yourself in full fighting action. It might shame you into ensuring you never go near alcohol again," he says.

I'm beginning to doubt myself and feel ashamed. What am I turning into?

This officer seems like a good guy, so I ask, "Did you see the imp?"

"What's an imp?"

"The little creature, it was in the bathroom and I think it escaped in here. They're real dangerous."

He looks at me with sympathy, "There is no little creature. Did you mix drugs and alcohol last night?" He asks, concerned.

I know I'm coming across as cracked out, "No, I didn't," I say.

The officer hands me a white cup filled with OJ, "Here, drink this, you're dehydrated," he says.

I down it in one and instantly feel a little better. "I'm really sorry, I've acted out of character, it was a reaction to a bit of a downer in my life," I try to explain.

The officer looks kind, "Look, you're lucky the bartender isn't going to press charges. He's been sympathetic, given the circumstances."

"What circumstances?" I ask.

"You don't remember, you really don't remember a thing, do you?" He asks.

He puts his hand on my shoulder, "I sincerely regret having to do this, but in the cold sober light of day you have to know. His hand delves into his inside pocket and he retrieves an envelope. He hands it to me, "I'm sorry young man, but you need to read this."

My hands quiver as I feverishly tear at the envelope and pull out a folded piece of paper.

I open it and begin to read:

My Dearest Kade.

I hoped it wouldn't come to this, but alas it has and I beg you to understand and handle this like The Kade would.

I am ending my life.

You must believe me when I say this is in your best interests. You need to be free of me. Only when I am gone will you and the others be totally free of the evil that follows me. This is what they have told me, and I have made the choice to end my life to save yours.

I promise you, with time, you will come to see this as the right decision.

I want you to move on from me, find the lady of your dreams and settle down.

But please don't forget me. Keep me alive in your memory; remember our happy times (despite the horrors, we had many.) And there's one thing I want to ask of you, and I hope it's not too much of an imposition. But will you please tell your children about me. Now, as I stand on the verge of death, It gives me great comfort to know that your children may one day know of my name and that I was once in your life. Of course, you can tell them we were just great friends (which is what we were, and so much more.)

Kade, your name will be on my lips when I take my last breath.

I have no more words, except, goodbye.

Your true love

Tan XXX

The officer's hand was on my shoulder the whole time, "We can arrange grief counseling for you," he suggests.

"It's OK."

"Do you have any questions?" He asks.

I gaze at the letter, "All the answers are in her words."

"My number's on the envelope, call me anytime," he says, squeezing my shoulder.

It's not yet six am and the city has yet to fully wake up. As I amble slowly along the quiet city streets, I'm certain about what I must do.

My mind is made up.

Only a few people are on the bridge. I wait until they pass, then leap up unto the wall.

Teetering on the edge, I don't look down.

I hold her letter close to my heart and look up at the sun trying to break through a grey sky, "Tan, I'm on my way..."