That night I trembled, thinking back to Victor and how much I wished to take it back, as well all the rebels we targeted. But Clive's teachings had stayed in my ear, and as I watched the boys stabbed the Headmaster and end him with movements like Clive.

I was going to the stables, a dark coat cover me, barely able to stand so halfway I picked up a fallen stick. I hobbled with my cane before reaching the stables smelling of horse dung and hay.

It was dark, like the moon didn't exist. I couldn't speak out loudly but called for him.

"Clive? Clive! It's Nathan! Clive?"

I walked there and the horses were quiet and undisturbed, most of them asleep standing up. Some made noises like they had stuffed noses but no stall was empty.

"Clive? He's gone. The Headmaster is dead. I murdered him."

There's still silence other that soft neighs, and as I raised my voice to say it louder a voice spoke.

"How did you kill him?"

I couldn't find him but his voice sounded like he was above the stable. I looked up at the beams, and without light I couldn't even see him but my heart raced in hope.

"Clive? He told me if I won against you I could see you, but he told you to win so I would be safe, right?"

There's silence, then sniffling. Clive's cries.

"Clive, come to me," I said, holding my arms wide open, as though I could catch him in my state. "You're free."

I heard noises, and Clive lowered himself onto a beam I could see him and finally land on his feet, crouched like a frog, sobbing. It was somehow funny with his long messy hair and the smell of dung around us, but I felt such relief and reached out a hand.

"Turned out we both needing saving. You were saving me, weren't you?" Clive stood up, hair in his face streaked with tears, and I hugged him to me, his trembling body like a bird's, and his bones sharp under his skin.

Clive wasn't a killer—he was just a scared animal someone was training to kill just so he could live.

How could I not have understood that.

"My little bird," I whispered.

He wiped his face, wet, on my pajamas, and I felt how soaked they were, and yet so warm with his breath on it. It was cool, and I felt warmer as we hugged.

"You saved me. Thank you, Nathan." He held my hand gently. "Is he really dead?"

"I got the jugular and brachial veins. He bled out in front of us and had over multiple stab wounds," I whispered.

"You could manage him just fine," Clive said, laughing at the last part. He looked up and his eyes shone with boyish glee and a grin that felt forced.

"No, I couldn't," I said. "Will, Wyatt, Cory, Hale, and the other assassins he used or betrayed or touched all came tonight."

"Tonight?" Clive asked. "It just happened?"

"How did you think I found you? I asked that man," I laughed.

"I didn't think you'd come here, I was so sure it was another trap," Clive said, voice breaking. "So sure I'd have to kill you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the injuries, slum fighting like a vagrant. I'm so sorry, Nathan."

He held my hand gently, as though I were glass, and saw my cane, on the floor.

"I'm tough, I can take a beating per year," I softly said. "Come back to the dorms."

"No, it's fine." Clive shook his head. "I'm not going back. I'll go steal valuables from the Headmaster's office so his disappearance looks like he stole things and ran away. Go to sleep, I'll be there tomorrow. I'll find you."

"No—" I argued. The meeting felt too short. Fleeting. "Please, don't go!"

"I need to do this. I have to retrieve things and end it all, the profiling on certain boys, their contracts, everything.

"I know," I said. "But I don't want you to have to do it."

"I know more about him than I'd like to. I need to recover and burn those, along with taking the bribes he got from families. Something for me to live on." Clive looked just as torn. "Tomorrow, promise?"

I hesitated. "Tomorrow, then."

Clive smiled and even with his long hair matted down, a more adult face now, and ratty clothed that didn't suit him and smelled, somehow he was there, with me, freed from chains.

"I will be here after class, would you finish by then?" I asked.

He thought carefully. "I can probably erase his contracts and also, maybe forge it to look like a burglary or his escape. So yes, I might be a bit late. I'm sorry to make you wait."

"Can't I do it with you?" I asked. "I'll miss class tomorrow, with you."

Clive looked at me. "I shattered your bones and cut your arm tendon. Go sleep, and don't roam around tomorrow. I'll meet you, in your room." He looked embarrassed. "I watched over you sleep there. I'm so sorry. Words can't describe it—you can't even hold a sword."

"I never wanted to hold a weapon," I said softly. "I would be fine as long as I could hold you."

Clive smiled but my body was aching as we spoke, mg bones really felt like they were smashed and my leg hurt so I held onto Clive for a minute.

"See you tomorrow," I said, and I started to gather up the courage to move again, breathing loudly before taking small steps. Clive stood there in the dark, smiling and waving.

"Tomorrow, Nathan."

A part of me wanted to stay in the barn with him while another part of me wanted to be in bed. Most of all, I loathed the look of Clive with those sad eyes. He'll always be guilty with me, and my injuries won't ever fully recover.

Of course it mattered a great deal, I'd never pass the knight exam, but my father would have me pass somehow even if I don't have to raise a finger. People will always think of me as a liability and spoiled kid, and later adult. Father might even lock me away, ashamed of me unable to beat a refuge peer. I lost my future with this injury.

Yet why didn't I think of that when I first woke up? All I thought of was Clive's face. That sad face he had as he killed.

***

The next day I waited in bed with a book, idly reading and trying to listen to the voices outside. No one questioned where the Headmaster was, and so I rested without much. In a few days I knew there would be questioning. Maybe some boys will give details and name those there—I don't think they would, but I had to be prepared.

Hale and Cory gave a quick visit during lunch, offering to feed me. They said Will also took a day off because he was nauseous, and Wyatt was caring for him.

"Things will be fine," Hale convinced me. "After a few days we will all forget about things, and you're severely injured."

"Yes, we will deny everything. We all played cards that night, the three of us!" Cory added.

"Sure," I said, smiling faintly. "Thank you both so much."

When lunchtime ended and the two gave me my soup and left. My stomach felt queasy and for some reason I wasn't feeling myself. When the physician came to check up on me he said I've been moving, and my wounds were not healed, in fact, they bled despite the stitches.

He angrily announced he would be checking up on me to make sure I wasn't walking around. The physician was old and seemed to have to attend to other students, having to go from dorm to dorm to attend to every boy who got injured in the final exam.

When he finally left with his bag of bandages and medicine I was more than unhappy. Yesterday I had moved too much, but I really wanted to heal. I just couldn't without Clive.

I wanted to search for him and not only wait helplessly—but I suppose I couldn't move.

***

I waited and after class the door opened.

It was like going back in time, Clive in his student uniform again, hair trimmed hastily but still falling into his face. He walked to me, looking sullen, carrying a second uniform.

"Nathan," he whispered before coming closer.

"Clive?" I whispered. I was going to sit up when Clive softly pushed me back down on my pillow.

"Don't get up! I've done it, Clive. Erased the existence of that vile man."

I peered at him in curiosity as footsteps began to pound outside.

"Then why do you look so sad? Do you regret it all?" I asked, wanting his eyes to meet mine.

"I simply lost something I treasured."

"What?"

My heart ached. Clive missed the Headmaster? Maybe because he was his patron? No, I know it wasn't because of that. I grew sick.

"Something you treasured, huh," I repeated.

"My earring," he said.

I was lost and narrowed my eyes at him, asking for details.

"You see, that man ripped off my earring." Clive tapped on his earlobe. "He said I'd get it after I dealt with you, but I guess once you lose something precious, you can't find it again." He looked down at my ear and touched my earring.

"Clive, are you stupid?"

Clive was visibly taken aback and pouted. "It was your present to me!"

"Then here!" I took off my earring and pushed it into his hand, making him drop the uniform on my bed. "Wear it. I'll buy myself the same one!"

Clive took the earring gently and looked at me.

"I can get you the earring, then." Clive put it on his ear like before. "This brings me back, being dressed like this and earring on again."

"And it has more meaning now," I laughed, and wavered before adding, "It shows I'll do anything for you."

"And I'd do anything for you, Nathan."

I leaned up on my elbow and Nathan kissed me.

Gentle, soft, and calm. He wasn't rushing, just feeling me like I was feeling him. It was nostalgic.

There were screams and I turned around, startled. Outside boys were definitely running.

"What did you do?"

I turned to Clive, his eyes not reflecting me anymore. He smiled, almost as though the world was ending and he didn't care.

"Why do you suspect me?"

"You're the only one who would do something like this!" I said, tugging at his collar. "Tell me, Clive!"

"I guess I wasted too much time. Get dressed, Nathan."

Clive took the clothing he carried and it was my other uniform, both the blazer and pants. I had on a shirt and didn't argue. I put on the blazer but my pants were shorts due to the bandaged injury. Clive didn't argue and put the blazer over me.

"I smell it."

It was smoke. It was finally seeping into the nurse's room.

"You burned the office?" I asked.

"Let's move, quick," he interrupted. He helped me put on the blazer and wear my shoes and finally carried me in his arms.

He struggled, and finally lifted me up from my bed.

I put an arm around his neck and pulled myself higher, thinking of how everything in the office would burn. If lucky, all evidence would be burnt and one would assume the Headmaster ran away, as he was gone.

"Are you ready to be a vagrant?" Clive asked me.

I didn't know the exact meaning of his words, but I nodded.

"Yes."

Clive stepped on my bed, opened the window, and then he turned to smile at me.

"Let's go!"