We left that same day as Clive didn't have more than two sets of outfits to pack and I was letting him borrow my clothing. We took a carriage and it was a hot day with a long trip. I was sweating into my shirt as Clive mentioned I didn't need to dress up for him.

He was still perfect in his loose white shirt rolled up to his elbows. His muscles were there if he moved and I asked if he had been exercising. He noted he sparred with the students left and I realized how easily Clive got along in academy even without me.

The blue sky was pretty as Clive pulled me over the carriage to stare out and we both breathed in the cool air. It felt like a painting and his occasional glances made my heart beat a bit faster. If I caught his eye he giggled, so there was no helping either way.

"Your smile is much better than your frown," Clive said.

I hadn't even realized I was smiling.

We finally reached my house and when Clive stepped off the carriage he looked in awe, nodding although I said nothing. He whispered next to my neck,

"Should I greet your brother now?"

He followed me up the stairs as I smirk.

"Are you nervous? It is the Rottings House, the best knight family in town," I quoted. He only grinned and kissed my nape.

"Clive! Don't you dare!" I turned back to the house, knowing Daniel's curtains were drawn and no one else was in the house but the butler.

"Answer me. Is your brother here yet?" Clive asked as though nothing happened.

"No," I said, and we were in the front hall, Richie appeared so suddenly that I felt myself froze. I cleared my throat and turned to Clive. "This is our butler, Friedrich. We call him Richie. My brother isn't here, I assume?"

Richie began talking.

"Master Daniel is currently in his room, he says if the guest should appear he will greet him at dinner. You are Clive, I assume, who Master Nathan will be partners with? I can give you a tour of the main building and of course your room, I readied the best guest room that oversees the sunrise. If it's too hot you can let me know and I'll move you to another. Master Daniel also wanted to say he would like both of you to bath after traveling as it's been a long day."

"Strange request," Clive answered as Richie went on to my annoyance, he never knew when to stop.

Once I went to a different academy as a child and they laughed because I spoke like Richie with long sentences. Also, having a tutor was considered excessive in academy and my teachers did not like that. I recently stopped once I reached year ten. After all, now it was about the duties of a knight we were learning about, only professors could teach us.

"Let's just do as he requested," I said back to Clive and just as Richie took a breath I pulled Clive away.

"You should bath first," I said to him, "I'll get you something that might fit you and be more formal."

Clive only had white shirts, which was fine for summer, but I chose a black shirt with black tapered pants. It would do better to show his long legs and suit him.

I don't even know why, but soon I was getting five different outfits out for him. Was I enjoying dressing him up?

After I bathed we went to dinner where Daniel sat, already there.

"Good afternoon, Nathan and Clive! I'm Daniel, the second son of the Rottings family."

Daniel was very eye-catching. Our family was full of dark brown hair like mine or black hair like Daniel's, but Daniel grew it into a long ponytail and it hung to his back. He had slicked back his long hair and wore gloves.

"It's because I am very germaphobic, you see," Daniel laughed, not even offering a handshake. I could imagine how he failed the interviews for the knight test, besides, he found horses disgusting and would rather shoot rifles instead of doing something that required strength.

He looked like a rich and pampered son with the hair, gloves, and his attitude. Well, he kind of was (and so was I).

Clive laughed and chatted without a single pause like they were old pals.

Clive told him how he came from a kingdom he forgot—he lied—and he was desperate to become a citizen for Goldenvale. He wanted to make himself useful, he said, and protect those he loved, he emphasized as he looked at me.

Daniel was overjoyed at the dinner table where he sat across Clive, which was the seat I usually sat at.

Clive had perfect table manners as expected, and he recounted everything from our tests to this summer in campus.

"Nathan saw my books, it was so tiring to read," Clive said, looking my way.

I had been inspecting them, but maybe Clive thought I felt left out. I only smiled.

"Isn't Clive a great partner, Daniel? He's just full of spirit," I laughed.

"Yes, your partner is exactly what you lack!" Daniel said happily. "My first partner at Graycotts Academy was extremely unhygienic which caused, well—this. I became conscious of sweat and did worse with my second partner senior year, we barely passed. I knew he wasn't it, so for my practices for the real test I found another knight. I worked past some fears but I'm just saying, if I had a decent first partner I wouldn't have had to change so many partners."

"Do you think we can pass the test together?" Clive asked, a broad grin on his face.

"That's too far into the future," I muttered.

"Why not?" Daniel asked.

Why not? Because he was my lover! I was getting distracted simply having dinner with him.

After eating we sat with Daniel in the tea room and Daniel and Clive talked even more.

Clive really liked his bed, too, and was flopping on it like a fish, a boyish laughter coming from him as he rolled around. He jumped up to catch me and pulled me on his bed too.

"Ouch, calm down, Clive. You're seriously like a dog, God."

"I'll be your dog." Clive smirked. "Woof!"

I ignored him and he pretended to paw at me who laid there thinking. It was the first time Clive seemed to be having fun and play around, but was he really enjoying it?

Was I enough for him?

"It's a huge house." Clive finally nestled next to me while musing. "Biggest one I've been to. It's even cool inside, is it the windows? Is Daniels always like that? I think he likes me so far so I'll be on my best behavior," he promised.

"Good. Good dog." I didn't know what got in me as I rolled over and tickled his chin, no, neck. The soft area made me feel strange touching, and when his fingers reached for my neck a single touch made me hard.

I jumped up and left, ignoring what Clive was saying.

"See you tomorrow, Nathan! Goodnight!"

His voice was fading and once I reached the dark hallway I began to run to my own room.

No.

Why was I doing this? How could this happen? He was my partner, my sworn brother! As my brother put it, he was lacking what I had and had what I lacked. He was my partner in battle, we had to stay focused together.

Yet Clive was always focused. It was me who was getting so flustered over a touch, right?

Back in my room I imagined things I'm ashamed to speak of. I thought of Clive's body and his pink lips and tongue. It was hot and I went to the basin to wash my face, but the water was cold. I wished Clive was in my bed, so I could snuggle with him without the word knight existing.

Just friends.

Just two boys from the same academy.

***

Clive looked more energetic than ever and at home in my place. He snuggled under the covers comfortably when I went to bid him goodnight, and he was sometimes sitting on a couch alone or curled up in the front hall's chairs, reading a book.

Once he persistently tried to see my room.

"It's not fair, you've seen my room. Also, I'll be rooming with you next month—" he complained as I tried to pull him away from my room.

"No, I just have a vision you'd blackmail me with my secrets!"

"So you do have those? Indecent books?"

I slammed Clive into the wall and sighed as he cried at his pain.

"It hurts!"

"It's not that. I don't want you to see unpleasant things about me," I whispered.

Truthfully, I didn't own anything indecent in nature. If I invited him into my bedroom somehow I would say things I regret. Even if Clive joked through it all and we left my room without anything indecent happening, I was letting him grow one step closer than friends

Clive probably hadn't considered it, but we would see each other at the worst parts of ourselves, killing mages, almost like assassins instead of knights.

The result from those nights after we passed the tests was to write myself a letter and then rip it. It was my coping method for trauma, as Daniel had taught me as a child. The path of a knight needed many, for some veterans had suffered depression, anxiety, and alcoholism after retirement. It was that heavy of a job.

So I wrote myself letters almost weekly then ripped them.

Objectively, as a person, Clive did make me curious. If Clive hugged me, I would not dislike it. If he left me for new friends, I would not be surprised, either.

One flaw, of course, was that Clive suppressed his real feelings. He acted too much, and his skills were so good I didn't know what he really thought.

He was always smiling, but was he happy?

Can I make him happy?