I pulled Clive aside and showed him the letter.

"What's going on? It's been months and now he's provoking me again?" It was winter again and warm nights together had finally let me forget the life we lived when we were seventeen. Neither children nor adults.

"He's provoking both of us," Clive whispered. "I'll be working alone, in a room without a roommate..."

"I'll have a different partner, though! I don't want that!" I begged. I couldn't stand thinking of even waking up with any other boy but Clive's calm smile.

"Neither do I," he whispered and then looked at me.

We had the same idea from the faces we both were making.

"Tonight we are going to see him," Clive said my thought.

"Yes, it's about time we stopped facing one another."

That night we had no coat or mask left from last year, so we had to walk down after midnight, at one, to see him.

He allowed us to walk in and I shakily entered. The office carpet had been changed to an ethereal green, which stood out from the drab room, maybe on purpose.

"Good late evening to you two gentlemen. I believe my letters were sent, what do you two want to tell me?" The Headmaster's apathetic voice made me feel ashamed but most of all, pissed.

But he was right. He had told us if we quit we would no longer stay partners, it was there in bold print all along and I stood there.

"What can I do to make you change your mind?" I asked.

"Nothing, Rottings. Your name disgusts me. When your father brings down His Majesty, I will leave this academy. Be thankful you have not been expelled for treason yet!" He hissed, yet still seated with his white mask covering his face. I could not see the frown line on his forehead, only the tone of his voice suggested animosity.

"I don't know what my father is planning," I whispered.

"I don't know, I didn't do it, I didn't mean to; are those the same thoughts as you killed Vic?"

"No!" I shouted. "Must you blame me when you set us up? Didn't you wish they could kill me truthfully?"

A smile appeared on the Headmaster's thin lips, having struck my nerve. I was about to argue when Clive held my hand. I turned to him and his face was different; I saw the regret in his eyes, how much he wanted to leave, too. There was no more mask on us anymore.

"We will not separate." I was calm and stood there, watching his lower half of a face move. He parted his lips.

"You two will. It will be a spectacle. Now leave."

Clive and I left, and my legs had weakened to the point I went back to our room and collapsed, crying on my bed. Clive snuggled close and the two of us cried, but Clive's hands were shaking.

Even though I was the one who killed Vic, Clive seemed just as guilty—if not more. I didn't understand it at that time.

I sat up and traced my hands on his jawline and ears.

"Let's runaway," I said to Clive. "If I have to be separated from you, I don't want to be a knight."

Clive watched me, green eyes much darker than the earring showing between his hair, and then he combed back his soft curls and sat up too.

"I don't want to be separated, too." Clive seemed melancholic—like we were separating and it was the end.

"So let's run away!" I said. "No?" He was always the spontaneous one, the one who said yes and pulled me out of my slump.

Clive have a tired smile. "No, I mean, yes. We can in a different world, maybe." He choked. "In a another world, another story, we might be together."

"No." I reached out and grabbed him. "This is that story!"

"You don't know the truth," Clive said, pulling away. "About my patron, about me, and the Headmaster."

I smiled and held his face. He was crying. But his cheeks were warm with maybe shame and embarrassment and it hurt that he was unable to tell me what was true. I had known for a while.

Sometimes I would ignore that Clive read his letters from people hidden away from me, but I caught glimpses and ignored it. He made a big fuss of secretly tearing up letters and tossed them under something like other paper, but the letters still held a familiar script I saw before. The way Clive had similar habits to him, too—I couldn't deny it anymore.

"I know. I know your patron is the Headmaster," I softly said.

I saw Clive's eyes grow wide with fear and he jolted but I grabbed him before he could escape from me. He watched me carefully to assess my emotions before he cried. His face became like a child, and he sobbed, maybe at how tired he was from keeping the secret from me, or how he had failed the Headmaster. I didn't know so I hugged him to me.

I never had a mother, but when I cried as a child all I wanted was someone to hug me, my father, Daniel, or Jonathan: anyone would've done, even Richie.

So I soothed his hair before feeling Clive scream as he cried loudly, body shaking from each cry.

"It's not what I wanted to do! I didn't want him to use Vic and Stein to hurt us! I don't want to separated after three years!" he explained, hiccuping. "How long did you know?"

I held back the pain in my chest and the tears. I gripped his hand and then touched softly on his palms. "I suppose I always felt it, but I denied it."

Those summers I wondered who his patron could be to leave everything to the Headmaster and alone in his academy—to be under his watch. Not to mention a vagrant so quickly rising in the exams. His killing was always top-notch and we were trusted so much by the Headmaster despite he had no loyalty to Goldenvale.

"Why did you stay with me, then?" Clive looked away from me.

"Because I didn't care. You changed. You didn't want to kill anymore—whether it's for me or you, I know I could trust you." I smiled.

I pulled him close, and although his answer hurt, I always knew and denied it and that hurt more.

"You should know I'm not worth it! I killed my brother, I am a coward. The only man who could condone it is the most despicable man there—the Headmaster." Clive leaned on my shoulder and he was truly warm. His tears felt so warm, and he blinked out more tears.

"Let's leave," I asked again, fingers dancing behind his ears. "Leave him."

"I can't." Clive shook his head. "I'm a vagrant. I have no one to depend on."

"You can't depend on the Headmaster!"

It angered me, thinking of Clive going with him one day, working for him forever. I couldn't take it, and I understand why Clive wasn't letting the Headmaster hurt me. Maybe it was this same possessiveness. The Headmaster was playing mind games with Clive this whole time by letting me be hurt.

"Listen, he's only pretending to care! I'm here, I'll be no one, too. I'll throw away my Rottings name and we can leave," I begged him.

Clive looked up, eyes red and eyelids half-closed.

"But you are going to be a knight." Clive wiped his nose. "It's your dream."

"No. My dream is you."

I kissed him gently.

Somehow my heart felt fine even though I was giving up all I had ever wanted. What did a knightship mean, though? Being married to someone you didn't love like Jonathan? Forced out to have children until you die like my mother did? Never connect with your children but force them to be knights like my father and the Headmaster?

If so, I will never, ever, give up Clive for that.

"I don't know how to shop in town. I don't know your currency. I never worked a decent job," Clive murmured.

"I've never worked, either, but what is good hard labor compared to killing?" I asked. "We can learn together. Live together, like now."

Clive looked up at me and laughed a little.

"We might get captured and brought back. Is that fine with you? The Headmaster is even scarier when he's defied."

"Let's go, then," I said.

"Why," he paused, "why don't we leave later? After The Final?"

"What? Why?" I was stunned.

"His mind has to be occupied. I'll do his bidding but your partner will most likely be spying on you. Don't tell them anything. I'll write letters to you under ur father's name."

"Promise!" I said.

"I do," he smiled. He held my ear in his hand and I imagine he was looking at our matching earrings. "I'll reach out, stay away from me for now, I know his ways better than anyone."

"His ways?"

"He wants you to no longer love me. Pretend until you can convince the whole academy of it, Nathan."

I thought of him swimming, whistling on his horse, kissing me, stripping me, sleeping like a baby, safe by my side.

I knew I couldn't do it but I nodded.

"I'll pretend," I croaked out.

But I won't be able to hide my love for you.