Back at the Rottings House Jonathan and Daniel greeted us, as well as Richie.

Jonathan was a good looking and enviable knight. He was tall, graced by our mother's good looks, strong features, black hair reaching his nape, and chiseled from his abs to his calves.

He smiled as he introduced himself and shook Clive's hand.

"This is a great occasion," Jonathan said to me as Daniel spoke to Clive. "Did you know father invited two other knight families for dinner next week?"

"Next week? Why?" I asked, suspicions creeping up.

"Why? Of course it's to marry us off." Jonathan sighed. "I guess it's time to settle down myself. You and your friend should start searching, too."

"What families?" I asked.

"I'll tell you soon." Jonathan and I stood before one another before he smiled. "You've grown."

We had probably not seen each other for a year or more.

"Yes, I'm Daniel's height now," I teased. "Almost 180 centimeters."

"You are in puberty," he murmured. "Anyways, make sure your friend and you get along with the families. Goodnight."

He turned to Clive and hid his a goodnight too before turning and leaving.

"Jonathan is leaving already?"

"We ate dinner already, just a while ago. Richie, heat up the food for Nathan and Clive, would you?" Daniel asked. "Tell us about how life at Graycotts Academy is tomorrow, I'll have to also retire to bed."

Neither of my brothers seemed strange from what I could tell, and we talked normally. Dinner was somewhat silent, although I thought of Clive's touch when I saw him. It was irksome that he was so handsome, and the idea of girls from the knight families possibly flirting with him annoyed me.

"Don't—"

I stopped my sentence after that one word. I couldn't tell him to not talk to girls.

"Don't sneak into my room, both my brothers are here from now on," I said instead. I internally cursed at how awful my words were. Why did I always have to look for a fight?

Yet Clive smiled, somewhat so obediently that my blood felt cold. It wasn't a real smile, but a mask.

"Tonight I'll sleep well, don't worry."

I wanted to shake him, to even slap him and tell him to snap out of it, but then I realized maybe this was what I wanted. A normal and sweet Clive. I was afraid of who he really was, how he felt when he killed his brother, how he felt during the hunt, and now, how he felt with me.

Yet I didn't want to hear the truth.

I nodded and when we finished our dinner, we retired, separating in the hallway. I went to my room, as monotonous and neat as always. It was cold, though, and Richie gave me enough coal to toss in the fireplace and I threw a match down.

It was warm and I looked at those flickering flames. They danced and jolted around as though in a seizure, limbs bending in impossible ways.

I sobbed, and I didn't know why.

The fire seemed so ephemeral, like Clive.

***

I slowly settled in and when I met Jonathan he gathered Daniel and I. We went into the familiar library where we gathered at the table. Jonathan was composed as always, and told us about about the families who joined.
There were the Wordsworth sisters, the Foster brother and sister, and lastly, the Leon daughter.

"Leon?" I spoke up, finding it familiar.

"Yes, they Leon family's patriarch has unfortunately died, but Heloise Leon is your age, now that I remember," Jonathan said.

As expected of someone who passed the knight exam for both the verbal interview and his talent for sword fighting.

"I think I've met her at the flower ball," I admitted.

"Well, you and Clive can keep her entertained, I'm sure. Jonathan, you should focus on the rest."

"The Sargent family might come too, they have two daughters, so it'll be tiring." Jonathan audibly sighed. "Of course father doesn't come home despite these invitations."

Father wasn't coming home at all? Did he trust Jonathan to that extent? Something like envy or

"I'm already shuddering. The perfume will be heavy and there will definitely be some with poor table manners." Daniel didn't care about how awful his own complexion was.

I thought it might've been because Daniel was helping Friedrich take out the good plates and polish the nice silverware. Other than that four guest rooms were prepared.

"Let's be serious, we have to do our duty and find a suitable wife," Jonathan said. Then he looked at me. "Don't let that refuge friend of yours outshine you. He annoys me."

Clive annoyed him? I opened my mouth to argue but was interrupted.

"Jonathan!" Daniel glared at him. "Don't talk like father!"

"I'm not against him staying in the house," Jonathan said.

"Even if you inherit it, remember! Our very paternal grandmother was a refuge," Daniel said.

"She was?" I asked, and the looked my brother shared told me it was a secret not supposed to be shared.

I held my head, unable to comprehend it. Grandma, who often visited us spring and summers was the only grandparent I remember—and loved.

She looked like us but her eyes were strangely dark, almost fully black. They said it was from a different region that Goldenvale later tried to conquer. Instead, only half of their territory was taken.

"Grandma's fatherland is Goldenvale now," Jonathan said, ice unblinking at Daniel. "That's all it is. I don't want any of you spilling unnecessary information."

"I apologize," Daniel whispered.

Jonathan sat down and opened his pocketbook.

"To get to the point, at the party I want to plan out which ladies we will talk to. The older Wordsworth sister is my age range, the younger one at fourteen, Nathan's age. The Forster sister is Daniel's age, the brother can be ignored. The Leon girl is also for Nathan, and lastly, both Sargent sisters are my age range."

"I have one choice?" Daniel asked, reading the names.

"Well, you wouldn't touch them anyways. Father told you to wear white gloves at least."

"I don't want to go after the fourteen year old lass!" I complained quickly. "Or Eloise."

"It's fine, I can make conversations with Clive, then," Daniel accepted defeat with a sigh.

The image of them talking by the side made me feel somewhat uneasy, scared for Daniel.

"No, don't talk to Clive. He's suspicious. He might report things," I argued.

As knights in training, although Daniel dropped out, they seemed to know the gist. I had spilled a secret that only the two of us should know. I watched over my shoulder, guilt crawling.

"I'm going to act as usual. I have nothing to be suspicious of. Daniel, you should think of our Rottings name, even Nathan is thinking of it," Jonathan said, then stood up.

"Make the ball a success," he called after him as he left the library.

Outside there was snow, but while most injuries healed, something in my bones felt cold. It was as though the memory of getting attacked by Wyatt during the hunt constantly happened, even when I sat by the fireplace, or tried to read in my room.

My heart couldn't deny it.

I missed that warmth, that golden light. I wanted to catch that firefly again and hold it.

I want to love you, Clive.

But should I?

***

Clive and I had to meet up one day, both in the ballroom. We were arranged to help Richie who had a bad back. Daniel didn't want to, and Jonathan was doing "important things". As the eldest and most successful, he could just be napping all day for what father cared.

I was awkward and couldn't remember anything we talked about. He hoisted up the chair and began to tie together what winter plants they had. It looked like a wreath, I guess.

There were berries and some buds that didn't bloom. I gathered what I had and tied it with a white ribbon, then got on another chair.

We worked repeatedly before we began to talk.

"There's a beautiful stream along your house," Clive said. "I have been walking around but I don't see anything out of the ordinary. I gathered these, too."

"Really? You did that for us?" I was confused.

"Well, Daniel told me Richie was getting in his years and to take you along, but you didn't want to talk to me."

"I didn't not want you to talk to me," I muttered. "I didn't know we had a stream."

"There's a place," Clive said, turning to me, eyes like gems. "It's lovely! There's only snow and the sunlight makes it twinkle. You can even lie down in it, it's that soft!"

"But what's under the snow? Mud?" I asked, teasing him. "I bet it was dirty in the end."

"I didn't fall that deep!" Clive laughed. "I'm not that heavy, the eventual snow gets pressed, so there's perfect imprints of me everywhere."

"I'd like to see this place next time. You should invite me as Daniel told you too," I said, softly.

"You sure?"

"Yes. What if you got attacked by a bear?" I feigned concern.

"Don't they hibernate?" Clive retorted.

We both laughed loudly, then as he jumped off the chair I bent down before stepping off.

"How do they look?" I asked.

"Gloomy! The school had flowers which was nicer." He never lied. He was honest to a fault. I sighed.

"We will bring potted plants to corners and there's the balconies..." I looked around. "If we had some bright curtains and a carpet things might change."

"But it's too late, the ball is in five days," Clive said.

"Not if we got to town and pick the supplies. We will get a carriage back," I said, feeling it was somehow strange, like I was asking him to go somewhere with it.

"Town. Yes, I never saw Goldenvale cities," Clive said. I whipped my head towards him.

"Never?" It seemed so hard to believe.

"I've seen them, in passing, and I know from books how they're supposed to be, but I had to focus on studying under my patron."

"That's awful of your patron." I played with my hands. "I'll show you what town really is, then."

"Thank you," Clive said, and he walked closer just to look at me. "I missed you. I'm glad, most of all, that you would accept someone like me..."

No, I thought. You were the one who befriended me, who accepted me for what I am.

I reached out, and making sure no one was at the closed entrance, pulled Clive in for a kiss.