the kiss list, adrian pucey
𝒅𝒆𝒄𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟐

chapter thirty-five
number 7: GRAHAM MONTAGUE

✧ ━━━ · ✦ · ━━━ ✧

BEING ONLY SIXTEEN, LOVE IS A VERY COMPLEX CONCEPT THAT ADRIAN PUCEY IS YET TO EXPLORE. He doesn't know what love is. But does anyone really?

Adrian Pucey knew — and so did the rest of the sixth years at Hogwarts — that he had a thing for Bianca Larsson. Like a cute little schoolboy crush, that won't go away until she rejects him. But that was all that it was — a schoolboy crush, that'll fade over time, when he realizes that relationships in high school don't work, and life will eventually get in the way, and they'll part ways due to their different career choices, left feeling empty because they never fell out of love.

That, is what love is right? Emptiness, confusion, hurt and temporary enjoyment?

Except now, he knew. He was aware. One word and he knew. It was one of those moments, like in the movies when an imaginary lightbulb appears above the protagonist's head. It was as if someone switched on a tiny compartment in his brain that opened up a new area of life that he now understands and must go about life being awoken on this subject.

Love. He was in love. Adrian was in love. With Bianca. Like actually. Not a crush. Not a phase. Actual, heart-wrenching, perplexing, and upsetting, and incredible love.

Holy shit. What now?

Adrian didn't say anything until he had to. Bianca didn't know why. She was wracking her brain for something she did wrong, and it made her realize how bugged she was that Adrian was now in a weirdly silent and upset mood.

"Okay, Ade," Graham said with a smirk, "Truth or Dare?"

The word slipped out of him, without any thinking time in between, "Dare," Adrian said emotionless. His eyes didn't move from the bright red carpet beneath the sofa, but he could tell what Graham's face looked like nonetheless — encouraging Adrian to chose the right option, so Graham could give him what he wanted.

"Kiss Bianca."

Adrian could hear the smirk through Graham's words. The wolf-whistles from Leo told Adrian that Leo had no objection to kissing his best friend.

He finally looked up to deliver his next words, "Truth then."

Surprisingly enough, this time he was thinking. He was in love with the girl — he didn't want their first kiss (if they were ever going to get there) to be done in front of a group of people they called friends, during the middle of a game. Besides, he knew it would make Bianca uncomfortable, what with everyone's enthusiastic opinions on their relationship, and Adrian just wasn't here for that.

Graham's face said it all. Wtf dude?

Changing your option during a game of Truth or Dare after hearing what you have been told to do or answer was technically against the rules. But the only person that was completely against Adrian not going forward with his dare was Graham. Miles understood.

It was Alicia Spinnet who broke the silence, "Worst kiss you've ever had."

Bianca knew that one already.

Adrian shrugged off a smile, "Tamsin Applebee." he so desperately wanted to add psycho to the end of his sentence, but he didn't think it necessary.

Bianca managed a chuckle — she hoped he was in a somewhat normal mood now.

"I fucking hate that girl," Angelina snapped. All heads were turned at the unexpected delivery. "Max is always complaining about her," she explained.

When it was Bianca's turn again, Bianca was lost from the actual universe. Maybe the brandy from the cheap eggnog was finally catching up to her, but she had been transported to a whole, new world where she could hear things, but nothing was being processed. Where sweet scents overwhelmed her, and her eyes were fuzzing up to block out what she was seeing. But she was seeing just perfectly.

"Bi," Katie announced, "Truth or Dare?"

Still slightly out of it, Bianca didn't want to be boring. Technically speaking, choosing Truth was strategically the better option, but she chose that last time, and Bianca didn't want to be boring. No one would have guessed for her to chose the risky option because they all knew she'd weigh out the logistics of each option (Truth or Dare) leading to her final decision being Truth, because technically, it was the easy way out, without embarrassing herself immensely. But Bianca didn't want to be boring.

"Dare," she said plainly.

Adrian hadn't been in his own little world like Bianca had been. He had been paying attention to the best of his ability. He watched Katie confess at the worst hookup she's ever had; he watched Miles makeout with George (awkward, but oddly cute) and he even watched Angelina describe the most awkward romantic situation she's ever been in — two guesses it involved Cassius Warrington. The point is, is that Adrian was trying his best to distract himself.

Which meant, he was first in line to give Bianca a dare.

Adrian sat up a little, and cleared his throat, announcing that he was going to give Bianca something crazy or insane to do. No one in the group seemed to have a problem with it — if anything, everyone was still hung-up on Adrian's choice not to kiss Bianca, even though his chance was delivered to him on a shiny, silver platter.

"I dare you to kiss Graham."

And just like that, Bianca's own, tiny, personal universe was snapped out of existence, and she was dropped back into the void, that was her current reality. Left to face with the consequences.

Graham Montague was an unkissed spot on The Kiss List. Number Seven to be exact. Which is what made Adrian's proposal so perplexing. That's not how it works. There were rules.

Bianca coughed. She stared at him. Her eyebrows furrowing, her forehead creasing, her eyes wandering his, desperately searching for an explanation. Something. Anything.

"W-what?" Was all she managed to get out, and that was still delivered with tonnes of effort, and a stammer in between.

"You know Graham," Adrian replied nonchalantly, pointing to the boy perched opposite him, Adrian's face yet to show any form of emotion. "I dare you to kiss him," he said it like he was reading it out to her as if she was stupid. He knew she wasn't. Adrian knew why Bianca was so baffled at his words. He would be too. But there's an explanation to Adrian's bizarreness.

Adrian was lovesick! In love, and sick because of it! All at the same time.

At the beginning of The Kiss List's birth, Adrian set out the terms and conditions because that's how he felt at the time. He was willing to risk losing his spot on the Slytherin Quidditch Team if it meant he could take Bianca out on a sufferable date, and maybe give her the opportunity to learn that Adrian Pucey is actually a pretty great guy in the process.

Except now? Now he's actually in love with her? (Yes, in love. We've established it's no longer a pathetic crush he can get over so easily). He didn't like the terms and conditions so much anymore.

Adrian knew that if Bianca lost a bet to him, she won't be happy. Neither would he if he were to lose, but it would be a different kind of unhappiness. Bianca would hate Adrian if she lost. Hate him. No more, maybe-you're-not-so-bad-after-all feelings, but rather I-fucking-hate-you-just-like-I-used-to. Because Adrian knew Bianca would be bitter.

And seeing as the date that was supposed to be Bianca's consequence for losing, was going to be a seriously bad one, filled with cringy, cliché moments like the ones from the movies — and not the good kind — that would make Bianca hate him even more. He'd make her wear something awful, and she'd have to pay for the food, and they'd do something she hated, that humiliated her and not him. Because it was a joke. And September-Bianca wouldn't have been able to stand an awful date like that with the boy she already despised. Adrian set that up because back then, he didn't have any real, mature feelings towards Bianca. He just wanted to make her suffer, in a playful, stupid way.

But now? That would just make her hate him more. Which, quite frankly, Adrian was not prepared for.

Just make the date a nice one then, you say? Well, Adrian is still waiting for his rejection. Just because Bianca had admitted to never truly hating the boy, doesn't mean she is in love with him. That simply made Adrian realize that he was in love with her.

Bianca couldn't stop looking at him like he had just killed someone. Adrian? What the fuck are you doing? She couldn't say it out loud, because no one in the room, besides Leo — who was just as dumbfounded as Bianca was — understood what her problem was. But her expression said it all.

Graham's confused expression quickly altered once he remembered that Adrian had decided against kissing Bianca, and realized a kiss wouldn't be a crime or a gross thought. In fact, he was all for it.

Swallowing, Bianca got to her knees and crawled on her hands to get to the boy sat on the other side of the circle. After sending a quick um-what? look in Leo's direction — one that was invisible to Graham — Bianca met her face up against Graham's.

It was Graham that eventually pulled her into a kiss, seen as Bianca had frozen on the spot. He placed his two hands on her cheeks and connected their lips in a short, not-so-sweet three-second embrace.

His lips tasted like cheap wine and cream. Bianca could feel his stubble graze her skin, as she disconnected their lips.

Adrian didn't watch.

Adrian Pucey was lovesick!

God, he needed a rejection right about now.

➼

"HE DID WHAT?"

Maxine O'Flaherty wasn't sure if she was hearing right. Granted, she wasn't one-hundred percent confident in the rules that were associated with The Kiss List but daring your competitor to kiss someone Bianca was supposed to steal a kiss from by herself, was not something she would have imagined to be on the "allowed/normal" section of the rulebook.

Bianca rested her forearms on the banister of the bridge, the wind was nipping at her nose. "I kid you not."

"And did he say why?"

Bianca was still baffled by Adrian's decisions the previous night, and she had yet to find out why he had done what he did — Adrian had avoided her all day. "No! We finished the game, he thanked me for inviting him, and the three of them left. Just like that. He even took back the wine he bought, that only had like one serving left in it!"

Maxine chuckled, "And I was over here about to say you were boring."

Bianca tutted, rolling her eyes, "Oh, gee, thanks," she replied sarcastically.

Max waved an arm about, "No, not like that," she dismissed. "Like, I've just been wondering where all your romance troubles had gone to. Gotten in any fights lately? Hooked up with anyone? But I guess I underestimated the excitement levels of this bet," she let out a deep breath — a small cloud of steam forming in the air at her mouth. "How's the rest of it going?"

Bianca sighed, "It's . . . going."

"It's going? Is that it?"

"It's going well, I mean," Bianca didn't know what was going on with the whole 'Kiss List' bet. "Maybe? I think I am bored," she admitted. Saying it out loud was weird. Bianca didn't even know that was what she had been thinking.

"Huh?"

"Yeah," Bianca said. "The whole Graham thing kinda felt like cheating in a way. I mean, Adrian gave me that kiss."

It had been a while since Bianca had kept anyone in her personal life updated with The Kiss List. In all fairness, the only people that knew were Leo and Maxine. Bianca needed to vent.

"And then I got Heidi removed because she hates my guts and so that was a loophole that I scraped out of the rule book. I dunno," another sigh escaped her lips. "I guess it's just not quite as exciting anymore, you know? You think I should keep going?"

"Of course you should!" Maxine laughed at the suggestion to potentially call it off. "I would, even if I was in love with the guy that set it up!"

Maxine stopped. Had she hit a nerve? Bianca's brows knitted together. Another one to pick up on what everyone seems to think is a budding romance.

Bianca didn't protest at first, so Maxine kept going to break the silence and inevitable, upcoming awkwardness.

"You know, maybe that's why it's gotten boring for you. Because you're in love with Adrian and don't want to hurt him by winning. Or, or is it that kissing other people feels weird now that you've finally come to your senses?" Maxine said, hints of amusement laced between her words.

Now Bianca felt the need to protest — to defend herself almost. "I'm not in love with him!"

"Face it, dude," Maxine scoffed. "For us all. Or at least distract yourself with some other hunk. Cedric's asked about you a few times," the Hufflepuff winked, and Bianca wanted to slap the smirk off of her face.

"Why did I befriend you again?" Bianca sighed, staring out upon the ravine below, which was dusted with white flakes, and practically free from life.

"Because I was on your hit list, and you used me, but then felt bad, and well here we are."

Bianca shoved Maxine, admiring the broad smirk planted on the Hufflepuff's face, "Maybe you're the boring one," she said with a sulk.

Maxine gasped dramatically, "Hey, the only reason I don't have some crazy romance issues is that I'm in a healthy relationship."

"Oh right, yeah," Bianca chuckled. "Need I remind you that was because of me. Which, I now regret because you make me sick with all your lovey-dovey crap."

Maxine O'Flaherty and Angelina Johnson were Hogwarts' new it-couple. Ever since the Christmas Ball, the pair had been inseparable. Bianca could tell that Angelina was slightly anxious at first, but there was not an ounce of apprehension in her voice whenever the Gryffindor spoke of Maxine. Bianca was very proud of her cupid abilities at this point.

"So grow up a bit and kiss the good-damn boy!" Maxine rolled her eyes as she smacked Bianca lightly over the back of her head.

"He's not on the list," Bianca shrugged innocently.

Maxine edged closer, "So you'd consider it if he was?"

"I'd have to kiss him if he was on The Kiss List," Bianca replied, with a kind of duh tone. "But he created it, so he's not. And no. To answer your previous suggestion. No, I will not kiss Adrian Pucey. And I stand by that. Because I am most definitely not in love with him, goddammit."

Bianca knows what you're thinking — but she has already tried to kiss him if her brain hadn't reacted as fast as it had! Bianca knows, and she's tried to forget that. She says she wasn't thinking straight at the time. Adrian wishes she wasn't thinking straight either, because then she might not have backed away.

Maxine placed a hand on Bianca's arm, lovingly, "I'll take your word for it."

approximately seven minutes prior

"And I want your full attention and commitment," Marcus stretched out a finger and dug it into Adrian's chest. "No distractions next year, got it?"

Adrian didn't think he could promise anything — he'd been completely off his game, now with his lovestruck revelation from the night before, and hadn't scored one goal at a last-minute practice Marcus Flint had arranged before the new season.

Adrian had been avoiding Bianca all day. He couldn't face her — not until he got his act together. Quidditch was a good distraction. It was the holidays still, and Adrian struggled to think what else he could do besides reading and procrastinate talking to Bianca. Except, Quidditch just made him even more stressed out. He stayed on his broom, thankfully, but that was about all that he could manage. Flint wasn't happy.

Adrian wiped a coating of sweat from his forehead with the sleeve of his robes, "Got it," he uttered between ragged breaths.

He couldn't be in the changing rooms any longer than he had to. The thought of not doing great next year at the one thing Adrian thought he was good at — Quidditch — made his skin crawl.

Upon deciding that he'd shower when he got back to the Slytherin common room, Adrian shoved his things into his duffel bag and fled the training pitch. Still hot and sweaty, he took the outside route, coming out beside the Clocktower courtyard, and passed the wooden bridge, where it was just a stroll beside the gazebo and back into the main castle. He needed the fresh air.

"Need I remind you that was because of me. Which, I now regret because you make me sick with all your lovey-dovey crap."

The voice was so very distinguishable, even as he waltzed by.

"So grow up a bit and kiss the good-damn boy!"

     Eavesdropping is wrong. Adrian knows that. But after hearing those intriguing words aimed at the girl he was in love with and also currently avoiding, he ducked behind a door, careful not to trigger the creaking floorboards.

"He's not on the list," Bianca replied. She was talking to Maxine O'Flaherty, number nine.

"So you'd consider it if he was?"

"I'd have to kiss him if he was on The Kiss List. But he created it, so he's not."

Adrian had always wondered whether he, himself, had ever been a topic of conversation amongst Bianca and her friends, and this, however wrong it may be to eavesdrop, was living proof that he had been, and still currently is, a topic of interest.

But as interesting as that was to find out, Adrian now wished he could just shut off his ears.

"No, I will not kiss Adrian Pucey."

He had missed some words in between but Adrian understood completely. Loud and clear.

His breathing had not only calmed down after a mere two hours of practice, but it had stopped completely now. His smirk faltering and eventually sinking into his cheeks, now replaced with a look of severe apprehension. Adrian waited to hear if there was a follow-up to Bianca's statement. But now, he just wished he hadn't heard it.

"Because I am most definitely not in love with him, goddammit."

And that was all the confirmation that he needed.

Adrian had been waiting for Bianca Larsson to reject him since their first year because that would give him a reason to move on. To forget about his crush because it would never happen. To find someone else. Be happy with them. And now that it's finally happening, that is not what he wanted.

It . . . hurt.

She sounded offended. Annoyed. Desperate to defend herself, to argue against the idea of kissing Adrian.

But was in no way her fault she didn't love him, right? So Adrian couldn't feel angry. And maybe that's where the problem lay — he needed someone to blame for his pain. And that all fell onto himself.

Without wanting to hear any more numbing words from Bianca, Adrian returned to his planned route and fled to the Slytherin common room as if nothing had happened.

"What's got you down in the dumps?" A very sweaty Terrence Higgs asked, from the comfort of a large, leather sofa in the serpents' lounge.

"I'm not going to unload all my girly issues onto you, Terrence, so don't ask," Adrian growled, avoiding all eye contact, as he headed for his dorm, where he planned to lock himself away, too embarrassed to face the real world.

Had these past few months really just been a glorified version of everything? Had what Adrian experienced, rubbed off completely different on Bianca, leading to no romantic effect left on her, but tonnes on him instead? Did she really feel nothing? Is Adrian that fucking stupid to fall for a girl whom he never had a chance with in the first place?

"Okay, but I know what you are thinking," Terrence called out before Adrian had the chance to disappear up the stairs. The common room was packed, but Adrian had yet to shut out the world completely to not hear his friend's voice.

"And just do it," Terrence chuckled. "Kiss her. You're in love with her, and from what I've learned over the years, kissing is how you show that. She'll never know unless you make a move."

What hurt the most is that everyone around him could see how in love with Bianca he was. They could physically see what a great couple Adrian and Bianca would make. And that's what felt like a knife to the chest. God, he was so dramatic. And for good reason, honestly.

"See Terrence," Adrian said bitterly, his shoulders falling to the ground. "Herein lies the issue: she doesn't want me to make a move."

𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒔!

two chapters in two days? *gasp

granted, they're not that long
but meh.

shit's going down in the next few chapters
btw. you have been warned.