I shouldn't have allowed him to kiss me.

I shouldn't even have allowed us to reach this far.

He was like a man on a mission, his mouth moving against mine with great desperation and need. I had never been kissed by him like this before...it was shocking to say the least.

"Carl wait." I push against his chest.

"We must stop. I can't...we can't do this. I hate you." He searches my eyes.

"I'm not asking for your love Paulina, yet for just one moment...let me be of use to you."

—

"Oh my." I gasp, grabbing tightly to the handles of the chair, trying to catch my breath as Carl's tongue quickly licked at my core. This was not the distraction I had in mind.

Why am I letting him do this?

I look down to him, finding him completely hidden under my dress, my legs suspended on to his shoulders underneath.

Why are you letting him touch you like this Paulina! You should not have allowed him to touch you!

"Sweet mercy!" I loudly moan as he pushes his tongue into my small hole, causing me to drip more onto his tongue, which he lapped up almost immediately.

I breathlessly moan his name as he shifts back to my pearl, suctioning harshly at the sensitive nub. I slam my hands over my mouth to muffle my loud moans as I feel the tightness in my stomach release.

You have to stop him Paulina!

But it feels so good. I reply to myself.

I have never felt...Carl and I had only been intimate one time before and it was absolutely horrible. It was excruciatingly painful.

"Oh god!" I loudly cry out, gripping at the handles of the chair as my body begins to tremble badly from my release.

He grabs my thighs in a tighter grip, forcing me to remain still, as he continues to thoroughly ravish me; but it was simply too much for me to cope with.

"Ah-Carl-oh my gosh!" I loudly cry as I come once again on his tongue, but even then he doesn't let up.

"Stop!" I shout pushing him away and he finally heeded to my command. I stare at him in bewilderment as he comes from under my dress, his mouth glistening from my juices, his brown eyes gone almost black.

"Carl I...what kind of distraction is this?"

"I've been a man starved of your body for years Paulina." He stands to his feet, and I stare up at him in shock.
"You may believe me to be a cruel monster and someone who doesn't care for your well being, but I will harm anyone who dared to cause you pain." I stare up at him in disbelief.

"I've fancied you long before you even knew who I was, and I would kill myself first before I ever let myself bring you pain."

I truly didn't know what to do? Caught in a state of shock, maybe. But has he always been this...assertive?

His jacket was long tossed to the side, and his white undershirt disheveled and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Only a fool would say Carl was ugly, and I wasn't one. He was the most eligible bachelor for a reason—the splitting image of his father but he had such a greater charm about him, and I think it is because of his mother's beauty.

He took her brown hair but everything else was of his father. The lightest brown eyes, sharp facial structure; his body was muscular, yet it was not overpowering, however still buffed. He was always complimented by many fashion experts for his style; truly only the finest and sharpest clothes were worn by him, and always tailored made.

I was not a fool to lie to myself about how handsome my husband is, and I am aware that he is more experienced than I in this area. Men usually are more sexually active than women, and tend to get away with it or are even encouraged rather than being scolded and harassed unlike women are, truly so irritating the double standards.

But with all that aside, here he was despite all that has happened, proclaiming his...desire for me—I am even allowed to call it love?

"Carl! Paulina!" My father's voice suddenly fills the room.
"Oh... are you okay Paulina?" Father says glancing between us. I lower my head when he looks to me again, not knowing how to feel or what to say in this moment. Confident Paulina was not present at this moment, and I am not sure how to handle this new found emotion.

"We're fine Mr. Kingston. Just bonding." Carl responds and I glance at him.

"I will umm..I'll leave you both then." Father says looking towards me once more, before turning to leave.

"Can you-"

"On it." Father replies, and I look up to see father turn the lock on the door before he exits.
I go to call out to him, but quiet down when Carl looks back to me, and I find myself becoming a little nervous at the dark look in his eyes.

"C-Carl.." I stutter out as he leans down to me, grabbing me under my thighs and suddenly lifting me up with such strength. I quickly wrap my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck out of fright.

"Carl-"

"I want to try something." He says and I look at him confused.

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course not. What a foolish question to even ask. I should not have even allowed it to reach this far."

"Do you want me to stop?" He asks as he places me to sit on my desk.

"Carl-"

"Do you want me to stop? Yes or no Paulina?" He asks again, and I search his eyes.

That part of me is screaming for me to stop this but my body was humming, down there aching desperately to be touched again. Dammit my hormones are overpowering my conscious mind.

"No." I softly mutter, looking down from his gaze but he lifts my head, his fingers suddenly cold against my heated skin.

"What was that?"

"Do not make me-"

"What was it you said?" He asks again, gripping at my thighs through my dress. There was something completely different about this Carl. Was he really this animalistic over being able to touch me for the first time in years?

His right hand travels higher up my thigh, sending shockwaves straight to my core, making me surrender even more to the desires of my body.

"No." I say a little louder and he smirks, gathering my dress with one hand until my legs are fully exposed and he touches my bare skin, making me whimper.

I don't know how to particularly fathom this moment right now. Pleasure with Carl has always felt forced, yet I am willingly giving him access to me.

I can already tell when my mind has sobered up and the cloudiness of my arousal has passed, I am going to hate myself so much for this. But even then...my body argued against my mind and wanted to be touched.

Self pleasure isn't even something I partake in, so imagine being touched for the first time in three years, and it does not feel horrible.

He pushes me to lay down, lifting my legs up onto the table, spreading them wide.

"You're dripping onto the table love." He mutters while passing his fingers through my wet folds making me moan out, even though my mind continues to try to fight through my body's control.

"Wait-" I try to speak but he firmly rubs my pearl making my lay back, releasing an airy moan.

You shouldn't even let it go this far Paulina—I gasp softly when I feel one prominent finger rubbing against my entrance, and I quickly sit up.

"Carl don't-" I grab at his hand.

"Just relax and trust me."

"But I don't trust you." I breath out, not having the strength to stop him from rubbing up through my folds again.

"Then trust your body. Let it feel what it wants to feel."

"No you don't know." I push pass the pleasure and stop his hand from moving.

"I do know Paulina." I stare at him wide eyed.

"W-what?"

"I know you still feel pain when penetrated." My mouth drops in shock, and he chuckles softly pushing it close.
"Why do you think I have not touched you since."

"I..." he gently holds my chin with his free hand, staring down at me with eyes filled with so much adoration.

"You wanted me to just get it over with, but I would never allow myself to do that to you." I didn't...what do you say to that?

"How?"

"I spoke to Dr. Phillis after our first time, and he explained what had happened to you, and how it is only natural for you to still feel pain after all that occurred."

"Why?" I search his eyes looking for any trace of a lie. He smiles softly, tenderly caressing my cheek.

"I actually do care for you Paulina. More than you know." He begins to move his hand again, and I'm not sure what happened but I didn't stop him. No I found myself closing my eyes and resting my head against his shoulder, even spreading my legs wider for him.

Stop this Paulina!!!

"Does this feel good?" He softly asks as he rubs my pearl through two of his fingers.

"Y-yes." I breathlessly moan, and he groans, entangling his free hand into my hair.

Don't give in Paulina. Remember your promise. My subconscious tells me, but I couldn't help it.

Pleasure truly was one of the most powerful drugs.

I pull away from his shoulder to look up at him, his eyes revealing the same love and adoration I saw in them on our wedding day.

He hesitantly leans down to me, and find myself not dismissing his kiss this time, but accepting it.

STOP THIS PAULINA!

He cups the back of my head, deepening the kiss, my body melting into him. Kissing was not a sport for us, far less an enjoyment; our public displays of affection was just that, displays for the public. We never kissed or even made any sexual contact at home or in private.

Yet...has his lips always been this soft?

I feel his fingers begin to slowly rub up and down my folds again, and I sigh into the kiss.

You hate him Paulina. This does not change because of his charity to helping you be distracted. This means nothing. It's just a distraction to stop you from going to Assad.

I pull away from him, and he stares into my eyes. I feel him circle his finger around my entrance and I grab hold of his wrist.

"Don't." I painfully tell him. I could already feel the pain and he hasn't done anything as yet.

"Trust me." He mutters, pushing my hair behind my ears.
"I don't." I softly whisper, but I don't stop him when he starts pushing a finger into me.

I tighten my hold on his wrist as a feeling of discomfort courses through my entire body, flashes of me screaming in pain after waking up to immense pain between my legs, post abortion.

"Ah." I moan out in pain as he pushes his finger all the way in. He wipes away the tears I didn't even realize I was crying.

"I won't hurt you Paulina." He softly tells me, pulling out his finger and slowly pushing it back in. The pain wasn't as bad as when we had sex, and I believe it's because it is his finger that is in me and not his rather large..member.

He gradually increases his pace, and I find myself flinching and clenching down around his finger.

"I won't hurt you Paulina." He reassures me again and I roll my eyes.

"I still hate you, you know." I tell him and he lets out a soft laugh, leaning in to peck my lips.

"I know." He kisses me harder this time, and I respond with the same passion. My mind didn't like that my body was responding to him this way, far less that I was allowing this to take place, but it felt so good.

I roughly grab at his hair and he groans out in pain.
"Don't think for a second this changes anything." I mutter, biting down on his lip and he growls, staring darkly at me.
"And don't increase your pace any more, it's starting to get uncomfortable." He nods, keeping his steady rhythm.

I tug at his hair again, and he pulls on mine, slamming his lips back on to my own.

Dammit Paulina.

"Dammit I shouldn't even allow you to touch me." I whisper against his lips, his eyes staring deeply into my own.

You shouldn't be giving in to him so easily. What about Assad? We love Assad! My mind argues with me, yet I moan out when I feel him curve his finger upward, the tip of his finger rubbing against a very soft spot inside of me.

"W-what is that?"

"Your G-spot." Oh.

I spread my legs even wider, looking down to watch him finger me; biting down on my lips to suppress my moans. It looked so vulgar, yet so arousing.

He continues his slow come here motions, until the familiar knot forms in my stomach, and I find myself surrendering to the mind blowing sensation of my release. A long staggered moan leaves my mouth as my body trembles uncontrollably, the stars aligning in my eyes.

He carefully removes his finger from inside me, and I feel slick slowly pool out of me. He soothingly massages the inside of my thigh, muttering small encouragements to me as I slowly came up from the euphoric depths of pleasure.

"There you go." He softly coos, and I stare up at him speechless.

"How did you..."

"I told you I spoke to Dr. Phillis." I search his eyes, but it was the warming of my heart that worried me- no it scared me.

"We should clean ourselves." I say, roughly pushing him away from me, causing him to stumble back. As I get off from the table, my legs give out from under me, but he quickly catches me.

"Be careful."

"I'm okay." I push his hands away, searching for my underwear, finding it on my right on the floor. I quickly pick it up, and rush over to the bathroom here in my office, going in and closing the shut door behind me, leaning against it.

Distraction over.

——