Agustin

From the moment I landed in Mexico, my phone began ringing off the hook. 

Sofia had been brought to the house. Her condition was being monitored. 

While Antonio was busy attending to our injured men and Alejandro caught up with the doctors and Aurelia, I was left in charge.

Since my childhood, I'd dreamt of the day when Antonio would give me more cartel responsibilities. He always had Gabriel for his security and Alejandro for all the cleanup. 

I was left to be myself.

Even our father, Carlos, never trained me much when it came to our business. 

It was only now, when the threat of Sofia being harmed loomed over, and Alejandro seemed incapable of making rational decisions that Antonio decided it was time for me to step up.

Mama always talked about being trained in peaceful times. She used to say that those who were trained to handle business while knowing there was no imminent threat to their lives or the lives of those they loved, they'd turn out differently.

I guess, only time would tell how I would turn out.

As I walked inside the mansion, listening to Alejandro's hushed voices and Mama's whispering prayers from the floor upstairs, I knew something was wrong.

There was a throng of nurses who walked down the stairs, panic and worry dancing over their faces. I saw a nun sitting on the side as I reached the first floor.

As soon as Mama saw me, she rushed to hold me in her embrace.

"How are you?" Her concern was for me, it was her words - heavy and laden with grief - that had me worried. "Are you hurt? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, mama. How is Sofia?"

Holding my mother in my embrace, I peered at the ajar door where a stream of doctors walked in and out. 

Mama looked up at me. Her lips trembled. "She isn't waking up. They are trying to wake her."

Maybe it was the way she whispered the news, or the way her voice sank in her throat, or perhaps the fact that everyone on the floor, including the nun who chanted on her rosary, looked concerned, that made me walk inside the room.

Alejandro sat on the bed next to Sofia. Tubed poked into her nose, her mouth. 

Her heartbeats were unrhythmic - the constant machine beeping filled the silence between the conversation gaps. 

 I held a man's hand, who leaned close to the heart monitor and scribbled in his notepad. He turned to me and his crumpled forehead relaxed.

"How is Sofia?" I asked. "What's the update?"

The man gestured for me to move outside. He walked in parallel to me, an arm shoved inside his white coat while the other held his notepad.

"We're monitoring her but..." He didn't look up at me. Staring at my shoes, the doctor's voice dipped. "We're trying everything to-"

"Try harder. That woman inside is the reason why you're standing here and not buried in some grave while delivering this news."

Anger - a ball of heat and pain spewed from my chest. "I don't care if you have to bring God to earth for it-"

"Agustin." With Mama's hand over my shoulder, she turned me around. "Not like this, my child. You shouldn't be getting mad at the doctors. They are doing their work."

Not good enough

I nodded. 

The sheer power of helplessness, making you feel paralyzed while you tried moving or doing something was enough to crush you. 

I was helpless at that moment, where Sofia's life hung in a balance and where my brother seemed lost.

"Gus," Alejandro moved out of the room, shutting the bedroom door behind. "Walk with me."

Giving a tight-lipped smile to our mother, he gestured for me to walk downstairs.

Something sharp and prickly hit my throat as I beaded words to speak. 

I'd seen Sofia in bad situations before. Situations which - thanks to Alejandro - hurt her badly. Yet, I'd never seen her this weak. 

The rose-tinted glow on her face had vanished. She looked pale. The light that her smile brought to this household had vanished.

"Sofia will be fine. I want you to be strong, for now." Alejandro's body weight dipped to the side of the couch when he sat. "We need everyone to be strong."

The hall was buzzing with medical staff and our help yet, those words echoed.

"How are you so sure of her recovery?"

Clutching his wrists, he bent his forehead over. "Because that's the only way I can hold it together. Else..."

He'd go insane.

"Where is Aurelia?"

"With Val. In the outhouse. I don't want her to see her mother like this."

I could only nod.

The Moralez men were taught a lot of things but showing concern and expressing emotions in the right way wasn't one among them. 

We were hunters. We weren't lovers.

It was the women in our lives that taught us to love. And without them, the light would vanish.

"I feel like it should have been me in her place," Al said, still holding his forehead over his clutched wrists. "She doesn't deserve this. It's all because of me. I was unable to protect her."

"You can't blame yourself here, Al. None of us can."

"Whom should I blame then?" He turned to me. The redness in his eyes darkened, brimming with tears. "Nicolas wouldn't have hurt her if I wasn't in the picture. Suppose we hadn't taken her from Spain. She would have just married him and..."

"And would have remained unhappy. Miserable. Because she didn't love him." 

I moved close to him, patting his shoulder. 

He sobbed, holding onto me. Soft muffled cries. And prayers.

"What will I do without her?"

"Nothing. Because she will be here. For a long long time."

Over time, Anto and Al had called me Mama's favourite child. Partly because she always protected me and partly, because I showed empathy when none of my brothers would.

At that moment when I held Alejandro as he prayed to the Gods he began believing in since Sofia came back into his life, I felt calm. In knowing my brother loved her dearly. In knowing she was taken care of.

In knowing that Sofia Salazar-Moralez finally deserved what she had always craved - a family who would do anything for her.

I also knew that she was a fighter. She would not give up on her family. 

Would she now?

After what felt like ages, Alejandro wiped his tear-streaked face with the sides of his jacket. He grunted, looking up and then drummed his chest like a baboon. 

I chuckled.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing." I mimicked his action. "You still do this?" 

As a child, Al loved watching animal shows on the Discovery Channel. Especially the part when they featured Gorillas. He mimicked their war cry as if he were a part of their herd.

Once, during a territorial fight when he gunned down so many men, it was hard to walk the path, he mimicked the same act—our Gorilla man.

"I do it when I feel my chest needs support."

"Come here then," Antonio's voice reached us before we spotted him walk into the hall. "I'd always have your back. And your chest."

He embraced Al, brothers who shared the pain. Like how they shared happiness. 

"What are you waiting for?" Antonio uncoiled his arm from over Al, pointing at me. 

I rushed into the rare group hug. Sandwiched between them, I heard Antonio's hushed voice. "Sof will be fine. I promise."

Never had Antonio promised something he wasn't sure of. At that moment, I knew everything would be fine.

"Funny how we feel responsible to protect the people we love," Al said, breaking from our embrace. "And yet, we feel it's not enough."

"It actually is never enough." Antonio chimed. "Look at me. I'd never thought I'd go crazy just thinking about Val and the twins and their safety. Or you..." he pointed at Al. "About Sofia and Aurelia. Or Agustin."

Both of them turned to me.

"I never worry."

"Right." Both chimed together.

"Who do you think I worry about?" I was curious to know what they thought.

"Nobody." Al smiled. Anto rolled his eyes, just like Val used to do. "You're cool as a cucumber."

"I genuinely feel I don't have anyone to worry about in my life."

"Really?" With arms crossed over his chest, Anto turned to me. "So you don't worry about Mama. Or Val?"

"Or the twins? Or Aurelia?" Al sighed. "Or Sofia. Or..."

"Okay shut up." Lightly shoving him, I turned around to walk away. 

Vincent walked in, with an arm coiled over Gemma. 

That sight arrested my steps.

"Welcome Vinny," Antonio said as he moved past me with open arms. Vincent hugged him, patting his back. "I hope things are getting normal here."

"Things will get normal," Antonio said as he broke the embrace and peered at both of them. "And you two. I hope-"

"Everything is taken care of, Anto." Vincent's crooked smile conveyed - no enemy was left to live. "You just focus on your family now."

For a brief moment, when my vision fell on Gemma, she rendered a soft smile. 

My head bowed slightly, a small gesture acknowledging how resourceful she had been to this family. And me.

When I looked away at Vincent and Antonio, I could still feel the warmth of her gaze following me.

"Agustin's plan was brilliant," Vincent spoke to Alejandro as he shook hands with him. "Gemma and him, they both are lethal for anyone."

Something nudged me to look back at her. After all, she helped me a lot more than I had expected. 

Gemma looked away as soon as I turned to face her. 

Fuck

"How about you take some rest, Vinny," Anto said, walking outside with Vincent. We followed. "Gemma can show you to the outhouse. Val's there too."

With an abrupt break in steps, Vincent turned. "If you don't mind, can I look around the place? After all, it's been ages since I visited."

"Absolutely," Al said, moving ahead as he slowly raised his hand, gesturing towards the garden. "Gemma, would you mind showing Vinny around?"

"No," she nodded to herself. 

"Then go ahead, you two," Antonio said. "I hope you like what you see here."

"I always do," Vincent's smug look wasn't for the place or the scenery. It was for Gemma.

My brothers walked inside while I stood like a statue.

Lending his arm out for Gemma to take, Vincent waited. Her sight fell over it, and for a brief moment, she contemplated.

Then, like always, her brilliant smile appeared. 

She took his hand and led the way.

I stood on the steps of the entrance, watching her retreating figure and wondering.

Why does the sight of her holding Vincent make me feel rotten from the inside?

~

What do you think of Sofia's condition? Will she recover?

And what about Agustin? Will he and Gemma ever understand what they feel for each other?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments :)

I'd love to hear from you all babies <3