*EVIL LAUGHTER*

Ryu: What we gonna make for dinner tonight?

Kouki: It's cleaning night.

Ryu: I don't know how to make Clorox though?

-

Luna: Yo, what's for dinner? And how can I help?

Luna's actual dad: It's cleaning night you little sh*t.

Luna, dramatically slamming her hands on the table: SO DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DRINK BLEACH?

-

Sacchan: I just fell down an entire flight of stairs and Chiyo goes "Oh, be careful" as if I didn't already fall all the way down.

-

Tomoe: If a demon possessed me I'd just be like; "Okay, take it from here. Good luck, man!"

-

A mugger, pulling out a knife: Give me all your f*ckin' money!

Sarah: Well this night took a SHARP  turn-

[Later]

Doctor: It's a new record for stab wounds.

-

Villain: WHY WON'T YOU JUST LIE DOWN AND DIE WITH DIGNITY?

Lucien: I NEVER DO ANYTHING WITH DIGNITY!

-

Min: You could probably pour hot soup in my lap, and I'd apologize to you.

-

Tipsy: Hi.

Shufen: That's a slur.

Tipsy: You know, you make it really hard to be nice to you, Empress.

-

Lucien: Good night. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. Tonight. Imma fight. 'Til we see the sunlight. Tik tok. On the clock. But the party don't stop.

Ren, on the bottom bunk: For the love of God, please just go to sleep.

-

Amelia: I'm small and angry, and that's basically all you need to know about me.

Amelia: Oh, also I'm bisexual and my life is falling apart in front of my eyes.

-

Yuuki: Hey Holly, I made this sandwich that tastes so good I feel bad keeping it all for myself, you should eat the other half.

Holly: Gosh darn it, stop being such a good man, Yuu.

-

Min, walking into a bookstore: Hey, do you have any books on turtles?

Employee: Hard back?

Min: Yeah, with the little heads!

-

Lunch Lady: Hey kid, what you gonna get today?

Holly's brain: Istanbulwasconstantinoplenowitsistanbulnotconstantinoplebeenalongtimegoneohconstantinople-

Holly: Yes.

-

[Meanwhile in an Alternate Universe, or possibly the Future]

Luna: the moon controls the tides and the human psyche. wolves know that, that's why they howl at her. it's a tribute.

Therapist: Let's talk about your father.

Luna: No.

-

Amanda: I made coffee with an energy drink instead of water.

Lillith: Huh... How do you feel?

Amanda: My heart stopped beating two hours ago.

-

Amanda, pointing to Lillith, who nearly suplexed by a Security Guard: Sir, this is my emotional support lesbian.

-

[You are chatting with Lotus]

Lotus: I'm bleeding out.

UnPocoLuci: Without me? ;))))))))))))

Lucien, looking at his phone:

Lucien: Wait...

Lucien: F*ck-

-

Luna: *Blends Red Bull, Five Hour Energy, Nos, Rockstar, and Monster together*

Kyon: That's gonna kill you.

Luna: That's the goal.

Kyon:

Kyon: F*ck it, can I have some?

-

Tipsy: Can I bother you for a second?

Samantha: You always bother me, but go on.

-

042: I made you this friendship bracelet!

Kuroko: You know, I'm not really a jewelry person.

042: Well you don't have to wear it if you don't want to-

Kuroko: No, I'm going to wear it forever, back off.

-

[Meanwhile, in an AU]

Iekami: How was the honeymoon?

Ren: Lucien got drunk and tried to set our marriage certificate on fire.

Ren: He said, "Good luck trying to return me without the receipt."

-

Ere: She's probably committing crimes right now.

Noa: Who is?

Ere: What are you, a cop? Heck off.

-

[Meanwhile, in the Villain!Kei AU]

River: I swear, I'm gonna take you out, Pyro!

Kei: Great, it's a date!

River: What? No! I meant that as a thr-

Kei, running off: SEE YOU AT SIX!

-

Samantha: If I met you in high school, I bet you'd never notice me.

Tipsy: That's just 'cause I barely went to class, lol.

-

Katashi, internally 95% of the time: What the f*ck what the f*ck what the f*ck what the actual f*ck???????

-

Danny: I'm bilingual.

Percy: F*ck yeah! Love who you want to love!

I don't know why I'm here for the 567'th time. UWU