Kiyako: You ever just rewatch Carole&Tuesday and Dancing Laundry comes along so now you're just stuck thinking about your clothes coming to life and dancing?

Emi:

-

Shufen: Shut up.

Samantha: I didn't even say anything.

Shufen: You were thinking. It's annoying.

-

Sadako: Yo, if bed bugs are called bed bugs because they live in beds...

Lucien, immediately: Why are cockroaches called cockroaches then?

Ren:

-

Citrus: Dracula had it right. Sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

-

Tipsy: Yo, cool glasses, doc!

Samantha: Thanks, I need them to see.

-

[Citrus joins the team of all my WIP RWBY OCs]

Cerulean: Woah, we got a new one.

Merlot: Hot damn, I'm not the new one anymore.

Yuki, the one with the Samurai Sword: Oh no, the numbers grow.

Valentine, but RWBY: Yo, at least she didn't get a name that someone else has.

Citrus:

-

Luna: Everything eats something else.

Valentine: What eats you?

Luna: Existential despair.

-

Lucien: Vibe Check!

Lucien: *Punches himself*

-

Ian: Sometimes I talk to myself for no reason...

Ian, in a higher-pitched voice: Me too!

-

Abiko: We just had dinner... Why are you making pancakes?

Hirota: It's for the dogs.

Abiko: Okay, and why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Hirota: 'Cause they don't know how.

-

<< Meanwhile, at [INSERT NAME HERE] Hospital >>

Ryu: Planet Earth is a dense molten core encased in a layer of solids and is, therefore, a ravioli.

The nurse:

A young Ume:

Ryu & Ume's parents:

-

Ryu: What? You don't kiss your homies goodnight?

Ryu: What are you? Homiephobic?

-

Mixer: Sometimes, I think Abiko and Hirota share the same brain cell.

Hirota: Sorry, can't think of a good comeback. It's not my turn to use the brain cell.

-

Maia G.: The most beautiful curve on your body is your smile.

Percy, offended: Is that your way of saying I have no @$$?

-

Luna's Dad: I have a sharp, perfect memory! Name one time I forgot something.

7-year-old Luna: You left me in a Walmart parking lot a couple of weeks ago.

Luna's Dad: I meant to do that! Try again, you little sh*t!

-

Erika: Guns can kill. Knives can kill. Even small children, launched at great speed, could kill.

-

Claire: The Greeks had very sophisticated myths and gods.

Val: Isn't like, half of all their stories Zeus sticking his d*ck in something or someone he shouldn't, then his wife getting pissed?

Claire: Well... You aren't entirely wrong...

-

[Meanwhile, in that one AU where Piro is literally Dad]

Piro, looking at Pearl: One taught me love.

Piro, looking to Emma: One taught me patience.

Piro, looking at Luna, who somehow got her hands on a grenade launcher: And one taught me that some nearly grown-@$$ women are f*cking sTUPID- LUNA, LOVE, PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME GOD-

-

Abiko: What do you say when you answer the phone?

Ren: "Hello, what did Lucien do this time?"

Lucien: "Who this be?"

Yamamoto, imitating his Noa's voice: "No, this isn't him. This is his sister."

Katashi: ... I don't answer.

-

Luna, looking through Noche's spells in the Book of Casrea: I mean...  I guess if you aren't someone the church would've killed 400 years ago, you're not living.

-

Katashi: Why are you standing on the sofa?

Lucien: I wanted to see what would happen if I taped a knife to a Roomba.

Katashi: Okay, and?

Lucien: I went to put the tape away and when I turned back around it was gone. I haven't seen it since.

> Five Minutes Later <

Ren, walking into the room: Why are you both standing on the couch?

Katashi and Lucien, at the same time: RUN AWAY, REN! RUN AWAY! IT'S OUT FOR BLOOD!

-

Natalie: It's my day off and I just wanna get drunk and eat cheese sticks.

-

Cassie: Tipsy ran off and nearly got himself killed! All because you couldn't control him!

Samantha: Since when is babysitting Jones my- Oh... that's exactly my job, isn't it?

-

Ghost: *Screams*

Percy: *Screams louder just to establish dominance*

-

Claire: Being a girl in love with a girl is not always cute, romantic, or soft and tender. Sometimes, it's pushing your girlfriend's face away while yelling because you have viral bronchitis and she keeps trying to kiss you while knowing this, because she's a bimbo with no sense of self-preservation.

Claire:

Claire: Update, she got bronchitis! You'll never guess how.

-

Piro: The Pacific Ocean is wider than the Moon. Anyway, how's your day going?

Luna:

Luna: Dip moon like cookie.

-

Lucien: Hey, the Pokedex says Ponyta is a Horse Pokemon, but how do the people in the Pokemon World even know what a horse is?

Ren, laying in bed next to him: Lucien, it's 2 in the morning. Please, just go to bed.

-

Erika: Shhhh, do you hear that? That's the sound of forgiveness.

Ere: That's the sound of people dying, Erika!

Erika: That is what forgiveness sounds like. Screaming and then silence.

-

Emma: This is not a drill! I repeat, this is not a drill!

Emma, holding up a screwdriver labeled "drill": Seriously, though. This is a screwdriver, who thought it was a good idea to label it "drill"?

-

Lucien, after drinking one too many mudslides: This is just like the time I tried to find my phone, but it was TOAST! I'm trying to find water, but it's just GLASS!

-

Natalie: Here you go, a nice cup of hot coffee.

Piro: It's cold.

Natalie: A nice cup of coffee.

Piro: It's horrible

Natalie: A cup of coffee.

Piro: I'm not even sure it's coffee.

Natalie: Cup.

-

[hEy BaRtEnDeR has entered Chat Nation Wide Crime Ass ociation] 

hEy BaRtEnDeR: bein' kissed in ur sleep is like... the purest form of love.

Empress: Unless you're home alone.

-

Random TED Talker: Don't fear death, fear the state in which you will die.

Tipsy: *Horrified gasp*

Tipsy, quietly: Alabama.

-

Luna: What the hell? No. That would go against my moral compass.

Piro: Your moral compass is a f*cking roulette wheel, Luna.

No one:

Me: Wow, I've had this chapter in the works for a while, huh?

That one Mythology Chapter I've been working on for months and still haven't come even a little close to finishing: