042, seeing a newborn dog: Puppy!

042, seeing an adult Doberman: Puppy!

042, seeing Clifford the Big Red Dog: Puppy!

042, seeing a large and monstrous Hellhound: PUPPY!

042, seeing the three-headed hound of Hades: P U P P Y!

-

Kouki: You either buckle down and do your work or you'll end up at McDonald's.

Ryu: We goin' to McDonald's if I don't do my work??

Kouki: No-

-

Erika: Fair warning, the longer we stay here- the more likely I am to murder a man.

Ere: Murder me, please.

-

Lucien: I'd say I'm pretty tall!

Ren: *Exists*

Lucien: On second thought, I am a dwarf.

-

[Somewhere, in an alternate universe, where Aina gets a clue]

Aina: My girlfriend is too tall for me to kiss her, what should I do?

River: Punch her in the stomach- and when she leans over, you kiss her.

Lucien: TACKLE HER!

Tomoe: KICK HER IN THE SHINS!

Kei: Just ask her to lean down?

-

River: Oh please, you know we could kick their A-S-S.

Sadako:

Sadako: Hey Pops, what does that spell?

Lucien: @$$.

Sadako: @$$... Got it.

Sadako: Aunt River... @$$.

River: Sada, no-

-

Achre: Oh please, Erika, do you really think I'm that stupid?

Erika:

Erika: Yes-

-

Samantha: Jones, I am this close to beating the absolute sh*t out of you.

Tipsy: Your fingers are touching.

Samantha: Exactly.

-

Lucien: They call me Mr. Minecraft Cow because the first thing everyone does upon seeing me is punch me to death while I run in circles.

Ren:

Ren: *Sighs*

-

Lucien: *Exists*

River: Oh no, I don't like that.

-

Some Ghost: *Tells a really funny joke*

Kuri: *Resists the urge to laugh*

Kuri: *Laughs anyway*

Everyone else at the funeral:

-

Kuroko: Apparently, Mr Clean Magic Erasers don't clean blood off ceilings.

-

Kuri: You came home late again.

Masa: I love you.

Kuri: ...You're forgiven.

-

Me: *Has 975,687,032 different projects to finish*

My brain: HOW ABOUT A DETECTIVE AU BUT THE DETECTIVE IS THE KILLER?

Me:

Me: Okay-

-

Me: The only reason I know what "mi corazón" means is 'cause I watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua at least 50 times when I was younger.

-

Someone: So what kind of things does Ryu like?

Emine & Kouki, at the exact same time: I don't know, probably punching things?

-

042: Can I get a bandaid, please?

Kuroko: Where did you get hurt?

042: My feelings.

-

Luna: The other day, someone did a 'your mom' joke on me, and I laughed in their face.

Luna: I FORGOT WHAT MY MOM LOOKS LIKE, TAKE THAT.

-

Lucien, laying seductively on a table: Hey babe-

Lucien: *Breaks the table*

-

Kuri: Hoshi doesn't know how to banish spirits, so she just throws salt at them and yells "does this look like a hotel to you?!".

-

Samantha: I may seem like an @$$hole, but deep down I'm a good person... And even deeper down, I'm a bigger @$$hole.

-

Ume: The thicker your thighs are the more puppies can lay on your lap.

-

Hirota: Your eyes, fair non-maiden, remind me of the vibrant and tantalizing color of the sky.

Abiko: I have brown eyes.

Hirota: Oh, just give pollution some time to catch up.

-

Erika: Ah yes, the four emotions. Happiness, sadness, anger, and murder.

-

Miku: Aw babe, look at you getting all romantic with these candles!

Achre: First of all, I'm about to sacrifice you.

-

042: I got a pet snake! What should I name him?

Kuroko: I'm sorry, you got a what now-

Sacchan & Chi-Chan, at the exact same time: William Snakespear.

-

Tipsy: Okay, Doc, when I die... I want you to be at my Funeral.

Samantha: Of course I'll be there. The murderer always shows up to throw off the cops.

-

[Meanwhile in the Villain!Kei AU]

Kei: Seriously, why do I keep you around?

Ren: Because the alternative would be developing a decent consciousness of your own.

-

River: There is no such thing as the perfect woman.

Kei: *Exists*

River: I retract my previous statement.

-

Luna: Don't f*ck with me! I have the power of stress and panic on my side!

-

Kyon: I can't tell if I'm just doing the normal amount of hating myself or if I'm at a slightly higher level of self-loathing.

-

Cheri: You know, putting kids to bed is kinda like a robbery sometimes.

Ren: Cheri, what happened while I was gone?

Cheri:

[Just the other day]

Cheri: LAY THE F*CK DOWN, BE QUIET, AND DONT MOVE!

-

Kia: You read my diary?

Justice: At first I didn't know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

-

Ellas: Of course I have a lot of pent up rage you fool, I've been the same height since I was 9.

:}