"But why?"

Mechanic: You used subpar fuel which corroded your injectors and intake manifold.

April: English, please.

Mechanic: Low quality gas damaged your engine.

April: Okay, you're gonna need to like... Dumb it down for me?

Mechanic: *Sighs*

Mechanic: Bad go-go juice made your vroom vroom machine all f*cky.

April, gasping: Oh no.

-

Val, standing up after Claire just presented some hard evidence: With all due respect, your honor...

Val: GET REKT--

-

Erika: I assure you in like half of the places you've been, people have died there. People have probably died in the Chipotle we just ate at.

-

Judge: For your crimes, we sentence you to 68 years in prison.

Tipsy, with his voice cracking: Can you...

Tipsy: Can you add one more year??

-

042: Why do you guys call him Tipsy?

Tipsy: I can't get dr-

Samantha: He's an alcoholic.

-

[Dumb(Cl)ass Energy has entered a private chat with NoIDon'tPurr]

Dumb(Cl)ass Energy: DUDE

Dumb(Cl)ass Energy: BRO

Dumb(Cl)ass Energy: IF THEY CAN MAKE DOG BISCUITS THAT CLEAN DOG'S TEETH

Dumb(Cl)ass Energy: THEY CAN MAKE COOKIES THAT CLEAN MY TEETH

Dumb(Cl)ass Energy: BRO

Dumb(Cl)ass Energy: I KNOW YOU SAW THIS

Dumb(Cl)ass Energy: YOU HAVE TO SHARE YOUR OPINION ON THIS WITH ME

NoIDon'tPurr: No.

-

[DeckTheHallsWithMyself has entered Chat StandingInTheBackgroundWaitingForThatOneReallyImportantArcThat'sProbablyNeverGonnaHappen]

DeckTheHallsWithMyself: GUYS

DeckTheHallsWithMyself: GUYS ASK ME IF I'M AN AIRPLANE

IHaveANameYouKnow?: No.

TheQueenOfTheUnderworldWasVirgo: Why?

DeckTheHallsWithMyself: JUST BECAUSE

PortalsUpB: 'kay, you an airplane?

DeckTheHallsWithMyself: NO, BUT IT WAS MY CHILDHOOD DREAM TO BECOME AN AIRPLANE AND I NEED ADVICE ON HOW I CAN BECOME ONE

TheQueenOfTheUnderworldWasVirgo: That makes absolutely no sense.

-

[04/26/XXXX]

Amanda, climbing in through the window: Hey Lil.

Lillith: Yeah?

Amanda: I see you.

Lillith: Of course you see me, you aren't blind??

Amanda, looking to the camera like it's the office:

-

Erika: Unlike SOME people, who were born into their riches, I earned mine the old fashioned way.

Fuzuki: By stealing it?

Erika: Of course, what other way is there?

Fuzuki: Girl, you wild.

-

Ian, from the depths of background character Hell: Name one thing you wish was real, but isn't.

Piro: My will to live.

Ian: ...Okay, but I was thinking more along the line of unicorns.

-

Tired and frankly fed up Teacher: I'm going to need everyone to be straight with each other from now on. No more games.

Claire: I'm always straight.

Val: Oh, man, that's the biggest lie you've ever told.

-

Salem: Gosh, I hope he thinks I'm cool.

Danny: Who?

Salem: The corgi on the other side of the road. 

-

Shufen: Girls? I don't like girls. I am 28 years old. I love women.

-

Lucien, attempting to climb on Ren's shoulders at 3 in the morning: sunglasses emoji only wears his shades to hide the tears.

Ren: *Sighs*

-

Lucien, winking: I'll bet you'd look adorable grasping at the sheets on my bed.

Ren: No matter how many times you compliment me I'm not making your bed.

-

Tipsy: Hug?

Samantha: My hands will hug your neck if you don't shut up.

Tipsy: Kinky-

-

Ruth, signing: What will make you feel better?

Emma: *Shrugs*

Ruth, signing: Do you... Want a strawberry sundae?

Emma: *Nods*

-

Shufen: You're still mad at me, aren't you?

Samantha, casually stabbing Shufen: No.

-

Salem: I'm so tired of breaking myself into bite-sized pieces...

Danny: Stay whole and let them choke.

-

042: I got a cat!

Kuroko: Jie, that's a raccoon...

-

[BowDown has entered a private Chat with Idiots. All of them.]

BowDown: I typed "b*tch" into my GPS.

BowDown: And guess what?

Idiots. All of them.: You're in my driveway, aren't you?

BowDown: Vroom, vroom, motherf*cker.

Also:

Me: *Walks into a Court Room*

Me: This isn't like Legally Blonde--

*Slapped*