OwO

Erika, at 3 in the morning: Nothing like a delicious MoonPie with a cold glass of milk to wash away the guilt of this week's poor decisions.

-

042: I'm gonna defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun I found!

Kuroko: That's my gun, but okay.

-

Ren: I... I don't even want to know where you got this.

Cheri: There was a nun, and we mugged her.

Ren: nO-

-

Danny, cutting onions: Damnit, why can't we genetically modify these onions so I don't have to cry?

Salem: Why can't I genetically modify myself so I can't cry?

Danny:

Danny: Dude, you okay?

Salem: :)

-

[Meanwhile, in that one Dad!Piro AU]

Velvet: Hey, you alright?

Piro, snuffing out his cigarette: It must be 1929, because I'm going through a Great Depression.

-

Luna: Hi, welcome to Applebees. Would you like the Apples or the Bees?

Customer: The... Bees, I guess?

Luna, calling out to the back: IRA! HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEES!

Ira, already bringing a box full of bees out of the kitchen: ON IT!

-

Samantha: Everything we know and love is reducible to the absurd acts of chemicals, and there is, therefore, no value in this material universe.

Shufen: Hypocrite that you are, for you trust the chemicals in your brain to tell you that they are chemicals. All knowledge is ultimately based upon that which we cannot prove. Will you fight? Or will you perish like a dog?

-

Claire: I'm proud to identify as moronsexual. I'm attracted to dumb@$$es and dumb@$$es exclusively. A girl asked me what the Spanish word for tortilla was and now I dream of kissing her under the moonlight.

Valentine: Hey Claire, what animal is the pink panther?

Claire, already stripping herself of her clothes: God, Val, you're so f*cking stupid.

-

Pearl: How do you manage to keep Emma so happy?

Ruth, signing: Well, I kiss her forehead and she's good for a couple of hours.

Ruth: *Goes over and kisses Emma's forehead*

Emma: *Curled up in a ball on the couch, feeling happy*

-

Lucien: Oh God, if Ren finds out what happened here, he's gonna think I'm an idiot.

River: And this would be new to him... How?

-

Kuroko: Do you... Know what it's like to be afraid of yourself...?

Tipsy, thinking about that time he ate an entire family sized bag of Doritos in one evening: Oh God, I sure do.

-

Aina: I'm so happy, I could kiss you!

Ume: Neat.

[Later]

Ume: I can't believe I said neat. who says neat anymore? it's not neat to say neat but I said it anyways because I'm a huge loser!

Kei: Hey, don't worry about it. Remember what happened when River confessed her love to me?

Ume: Didn't you thank her?

Kei, hiding her blushing face in her hands: I thanked her.

-

Erika: Pardon? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over my internal monologue.

-

Amanda, talking into the microphone: Ok guys, today it's time for a special lightning round! Today I'm running around New York with a pack of wild lesbians!

Amanda: *Runs down the street with Lillith, Ume, Claire(Reluctantly), and others*

Amanda: Let's go, Lesbians! Let's go!

-

Lucien, hugging Ren from behind: Have I ever told you that I love you so much and you're the best thing that's ever hap-

Ren: I know you want my nachos, Luci.

Lucien: Please?

-

Aina: You know what's funny? I always seem to remember things about other people, but forget things about myself.

Ume: Like what?

Aina: Once I forgot my last name!

Ume: That's okay, next time just use mine anytime someone asks.

Aina: Thanks! Hey, wait---

-

Kuroko: When I was in third grade, people treated me like a criminal...

Kuroko, pulling out her trusty gun: Because I killed somebody!

-

Vincent: I just don't know what to do, Lilly's so sweet?? And pure?? And I have?? To protect?? That Innocence?? That is?? My job?? As her?? Father??

Mazie, remembering that one time she walked in on Lillith explaining what masturbation was to Amanda: Yeah... Innocent...

-

Kei: Who are you?

Villain!Kei: I'm you, but I can say FUCK!

-

Aki, wearing sunglasses and drinking a Capri-Sun™ while riding by on heelys: Nothing in life matters.

-

Ace: Hey Chuu, its time to find out your gay name!

Chuu: My what?

Ace: Okay, so first you take your first name and...

Chuu:

Ace, on one knee: Then you take my last name.

-

Valentine: Good morning Claire, you look beautiful today.

Claire: Good morning, Val-

Valentine: APRIL FOOLS!

Valentine: YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL EVERYDAY!

-

Claire, sighing: Val's a dumb@$$.

Clare: But she's my dumb

-

Kia: Why's Ellas standing on the table?

Kai: He likes to feel tall.

-

Ryu: Physically, I could fight a bird. But emotionally? Imagine the toll.

-

Tipsy: My head hurts.

Samantha: That's your brain trying to comprehend it's own stupidity.

UwU