Chapter Nineteen

"What do you remember, James?"

"Everything."

"Everything?" Malone whispered incredulously. James gave a short laugh, "Well, I assume it's everything. After all, if I can't remember, how can I be sure?"

Malone smiled weakly, laying down by the small hole in the wall. "I love you James," she whispered. He swallowed, "I love you too, Mal."

They were silent for a while, listening to each other's steady breathing. "I wish we were together," Malone said. James hand twitched when he heard how small and defenseless her voice sounded.

"We will be soon," he promised, "We just have to make a plan, okay?" Malone nodded, forgetting James couldn't see her. "Okay, Malone?" James repeated. "Yeah," she said roughly.

A tear slowly trickled down her cheek. She sniffled slightly. James rested his head against the cinderblock wall, not sure what he should say to her. "I'm scared," she confessed.

"Me too," James replied. He wasn't scared for himself, he was scared for Malone. If they were going to make a plan, it would take quite a while. He wasn't sure how much more of this she could take.

James stood and paced the room, restlessly running his hands through his hair. He hated that it was long again, it had too many bad memories that way.

Malone stood, peering out of the small, grated window on the door. Two guards stood on either side of the door. They looked bored.

Malone went back to the hole, calling for James. He heard her whisper, "What?"

"There's two guards outside my door," she said quietly. "Same here," he added. James's bionic arm scraped against the cinderblock wall. "I think I can break through," he whispered, "But it'll be noisy. There's no way I could do it without alerting the guards."

Malone bit her lip, ideas running through her tired mind. "So, what do we do?" she asked.

"Nothing for now," he replied, "We've got to memorize the guard schedule, figure out the correct path out of here, and somehow hide this from Stygia."

Malone flinched at the woman's name. "She can read minds! How can we keep a secret from her?" she said desperately.

James sighed, "I dunno, Mal."

Malone sat down on the rough cot. The scratchy blankets made her feel itchy. "When do you think she'll come for us?" she asked.

James put his head in his hands, a frown painting his handsome face. "Tomorrow, probably."

Malone nodded, her lips trembling. She drew her legs up to herself, wrapping her arms around her knees and curling up.

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About three hours later, Malone spoke.

"Tell me a story, James," she whispered.

He shut his eyes tightly, his old but new memories playing in his mind. "There was a boy," he began, pausing, "A boy that was scared."

"Of what?" Malone asked.

"Failure," James replied, "All his life, if he failed, things would have gone to hell. And he didn't fail, not for a long time. He protected his friends, and his family."

James stopped, his mind replaying the terrible feeling of falling. In his mind he saw himself being pulled through the snow, his blood making a crimson trail.

"But one day, he tried to protect his friend. He tried and failed. And when he fell, all he could think about was he had failed his friend. All his life he had tried, but now, when it mattered the most, he had failed."

Malone closed her eyes, she could see him now, grasping desperately for something to hold on to. She could almost hear his scream as he fell. She curled up tighter.

"They found the boy. They ripped him apart and stitched him back together. I still don't know how he survived. But one day, the best day of that boy's life, he met a girl. She was made of sunshine and hope. She was a tonic for his sickness."

Malone had opened her eyes, a smile graced her cracked lips.

"He loved her, and she loved him. And he was terrified, again, of failure." James clenched his hand into a fist, sighing before continuing.

"She tried to make him better," he said, almost bitterly, "And she did. But even as he changed, he still knew what he was. A monster. So he decided the only way to make up for it was to protect her.

He tried, but like last time, he failed. Eventually he found her again, he remembered, but they weren't safe yet. And now, every day, he lives in constant fear. He knows that if he fails her again, nothing else will matter."

Malone's smile faded as she listened to his words.

"So we're stuck here, Malone. And I'm scared. I'm scared that I'll lose you, I'm scared that I'll forget."

James closed his eyes, "But most of all? I'm scared that you'll hate me. After all I've done, Malone, I wouldn't blame you if you did."

Malone uncurled herself, pressing her hand against the wall separating them. "You talk like I'm made of glass, but you shouldn't. I've already shattered, and you've already picked up the pieces. So there's really no place to go but back together."

She was quiet, "I can't hate you James. You're a good man, who bad things have happened to. Whatever you did while you were the Winter Soldier," she paused here, "What you did to me... I don't blame you.

You had yourself taken out and something else stuffed back in. You weren't in control, and I know you hated that more than anything. So, yeah. That's all I have to say."

They both were silent. James contemplated what Malone had said. He had never thought of it that way. While he knew he would never fully be rid of the guilt and shame his actions had given him, he knew that Malone had just brought a turning point into his life.

"This was what I was talking about," he said, "You're all sunshine and hope."

Malone smiled, "You're a poet at heart, James Barnes."

A/N
I wanted to make a fluff chapter bcuz I missed my babies together. Sorry. I know it got all mushy there BUT I MISSED THEM SO MUCH.

Also I'm really sorry my update is so late like YIKES! I went camping over the weekend and had no wifi so I couldn't be writing.... Which meant I was waaaaay behind.... Anywho. SORRY!!!