I looked in the full length mirror, taking in my body from head to  toe. It is my luck to be born in a generation were fat asses were actually a good thing but, my fat tummy overshadowed it. I looked  a misshapen S from the side with both my ass and tummy proudly represting their team by sticking out as far as they could. From the  front I looked like a cylinder with flat hips that did not at all make sense with my weight and ass, and a chest that was nothing to ride home about.

I never liked how I looked, maybe back in high school when I was several pounds lighter. Back then I had hip dips though that have seemed to have filled into just a straight line over the years. I didn't like myself back then but now I somehow think I would prefer that now.

My feet were finally free as I kicked off my heels embracing the cold tiles under my swollen feet. Today was long and especially hard. I had come from yet another failed interview, third one this week (yey!)

They had not called me back or said anything to me yet but I knew I had completely botched it. My anxiety had taken over and I was a complete shaking mess. Even before the interview had started I had already siked myself out. I came in five minutes late because I could not bring myself to enter the huge, cold and imposing building.

Luck was on my side though because my tardiness was barely noticeable since they were so many other candidates waiting for the same interview as me. To me it seemed obvious one of them was going to get the job not me, they looked perfect confident, social and well rounded. Their clothes looked tailor made to their bodies and well coordinated. They looked well groomed calm and unfazed by the prospect of not getting the job.

I on the other had was a mess. My clothes were okay since I had ironed and prepared them the night before. They didn't hang like the others did what made it worse was one other girls was wearing the exact same skirt as me and we looked like expectations vs reality. She had styled it in a way I would never have thought of and honestly she looked good.

I didn't want to think of the interview itself, it was just horrible. I was a fumbling mess I am pretty sure I misrepresented myself. Where was the e magic confidence and unworthy opponents I always read in books or, the devilishly handsome boss that interviews me but overlooks my misgivings because I'm so alluring to him?. Yup none of that.

I hopped into the shower hoping to wash the day way only to discover I had forgotten to buy more body wash. Through the hustle of the day I forgot to go shopping which meant I didn't have coffee, milk, cereal or even a tub of ice-cream to eat my sorrow away.

I open my now empty bottle of body wash and added a bit of water and shook it around. It was embarrassing but hey, who is going to know. Besides it worked, I was able to lather my loofah and that's all I needed and honestly it was the most soothing shower I had in a while.

I wasnt feeling hungry tonight and honestly I didn't have much appetite, so instead I just wore the oversized tshirt I use as night dress. It used to belong to my dad and wearing it made me feel closer to him. I barely remembered him though, he passed a 2weeks before I turned 6.

Its funny how the brain works. I never associated it like that back then. He was buried 7 days after his death because we had to wait for my grandfather to travel to us. I remember my sister and I were removed from home in the meanwhile and I thinking, " wow isn't this so cool, an endless sleepover with the cousins. How pure and innocent my mind was.

My birthday a week later was celebrated at my preschool. I had always envied children who did that so that was a blissful moment for me. Looking back I realise and appreciate how innocent and naive I was and how much my mother protected me.

I shoved my multitude of pillows onto the rug on the floor and hopped into bed. Those tiny pillows looked good but boy are they annoying. I closed my eyes and hoped tomorrow would be better.