I saw him today. My youngest son. My boy, Onegai. I saw him and I knew I couldn't approach him. How cruel is that? My only true regret of this life is how I abandoned him. I justify it by saying it was to pursue finding his brother - my oldest son, Darrien.

That's actually how this entire Rebellion initially started. To be fair, the idea and concept had already been there. Slavery in hell is one of the biggest issues. Putting an end to the slave trade has always been my highest ambition. Darrien was snatched up by a trader while him, his brother, and Bihai were taking a shopping day in the marketplace. It's always so crowded there. One wrong turn and taking your eyes off of a child is all it takes for them to be picked up.

And I know Bihai never forgave herself for that. 

It wasn't her fault. I never blamed her for it. It was a tragic thing to befall our family, but we pushed through and it drove our purpose even further within the Rebellion.

I won't go into much more detail about Darrien right now. As I'm writing this, he still hasn't been able to come home, though. Someday, I'll see my oldest son again.

Anyway, I wanted this entry to be more about Onegai and why he was abandoned. And it's not like I just left him in some empty house with no one to care for him. He's a Yamiku! He's entitled to live and thrive within the Yamiku estate. There were plenty of other family members and workers there to help him day to day.

I just couldn't stand to be there anymore. Not when he reminded me so much of her.

After Bihai died, I simply couldn't live with myself, let alone my youngest son who had already lost his brother and mother. The boy was already torn apart - what would it have mattered if I wasn't there too?

I know that's a shitty mindset to have. But, that's how it was back then. Like I said, it's my biggest regret in life. I can look back now and see how I should have stayed with him - or brought him with me to the Rebellion headquarters. It just made more sense to leave him with the family. After all, most of my nights after she died was spent out with Sazorac at a club or bar, trying so desperately to drink until I forgot what my own name was.

I was grieving and mourning in the worst way possible, but it's what I turned to during those darkest days. And after one year, two years, ten years had gone by of nothing but trying to forget, it was far too late for me to return to the estate and even attempt to make amends with my youngest son.

Every time I travel back to the First District, and I catch a glimpse of Onegai in whatever setting it may be, I'm reminded of that ultimate regret. He's such a fine young man now! I've heard he has his own business now - something along the lines of dealing with souls and dabbling with the old and dark Yamiku magic. I'm not sure of the details of his career, but I know he's doing well for himself. And that's all that matters to me.

I've thought about approaching him one of these times, but it'd be pointless. He doesn't know who I am. He knows my name and that my life is more dedicated to the Rebellion's cause than being in his life. It would do more harm than be redemption for me.

I'll admire his successes from the side for now. Perhaps someday I'll be able to make amends for the mistakes of my past.