Dear Journal...

Yes, my school wqs canceled for tomorrow because of the rain.
On the bus while I was crying, and two of my friends (Sophia and Kaitlyn) were trying to comfort me...
I just snapped.
"YOU DON'T FKIN UNDERSTAND! IF HE DIES, AND I CAN'T DO A THING ABOUT IT, THEN ITS MY FKING FAULT! IT WAS MY FAULT SHE DIED, TOO!" And I burst into even more tears.
(Yes, I swear. You shouldn't be surprised.)
They were not expecting that. My other friends (Kylah and Eliscia) were watching with eyes wide.
Sophia and Kaitlyn tried to reassure me it wasn't my fault, but I kept denying.
I should've taken better care of her...Then she'd still be alive...
And I should've been there for him... Then he'd be okay...
If he dies...
I don't know what I'd do...
I would be alone...Forever..
They were honestly the best parents I could ever ask for...
If he dies...

I may start cutting...Or worse...(Hey.. That seems like a good idea..Maybe I should rn...)
Maybe I wouldn't talk to anyone anymore.
Close everyone out.
Contemplate life.
Never answer my friend's pleas for my safety.
Never answer their pleas to stop.
Lock myself in my room.
Never come out.

Was my life supposed to be like this?
Is this supposed to be my end?..
Am I just cursed?

Is this life's way of saying it's over?!
I don't know anymore!
I'm not going to be on as much today...
I hope you understand.
I just need some time alone...

"Tears come from the heart and not from the brain."
~Leonardo da Vinci