THE JOURNAL.

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SCENE 05

If I told you our love story without crying, then it's either you're the young Kim Namjoon, or a far relative from our complicated family tree.

We met when we were at middle school. Somehow, despite his high IQ compared to mine, we became classmates. He's pretty popular in school, and everyone knows why.

Because he's simply Kim Namjoon.

The Kim Namjoon who aced the entrance exam, The Kim Namjoon who nails every exam in every subject, The Kim Namjoon who joined and won the first place in Math Olympiad, and The Kim Namjoon with cute dimples that can surely make anyone swoon.

It's quite surprising that he ended up in our class. He was asked by one of our teachers if he didn't met the expected grade to be included in the top class, and his answer made us all drop our jaw.

"I personally asked the Principal to be transferred here. Being in the top class is boring."

Since then, I became more and more intimidated by his presence. Whenever he's around, I literally tense up and slowly walk away, earning most of my friends' concern.

I still don't know why I did that. It became a habit since then. Namjoon got weirded out by this when he found out, and got me the nickname 'shy plant' to commemorate the embarassing memory.

Looking back, Namjoon and I didn't share that much interaction in middle school. Maybe we exchanged a lot of awkward hi's and hello's, but afar from that, I can't remember anything else. He finished a whole semester in my class before the Principal authorized him to transfer to class one because of the excellent grades he got on exams.

Things got interesting when we entered college. We became roommates. He majors in chemistry, while I major in acting. I got over his overflowing charisma and intimidating aura years ago so that issue is already excluded from my worries. We didn't get along at first, since he's a total clean freak and I tend to mess my things a lot.

Soon, with the help of my easy-going behavior, we considered each other as friends. He had a girlfriend at that time, which I'll gladly name as Sarah the English major bitch, since she's quite important for the flow of the story in this part.

They dated for like - 4 months? They did not last that long since Namjoon can't tolerate her attitude. One instance I can recall concerning that problem is that time when she visited our dorm. She asked me a question about the rumors circulating the campus.

If it's true that I'm gay.

I nodded and her face visibly turned pale. He looked at Namjoon that time, eyes full of fear. I cocked an eyebrow in response to her action and spoke, "I'm not interested in him. We're just friends."

I don't know how, but we're magically married now.

Anyways, days after that, I heared from Namjoon himself that Sarah the English major bitch urged him to switch dorm with someone else. Joon got fed up by the stupid idea that he broke up with her.

Ha. Guess Sarah the English bitch can now cry in a bin because she's damn right about her instinct telling her  to shove me out of Namjoon's life.

But that doesn't just end there. When she learned that Namjoon and I are dating, she legitimately bullied me with all her might, holding on to her alibi that I stole his ex-boyfriend from her. She miraculously earned the majority's empathy using her acting skills and drove my whole remaining semester in school to hell.

We broke up a couple of times, and I'm clearly not proud to say that I'm usually the one initiating it. The most surprising part is Namjoon never begged me to stay, and I once asked him about it around March last year.

"What if I suddenly choose to break up with you? What will you do?" I asked him while he's busy reading a book beside me.

"I'll let you be." he answered without giving me a look. My forehead creased in confusion.

"Why? Are you not afraid to lose me?"

With that, he closed the book he's reading and finally faced me, his dark eyes boring into mine. "I'm more afraid you'll lose your own color if you stay with me. I can bear the pain of seeing you happy with someone else than watching you destroy yourself because of me. I believe in you, and I'll accept any reason you have to come up with a decision like that. I love you, maybe that's why."

I remember tearing up after that.

SCENE 06

I entered a scholarship program back in college to fund my tuition and miscallenous fees, paying regard to the truth that my family don't own that much money to send me into a good university. Luckily, I passed and acquired a full scholarship that covers all of my expenses.

I maintained grades and attended various programs, one of these required me to be an exchange student in Australia for 3 months.

Of course, Namjoon objected.

"3 months? How will I be able to live off without you for 3 months?!" he asked dramatically.

I smiled and said, "Joon, time passes by quickly. It's just 3 months."

And it did. Time flew by and the next thing I knew, I was reading a text message from Namjoon that he needs some time to think and decided to take a cool-off from our relationship.

I almost fainted in class. I skipped the remaining weeks in Australia and got back at Incheon (the dean scolded me for that and almost my name from the scholarship program), just in time to discover that Namjoon wasn't at his stable mental point.

He refused to talk to me, and even disregarded my presence in the dorm. Those days felt like hell.

The cold treatment stopped and ended when I got sick. I got rushed to the hospital in the middle of my research presentation in Art History, much appreciation when the teacher noticed that I'm pale and looked like I'll faint in any second.

Malaria. I was positive in Malaria. My parents took care of me while Namjoon visited everyday to make sure I'm recovering. He admitted that he became too selfish and dependent from my presence, coming into a realization that he can't survive a long distance relationship.

"Let's break up then. If we can't settle this problem, then it's better to just end this right here and right now." I said, voice as cold as ice.

I felt so wronged. It was like all of my efforts to sort out our issue was vaporised by his pride that is much bigger than his interest in mending our relationship back.

Still, destiny found its way on getting us back together. Luckily, my state didn't worsened and I was able to take the finals just in time.

Now, whenever Namjoon spaces out, I suddenly feel this urge inside me to hug him tight and ask him if something's wrong. It grew out to be a habit, and thankfully he appreciated the gesture well enough that he cries in front of me without hesitation since then.

Joon might appear on the outside as a tough, reserved and meticulous person. But inside our home, when we're cuddling in our bed or sofa, or whenever we share the food on our table, he becomes the softest and warmest person. I consider myself lucky to hug him anytime I want (he smells like cinnamon and he swore to every crab there is that it's his natural body odor).

It has been a rollercoaster ride with the young Kim Namjoon and young Kim Seokjin. Good thing we're adults now, and what a relief we're also married.

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short notice ! after a 3 month and a half of hiding in the shadows, finally, i finished a part to update! but seriously, senior high school life is killing me. can't fucking wait for college 😃.

anyways, leave some comments! i'd love to read them ❤!