A few days later, I'm in my doctor's office. She's tellin' me what I don't want to hear.

"It's getting bigger, Terry. It's grown since the last time we took the pre-op MRI. That's damned fast."

I was tryin' not to hyperventilate. "So, what does that mean?"

"It means that we need to try some kind of treatment. Like I said, the tumor itself is benign, but, being all wrapped up with blood vessels...:" she let her voice trail off.

"...it's inoperable," I completed as she nodded.

"I'm going to refer you to an oncologist. I think this is a little out of my league as a general practitioner. I want you to have the best."

"Okay," was all I could manage to say.

"I'll even make the appointment for you."

"Okay."

"How are the migraines?"

"With the meds, they're tolerable," I said, glad for the slight change in topic.

"How are you sleeping?"

"I still seem to be havin' some blackouts. I go to sleep in my bed, but wake up on the couch."

"Hmm... yes, you could be sleepwalking, as I've said before. For some reason, you don't want to stay in bed. So, how comfortable is your bed in comparison to the couch?"

"Oh, the bed is way more comfortable. I've got one of those foam mattresses. The couch isn't bad, it's just not where I prefer to sleep."

"Have you noticed that you've hurt yourself while sleepwalking, or have you done anything disturbing?"

I lied through my teeth. "No, not at all."

"Alright. It sounds like there's not a lot to do there. Certainly, the tumor pressing on a part of your brain might cause that. What about personality? Have you noticed that changing? Like, you're angry all the time or you're depressed for no reason?"

Again, I lied. "No, nothin'. I seem to be the same person I've always been. Just a country kid livin' as a cop in a big city."

She smiled. "Okay, well, let me have the receptionist get you that appointment. So, hang out for a few minutes?"

"Will do."

It took about fifteen minutes to make an appointment with the next doctor in the mix. I would be goin' to see him in two days.

The new doctor's office was well appointed. The chairs were comfortable and the art was nice. Soft, relaxin' music played and, in one corner, there was one of those little meditation water art thingies that always made you need to pee. Fortunately, there was also a bathroom.

The oncologist was much younger than me, which was just fine, as long as he was good at what he did. There was a folder on his desk of what I would assume was my file. Along one wall, he had a panel of x-ray light boxes and a large flat screen. The chairs were also comfy here.

"Mr. Smith. It's nice to meet you, though I wish it were under better circumstances," he said as he shook my hand and we sat down..

"I agree," I managed. "Please call me Terry."

"Okay, Terry, so let me show you what's going on." He plugged a USB drive into the flat screen and began lookin' through folders by touchin' the screen. Fancy.

He brought up a picture. "This is the very first MRI that you had not that long ago. Do you see this dark place here? That's the tumor." He pointed to an area that I could tell looked darker than the rest.

"Yeah, I see it."

"Good. Now, this one," he said, scrollin' through the images, "is the latest one a few days ago. See how the dark place has gotten larger?"

"Not really," I had to admit.

"Let me put both up on the screen." He split the screen, puttin' the older one on the left.

I looked from one to another. "Yes, now I can see that it has changed shape."

"This is very fast growth, Mr. Smith."

"That's what my previous doctor said," I explained. "She also said it was inoperable because it was wrapped around a lot of major blood vessels."

"Yes, that's what they found when they did the biopsy. However, I think that I can do it."

"You think?"

"Well, there are risks, of course. But, before we decide about anything, I want to get a map of the blood vessels and see what we've got in detail."

"Okay." I was not lookin' forward to more tests. But, then again, I wasn't lookin' forward to dyin' either.

"How's tomorrow morning look for you?"

"Let me talk to my Lieutenant and call off work." Thank god I rarely took a vacation. I had plenty of leave left.

"Sounds good. You'll also need someone to take you home since you'll be sedated. And you'll need to do an eight hour fast. I don't think we'll need to admit you, though."

He left me alone in his office. I took several deep breaths to calm down before callin' the Lieutenant. Then, I called Danny and explained to him, in detail, what was goin' on.

"You need a ride home?"

"Actually, I need a ride to and from."

"I'm there."

I had the best partner ever.

Danny couldn't stay with me the next day; someone had to be workin' our cases. I was in the prep area alone. It all seemed fairly routine and I, of course, don't remember anythin' from the time they sedated me until I woke up. I wondered briefly if the Jester always showed up when I was out.

Since no one said anythin' about it, I assumed not. Or else he had the sense to be quiet. I was bettin' on the former.

I gave Danny a call when I was ready to go and he was there in about thirty minutes.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"I don't know, I was out."

"Right, right," he said. I could tell that he was nervous and wanted to ask more. "Terry, are you dying?"

"Well, everyone is dyin', Danny."

"Funny. You know what I mean."

"I don't know. The "d word" hasn't come up yet. And, like I said, this new doctor seems to think that he can remove the tumor."

"When the neurosurgeon couldn't?"

"I guess. Honestly, I'll take what I can get."

"So, you're going to go through with it?" he asked, threadin' through traffic.

"I kind of think I have to."

"Yeah. I think you do, too."

"The test results should come back in a few days. Before we get too emotional and all, let's wait and see."