I didn't remember anything that happened after; all I knew was emptiness.

The voices around me were muddled and far away, and for a second I was glad. Yet there was a force, pushing me towards them like I was a boat who'd lost its oars in a rapid river. Not a single bone in my body wanted to respond; all I wanted to do was stay here, floating miserably in this limbo-like space. After all, what even was the point anymore? Everyone already knew I was insane, and the fact that I'd ripped someone's eyes out with my bare hands was going to haunt me forever.

I didn't want to wake up. I didn't want to wake up to have everything come rushing back to me. To be shunned by everyone who'd called me their friend once they realized what kind of person I was. Even just staying here, forever stuck in a void between life and death, was better.

But whatever that force was, it refused to grant my simple wish, and I started to hear the voices with more clarity. They were soon loud enough for me to make out words as well as identify who was speaking.

"Do you think she'll wake up soon?" Nya's voice came in a hushed whisper.

"Hopefully soon... then we can start preparing for the... funeral," Lloyd replied hesitantly.

"Her eyelids are twitching!" Jay exclaimed, and I cursed myself for waking up.

I didn't want to face them even as I slowly regained feeling in my limbs. As much as I wanted to try moving my fingers, I resisted. Maybe if I remained out for long enough they'd stop watching over me and I could sneak out then run away.

They were going to hate me so much. Then again, they probably already did.

Something bitter was dumped into my mouth, coming so sudden with the taste so appalling that I coughed, and everyone cheered.

And my eyes opened against my will as I jolted up, something I instantly regretted.

Everyone started talking at once, and I clamped my hands to my ears wanting nothing more than to run away from everything and never come back. They quickly stopped, and though I had closed my eyes again, I could imagine their faces, their expressions probably terribly disgusted but masked with a look of concern. I curled into myself, twitching uncontrollably.

Then someone placed their hand on mine, sending a wave of unwelcome warmth throughout my body.

"Hey, it'll be okay," Nya whispered, gently brushing some of my hair out of my face, "Do you want us to stay here, or would you rather have some time alone?"

I didn't answer, instead hugging my knees closer to my chest.

"We understand," Zane said softly, "We will be outside if you want us."

Nya let go of my hand, and the sound of footsteps gradually quieted down as they shuffled out of the room.

Once I was sure I was alone, I uncurled my body and gingerly pushed myself into a sitting position. My abdomen ached even more than before and I sucked in a breath, turning my attention to my hands. They were both neatly bandaged and I had regained feeling in my fingers somehow. I also noticed that I was wearing a fresh set of clothes.

It seemed that I was in the town's apothecary based on the exotic herbs stocked on the shelves beside the cot I'd been lying on.

How long had I been out?

The voices continued to talk outside the door, and I shakily crept over to eavesdrop on the conversation. The sounds were quite muffled, but I could still hear every word.

"So I guess we'll start planning, then?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, I'll go to the funeral home," Lloyd replied, his voice airy, "Does anyone wanna come with me?"

"Zane and I can go instead," Nya offered, "You need to rest that leg. We'll also notify everyone's parents."

"Then Lloyd and I can stay, in case Rumi wants to talk," the Lightning Ninja agreed.

My hands, which had been pressing against the door, slipped as I sank into my knees. He was... he was really gone. All of this was real. Though I'd technically won... I'd never felt less victorious.

In a trancelike state, I wandered over to the shelves, and right now, the only thing I wanted was painkillers.

...

By the time the day of the funeral rolled around, I had been sleeping on the streets for three days. I refused to live with the Ninja as much as they tried to convince me to do so, and was banned from the apothecary when the owner found out I was hoarding poppy seeds and willow bark. The Ninja still stubbornly delivered food and medical supplies, even forcefully applying the medicine and bandages when I tried to refuse. I had little strength as I only ate whenever they brought things that I only later discovered were disguised as painkillers.

Maybe I should've been smarter and realized that of course they wouldn't actually bring me what I wanted, but I guess I just thought they were going to do whatever they could to keep me alive. Lloyd, needing crutches to even move around, had gotten down onto his knees, begging me to eat and at least stay at his place for a day, to which I coldly declined.

He didn't understand. None of them did. They still had people left who loved them, who they loved. If I ever grew to love anyone else, I'd just end up killing them.

All I wanted to do was rot away. Alone like I was meant to be from the start.

Resting my head against the walls of the alley, I closed my eyes, sucking in a rattling breath.

If he was here, he'd pull me into an embrace and let me rest my head on his shoulder. He'd offer me comforting words and even if he was silent, his presence would be enough. He'd tell me that no matter what, I'd tried my best and that he was proud. If he was here, I wouldn't be acting this way in the first place.

When I opened my eyes and looked around the alleyway, all I could see were the piles of garbage that the villagers had thrown out along with the rats scurrying about for leftovers. I wondered how long it would take for them to start eating me alive, but then again, I was nothing but a hollow shell of the person who had died long ago, so maybe they wouldn't. Even they could sense the emptiness, the hopelessness, that came with my very existence.

All my life, since the death of my parents, I'd been searching for something to fill up that void in me and thinking that the only way to make myself feel better was to drill holes into others. When he was here, I began to feel alive again. But when he was gone, everything died with him.

Some people would probably cry, but what was the point? Emotions were foreign; the only thing I knew was numbness. It was hard to imagine I once felt any.

I remembered how I was sitting on the back of his dragon as we flew over the gulf when he suggested that maybe he'd have to kill himself so the Shadow Knight couldn't get his blood. Back then I'd wanted to slap him for even considering such a thing yet held myself back, but now I regretted not punching him in the face. Maybe if I did, he wouldn't have done that, and would've at least waited for me to dump the contents of the vial into his mouth before attempting to attack me. Back then I'd told him to shut up. Yet he remained serious about the possibility.

That idiot.

Light footsteps brought me back into reality, and when I looked up, I had to blink several times to make sure I wasn't seeing the wrong person.

"I thought I'd find you here," Skylor said curtly, her face expressionless and voice devoid of any emotion. I hadn't seen her since the battle, and at this point I didn't even know how many days had passed since then. Her red hair had been chopped short into something that resembled a pixie cut, and the uneven ends made it seem like she had done the job herself with a pair of kitchen scissors.

My muscles relaxed, not because she was a safe zone or anything, but because maybe she could burn me alive.

"And?" I couldn't help but notice how weak my voice sounded, as if it belonged to an old man or something.

"You're not coming to the procession today, are you?"

Her tone wasn't accusatory in any way whatsoever, but I still felt like she was personally attacking me.

"Why does that matter?" I attempted to snap, only to find my voice so feeble that I could barely stress any of the syllables.

"You're not the only one who lost everything," Skylor said quietly as she sat down beside me, uninvited, "He was the only person I loved, and for months I'd been waiting for him to save me like my knight in shining armor. The last time I ever saw him was the day Ru―or I mean, the Shadow Knight"―she emphasized bitterly―"was hosting the ceremony. And I'm not saying I have it worse than you, just that... you're going to have to move on."

"Are you moving on?" I asked incredulously, wondering how her fiance was going to treat her after everything that had happened.

"I'm leaving right after the reception."

"Wait what?"

The Master of Amber gave a half shrug. "Somewhere south. The others helped me pack up the supplies and stuff. Even if he's not coming doesn't mean I'm not going," she added, her voice cracking slightly, "And Zane was kind enough to mark the approximate location where he um... so..."

Skylor forced a strained smile as she stared down at the rotting cobblestones, her hair no longer long enough to fall over her face and shield the pinkness of her cheeks. Tears sparkled in her eyes, and for a second I wanted to give her a hug, a feeling I hadn't had since... I didn't remember.

"Good luck?" I tried to say, only to have it sounding like a question.

"Thanks," she replied, "And thank you for everything."

"Why?"

"You saved everyone. He would've been proud of you."

I shook my head and looked away, my face heating up in shame. She didn't know what horrendous lengths I'd gone to to "save" everyone, and even then, I'd still cost her the love of her life. And in the past few days, I'd also noticed how not only could Lloyd not walk without support, Jay was now wearing an eyepatch. At least Zane and Nya remained mostly uninjured except for some scratches and bruises here and there (I was fairly sure Nya had some burn marks from accidentally getting scorched by the flames, though), and none of the Shadow Riders had dared touch Skylor, so she'd come out unscathed.

"I heard what happened," she said quietly, "And if you're ashamed of it, don't be. If Henri tried to overstep my boundaries I definitely wouldn't've let him get away with it. Most of the time I'd try to avoid conflict, but I mean, how else would you have defeated her? If you need someone to talk to, I know plenty."

I didn't answer, and Skylor didn't continue.

We sat there in the alleyway, side by side, for what seemed like forever, but somehow the silence didn't feel uncomfortable and I wasn't bothered by it. After a while, she wordlessly pulled out a sandwich neatly sliced into halves and handed me a piece. I didn't know why, but I took it.

And ate it.

At least half an hour passed before she stood up again. "It was nice talking, Rumi. Maybe I'll see you there. Or maybe I won't. Either way, don't pressure yourself into going, since we all need time to process things, and when you do feel ready to say your proper goodbyes, I'm sure you'll know what to do then."

I nodded slowly, and she seemed to understand my decision.

"Anyway, I guess this is goodbye," Skylor said, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear only to remember she'd chopped it off, "It was nice meeting you."

"Same here," I replied, my voice barely a whisper.

The corners of her lips twitched upwards right before she turned away, slipped her hands into the pockets of her coat, and disappeared around the corner.

I never saw her again.

...

By the time I arrived at the graveyard at sunset, several hours after the ceremony already ended, everybody had left. There wasn't a single person in sight, and when I pushed open the creaking wooden gate that led into the cemetery, a light breeze seemed to welcome me in. Or maybe it wanted me to get lost, but I'd rather imagine it was the former.

And besides, I'd gone to the river and washed myself and got a brand new outfit for this.

Grass crunched under my feet as I began making my way to his final resting spot, past rows of gravestones illuminated in a shade of pale orange from the fading sunlight. Though I wasn't told where exactly they had buried his body, some part of me just knew the exact location and I simply allowed my instincts to take over. It was getting chilly, but after having spent my past few nights sleeping beside the garbage dump, I could deal with it.

The wind tossed my hair back over my shoulders, and I couldn't help but notice how much lighter it was. Still, I was quite saddened at the possibility of my hair never growing back, even if it meant my scalp would have to bear less weight.

Turning my attention back to the cemetery, I suddenly knew exactly which headstone was his.

As I made my way between the other graves, for a second I thought I saw Ruby disguised as him standing there and almost let out a scream before realizing it was all in my head. Taking several deep breaths to calm myself, I recomposed myself and stepped forward, but first, to Kai and Cole's.

All three of their graves had bouquets of flowers piled up on top. I sank into my knees, thanking them both for sacrificing everything for the mission. Normally, I might've laughed at how cheesy it was that I was kneeling before two graves, talking about how I'd succeeded and couldn't have made it without them, but somehow at the moment, saying so felt natural.

"I'm sorry. I know we were never close, and it's mostly my fault since I never tried to get to know you. Thank you. For everything. Thanks for the second chance even though I didn't deserve it. Thanks for helping along the journey, whether it be physically or just bringing life to the group. They're all well, except..."

I paused, swallowed with difficulty, then continued.

"The Shadow Knight is gone, and everyone is safe. And it's all thanks to you. I hope... I hope you'll..."

I struggled to get the words out. The mere idea of asking for them to accept me was too much. But so much had happened already, so much had been sacrificed. And I might as well try, try to be worth it.

"I'll do my best to be a good person, so that maybe one day, you'll hopefully find me at least... somewhat worthwhile."

I dipped my chin and bowed, remaining in that position for a while before moving on.

Though I had come prepared with at least a faint idea of what to say, when I knelt down before his grave, I found myself at a loss for words. Instead, more memories flooded my mind.

I remembered our first interaction. How he made fun of me as I bristled in anger. Back then I found him to be irritating and stuck-up, constantly furious with him whenever he was mean to... to her.

I hated how I hadn't seen that coming, especially when the others would talk about how he had amazing instincts. I hated that I―then I thought of how he told me I needed to forgive myself.

How, though?

I craned my head upwards towards the sky, as if he was somewhere up there and would give me the answers.

But of course, I heard nothing except the crow of the raven as the sun began sinking below the distant hills.

Yet, again, I couldn't change anything that happened in the past, and maybe, for once, having a positive outlook on the future might not be so bad after all. I'd already tried going forward with a pessimistic mindset, and now that everything bad that could've happened had happened, what did I have to lose?

Closing my eyes, I lay onto the ground and took in deep, steady breaths.

"I miss you," I whispered.

There was no reply, but I didn't expect one.

"I'll try to be more optimistic and be... better. I hope I didn't let you down," I said, "And... um..."

My voice cracked as I thought back to how he would repeatedly reassure me despite my constant, redundant complaints, how his comforting presence always managed to make me feel better.

And... he had never once called me "Rumi."

The faint sound of a trumpet in the distance caught my attention, and I frowned, pushing myself up a little, then remembered. Its music drifted through the wind, carrying with it a melancholy but bittersweet feeling. As if one was content despite all the hardships they'd gone through. The grass rustled, and dozens of flower petals soared into the sky before floating off to wherever they wanted.

I rested my palm against the ground, imagining the feeling of his hand resting on mine. If I closed my eyes, I could almost see him smile.

I made a mental note to tell Jay tomorrow that I'd heard his song.

My stomach twisted into a knot and a lump formed in my throat as I fought to keep myself under control. Yet, I couldn't hold them in any longer, so for the first time in years, I let the tears fall.

A/N: AAAAND WE'RE DONE! With the main story, there is still a short epilogue! 

(and oneshots in my oneshot book sooooo if you wanna read more please feel free to! And I'm open to ideas, I promise I'm not dead)

What did everyone think? I love writing bittersweet endings that are sad but do have a lil bit of hope in it. 

If you guys are interested, I'll also post a chapter on the process of writing this and maybe even the original plot (because the characters really have a mind of their own and everything went COMPLETELY off track)! I'm really happy with how this story turned out, and thank you all so much for reading this even through the months of hiatus. I'll also give a proper end-of-story-acknowledgements-and-random-thoughts page after the epilogue so this author's note doesn't get too long (though oops it already is)

Anyway oops I know I said I'd finish before September but I got kinda caught up with all the back to school stuff since I helped out with orientation events and I'm also working as an advising assistant for the freshmen so I kinda forgot about this. Last week was my first week of classes so I'm also still adjusting to the new schedule/workload (I may have overcommitted this year), hopefully I will survive lol

I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading/voting/commenting as always :D