This is based on a rather interesting (and very lengthy xD) conversation I had with the fabtastic @MadiB79 on the comment section of "How to make Fried Rice (like a maniac)" It got very strange, very fast. That's all there really is to say. Enjoy our randomness!

Oh: No, it isn't supposed to make sense. At all. 

Tarí was speaking to her friend, Daeithiel (that's going to be me) over the Palantír (is that even safe? Legal?) one pleasant morning in Ithilien. 

"You're supposed to fry rice in a wok," Tarí said, with an amused expression. 

"I know, but I don't have one!" Dae laughed, "Although maybe during the holidays I will get one!"

"You should make an advertisement," Tarí snickered. "'Doesn't know how to make fried rice, needs wok for the holidays.'" 

Daeithiel roller her eyes. 

"Tarí, that's ridiculous. Besides," she added, in her defense, "It came out pretty good!"

"You should put bacon, peas, corn and fried egg in it next time," Tarí suggested. "It's delicious."

"I did!" Dae protested. "I put peas, corn, carrot and egg." 

"Bacon, then," Tarí insisted, grinning. 

"I should just change my name to "I need a wok" so nobody doubts what to get me for the holidays," Dae answered reflectively.

Tarí burst out laughing. 

"Oh, Eru, that's hilarious," she gasped, "That's the-" She doubled over again, giggling uncontrollably. 

Dae laughed too, then put a hand over her mouth to stop the noise. "Shh!" she hissed, trying not to snort with laughter. "My mum's trying to have a nap!"

Tarí laughed harder.

"What kind of conversation is this, anyway?" Dae asked. "If a stranger came in and asked what we were talking about, I would have to cook them in a wok!"

"I am going to pee myself," Tarí announced, trying to stop laughing. 

"Well, in case you don't make it, make sure to grab a wok," Dae teased.

"Give me your address and I can ship it to you," Tarí countered. 

"Oh, sure, it's 1234 Mordor Alley, Evilville, Mordor, Middle Earth," Daeithiel said casually.

"Are you an Orc, or something?" Tarí asked incredulously. "Why are you living in the land of shadow?"

Dae rolled her eyes. 

"Well, expect delivery within five to ten business days," Tarí said with a professional air. 

"Mordor has discounted prices on post office carrier service, I don't actually live there," Dae replied thoughtfully. "And thanks for putting in my order, I'll be sure to track it on DeadEx."

Tarí laughed. "Ha I'm laughing like a high-ena, get it?" she snorted, doubling up again. 

"Ha a high-ena," Dae laughed. 

"Hey, you could meet me halfway in Gondor!" Tarí suggested. "I'm currently stalking rogue orcs in Ithilien, so I could easily go over. Save you from those nasty DeadEx fees!"

"Gondor would work," Daeithiel confirmed. "I heard Ithilien is overrun, I could just go the extra mile and help you fight those baddies!"

"Yeah, you can meet me at Faramir's old hiding place!" Tarí agreed. "But don't sneak around, I don't want to accidentally shoot you..." 

"I won't," laughed Dae. "Seriously, those DeadEx fees have skyrocketed. I'm surprised they aren't as high as Barad-Dûr!"

"Darn inflation," Tarí agreed. "Fees shouldn't be so high! Maybe you could try EagleAir Mail, they might have lower fees." 

"I'll definitely look into it," Daeithiel nodded. "Ever since Sauron fell, prices have drastically increased! I think they're charging us for cleanup and rebuilding."

"Taxes? They're the bad guys. We don't have to pay taxes!" huffed Tarí irritably. 

"Maybe we should start a protest," Dae suggested. "SAURON LIVES ON IN TAXES! NO TAXATION WITHOUT AN EXPLANATION!"

"YES!" exclaimed Tarí excitedly. "We can organise a protest in front of the Black Gate!"

"Great, I'll bring the poster board and glitter glue!" replied Daeithiel. "Actually, let's meet at Legolas's place in Ithilien, maybe we can convince him to come too. We did save him from Bolg, after all."

"Oh, he's coming alright!" Tarí smirked. 

"If not, his Ada will hear about it..." Dae agreed with a snicker. 

"'tis a good idea! Leggi shall protest with us!" proclaimed Tarí grandly. "We'll have to get a couple of Balrogs on our side though...."

"We could ask Gandalf and Glorfindel," Dae pointed out. "I hear they have experience!"

"Yes, they can help with the Balrogs. But do you know who would be really good at protesting? Fingolfin and Húrin!" 

"Yes, yes they would," Daeithiel said, grinning. "Know who else? Galadriel! She did ditch Fëanor, after all."

"Mm-hmm! Dat gurl's got her piorities set straight!" Tarí said sassily. (cue Galadriel staring dissaprovingly at us)  

"We could also bring Beleg for negotiations," she added. "Then I can take him home with me and he can stay with me foreeeever!!!" 

"You're on a roll," Dae laughed. "Keep going."

"And maybe the Dwarves could teach Sauron how not to tax people and get his own gold!"

"Anyone up for ressurecting Smaug?" Daeithiel grinned. "I hear he could definitively give a How to Hoard Gold lesson!"

"I think we might have to leave Smaug out of this one," Tarí said reluctantly. "We can't trust him. Remember last time?"

"Vaguely." Dae remarked with feigned nonchelance. "Oh, didn't he incinerate several prosperous cities? Yes, quite right, we better leave him alone. Don't want Bard chasing us around in a fury, anyway."

"Good call," assured Tarí. "Do you think we should get the Valar or the Maiar to come along? Or should they just not get involved at all?"

"Well, last time they were involved, there was a war." Reminded Daeithiel. "A very large war. Maybe a few of the Maiar, but if the Valar even wanted to come, they could get preeeety tempermental...Yes, I think we should stick with the Maiar."

"They should be pretty good. Hey, what if we get Morgoth out of the void and he can kill Sauron for being such a failure of a servant?" asked Tarí conversationally. 

"It would be a good short-term solution," Dae agreed. "But then we would have to deal with Morgoth. Could be problematic."

"Unless we get the Valar to control him," Tarí said pointedly. "But the Valar never do anything right....."

"That is true, they bicker a lot," Dae agreed. "Maybe we can get the Ents to hold up our signs?"

"That should work!" Tarí answered. "I have to go, call you later!"

"'Bye!"

***************************5 business days later*****************************************

Daethiel heard a knock at her door just as she was finishing her breakfast. (cue Dwalin crossly muttering "That'll be the door...")

Crossing the threshold of her front entrance, she noticed a large, wrapped package. 

A few minutes later, her Palantir lit up. 

"Hey, Dae, do you like your new wok I gave you?!" Tarí said excitedly. 

Daeithiel gasped as she unwrapped it. "It's beautiful!" she exclaimed, admiring the huge, silver pan. 

"I packed some fried rice in there for you too," Tarí said, peering interestedly into the room from the Palantir. 

"This is a gorgous thing," Dae said joyously. "You really did think of everything, Tarí darling." She looked up towards the table where her Palantir was. "Oh, by the way-I decided to go with EagleAir Mail." she added. "They gave me a discount since I know Gandalf!" 

If our conversation progresses further, I'll make sure to update this! Heheh hope you liked me and Madi's wonderful story!

Cheers,

-G