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I was on a vacation, last month. A very interesting one, I would lie. We (I and my parents with my uncle and aunt) were staying in a rented house, behind which a beach settled. Sounds nice, isn't it?
The worst part is the day we were meant to check out of the place.
Firstly, the vacation was for three days. Secondly, we planned to visit a near-by light house (a tourist spot) before we check out and leave for home. Thirdly, we were there.
This incident is happening on the thrid day of the vacation.
Now, while I was heading to the light house, I was so excited to see the top view. It was an ancient one, which was not a trouble until I began climbing the stairs inside the lighthouse.
I love spiral staircase- that's what I've been believing since forever. And I despise narrow paths. Unlike the outside view, the lighthouse was very narrow, vertically. Which makes the spiral staricase very twisted.
No one will ever believe that there were more than seventy members inside the fricking lighthouse! Some were getting entry tickets, some were climbing, but most of them dashed each other. It looked like a perfect murder path.
As I began climbing up, I realised how small the stair's size was. With my tiny feet I would take two and half feet to measure the stair's wide. That's how it was.
The tragic part is, it was a one way. No one waits. A queue of people go up and queue of people come down, simultaneously.
My legs were literally shaking when I took steps up, slowly. Behind my back, my aunt and sisters nudged me to move faster. To stay calm and have a balance on my way, I grabbed the railings and my heart skipped a beat.
It was rusted and when I pressed my hand on it, it shook.
What!!? That was really horrifying.
Remember, I told it was an ancient light house, with very least safety measures. My trust issues gone wild and I panicked as I leaned a little bit right to me.
The height I was standing was crazy, I came so far from down and the spiral view which goes beneath made my stomach flip. That's it. I lost it.
I just felt like my sweaty hands would slip out and I unfortunately fall off the railing. The railing was even shorter than my hip. If someone brushes my shoulder towards right, I would fall.
Hell a lot of guys were walking down at the same time I was climbing up. They were making me extra timid. I felt utterly uncomfortable. Everyone knew I was uncomfortable but they try to walk past me with a hit in my shoulder.
My brain started racing and I heaved in shame. It ended when I see myself on the top of the light house. I saw my hands, sweat was dripping and it was shaking in fear. I sighed and told my fright to mom and my cousin, then to aunt.
No one cared.
Literally. They were not even looking at my face as they were so attracted towards the view from the small window. I couldn't enjoy the scene actually.
Then, they said, we have something more. We need to head to the roof.
Yes. There was another portion above our heads. I come to see that, the path was even narrower. The stairs would be so lean and it resembled ladder. Thankfully I managed it and came down safely as both sides were covered with walls.
But it started when I need to climb down the spiral stair case again. Climbing up took half of my soul. Climbing down took my dignity.
That was scarier than before. My feet was vibrating. I felt it, in each step. I groaned internally. Stretching out both of my hands on the railing and the wall, I worked so hard to control my heart. It was pounding against my ribs.
People were watching me like I was a midless girl. My aunt from behind mocked me.
"Honey, look at us behind. Show your face to the camera."
She knew I was scared to look anywhere else than my feet. "Stop it aunt, I don't want to!" I begged. My uncle was recording us walking down. I just don't understand how my sister and cousin walked casually down the stair.
I cursed my dress, as I wore a palazzo. It was teasing my ankle and haunted me like I would trip over that!
"Turn to me, look at the camera." My aunt didn't stopped there. Everyone was looking at me and my face turned red in embarassment. My concentration slipped and I almost dashed an elder guy who was climbing up next to me. But I grabbed the railing but it shook once again.
"Aunt, please!! I am getting nervous." The people, children, guys, couples, everyone heard what I admitted.
"Don't make it too much. It's just a stair case. I don't see any point to get nervous." Neither she nor anyone understood me.
The stair case didn't end so soon. My sight turned blur as the tears floated inside my eyes. I got my face low and made sure no one see me like that. I could see no steps, all blurry. I feared that I would trip.
I prayed so bad that I should not cry in public place. Also, my sweaty face lead my spectacles to slid off my nose frequently. I push it back to place but it didn't work.
As usual boys were brushing my shoulder and left me bad. I saw lot of unknown face looking at me. All that mattered at that time, was to stay alive. I should not fall from a light house and die.
As I came down to the gravity, I breathed back. Clenching my heart I moved away and I removed my specs. It dripped sweat.
The air gave me sense of goodness and I realised how badly I want to live in this world. My tears filled eyes can't hold it back any more and I broke up. I cried silently and hold my mouth in my palm.
When we realise no one could ever understand your feeling it hit hard. I felt shame to be like that. I have fear of height, huh?
My mom, dad and sisters, everyone saw me crying and checked upon me. I started to cry harder and I don't know why, I just feel like crying so I did not hide it.
Outside the lighthouse, people saw me crying too and that's the worst experience of my life. How silly!
My aunt gave tissue and I felt a surge of rage that I would curse her in the face.
But I couldn't. I mean, I shouldn't.
I bit my tongue and grabbed the tissue to wipe my tears...
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