Hello Dear Readers,
New title to novel and new cover have been updated! There is a chapter below this author note as well!

Since this novel is resuming again, I thought I would give a synopsis of the story line so far to help everyone remember what is going on and where you have left off.

Main Characters:

Alys Westbrook, pale blonde hair, blue eyed, wallflower with a hidden ability to create breathtaking and otherworldly art. She has a tick and PTSD Tourette that she struggles with- hidden behind forgettable eyes.

Hayden Donavan, light brown hair, handsome, grey cold eyes. Mr. Popular who secretly hates the people around him and has manipulated and abused his power.

Karri Hendricks, Alys' best friend, green eyes with medium length broth hair. She knows Alys' past and understands Alys' Tourette/Mental illness.

Tim Anderson, dark blonde hair and green eyes, the son of the Mayor, and Karri's close middle school friend. Pretty close friend to Alys now. His Father dated Alys' mother their freshman year for a few months.

Doctor Matilda Augustine, State ordered Doctor with Child Services who checks in on Alys every few months. Augustine doesn't trust Alys and Alys doesn't trust Augustine. Alys desperately tries to pretend she doesn't struggle with her tick anymore.

Doctor Hathaway, Alys' personal physiatrist who has helped Alys with her issues, more understanding and protective of Alys than Dr. Augustine.

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Story key points:

Alys Westbrook has two mindsets; one of her own and one that belongs to a shadow of a Tourette that haunts her every day life. Her demon. She draws compulsively, otherworldly, but without letting anyone know. Only Karri, her mother, and the doctors in her life know of this disorder.

Karri makes a poster for their school, editing a real outlandish one, and insulted and humiliated a few of the school's popular but malicious girls; Shannon, Ashly, Maggie, and a few others. This was done intentionally, to shame them from their own prank they wanted to pull on other students during graduation in a few months. Unforeseeably, it was too humorous and the posters went viral. Where the initial intention was to call the girls out, it became a full-on running joke the whole school escalated and took part in. More posters were made, songs sung, and the damage grew.

Shannon decides to make a deal with Mr. Jackson, a teacher at their school who was suspected of being a pedophile, but with no proof. Alys and Karri stumbled upon Shannon, having just finished giving this teacher a blowjob, begging him to hold up his end of the bargain and ruin the life of who ever made the posters.

When Karri is revealed for being the creator of the posters, Alys tries to take the fall for it. It doesn't work, Karri is still held accountable, but Alys also faces repercussions and is suspended for three days. While she is gone, Mr. Jackson found the loop hole that would ruin Karri's life (no bodily harm per school handbook) and passed this info onto the girls from the posters. After those girls faked suicide attempts, Karri is arrested under pressure of the students and parents. She is expelled.

Alys returns to school to find this. Alys threatens Mr. Jackson- demanding he help Karri in anyway he can or else she should reveal him for what he did with Shannon (Alys already is going to do this later, but she is not telling him that).

Mr. Jackson holds up his end of the bargain, horrified and angry, but listens none the less. While most the school had witnessed the fake suicide attempts, had seen it was all for show and not real, no one steps forward or helps clear Karri's name. Only Mr. Jackson, by threats of Alys, convinces the principle (under anonymity of course), that he witnessed the girls planning this beforehand.

Though Karri is cleared of any charges, the school- fearing a fallout with parents- decides to have Karri transfer. She can keep her credits, fly down to another state and live with her mother, and finish her senior year that way.

While this is the best ending possible, Alys snaps. Her demon that she has struggled with all these years begins to eat her whole. She draws more and more, wishing to get revenge on those of her school- those who stood by and let this happened, those who faked their own self-harm, those who had sinned greatly and preyed on female students.... she wanted them all to pay.

Hayden Donavan, a suspected sociopath path, Mr. popular, someone Alys has always hated in general for his abuse of power and his manipulations- stumbles upon her lost notebook and drawings.

And instead of revealing her work to the world, perhaps threatening her himself as he is drawn in there countless times, he makes a deal with Alys. He would help her get her revenge on the students. Again, Alys is faced with the realization how much he hates those around him, how he didn't even care he would be attacking his own friends, how he had just enjoyed her work so much and he wanted them to all burn as well.

They make a pact. They approach the advanced Art Teacher, Mrs. Lexington, who had planned on painting a massive mural for the new stadium and auditorium being built in time for graduation. Alys doesn't know it yet, but Hayden already despised this building, despised the idea of a mural at the beginning of the year, despised the school.... All because he knew who approved the funds for this. And why.

Hayden grew up in foster Care. His mother was a junky who lost all rights to him. Hayden was abused from house to house, but as the years went by, he got better and better at manipulating people. But also hating those around them. Everyone was full of lies, everyone was only "helping" him for their own benefit.

Hayden's father, who had no idea of his existence, finally gets wind of Hayden but dies of cancer before ever formally adopting his son. Hayden knew none of this until a few years later when he and a fellow foster friend stumbled upon these records as they tried to look into Hayden's life. He finds out his uncle, a lawyer at a powerful law firm, had chosen not to file the paperwork after Hayden's father's death. Mark Donavan chose to let Hayden stay in the system and be an orphan. But Hayden does nothing with this information though. It only validates his hatred for those around him.

A year later, at an abusive foster house, Hayden and a kid named Tucker begin being physically assaulted again by their foster parent. While this is happening, Tucker begins having a seizure. Hayden prevents a shot, thinking Tucker was only have a panic attack, which he is known to have, and that Hayden was preventing one of the straight-jacket drugs they used to sedate the kids. But it wasn't a panic attack. Tucker dies, and Hayden is charged with his death.

Hayden confronts his uncle, revealing he knew all along he was the son and nephew to this family, and forced his uncle to "represent" him against the State. Hayden doesn't deny his guilt, he is horrified at what he has done, but wants the state and the foster families to be held accountable for all they had done as well. He is able to blackmail his uncle, for Mark made a fatal error. Hayden's father officially adopted Hayden, made him the inheritor, yet Mark had signed and forged his own name, the wrong signature all these years. If Hayden brought that to the court, Mark would lose everything.

Mark Donavan has friend in high places, friends like the Governor. And instead of creating a huge court case out of all of this, together they instead sweep Tucker's death under the rug. This isn't what Hayden wanted. He wanted the world to know about the abuse. Though he too was free now, he despised the Governor. For this was the same man who also denied multiple Child Care laws that would have prevented this abuse from even happening in the first place. In Hayden's eyes, the Governor was just as guilty as the rest.

But what could Haydn do? For years he struggled with his hatred of those around him, with knowing the sins that stained all their hands, until he stumbles up Alys... A girl who wants to get revenge on her school for their lies and sin as well. The stadium was to be revealed at graduation, a gift the Governor bestowed upon the school with his extra funds, the same Governor who denied the child services laws claiming it would cost too much money. Hayden smiles. He has found the most beautiful puppet to help him get his revenge.

Alys slowly comes to understand his story. Where at first, she thought he was a psychopath, she realizes he was in fact abused by the higher powers that were meant to protect them.

A truth both her and her demon know all too well. Alys' father was abusive. He had a mental illness that escalated and snapped after her mother cheated on him. Anthony Westbrook, a gifted family doctor, and one who had otherworldly ability to draw medical illustrations of procedures and operations, was loved by his community. So, when rumors of abuse began to circulate, all heads turned the other way or just didn't believe it.

Alys was abused along with her mother. The insanity in her father's eyes never leaving her head. But Alys began to hate those around them more than she hated her father. Why did they forsake her? Why did they pretend none of this was happening?

In a broken fit of torment, chided by a 6th grade teacher who told Alys she should not tell lies, Alys leaves a poem behind describing the lie she truly told. The lies everyone chose to believe. They lies that were going to kill her in the end.

Child's lie.

Alys' teacher, being dismissed by the police, drives to her house. There she barges in, stumbling upon Anthony Westbrook drowning his daughter in the bathtub.

Despite his arrest, despite her resuscitation, she is broken. Haunted. Dr Augustine drugs her, makes everything worse. She won't talk. But then Dr Hathaway hands her his pencil. He asks her to draw what happened. An outlet is born. A demon is created.

A mind fractures into two.

Hayden, finally learning child's lie, cannot bring himself to tell Alys all of his past, yet she soon finds out he was responsible for someone's death. She is angry and confused, haunted by her father's abuse. But she finally listens to his story, and finally realizes he is not guilty of this sin he thinks he is. He is not the monster; she tries to tell him. The State is.

Alys and Hayden find themselves drawn even closer to each other. How could two broken souls like theirs even find happiness, yet they find strength in each other. Their attraction to each other intensifies as well.

The mural work has begun and progresses. Secretly Alys is painting two murals. One, the outer cloak, innocent and unsuspecting- yet extraordinary in art. A piece of work that has left the small community that has seen it in absolute awe and disbelief at Alys' rare ability. The second mural waits patiently, parts of scenes painted underneath with the horrid truth of the school, the staff, the students, and the state. A water repellent paint covers the truth, and the outer image painted on top will wash away if liquid is poured down its length.

As the weeks go by, Alys is attacked by Mr. Jackson, who is delusional about why Alys hasn't told anyone his secret. He believes her reluctance to talk means she wants him to chase her; that she liked that what he had done. He almost beaks her wrist when she fights back, but none of this deters his disillusions that she wants this all.

Hayden figures out who hurt her but has yet to make his move. Instead, finding out Alys' father is about to be released from prison, he confronts Anthony Westbrook to ensure this vile man never tries to contact his daughter again.

But Alys' ability to paint begins to scare Hayden. Her gift is rare, extraordinary, and when Hayden researches her ambidextrousness, the ability to draw with two hands in unison, he discovers its actually a red-flag in the medical community for mental health issues.

Knowing she was different, know she had PTSD but on top of that her father was mentally ill, he reluctantly tells her this discovery in hopes of keeping her from painting in front of people like Doctor Augustine. For when this mural debuts, when Hayden and Alys have to be held responsible for their crimes as well, Alys feared she wouldn't be held as sane.... That her old doctor would use this as proof to lock Alys up. Together they try to keep her way of painting secret.

Alys also is secretly trying to protect Hayden. After the realization her ambidexterity was an indicator to mental health issues, she realizes in a chaotic internal dilemma; maybe her demon, her compulsion, was not born from PTSD like she thought, but was actually a hereditary disease like her father's.

In a reflection of his life and her life she realizes one thing, all her father did was for revenge. Staring upon the mural before her, staring into the eyes of those she has painted she can only see one thing...

Revenge.

It's like a shock of cold water. In her guilt she realizes she is the monster, not Hayden. He wanted only justice and vengeance, she wanted punishment and to hurt them.

She would not be like her father.

Alys confronts Mark Donovan. She obtains Hayden's file of what happened that day. Mark is forced to give it to her as she now knows the secret that all the documents he signed were invalid. With no choice, he hands over the documents.

Its within Alys realizes one thing- Tucker wasn't having a seizure. He was overdosing. Something commonly happening with children abused with these State ordered psychiatric drugs. If Mark would have just taken this to the courts in the very beginning, Hayden would probably have been cleared of charges and the foster and state accountable.

Alys decides... knowing Hayden wanted to be painted in the center of this mural to show world who he really was... she was going to do just that. She was going to show HIM who he really was.

Tim, Karri's middle school friend, confronts Alys as she reads this file. He confesses he knows her past; he knows she was abused... he just wanted to help her.

Something inside of her has changed. For years she had been lost in her journals, unable to relate or befriend anyone beyond a few. Now knowing how sick and wrong that was, feeling it in her bones after everything she had learned about Hayden and her father, she sees Tim as what he really is. A friend, having been waiting all this time.

Together they approach Tim's dad, the mayor of their city. He remembers Alys' case from all those years ago. He wanted to ensure all the new laws written were passed to help other foster children being abused. Due to the Governors greed, all were shot down.

He agrees to help Tim and Alys.

Alys now is planning the center mural with Hayden. Planning the way he wanted to be drawn as a monster, drawn making a pact with the devil. The Governor.

She stares at her journal. It watches her back.

They both know exactly what they are going to draw.

The truth.

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End of recap. Holy shit I felt like I was writing a whole series not a book. Are you guys okay? Have I overloaded you with this? Lord... I'm sorry if I have. Anyways, please enjoy this next chapter. Happy to be back.

Also, though I have more wrote I haven't had a chance to edit. In fact, I'm scared I rushed this one too much. So for now I'll just post this next part and I promise I'll come back through it all and fix any blatant errors.

-

Helium

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Chapter XLI
To Lose You

Hayden held me tightly still. His board shoulders curved downwards as he kept me against him, his head and face buried into the side on my neck.  He breathed in deep, the movement of his breath causing goosebumps to form against my skin and I looked away from the journal that was left atop his table.

"I'm okay." I whispered into his own neck, though my fists were tightly holding the shirt over his chest. Whether or not he believed me, he didn't let me go.

"I'm really okay," I murmured again, hesitantly letting my lips press to the skin over his collar. His fingers tightened ever so slightly into my back but he still didn't move.

"Do you want to keep planning?" I kept trying to get him to speak to me.

Finally, Hayden pulled his head away and looked down at me. Dark silver eyes took in my entire face. His light brown hair was partially covering his gaze but I could still see those orbs burning beneath.

"Not really." Hayden answered roughly. He leaned down again; I gasped slightly as his lips found the side of my neck. He kissed me tentatively there, just like I had to him. Goosebumps rose against my skin and he held his lips to me; warm breath fanning across my skin.

"I trust you," he murmured into me, leaning his head further into the crook of my neck and hair. "Draw me making a deal with the Governor. Draw me so that everyone will know what happened that day. Draw him, so everyone will know what happened that day."

"But this is all-" his arms engulfed me fully before he rose to his full height, hoisting me off the ground with him, "that I want to talk about for the blasted fucking mural."

"Hayden!" I squeaked, but he was already kissing me, ending any more words on the edge of my tongue.

"I've been waiting to do this all night," He breathed over my lips, his voice gruff, "Hell, ever since I met you."

He was walking through the kitchen with me in his arms, heading for the couch in the living room. "Every time I get a taste of you, it's never enough, it only lasts a moment."

Hayden's arms released me suddenly and I fell promptly onto the soft fabric of the couch. He crouched over me almost instantly, pinning me below him, a dark smile on his lips.

I stared at him dumbfounded before laughing unintentionally. Poor mom, her worse fears were right.  "No," my arms pushed him away, "We need to work, I swear to god".

Hayden's gaze had a deadly laziness to it. He lifted my fingertips from his shoulder and began kissing them softly. My breath hitched as I watched him fascinated. He kissed each finger slowly, before finally saying "I love your hands, do you know that?"

My heart leapt but I shyly glared at them, their roughened red skin from the maddening drawing frenzies, their slight tremors when the demon moved through them. Hayden opened the palm of my hand and kissed me there, my fingers cupping his face, while that warm pressure grazed against my inner palm.

"I want them holding mine," he whispered, his eyes closed, "I want them running against my skin. I want them brushing the hair away from my face". Silver eyes opened, holding mine intensely, memories of pushing away his hair that day in the abandoned theatrical building.

"You like my hands?" I breathlessly repeated, though the doubt was still evident on my lips.

A hungry smile grew on his face, but those darkened eyes watched me patiently. "Would you like me to show you how much I like them?"

'No." I gasped.

"Hmmm," he titled his head almost sarcastically, "How about I show you how much I adore your lips then."

If he was waiting for a protest- there was none. I stared at him hungrily, shoulders rising and falling unintentionally as I watched his every move, listened to his every word. I was supposed to burn away if I ever flew too close to him. My wings were supposed to melt. The fall was supposed to destroy me.

My heart was racing, hands outstretched I grazed his cheekbones and then gently held his face. Hayden was impossibly still, though his eyes tracked my every movement with a sharp intensity.

Finally, I leaned forward. He let me, never moving, frozen solid. Gently I kissed his lips. I could hear the adjustment of fabric from the grip he held on side of the couch. Something greedy turned inside of me, ecstatic at knowing how much he wanted this too, but how he was letting me make my nervous attempt on my own.

Again, my heart hammered and swelled. I kissed the corners of his mouth, he closed his eyes and breathed out roughly. I held tighter to his face, huddling my shoulders upwards towards him and again I pressed my mouth to his. Finally, he began kissing me back, slowly, patiently, letting me make the first moves the more we progressed. But it didn't last for long.

We sank backwards together, Hayden's mouth dragging across mine as our heated breaths rose between us. He had settled in entirely against me, his arms around me, his chest against mine, his pelvis against mine, our feet intertwined.

I moaned and kissed him harder, lifting my head to meet his.  My mouth parted and his tongue greedily filled the void. Every time he did, sent shivers down my spine.

Finally, he pulled away, breathing heavily, and leaned up a fraction of an inch, "We need to slow down" he laughed suddenly, "I don't think I can stop myself if we keep going."

I almost said "From what?" but realized instantly what he was talking about. Embarrassed, heat rushed to my cheeks, but I still laughing I blurted out, "What, I thought you wanted to partake in these fantasies of mine".

He stared at me dumbfounded for the longest moment. Finally, a barking laughter escaped him and he closed his eyes and shook, trying to control his lungs. My eyes widened as I watched. I had never seen Hayden laugh like this. Usually small smiles and chuckles, but not this. I smiled widely. I loved it.

But even as I did this, my fingers still tensed into his shirt, my teeth still tugging gently on the corners of my lips, my eyes still hungrily watching him against me.

I didn't want to stop.

Hayden's chuckling subsided, and as he met my eyes, a dark grin spread across his. "Don't look at me like that, sweetheart." He leaned down, his lips grazing my jawline. "I've had to burn in desire watching you for this past month. You get to feel the same, even if for a night."

And at that he leaned off of me, shaking his head as he sat up, as if to rid of the dark temptations of his thoughts. He took one look back at me, hesitated, before finally walking away.

I covered my eyes with my hands, listening to his footfalls leave. The sink water ran and before long he was walking back towards me. When I opened my eyes, Hayden was handing me a glass of cold water.

"Thank you" I murmured, leaning up and sipping it instantly. The chill from the glass was a striking contrast to the warm firm lips that had been ravaging my mouth a few minutes earlier.

He squatted down next to me, watching me sip the water slowly. "I still need to talk to you about something." He said softly.

Uncertain, I adjusted my spot on the couch, sitting up so I could meet his eyes evenly. "What is it?" Was there another issue we haven't planned for? Was something going wrong? Was-

Warm fingers trailed my jawline directing my attention back to him. "Don't panic," he smiled assuringly. "In fact, this is why I want to discuss this ahead of time." He breathed in deep, lowering his hand from my face.

"I want to be with you." Hayden said finally.

My eyebrows creased and I tightened my hold of the glass. He didn't say anything for a moment more, watching my face in an emotion I hadn't seen on him before. My eyes racked back and forth between his. He looked.... Helpless.....

He breathed in deep, again lowered his head as he ran a hand agitated through this hair. Finally, he murmured out.

"When this mural debuts, I am going to take the fall for this Alys. I am going to be the one that the" unknown" hacker gave the files to. I am going to be the one who pressured you into painting this."

"No," my voice broke but he already had a hand held up to silent me.

"Don't misunderstand Alys," he said softly "I will try everything I can to protect you, but even still you will also have repercussions. But no one can say it was because of your mental health. I won't give them that option. I will make sure everyone knows it's because I convinced you to do this. But I promise you, I will never let Augustine, your father, or anyone hurt you ever again while I am around. I will be here for you."

Hayden held my gaze before gently taking the cup from me. "I will be sued as well I'm sure. I will probably get jail time. It never mattered before, all I wanted was to make sure what happened that day all those years ago is finally known. But-" his hands tightened again, eyes burning into mine "I'm going to fight it now. I'm going to do everything I can so I don't' leave you. So, I will be with you through this all."

I want to be with you. His words reverberated within my head.

"You want... me..." I didn't get it. I was broken. I was nothing. I was-

"You are all I want." He whispered over those thoughts. "And I don't want to lose you. So, I'm asking you now.... Be with me. Even after this all comes to an end."

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A/N:

I've been debating sketching out scenes from this story, just for the hell of it. I'm still not used to digital art, I've always been a pencil and pen type of artist. But I'm getting there. At first, I was just sketching a random couple but it became a version of Hayden and Alys. Not quite how I pictured them but pretty darn close.

Obviously they were fully dressed above but hey, we all need a little spice and fantasy in our lives right?

Anyways, you might see some character sketches from me in the future.

-Helium