When I awoke, it was because Hayden was whispering quietly to my mother "Just hold it open, I can move fine."

I stirred faintly, causing the arms holding me to tighten ever so slightly; a soft warm breath of air fanning into my temple "I've got you, go back to sleep".

I murmured incoherently, pushing my face deeper into Hayden's neck; my feet swaying slightly as he continued walking. My mother must have been holding a door open for him, my bedroom I groggily realized, for she closed it softly once he had entered, diminishing the bright hallway light that was hurting my closed eyes, even with my face pressed into the shadows beneath me.

"Alys, I need you to move your arms. I am putting you down."

"Dare I say she won't wake even if you dump in her bed." My mother sarcastically mused, all too aware that I was capable of remaining unconscious in the most ridiculous of times. I stirred slightly again, wanting to open my eyes to glare at her, but stilled when the soft rumble of a laugh left Hayden's chest. It wasn't loud enough for her to hear, but it was so comforting to listen to I felt myself dipping back into the abyss of nothingness.

I felt the soft sheets of my bed graze my feet as Hayden leaned forward and lowered me down. My hands and arms were removed from his neck tenderly, and I almost fought that movement for I wanted nothing more than to remain his warmth.

"You need to wake up to say goodbye" Hayden whispered softly and at that I felt myself awaken. I cracked my eyes open, finally seeing him before me, barely illuminated by a gold lamp on my far desk.

"I told you I'd be here when you woke up."

I focused on the slight smile coming into focus. Blinking, I brought his face back into view and made my vision adjust to meet his gaze. Without fail, it took my breath away.

The look Hayden was giving me... it was a version of him the world had never seen before, not until these last few weeks. I never thought of his face as being soft, gentle, welcoming. He used to smile with such cold eyes, tight sharp grins and a predatory stillness that it was abrasive, though beautiful.

When had he changed? Was it because of me? The warm golden light from the lamp was pooling into his grey eyes, making it look like the moon when it was low on the horizon and became gilded with the setting sun's light. He was smiling softly, a finger playing with my hair as he leaned in close to whisper more.

"Little did I realize how tired you really were, you slept on me for 5 hours straight."

"Oh," I whispered hoarsely, my voice cracking from the long sleep. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Again, that finger gently moved along my cheek and hairline "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning so you don't have to walk again and pretend you didn't want a ride." He teased and before I could answer he leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. The warmth of his skin moved slowly across mine and I greedily leaned forward into it. To my dismay, he ended it before I could fully kiss him back. Probably for the best as I knew my mother was still waiting for Hayden by the door.

"Sleep tight, sweetheart" he murmured against my skin.

I snorted slightly, finally saying, "You've called me that so many times when I thought you hated me and I hated you. I sometimes forget you don't mean that as a tease anymore."

"I never hated you." Hayden said quietly, those oddly golden-grey eyes burning into my gaze "And I always meant it when I said it."

My eyes widened but he just stepped away, those moonstruck irises watching me, "goodnight Alys. I'll see you in the morning."

He left without another look, nodding to my mother on his way out. I whispered goodnight to her, wondering if she heard us from where she waited by the door, burrowing into my blankets with an aching heart.

All I wanted was to run after him and hold him in my arms.

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Wednesday was another day that went by oddly fast. It was the last day of school for most my senior class; our final time together would be Friday during our graduation. Lockers were being emptied between classes, though for those who didn't have a chance to clean theirs out, they would be able to come to school tomorrow and finish up. But most everyone seemed excited about the idea this was their last day, if they finish cleaning up, and most jumped in headfirst at that. The halls were a frenzy of papers being dumped into bins, crates to hold donatable items, and a stern librarian scouring for any books that were the school's.

Megan was eyeing my locker suspiciously, knowing I only had three real classes today and had plenty of time to be done, "Any reason you aren't emptying it today?"

I shrugged, closing the metal door with my book for Word History, my last class of my high school days. "I have to come in tomorrow; Hayden and I have a private showing for the mural with a bunch of big wigs. So, I'll just do it then.".

To be honest, I was nervous as hell about it. I hadn't expected to actually meet Governor Nicholas Robinson before graduation. But he, the Principal and Vice Principal, Ms. Lexington, and Mr. Douglas... the weird man from the state that worked under the governor, would be there.

I was so used to seeing Mr. Douglas with our principal, Mrs. Campbell, I just assumed he would always be the liaison between the governor and our school head. Mr. Douglas was the one who helped orchestrate this mural's public debut; ensuring the governor would be a "guest" speaker with so much media attention. And of course, who could forget the governor had helped procure the funds to build the massive stadium the mural was being painted into. It was all a publicity stage to stand upon and announce his plans for reelection.

Tim looked at me knowingly, already filled in on everything. I knew Tim wanted to explain it more to Megan- how unbelievably chaotic the hidden agendas were, but he couldn't. If he was investigated after Friday... Megan might say something without meaning to. But I hoped no one would try and uncover anything about Tim or his father, the Mayor. Though Bert had secretly given us the drafts of Gabriella's Law- it wasn't something that necessary pointed back to him. And I planned to keep it that way.

So, Tim kept his lips pressed thin and allowed me to smile sheepishly about still coming to school tomorrow.

We walked away from my locker and towards our next classes.

"It's weird Karri isn't here." Megan sighed and we agreed. We had all face-timed her earlier that morning to congratulate her on her last day of school as well. Forgetting she was in a different time zone; we were all met with a hilarious image of an angry bed-head hairball yelling profane things to each of us.

But now walking my last day of normal school, I mourned her absence more than ever. She was such a pillar in my life. With pride, I admitted I had found a strength when she was away. But I also wanted her to be here for graduation, selfishly to be nearby, giving me a thumbs up if I heisted.

Because I was scared. Scared of losing Hayden. Scared, not just of him being arrested for using the Hacker's information, but also because I had lied to him. I had painted something entirely different underneath the center of the mural. And though I prayed it would help him... I didn't know if he wanted to be saved. And if he could handle the truth that was waiting underneath.

My fingers spasmed slightly and I shook the feeling away.

My journal seemed content in its bag at my side. The shaking of my fingers luckily didn't pull forth any nervous need to paint or draw. I patted the bag to just be sure, reminding myself that though I was better understanding my feelings and all the had happened to me in my past... it didn't suddenly erase the shadow that lived inside of me as well.

It might even be wrong to say, I'd imagine Dr. Augustine having a field day if she heard me word it aloud, but I didn't ever want to destroy that part of me, didn't think I could even if I decided to. The first few nights after Hayden had helped me understand my father's and mine mental illness, paired with our otherworldly art and manic state, I had read endlessly about this rare gift...or curse, many legendary artists suffered from throughout time too.

Some of them, like Van Gogh, lost their connection to that brilliant divergent view of life when they were drugged. Granted, he also ate paints in his manic state, full of toxins and chemicals, and that probably didn't help his mental state. So, he was pushed into psychiatry asylums more than others. Yet he refused to continue help later in his life, resulting in some of his greatest work but also devastating pain- even leading to him cutting off his own ear. It was a reality those with this sickness faced. Greatness often came from great illness it seemed.

It made me come to a crossroads about my own health and future.

Once this was all done, whatever life ahead, if I was to be with Hayden or not... I needed to come to terms that this beautiful, dangerous, devasting side of me was only as important as my safety and the safety of those around me. It wasn't more. And though I felt free now, freer than I ever had been, I still knew I would never lose this shadow from the back of my mind. Just as the moon would never lose its dark side. But, as long as I stayed safe... others stayed safe, that was okay. I would be okay.

And if the day came that this dark side was a danger. A day where I hurt myself or others around me.... I would give up my art, my thoughts, my demon.... I would take the strong pharmaceutical drugs Augustine prescribed even if it meant losing a part of me. Because that's what it meant to love someone that much. My father never figured that out, but I had and I would sacrifice everything if it kept those around me safe.

And that was okay. I was okay. Whatever happens in the future....

I would pick up the pieces and keep moving forward.
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I kept my eyes on the paper before me. This was my last class of my school year, but it was the one thing dragging out today. No matter how many minutes ticked by, the time between now and the end of the class seemed to stretch further away. And I knew exactly why I felt this way.

Mr. Jackson watched my every move. He was more open about it, more intense with his gaze than he had been ever before. Was it because this was our last time in a school room together? Probably. And it was causing him, and his dangerously perverted version of events, to be both excited and agitated.

I wanted nothing more than to tell Hayden, my mom, Mr. Rodriguez, anyone, about what had happened. But I needed the mural's debut to go off without a hitch. I needed him to be publicly revealed there.... Where I was safely done with school and away from his grasp.

But knowing how he had changed from so many months ago.... No, how he had been all along, was frightening. Karri and I once thought he was a straightforward ephebophile pervert, an older man that would have immoral thoughts when the more fully formed older teenage girls teased and prodded at him.

Perhaps any others who had suspicions had also only seen just that. But as time went by, when things began to change. .... We started wondering; was he looking at the freshman girls? Was he watching, stalking, the ones that were underdeveloped- that looked young for their age? By the time we figured Shannon had done something with him for a better grade, Karri and I decided to report him at the end of the year. Spare Shannon, the bully that she was at times, from her choices until she was safely out, but make sure the school knew there was a predatory man in their folds.

How stupid I had been. How stupid both Karri and I were. My gaze found Shannon, no longer at the front where she used to sit and tease him, but further back, closer by me- also avoiding his gaze. Something had happened after the blowjob she had given him in the parking lot all those months ago. Something had happened and I was sick to my stomach with the realization it might have been my fault.

She had used that act as payment for him to help expel Karri. It had worked, she was the queen in charge able to command a lovesick teacher, as she saw him, to do as she bid. Until it hadn't. Karri was able to transfer, not be expelled. And that "lovesick" teacher... was never lovesick. He was merely awoken, changed. His fantasies made flesh. Three girls knew of this side of him. None of them had said a thing. It fed an already starved depraved mind; giving rise to thoughts that had never had a chance to grow yet; What else could he do? Who else could he claim...

I thought back to that time in the parking lot, how scared he had been of me when I hinted I knew he had crossed a line. I could have ended him there; I could have told someone about it and he would have never learned that other side of him. But I didn't. And while I, myself, learned what it was like to spread my wings these last few months... so, it seems, did he.

I didn't know it at the time. Neither did Shannon. But we had created a monster. In both our petty attempts at revenge... the true predator was allowed to flourish. And I wasn't the only one who had noticed. Which made me scared as to what had made her open her eyes as well.

I wanted to ask Shannon, Has anything happened since then? What made you realize he was so much worse than we ever thought? What changed?

I ground my teeth, my stomach tight and sick, and I pictured his large hand as he slammed me back into the wall. His hot breath on my cheek as he inhaled the scent on my hair. His dark eyes skimming my body as he cornered me alone in that hallway.

Two more days. I gritted within, feeling the traces of his gaze along my flesh. Two more days and you will never be able to hurt anyone again.

The bell finally rung. I stood so fast I almost passed out from the blood rush. I realized I had also been holding my breath in anger and guilt. My body took a second to adjust from the dizzy spell before I was able to easily move against. Unfortunately, I wasn't as fast as most the other students to leave; sitting in the back meant I was one of the last out the door.

I kept my gaze on the exit, hurried along, ready to just run if that's what it took.

"Alys," Mr. Jackson's voice purred, "a minute please."

I pretended I hadn't heard it. Shannon was already out the door but that caused her to whip her head back. We held each other's gaze. She opened her mouth, as if to say something, but then decided against it. She turned and left me alone in that room. With that man.

I came to terms with that instantly. I had left her alone with him too in my own ignorance. It seemed only fair. Only just.

I turned and looked at the man who was holding my bag strap, keeping me from moving forward anymore. His grip was tight and even though I had turned around, he hadn't let go.

"You must not have heard me," he inhaled slightly "I asked you to wait a few minutes... It is our last time together aft-"

"What the fuck are doing?" Hayden's voice interrupted.

Both Mr. Jackson and I turned and stared at the one in the doorway. A cold, vicious glacial gaze honed in on the hand that was gripping my bag. I wanted to weep and run to him but something sane, some part of me that kept reminding itself this mural needed to go off without a hitch, clamped down that feeling. Not just for me, not just for all the girls that might have or may be abused by the one behind me, but also for Hayden himself. To save him from what he wanted to become.

"Oh, you're right. I did forget to give back my World History book." I said with as much ease as I could, trying to face Mr. Jackson. Some part of me caved a little under that, seeing Mr. Jackson's eyes burn with pleasure and predatory intent. He smiled, a tremoring grin as the ecstasy hit him. I had done it again. I had protected his secret. My throat felt raw, my eyes aches, I didn't want Hayden to realize this was who had hurt me, but it felt like it cost me everything to lie like this again.

I reached for the book that was indeed still in my bag, a perfect excuse since it was actually true, and handed it to Mr. Jackson.

He took it slowly, those eyes devouring my face. I turned as soon as he had a hold of the book, trying hard not to run but still going straight to Hayden's side.

Those grey eyes were feral. His lips a slight snarl. I realized the entire exchange he had just witnessed still left him with fists so tight they were white, whether or not he believed what he saw.

Please believe it, please believe it I begged without a word.

But there was something unknown in his gaze as he held Mr. Jackson's eyes. A promise of some sort.

Finally, he put his arm around me and guided me away, making sure he followed a step behind to put himself between me and the teacher at our backs. Again, I felt like I was going to pass out.

Two more days. Two more days...

Please let us make it for two more days.

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"Nothing happened?" Hayden's voice ground out for the twentieth time as we drove back to my house.

"Yes, nothing happened".

I hated lying like this, I hated the lies he would uncover on Friday, and I hated how my own lies to myself as I told my brain over and over again what had happened was okay. Hayden could sense my unease, pressing me over and over again about if anything had happened, if I was okay.

I watched him back nervously, trying to figure out why he was even there in that doorway. He had, as of late.... In fact, ever since he saw the bruises on my wrist, made an effort to meet me between most my classes or to drive me to and from school. But he no longer pressed me about the incident ... about what happened, who had nearly broken my wrist that day.

Could he possibly know it was Jackson? Was that why he was there, coming in the class for me when I hadn't emerged?

No. I told myself. I prayed that was true. But that dangerous look Hayden had given Mr. Jackson... it wasn't just anger. It was a threat. A promise. An expression I had seen on his face throughout the years when he handled the betrayals of people around him; Jason from the soccer team, Mr. Hashimoto his old coach, his own uncle...

In all of those threats Hayden had given, he had done so in a way that it never led back to him. But he had still destroyed their lives.

And that terrified me. Hayden was going to be investigated because of this mural. If he knew it was Jackson who had hurt me... if he had something planned for Jackson, it would most likely come to public light in this investigation. And I knew damn well it wouldn't be legal... and it wouldn't be painless.

I kept telling myself he didn't know, he didn't know... but somewhere deep inside of me I knew he had to have figured it out. The tightness in my gut grew and my fingers spasmed uncontrollably. I clamped my hands into a fist as I squeezed the tremors in a bid to get them to stop; nails biting painfully into my flesh. Hayden saw that movements and immediately pulled the jeep over.

Putting us into park, he unbuckled his seatbelt and faced me, reaching out and claiming my hands.

"What are you doing" I asked breathlessly, as he held them to his face and kissed my knuckles gently. Those gray glacial eyes opened and met mine.

"I've got you" he whispered, the same soft breath as he had when he carried me last night. "You don't have to be scared. You don't have to fight your hands. I will be here... I won't let anything happen to you."

And with that... all of the terror I had felt earlier, the guilt, the pain... it all slipped away. My nose ached as the tears brimmed into the corner of my eyes and I threw my arms around Hayden.

"I'm scared of what will happen after this Friday," I breathed honestly. "And please don't even ask if I want to go through with this still. I do. But I don't want to destroy this happiness I found." and at that I did cry. I couldn't say it; please don't do anything stupid if you know about Jackson. He will be arrested after this. I am going to personally have him charged with my assault.

But I kept that in, I didn't need him to find out if he truly already hadn't. so instead, I just held him tightly and tried not to cry harder than I already was doing.

His large hands moved through my hair softly, repeating over and over again.

You are safe.

I have you.

You don't ever need to be scared like this again.

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a/n:

Starset's song "Perfect Machine" is how Alys used to picture Hayden's mind working, give it a listen- its addicting.

I'm very happy to be back, its been such a trying time for me but I am grateful to those who have helped push me through it all.

I'm sorry I can't write it faster than that- I'm still piecing the rest of my life back together.

Thank you all, my dear readers.

Until we meet again... next week :D