Part of an act - XVII
"Judith Beheading Holofernes" (female rage collection) oil painting by Caravagio, 1598
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"Alys?"
I glanced towards Doctor Augustine's eyes, protectively leaning against my phone in my pocket.
"Yes?" I answered stalely.
"This is a safe place dear; a safe room. You've known me most your life and you know I've always had your best interest at heart... so Alys, please don't lie. There's no need for that here; you are surrounded by those who love and care about you..." She paused slightly, probably for the dramatic effect as all eyes were on her, "It was you, wasn't it? You were the one who drew the posters."
For a few good few seconds I couldn't say anything. "No. It. Wasn't." I finally growled outraged. It had no effect on her sympathetic state.
"Alys, please, all we want to do is help. Do you expect me to believe that your compulsion is truly gone when so much of this high school life is bearing down on you?" she crinkled her face together like it was even painful for her to talk about, "What are the odds that these dark pranks and emotions have churned about, posters and crude drawings were created in their wake, and it wasn't you who had created them?"
"It. Wasn't." I said darkly again. My mother seemed to want to throw something at Doctor Augustine... but unfortunately for me- the threat about her being a bad mother had shut down any actions on her part hence forth. She would never let her image be labeled and tarnished like that. Never again. And so, she sat quiet; refusing to move, to snap or yell, instead resigning herself to just watch Doctor Augustine with blatant disgust. If only she knew those actions were showing just the opposite; she really was a shit human being.
"Dr. Augustine," Mr. Rodriguez began erasing something that was on the paper before him, "I have already assured you we had accordingly handled the earlier situations. It really was in fact her friend who had drawn those posters; we had Karri's confession, her phone with texts, and her own father's word that she had been working on it the nights before its debut."
I ground my teeth together at the idea of Mr. Hendricks willingly ratting out his daughter, no longer caring for her situation now that she had humiliated him in front of our town.
"I don't believe it." Augustine said curtly, "I believe her friend attempted to cover for Alys. And I also believe this school has failed the State utterly short in their handling of this situation. And that you have allowed her to paint mural is the cherry on top of it all. When I find out Alys was responsible for those pos-"
"Unfortunately, mam', you won't."
The hairs rose upon the back of my neck. I turned and glanced at Hayden. He was smiling softly to Augustine, and I panicked wondering if he received my text. She was too smart; too dangerously keen and manipulative in her own way, and no amount of sugar-coating her would work on his part. The only thing that ever worked against her instincts was using partial truths, but he didn't know that.
"Excuse me?" She stammered suddenly.
"Ah, Hayden, yes boy- sit down right there. Oh, don't worry- you're not in trouble." Mr. Rodriguez laughed as he stood and raised his hand welcoming. Hayden nodded curtly before finding the chair to other side of me.
"Ladies'," he said easily to my mother and I. She beamed wildly, obviously ecstatic at the idea of seeing Hayden again. But he no longer held her eyes, instead he faced the Grotesque Sins across from us; the two faults that always drove Doctor Augustine into obsession.
•Pride; her career was more than a profession; it was her very chief identity, and she had to be unparalleled in her work.
•Wrath; the need, the vicious demand to annihilate anything that stood in her way, or in the way of her self-perceived patient's best interest.
"So, you're Hayden?" Doctor Augustine asked slowly, gazing him up and down as she absorbed his form and persona.
"Yes, I am. And may I ask who you are?"
But before she could answer, Mr. Rodriguez waved a hand tiredly from his chair. "Dr. Augustine is here to check up on Alys. And she has brought up some concerns she has about this mural and about the posters. Now I will remind you Doctor Augustine." he glanced to her now, and the way he enunciated her title was not missed by any of us, "That though Alys is present, you must still abide by the doctor/patient confidentiality regulations."
Her smile was tight. I almost closed my eyes. The fool had no idea what he was doing. Perhaps he thought she was a temporary interruption, something he could challenge after her crude audacity. But he was wrong.
She was the top of her line of work. The only others doctor who could rise to meet her were Dr. Hathaway, and a select few others around the State. And despite her apparent ease with meddling in my life, she truly was something to fear. I wondered how soon Mr. Rodriguez would get a call from the school district; I wondered how soon he would realize how connected the State's ropes were to this god-awful play we were all in.
But until then, she merely glanced away from him.
"Hayden, dear, would you mind explaining again why I won't find out it was Alys who made those posters?"
"You are wording it like I am attempting to cover something up," He acknowledged easily, and I watched him with wonder and fear. He wasn't going to sugar-coat her. He was going to challenge her. But not in the way Mr. Rodriguez had. No... it was going to be subliminal; mental.
It was going to be wolf to wolf.
No, my fingers shook, my mind screaming as if Hayden could her it's very words, she can always tell if you lie. Don't use psychology against her! If she realizes you know how to exploit the psyche, she will know you have trained yourself to lie and hide! She will know you are not normal!
I pleaded THIRD WOLF with my eyes, subtly miming the words with my lips again, begging him not to, as I tried to hide the angle of my face away from Dr. Augustine. She could not find out he was familiar with Psychoanalysis. No normal person, student or otherwise, should be familiar with the study of personalities. If they were, it meant they knew how to manipulate.
But when Hayden glanced my way- a chill rolled up my spine. His cold eyes and slightly curled lip said it all. Shut up. This doesn't concern you.
Shock widened my eyes and then a god-awful emotion polluted my veins; hurt.
My eyes fell towards my fist, and I tried to control my scattered emotions. Fucking bastard, I had gone out of my way to warn him... and in the end he just gives me a vicious and contemptuous look. But I was more ashamed of myself than anything... what was I expecting? That this alliance would somehow change the hatred between us? Somehow, I had convinced myself that his interest for me would somehow also mean tolerance for me and how we interacted. But clearly, I had over stepped that line.
My inner demon seemed to burn through my thoughts in its anger; the irony and satire of it all just too much. A puppet does not have a voice of its own, you idiot.
The creature beside me glanced back out to those before him. I forgot how much he detested people in general, but for whatever reason... there was loathing visible within his cold eyes as he gazed towards Augustine.
"You said you were a doctor?" His tongue rolled through the words slowly.
"A Clinical Psychiatrist." she smiled.
"And you're... concerned... about Alys painting a mural? Because she might paint crude things?" the mocking tone of his voice made my hands sweat nervously.
"Not 'she might'," Augustine began to say, and I knew instantly she wanted to explain my tick... but she stopped suddenly- distastefully aware of Mr. Rodriguez staring very intently at her. "But there's always a chance." She finally said.
He watched her silently for a moment before looking at Mr. Rodriguez. "So, this whole meeting is just to sit here and listen to a doctor's fears Alys might somehow paint something mean? That she might hurt some feelings?" He laughed suddenly, but its coldness was easily heard.
"I assure you, Hayden." she said lowly, "There is much more to this. But of course, I am bound to protect my patient's confidentiality rights. But enough about Alys now. I'm rather curious about you; I find it very odd considering your personality that you would want to participate in this tribute, you clearly have a chip on your shoulder. Perhaps your grades are failing?" she asked mildly, more so to herself than anyone else. "No, that's not it, Mr. Rodriguez is clearly prideful you in; you must be one of the best students here. What about to help get into college, as Alys confesses to be her motive?" She stood slowly and began walking towards the office wall, decorated with pictures. "But as you won't be responsible for the painting itself and getting credit- I highly doubt that motive as well."
Doctor Augustine turned away from the photos as she watched the young man beside me silently. A distrusting emotion seemed to capture her eyes as she wandered towards us. A cold hand gently pressed against my shoulder, "Perhaps an interest of other sorts?" She inquired softly, though the idea seemed to displease her, "high school is the time of young love, I suppose." I could feel her gaze falling to me. Heat rose to the tips on my ears in immediate discomfort. "But I suppose I might be wrong about that too, based on how you looked at her before."
My own hands tightened painfully in even more embarrassment and hatred for them both; realizing that while she hadn't seen my face to Hayden, she had seen his cold gaze towards me and knew roughly what it had meant; that he wanted nothing personal to do with me.
"It matters not," she sighed as finally she walked away, "I will be keeping an eye on all of this." her eyes turned to Mr. Rodriguez and my mother, "Alys may proceed with this mural. But I will very much like to monitor its progress as well, if you will accept?".
My mother wavered for a second before nodding her head in reluctant agreement. She reached forward and began signing something the was already out on the desk before my arrival.
"If I see any form of what we talked about earlier, I will act swiftly." Doctor Agustine continued, "Until then-" those brown eyes shifted to me, "I will see you again in a few weeks. I think this has all been very enlightening. I have much to look into and confirm with the State on appropriate steps moving forward."
For a moment, her eyes skirted to Hayden before back to me. She finally nodded towards our Vice Principle, before gathering her things and heading for the door. She seemed to not entirely believe what was laid out before her. My eyes dreadfully followed her, trying to decipher what it was she thought and what it was she planned to do next. But Doctor Augustine always had a barrier I could never see past. And like the many moments of our shared past together, she gave me a gaze that felt like a guillotine's shadow was cast upon my neck. Without another word, she left us all behind.
Mr. Rodriguez sighed, and looked towards my mother, "Truly Mrs. Westbrook, I apologize for any stress this may have been placed upon you. I was surprised from the email I got from the school district, claiming they knew it was Alys Westbrook painting and thus wanted a new set of eyes on this mural. But I didn't realize it would be someone already familiar with your daughter. Although perhaps its for the best."
"It's quite alright," Julianna said against her tight smile, "Dr. Augustine can be quite... eccentric."
"Eccentric?" The word seemed to spark his attention, "Surely you don't mean that. Were you not just fighting with her a moment ago?"
But my mother only laughed through her tightened jaw. She wasn't ignorant to what just happened. Augustine threatened to put her back under scrutiny, and that was something my mother would never allow to happen. I knew that she too could sense the trouble Mr. Rodriguez had just caused for himself. She distastefully smiled towards him now, uneasy at being so close to him and associating with him. He was now a blemish to her eyes.
"I think it's time that we should get going," My mother stood and beckoned me to follow. I stood as well but refused to look back at Hayden. But I suddenly I felt his towering form rise after me and shadow me out.
As we finally left the office and emerged into the halls again, my mother finally addressed me. "We should go home." she said lightly, trying to retain her pleasantries in front of Hayden. But those manners were fading, she could care less about him. She wanted out now and that was it.
"No," I said, "I am to meet Ms. Lexington in the Stadium."
"Fuck that mural," my mother snapped, before instantly shutting her mouth and turning a shade of red. She managed to not glance at the shadow behind me. "You are forbidden from doing that thing, do you hear me? You will tell them that you no longer want to work on this tribute! It is causing too much trouble, and I will not let you take any part in it."
I smiled slightly, but it was cold... humorless. Recognition slammed through her. She looked like she had been slapped as she stared at my lips. I watched those fists tighten and shake as she continued to stare at me. My words were unspoken, but she could still hear them clearly. For ten years she had been screaming at me to stop drawing, to stop coping with what she had done. And the irony of it was not lost on her. She could never break me from the pencil and paper. So she had forsaken me; whether she would admit to it or not. And despite the fact that only now was she was trying to dabble, it was all really for her sake and not mine.
My cold gaze and stretched lips told her what I thought of her.
She had the grace to look ashamed. But it only lasted a moment.
"Be home after school is done." she hissed. But something behind me caught her attention. My mother's eyes somewhat widened confused and wary.
"She'll be with me after school," Hayden said. It was dry, and sharp. My hand tightened in my grasp, but I played along with his play; feeling his puppet strings around me almost commanding me to partake in his sudden lie.
"We have lots to prepare. I'll be home later when I'm done."
My mother breathed heavily, glancing between the two of us. But her eye finally found me again, widening a little more as she finally realized it for the first time. I was different. Something inside of me had changed. The worry creased her brows, her thoughts easily seen. Maybe Augustine is right about the tick.... But she clearly overruled that thought.
"Fine then," she said sharply instead. She spun on her heel and stormed away from us.
As she left, I told Hayden her thoughts. "She has no idea what's become of her daughter. She always wanted me to be a perfect dutiful daughter, and though I never entirely was, I never purposely corrupted that image of hers either. Yes, she could never get me to stop drawing, but other than that I always listened to her. Bowed my head when told, patiently attended her groups and gatherings, helped maintain or cleaned up whatever mess- whether physical or social- she told me to. Yet here I told her no.... "
I turned my head and finally met his eyes. I almost smiled, seeing the reason for my mother's discomfort.
"You look very frightening." I acknowledged truthfully. My mother had never seen Hayden anything but smiling and charming those around him. Yet how he looked now was like a different person. Dark brows creased and framed cold intense eyes; shadowing the skin around them. His mouth, always smiling, was now a sharp frown set tightly against his jawline, his teeth somewhat clenched. He looked dangerous and deadly. Beautiful even.
"Why shouldn't I?" he enquired softly, his tone sounding entirely different from what my mother heard. It was softer now, quieter. It made me uncomfortable; this different attitude was what let me falsely feel we were on equal ground. But that was obviously an illusion that would change at any moment. And I wouldn't forget it again.
"I just didn't expect you to show my mother that face." I said as I began walking away from him and toward the new building where the tribute lay. There was no point in retuning to Mr. Hastens' class, the bell was about to ring here shortly. But suddenly a hand reached out and pulled me back. I yipped in surprise as the heated fingers gently but firmly pulled me back to his side.
"I don't know what she did to you," he said closely to me, his revulsion clearly evident upon his lips, "But you're fine the way you are. Don't change that."
I leaned away and stared at him in astonishment. "W... what?" I somehow worded, though my voice cracked somewhere in between.
Those glacial eyes watched me, and again, like when he first cornered me, I felt his finger suddenly trace my jawline as his free hand inconspicuously rose to tilt my face towards him gently. I had a nervous habit of lowering my chin, and it was one he clearly didn't care for.
He watched my expression of shock and confusion. Finally, something else replaced the intense look in eyes.
"So try not to fuck us over, you idiot." he said, and those fingers dropped.
My face must have said it all, for he exhaled and began walking away, seeming to have mercy on my dumbfounded state.
"You texted me about Dr. Augustine." Hayden recounted. He wasn't going to address his previous words to me though...
You're fine the way you are. Don't change that.
"Yes." I said unsure. But my heart was murmuring uneasily in my chest. What just happened?
"Third wolf," he said again, "and yet the moment I sit next to you, you stare at me, openly pleading with your wide eyes. If it wasn't for the mere fact alone that Dr. Augustine could only see the back of your head, you would have fucked this whole mural over."
"I had to!" I snapped. "You don't think I knew what I was risking? But I could tell instantly you were challenging her! I had to do something or she would feel threatened and would pry into your past like Mr. Kinsley!"
I gasped and covered my mouth. He stopped moving the moment the words left my mouth, and my stomach seemed to have fallen complete away from me. For half a second we both were frozen, but then in my panic I turned and began fast walking the other way, instinct forcing me to put in distance and to escape.
"Alys." that cold voice said from where I had left him, though he still had yet to turn and face me. I kept going for a few more feet before stopping and just stood there, staring at the ground. What was I doing? I couldn't just run from him and avoid him. I needed him for this revenge... But I was scared of him now that he knew that I knew.
"Yes." I said quietly.
It was quiet behind me for a few moments, at first I wasn't sure he was going to answer, but when he finally spoke I realized he was now standing behind me.
"Let me ask you something."
A jolt of nerves tightened my spine as I stared nervously at my feet. I could feel the gaze above me, hear his controlled breathing steadily behind me. He was going to ask how much I knew, how much I had figured out. I wondered if he would believe me when I answered truthfully and said nothing.
"...What?" I barely answered.
"You run the moment you're scared. An old habit I assume?" he said instead. My head jolted up and I turned and faced him.
He watched my face, then down to my hands. "And I'm assuming it's all related." he commented more so to himself. I didn't say anything, just stared at him. My face was apparently enough of an answer. My inner demon howled; tearing through my mind and making it feel raw. I wanted out, I wanted to run. But I couldn't so close to the man before me.
He seemed to ponder my face and emotions, openly taking in the evidence I couldn't conceal.
"Don't be afraid of me Alys." Hayden finally said. "I promise I won't do anything to you."
For a moment, it felt like my mind stopped. But it didn't last long.
Don't listen to him, something inside of me said. This is all part of an act.
"We need to get going." I forced my mouth to create those words. His brows creased together slightly, but I didn't say anything more. I wasn't a fool. I wouldn't fall for the same act again.
"Alys..." he said again, but I looked away.
"We're going to be late Hayden." I said swiftly.
And without another word, I turned and began walking to the stadium.
.
.
.
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A/N:
I know it kind of stops on a cliff hanger, but I have to move on to my school work! sorry. I'm also preparing for a trip to South Korea in four weeks, so the next updates might get a little weird, we'll see. I haven't had time to edit the last chapter or this one, but please let me know if you see anything.
Thanks guys,
-Helium
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