"So I've got a question for you," Zeke said as he watched Squirt attempting to hack through a thick growth of vines with his spear. They seemed to have escaped the last of the torpedo hornets but now they found themselves facing an impassable growth of vegetation

"Whiny little boy man starting to annoy me," Squirt said as he tore off a big chunk of vine and flung it over his shoulder. "But go on. Ask, if you must."

"So you guys had one of those doors that you used to transport to my universe and grab me. I think you guys just left it behind when we materialized here. Why are we doing so much damn walking when we could have used that to cover a lot more distance a lot more easily?"

"Oh yeah. That. That just single use door. Good for one round trip then nothing but junk. That's why the little monkey who sold it to us gave us such good deal."

"Little monkey? Are you talking about Michelangelo?"

"Yes, that name rings bell."

"Has he gotten into the illicit door trade? I really need to have a talk with him. He used to be such a nice little monkey. Now he's going around calling himself the Bandit Prince. I feel a little like I was derelict in my duty to provide a positive role model for him."

"Anyone who look at you as role model must be huge loser," Squirt laughed. "There, I think I've carved way through. We go on now. Although I start to work up appetite. You want I make Poison Rainbow Serpent jerky now?"

"Gee, you know I think a big part of the joy of experiencing a treat like that lies in the anticipation," Zeke said. "Why don't we wait a little bit longer?"

"No, I think I should start making it now," Squirt said. "It takes a little while to prepare. I probably be starving by the time it's ready. Then we eat. Then I head back to village. You on your own from here."

"When you say a little while, exactly how long are we talking about here?"

"Not that long. Seventy-two hours, give or take thirty-six hours."

"It seems like I could make it to Quartzwater City a lot sooner than that. Couldn't you just drop some of that stuff off at your buddy's scorpion bat massage parlor? I mean I'm definitely one hundred percent going there so I'll be sure to try some."

"No, Poison Rainbow Serpent jerky best when fresh. You'd better wait while I prepare. Go ahead and make self comfortable. This look like good place to camp for the next few days."

"Well, it does feel good to relieve myself of this heavy snake carcass," Zeke said as he set his burden on the ground.

"You not let go of rock," Squirt said as he waved his spear at Zeke. "Don't want anything to happen to it. You hold and keep safe."

"All right, fine," Zeke said as he picked the boulder back up. "It's still lighter than the snake carcass. Can I at least sit down?"

"Oh do puny little man boy's feet hurt? Can he no stand up?"

"I can stand, it's just if we're going to be awhile I thought it might be nice to sit down. You did just say to make myself comfortable."

"You do what you need to do. Wimp."

Zeke sat himself underneath a tall, gnarled tree covered in moss. He balanced the boulder on his lap and rubbed at his swollen aching arm and shoulder. The ground wasn't exactly soft, but he was tired enough he was pretty sure he could take a nice lengthy nap. Before he knew it sleep had overtaken him.

When he awoke several hours later he saw Squirt standing in a pose of high alert with his spear at the ready. He was standing next to a sizeable cooking fire he had built. The snake carcass was roasting over it held up by some sort of tower he had built out of wood. It actually smelled kind of good and Zeke felt an involuntary rumble in his tummy.

"Is that almost ready? I'm getting pretty hungry actually."

"Shut your face, little wimpy man," Squirt said. "Something coming our way."

Zeke could hear a loud rustling in some nearby bushes and then something emerged that looked like a giant slug with fangs.

"Oh no," Squirt said. "A Thelgmar. These things biggest moochers in jungle."

"Good day to you, sirs," the slug said. "Would that happen to be a Poison Rainbow Serpent I see roasting on your fire? Those things are my favorite."

Squirt pointed his spear at the slug. "This ours. We not have enough to share. You go find your own. Go away now."

The slug let out a laugh and then spit out a stream of green fluid. It splattered all over Squirt's spear causing it to melt. "Come now, gentlemen. There's no need to be stand-offish. It seems to me there's plenty of Poison Rainbow Serpent to go around for everyone."

"You just destroy my favorite spear," Squirt said. "I win that in dice game against my grandmother. Now you've made Squirt angry." He balled up his fist and swung at the slug. His hand disappeared up to his elbow in the creature's gelatinous body. When he pulled it out it was covered in slime, but the slug seemed to be unharmed.

"Maybe we should just let him have some," Zeke said. "It's a really big snake. I should know. I've been carrying the damn thing for the past twenty miles give or take eighty miles."

"This is why you big wimp," Squirt said. "You not stand up for what is yours. I, on the other hand." He attempted to get the slug into a headlock, but it just sort of oozed its way free.

"Your friend seems reasonable," the slug said. "You should listen to him. Unless, of course you want to hand him over. He also looks pretty tasty. I could have him for dessert after I eat your Poison Rainbow Serpent. I'll even share him with you, since that's the sort of generous guy I am."

"You want little man boy, you welcome to him, but you not get Poison Rainbow Serpent," Squirt said.

"Whoa," Zeke said. "You're just going to hand me over to this guy? Not cool, man. And here I thought we were starting to become friends."

"There you go again. I never say we friends. That's you projecting."

"Sorry to break up your little lover's spat, but I've got places to be, so if you don't mind I'll just be taking that." The slug slurped down the snake carcass in one gulp. Then it flicked out a surprisingly long tongue and swallowed the decapitated snake head.

"Oh, now you bring world of hurt upon yourself, Thelgmar," Squirt said. "Pathetic little man boy. Hand me my rock."

"Here, take it big guy," Zeke said as he deposited the boulder in Squirt's outstretched hand. Squirt started pounding the slug with it, although it didn't seem to be doing much damage.

Zeke decided to take advantage of the opportunity to slip away. As soon as he was out of sight he took off running. "It feels like we've been walking forever. Quartzwater City can't be too far away, can it? I hope I'm heading in the right direction."

After a few minutes he came to a large river. "I remember a river from last time. If I recall correctly it flowed right on into the city. I must be on the right track."

He started following the river downstream being careful to avoid the numerous muddy bogs that dotted its banks. He'd had enough close encounters with quicksand recently to want to risk getting stuck again. It was slow going as there wasn't a clearly defined path running along the river and the muddy sections were often difficult to get around. After a few hours he spotted a small wooden house built right next to the river. A water wheel turned slowly as the river current passed by.

"I don't remember that from last time. Maybe it's new? Or maybe I'm further upriver than before. Well, maybe whoever lives here can tell me how far away I am from Quartzwater City."

He walked up to the house and knocked on the front door. He waited for a few minutes and listened to the water wheel making a creaking noise as it turned. He knocked one more time and continued to wait. He was about to give up and just keep following the river when the door flew open and some sort of creature that looked like a fly man opened the door and pointed a flamethrower in his face.

"What do you want, boy? Speak up or I'll roast you right here and now. You're not another one of those insurance salesmen, are you? Are you? Speak up, boy! My blasting finger's getting itchy."

"I'm not a salesman. I'm just trying to get back to Quartzwater City and I might possibly be a little lost. I was hoping you could tell me how far away it is."

"Quartzwater City? What in tarnation are you doing all the way out here? I'll say you got yourself lost. You dumb or something?"

"It's not like I just wandered out here on my own. I got taken against my will and now I'm trying to find my way back. I don't really think I should have to explain myself to you. Are you going to tell me how far away I am or what? I'm pretty sure it's just down the river, I just want to know how much farther."

"Down the river? You mean this river? Oh goodness no. This river just goes around in a big circle. If you continued following this river you'd end up right back here in a few days. Nah, you want to follow the Purple Worm River. It's a couple miles south of here. It flows directly into Quartzwater City. Probably get there in half a day or so by foot. But if I were you I'd hunker down for the night and head off in the morning. Nightfall's approaching and that's when all the really nasty beasties come out."

"How can you tell it's nightfall?" Zeke asked. "It's been nothing but pitch black in this jungle the entire time I've been in here."

"You ever hear of clocks, boy? They're this new-fangled device that lets you know what time it is."

"I know what a clock is. I mean how do the nocturnal creatures know it's night? Why are there nocturnal creatures at all when there's no difference between day and night in this godforsaken place? Look, nevermind. If you say that even worse creatures are going to come out, I really don't want to mess with that. I'll hunker down for the night. Do you have any suggestions where might be a good place to do that?"

"Hmm," the fly man said as he pulled out a pipe and stuck it in his mouth. He gave his flamethrower a little flick and lit his pipe. He took a deep draw on it and blew the smoke out. "Well, we don't get too many travellers out here and my ma always taught me to help out folks in need. You don't seem like the murdering type. I suppose I could let you hunker down in the guest bedroom."

"That's great, sir. I really appreciate that."

"Just one thing," the fly man said as he pointed the flamethrower directly at Zeke's crotch. "Don't even think about touching any of my daughters or I swear to all that's holy I'll burn your dick off."

"Hey now, I'm sure that won't be necessary," Zeke said. Several large maggots wearing lipstick and eyeshadow peeked around the door at Zeke and started giggling. "Uh, yeah, I'm definitely sure that won't be necessary. Is there any chance you could point that thing somewhere else."

The fly man looked at him silently for a moment and then lowered the flamethrower. "Mavis, Bessie, Lurleen, Betty Sue, Clarabelle, Daisy, Bobbie Jo, Henrietta, Violet, Wanda, Tabitha, show this nice man to the guest room, will you girls?"

The maggots responded with another round of giggles as they surrounded Zeke and herded him into a small dirty room with a little cot in it.

"Make yourself at home," the fly man said. "The name's Pervis, by the way. Dinner will be served in an hour. Bobbie Jo here is preparing her award winning rotting muskrat carcass casserole. Hope you brought your appetite. And remember, no touching any of my daughters or your dick gets flambéed." He pulled out a large bottle of brandy and took a swig off of it. "Can I offer you a drink?"

"No thank you, I'm good," Zeke said. "Uh, I think I'll just try to take a little nap if that's okay with you."

"Suit yourself," Pervis said with a shrug as he took another swig off the brandy bottle and went into the next room where he parked himself in a reclining chair.

Zeke tried to close the door to the guest bedroom, but it wouldn't latch and swung back open. He laid down on the cot, which was about as soft as a bag of gravel. He couldn't help but notice the maggots were staring at him from the other room. One of them kept winking at him while another one blew him a kiss. This caused them to erupt into another round of giggles. Zeke rolled over and turned his back to the door. He felt like he could still feel their eyes on him and sleep eluded him. It probably didn't help that he had taken a pretty long nap under that tree earlier. Also an extremely foul smell was wafting into the room from the kitchen and that wasn't helping much either. He laid awake until one of the maggots walked into the room to inform him that dinner was served.

"I've got to be honest, I'm not really all that hungry. I'm also really sleepy. I think I'll just call it a night, if that's okay."

"But daddy would take it as an extremely rude insult if you refused to eat dinner with us," the maggot said with a pout. "Not to mention all of us girls would be ever so disappointed."

"Well, I certainly don't want to upset your father," Zeke said as he got out of bed. "He seems a bit antsy to use that blowtorch of his."

"It's a flamethrower," the maggot said. "And my daddy is one of the world's foremost experts in using it. Look, he's got lots of trophies on his shelf."

Zeke glanced over and saw a lot of trophies with plaques that read things like "Deadliest Flame Huck County Fair" and "Most Humans Roasted."

"That's very impressive," Zeke said with a gulp.

Pervis insisted that Zeke take his seat at the head of the table. Not wanting to offer any further insult, Zeke accepted and sat down. Pervis took the seat to Zeke's immediate right while the maggots argued over who got to sit in the seat to his left. Eventually the one known as Lurleen emerged victorious and took the seat whereupon she immediately began playing footsies under the table with Zeke. He attempted to move his foot out of her reach, but she stretched further and kept right on.

"All right, son," Pervis said. "As our honored guest, would you care to lead us in grace?"

"Uh..." Zeke stuttered. "I would love to do that, but I'm afraid I'm not from around these parts. I'm not really sure what constitutes grace around here."

"Why don't you say a traditional grace from your homeland? It'll be educational and lord knows the girls could use more culture."

"Um, okay," Zeke said as he bowed his head and closed his eyes. "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub?"

Pervis stared at him for a minute in silence and then burst out laughing. "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub! That's a good one! I'll have to remember that. Now why don't I go ahead and lead us in a more traditional grace?" He started to make a sound like he was clearing his throat. Zeke thought he was just preparing to speak, but after this went on for several minutes he began to realize this was the grace. After another twenty minutes of this he finally came to a stop and the maggots all made an echoing throat clearing noise that seemed to single the end of the proceedings.

"Now why don't we go around the table and each say something we're thankful for? Why doesn't the honored guest start us off?"

"Uh, okay," Zeke said. "I'm glad that grace is finished and we can finally eat."

Pervis stared at him in silence for another minute before bursting out laughing again. "You're funny, boy. I like that. I'll go next. I'm thankful for my flamethrower and the power it gives me to burn the dick off of anyone who would even think about laying their hands on one of my sweet, innocent daughters. Daisy, would you care to go next?"

"I'm thankful that such a cute man decided to visit us for the night," the maggot said and winked at him.

"Okay," Pervis said with a slight frown. "Betty Sue?"

"I'm also thankful that this man came to visit us, although I would call him sexy more so than cute." This elicited another round of giggles from all the maggots at the table.

"All right," Pervis said nodding his head. "Mavis, it's your turn."

"I'm thankful that the cute sexy man who's visiting us is going to be staying for the whole night."

They made their way around the table and each of Pervis's daughters in turn made some reference to the attractive visitor who was staying with them for the night. Zeke was getting increasingly uncomfortable, especially as the maggot known as Lurleen had started rubbing his knee underneath the table.

"Would you care to do the honors?" Pervis asked as he presented a dish to Zeke that smelled like something had died and then been vomited on. It didn't look much more appetizing either as a bunch of hair, bones, and intestines seemed to be protruding out of what looked like moldy bread.

"I had a really huge lunch, so I'll just take a little tiny bit. It's a shame because this looks amazing." Zeke scooped up as small of a portion as he thought he could get away with without causing insult and then attempted to spread it around his plate as thinly as possible so it looked like he had eaten it. Nobody else seemed to notice as they were voraciously digging into their meals.

"There's enough here for seconds," Pervis said as he waved the dish in Zeke's face again. "You want some more?"

"Like I said, my belly is bursting with fullness."

"Suit yourself. Your loss, though, son." Pervis dumped the rest of the casserole on his plate and proceeded to messily devour it. "All right, girls. We've got an early morning tomorrow. Lots of chores to do. Get these dishes clean and then everybody to bed."

The maggots all let out a collective "Awwwww," but they begrudgingly got up and cleared the table and then started preparing for bed.

"You want to come sit by the fire with me and have a drink and a smoke?" Pervis asked.

"That's very kind of you, but I'm super sleepy and I'm hoping to get an early start in the morning myself," Zeke said. "If you don't mind, I think I'll just hit the sack."

"Suit yourself," Pervis said with a shrug as he lowered himself into his easy chair, grabbed his flamethrower and lit up his pipe again.

Zeke got back in the cot and attempted to will himself to sleep, but he couldn't seem to drift off. He tossed and turned for awhile and eventually heard Pervis get up from his chair and go off to his bedroom. All the lights went off and the house was still, other than the constant creak of the water wheel coming in from outside. It was quite high pitched and loud and the more Zeke tried to ignore it the more it started to annoy him. He rolled over onto his side and attempted to cover his ears with the pillow. He was just beginning to doze off when he felt the blanket on top of him start to stir. He rolled over to the other side and found that a maggot had crawled into the cot with him.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered. "You have to get out of here immediately before your father comes down."

"Daddy sleeps like a fallen oak tree," the maggot said. "The water wheel could blow up and he wouldn't wake up. Now why don't you come over here and give me a kiss?"

"Um, I'd really rather not. I'm really, really sleepy. Also I'm probably old enough to be your father. Not to mention the whole maggot thing."

There was a creaking sound on the floorboard nearby and Zeke looked up to see another maggot in his room. "What do you think you're doing, Henrietta? Get your filthy paws off of him. I saw him first."

"Why don't you make me, Mavis?"

"I will," the maggot known as Mavis said as she jumped onto the cot and began fighting with her sister. In the meantime the rest of the maggots had tiptoed into the room and upon seeing their sisters began joining in the fight. Soon there was a pile of giant maggots rolling around on top of Zeke trying to throttle each other.

A moment later the light in the room came on and Zeke saw Pervis standing in the doorway wielding his flamethrower. "What the tarnation is going on in here? What's all the racket?" He stopped and made awkward eye contact with Zeke. "You! I told you what would happen if you touched any of my daughters! And now I come in here to find all of them in bed with you! After I opened up my home and shared my food with you! Prepare to get your dick torched off!"

Zeke let out a little high pitched whimper as he managed to wiggle out of the cot, shoved Pervis aside, and made a break for the front door.