Zeke was already waist deep in a pool of quicksand and sinking quickly. "I really think it would help if I dropped this dead snake. I'm pretty sure it's weighing me down."

"You no drop snake or I drop large boulder on your head," the large furry creature said. "I tell you a hundred times already to not struggle. That just makes you sink faster. What you need to do is lay on your back. Then you just float."

"There's no way in hell I'm laying down," Zeke said. "Look why don't I throw you one end of this snake and then you can use it to help pull me out."

"Hmm. I would hate to damage serpent carcass. That might affect the flavor of the jerky. Still, I suppose weak little boy man like you probably can't do too much damage with your scrawny little muscles. Okay, throw me serpent. I pull you out."

"Okay. Uh, do you think there's any chance we could hurry this up a little? I think there's something alive in here. It feels like it's trying to suck on my toes."

"Impatient little man, aren't we? Should have watched where you were going and not walked into quicksand in the first place."

"It was completely covered in leaves and fallen branches. Hell, it looks like every other patch of ground in this jungle. How was I supposed to look out for it? It's not like anyone's posted a 'Danger Quicksand Ahead' sign or anything. Just pull me out, would you?"

He tossed the tail end of the serpent to his big furry companion who managed to pull him free of the quagmire. Just as he reached solid ground the head popped off the serpent in his hands.

"I told you not to damage snake. Now you go and ruin jerky! I think I push you back into quicksand."

"There's no need to do that. It's not like you were going to use the head anyway, right?"

"Stupid little puny man! The head is the best part. That's where all the poison is."

"It's still salvageable," Zeke said. "See? It just came off in one piece. It's not like it disintegrated into bits or anything. You can still make your poison snake jerky."

"Maybe," the creature muttered. "But if it not taste good, I'm carrying you back here and throwing you back in quicksand. Except this time we throw the top part of you in first."

"I'm sure it's going to be extra delicious. It's a little known fact, but I have it on good authority that the secret to really great snake jerky is popping the head off first."

"In that case I'm sure you will ask for many portions of jerky once it is prepared. Otherwise I will assume that you have ruined it and will punish you by throwing you in quicksand."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be eating lots of that stuff for sure. When exactly were you planning on making it?"

"Soon. Not hungry yet. Had big breakfast this morning."

"Gotcha. Say, if you're going to keep travelling with me do you have a name?"

"Yes."

They walked in silence for a moment. "So, uh, do you care to share your name with me? I'm Zeke, by the way. You can stop calling me puny little man or whatever."

"I am known as Zhihginsgbtktuybzihfbbtrjggh J."

"I see. Is it ok if I just call you J?"

"No. If you must shorten name down you may refer to me as Zhihginsgbtktuybzihfbbtrjggh."

"Um, maybe I'll just call you Sir."

"No need for formalities. Call me Zhihginsgbtktuybzihfbbtrjggh. I insist. All my friends do. Are you saying you do not consider yourself my friend?"

"No, not at all. I just don't think I can pronounce that."

"Is very easy. Are you stupid as well as puny?"

"No, I just don't think I have the proper mouth muscles to say that word. Are you sure there's nothing else I can call you?"

"Well, my mom used to call me Squirt. I guess you can call me that."

"Squirt it is. Nice to meet you, Squirt. Now that we're on a first name basis, don't you think it would be rude to kill me? Especially, since as you brought up, we're friends now?"

"I didn't say I was your friend. I asked if you considered yourself my friend."

"I absolutely do. Close personal friends. I could feel the bond pretty much instantly."

"Also I find it much less rude to kill someone than to ruin their Poison Rainbow Serpent jerky."

"Yes, but as we've well established, I didn't ruin it. It's going to be mighty scrumptious. Can we get back to walking towards Quartzwater City now?"

"Yes, but you carry serpent carcass. Also this cool rock I found." Squirt threw something that was more of a small boulder on top of the snake carcass. He made sure to balance the snake head on top. "It very cool looking. Also if you drop snake I use it to bash your head in. Then maybe I try making puny little man boy jerky."

"The name's Zeke, remember?"

"Yeah, I not able to say that word. Plus you puny and scrawny and look like tiny little baby. I keep calling you whatever I feel like."

"I'm a little confused here. The queen let me go, so are you like my traveling companion or my captor?"

"Neither," said Squirt. "I just a man who really wants to share Poison Rainbow Serpent jerky. Now keep walking." He poked Zeke with the pointy end of his spear again.

Something came flapping right over Zeke's head and then disappeared into the trees. "What the heck was that?"

"Oh that? Nothing to worry about. Just scorpion bat. Their stingers not hurt too much."

Suddenly they walked into a whole swarm of the things. One of them swooped down and stung Zeke's arm. It felt like he had been run through with a samurai sword. Then his arm swelled up to twice its normal size and started throbbing painfully. "Ow! I thought you said their stingers didn't hurt very much! That hurts like hell!" Another one tried to sting him on the neck, but he managed to bat it away somehow with his swollen arm.

"They don't. I've been stung nineteen times since we wandered into swarm. I barely notice. Just little tickle really. You get one measly little sting and you big crybaby about it. Why I not surprised? Puny little man boy can't handle a scorpion bat sting. Well, no need to worry. Swarm is thinning out. We almost through."

Zeke caught another sting on his shoulder that hurt even worse than the first one had, but he tried not to make a big deal out of it, especially since he could see Squirt eyeballing him contemptuously.

"You're right, it actually kind of feels soothing," Zeke said through clenched teeth. "Someone ought to open some sort of massage parlor where they lay you down and let these things sting you all over. I bet you could make a lot of floss."

"Oh yeah. I have buddy that move to Quartzwater City and open one of those. He super rich now. You should go check out. I'm sure he give you discounted session if you tell him I send you."

"Yeah, that'll definitely be my first stop when I get to town. Because I didn't get enough of it just now."

"You want more? Swarm just right back there. We could walk through again. Save you some floss, too. See? Squirt smart and frugal."

"No, there's no need to go back. Time's a-wasting and all that jazz. Plus, I'm sure your friend is a professional. I'd probably be better off leaving it up to his capable hands."

"Eh. Between you and me he not that good. City slickers easily impressed. Not appreciate the true jungle experience. Plus he way overcharge. Out here you get for free. We should go back."

"Yeah, but what if they sting your snake carcass and ruin your jerky? A couple tried to poke it the first time but I managed to block them with my arm and shoulder. I might not be so lucky next time and we wouldn't want to put the jerky at risk, right?"

"You make good point. We no go back. Not worth jeopardizing jerky. Stingers could over-tenderize it and then it no good to anybody."

"Uh, I don't want to complain or anything, but now something's stinging my ankles."

"That because you standing on big lava anthill. You make lava ants angry and now they bite you. No worry though. Those things only hurt a little bit more than scorpion bats."

"Somehow this jungle is even less fun than I remember it from the last time I was here," Zeke said as he hurried away from the anthill. "And it wasn't very fun that time either."

"Hey you be careful," Squirt said. "This my home. You watch what you say about it."

"I meant to say it's very nice. I'm not sure why you don't get more tourists out here. Are we getting close to Quartzwater City yet?"

"It another ten miles or so away. Give or take fifteen miles."

Zeke walked right through a big spider web that stuck to his face.

"You no want that spider to bite you. That thing really hurt. Speaking of which, you should probably try to remove it from your back so you no get bit."

"Are you saying there's a spider on my back right now?" Zeke asked.

"Yes. Very big one. Also very hairy. Looks like it trying to crawl under your shirt."

"Get it off me, would you?"

"Me? I not touch that thing. It hurt really bad to get bit by that. I no risk it."

"Uh, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to set your snake and your rock down for just a second," Zeke said. He whipped off his shirt and smacked it into the ground several times and then stomped on it several times for good measure. Then he cautiously picked it up and examined it. "I don't see any sign of the spider. I must have gotten it."

"You no get it. You not see it because it still on your back."

"Oh for crying out loud," Zeke said as he slammed his back against the nearest tree. "Is it gone now?"

"Yes. But now you have poisonous caterpillar on your back that fell out of tree when you slam against it."

Zeke slammed his back against the tree again. "Is the poisonous caterpillar gone?"

"Yes, but now you knock loose giant torpedo hornet nest and they flying out of it. We should run now." Squirt took off down the path at a surprisingly fast rate. "You no leave my snake or rock behind or I take you back to quicksand and drop you in," he called back over his shoulder.

Zeke hastily wriggled back into his shirt, picked up the snake and rock making sure not to forget the snake head, and began running down the path after the big furry creature.