"I don't mean to bother you guys, but it's taking a long time for this Vance person to return and I'm getting kind of hungry," Dennis said as he poked his head in the door. "Did you happen to see if he had any snacks on the premises?"

"No," Dr. Octavius said as he shoved the last of the cheezy poofs into his mouth, crumbled up the bag, and tossed it behind him. "We searched the cabinets thoroughly, but there's nothing to eat here." He stuck his hand behind his back to conceal his fingers, which were covered in incriminating orange dust.

"Did I tell you that you could abandon your post?" Lothar said.

"No, sir," Dennis sighed.

"Then get back out there and resume your position. Damn it, man. You're the first line of defense. Don't you realize how important that is?"

"Yes, sir. And may I say what a great honor it is that you've entrusted me with this responsibility."

"Close the door on your way out!" Lothar shouted. "Jeez, it's impossible to find good help these days."

"Tell me about it," Dr. Octavius said as he sucked the cheese dust residue off his fingers. "There's no work ethic in youngsters these days. Every assistant I've ever had has been a lazy whiner who, between you and me, isn't very bright."

"Um, sir," Maurice said. "I'm standing right here. I know I'm trapped in the body of a chicken, but I'm still your assistant."

"Indeed you are. Now would you be so kind as to fetch us some cold beverages from the fridge?"

"Yes sir," Maurice said and waddled off into the kitchen.

"I stand behind every word I said," Dr. Octavius said as he turned his attention back to the device they had been working on.

They had searched the compound thoroughly while they were waiting, and while it was true it was mostly filled with monuments to Vance, they had been able to unearth enough stray components to cobble together a crude weapon.

"What exactly are you guys doing?" Sarah asked.

"In theory we've devised a simple freeze ray," Dr. Octavius said.

"So your plan is to turn him into a popsicle?" she asked.

"Not exactly," Lothar said. "We don't have access to enough ice particles to put him into a deep freeze. But we can slow down the air molecules around him, which should hold him in place. Given the vast levels of energy he's been putting off, it's unlikely we'll be able to keep him immobile for very long, but assuming we have the element of surprise I think we can pin him down for a couple minutes. As powerful as he appears to be, Dr. Octavius assures me he's not very smart, so it may take him a while to figure out how to break out of our hold."

"Okay," Sarah said. "He really is pretty dumb. I'm willing to be generous and say you can probably keep him from breaking free for five minutes. Even so, what exactly does that accomplish?"

"Hopefully we have enough time to figure out where he's drawing all this power from. And then, perhaps, we can figure out a way to stop him permanently."

Maurice came waddling back into the room with two bottles of pistachio juice tucked under his wings. "Here you go, sirs. Sorry it took me so long to retrieve them but they were shoved way in the back behind all these canisters of yellow liquid. I thought those might be lemonade, but I sampled one and it kind of burned my throat."

"That boy's not storing his urine in jars, is he?" Dr. Octavius shook his head.

"No, sir," Maurice said. "I've sampled urine before. Many times, in fact, in the course of helping you with your experiments. This didn't taste like that. It was more, I don't know... caustic or something."

"We'd better have a look at this," Dr. Octavius said as he chugged the pistachio juice and flung the bottle over his shoulder.

They followed Maurice back into the kitchen and then Dr. Octavius and Lothar bent over and stuck their heads in the fridge to have a closer look. They muttered among themselves for a couple minutes and tapped the various containers before emerging and closing the door.

"Well?" Sarah asked. "What is it?"

"We'd have to take them back to the lab for more extensive testing, but our initial hypothesis is that he's storing a bunch of homemade explosives in there."

"You mean like bombs?" Sarah asked. "What does he need those for? Doesn't he have the ability to zap people?"

"Indeed he does. Perhaps he just really enjoys engaging in antisocial behavior and general hooliganism. Speaking of which, where is Maurice?"

"I'm right here, sir," Maurice said.

"What is the meaning of lying to us?" Dr. Octavius said. "This appears to be a highly precarious predicament and we need accurate information."

"Uh, what did I lie to you about, sir?" Maurice asked.

"The color of the liquid! You said it was yellow, but it's clearly purple."

"It is?" Maurice said. "I could have sworn it was yellow. Are chickens colorblind?"

"As a matter of fact, chickens can see more colors than humans," Dr. Octavius said. "It's a fact. Don't believe me? Look it up."

"Well then, sir, if I may be so bold, maybe I'm just seeing the color of it differently than you. That doesn't make me a liar."

"It does make you an unreliable source of information," Dr. Octavius said. "Which, as I believe we've already established, isn't good when dealing with dangerous situations."

"It also further proves our point that good assistants are impossible to find," Lothar said.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but did you say those were bombs in there?" Dennis asked as he came walking into the kitchen.

"What are you doing in here again?" Lothar flung his hands up in frustration. "I thought we just agreed that it was highly important for you to maintain your post and protect the rest of us when that superpowered cretin returns."

"I know, I know," Dennis said. "I was getting a little hot and I thought I'd dip inside for a quick a.c. break. Say, do you guys hear that? It sounds like some kind of rumbling noise or something."

Lothar pulled out his energy meter and studied it. "Energy levels are rising rapidly. I think we're about to have company. For God's sake, man! Get back out there!"

"Could I have one of those bombs to throw at him if things go sideways?" Dennis asked.

"No, now hurry up and resume your position!"

"Okay, okay," Dennis said as he left the room. "You don't have to tell me twice."

"Twice? No. Ten or eleven times? That seems to be the average."

Dennis took his place outside and planted his feet just as the gate opened and the circular vehicle came through. He was standing right in its path, but he held his ground. For a moment it looked like the vehicle wasn't going to stop, but it came to an abrupt halt just a few inches short of running him over. He still got blasted by a hot cloud of steam before the vehicle shuddered and went silent. A ramp opened up in the side and Vance stepped out. He pulled off his hood and began whistling offkey to himself. He walked right by Dennis without slowing down as he headed for the door to his home.

"Um, excuse me?" Dennis called out.

Vance paused and looked around for a moment before shrugging and reaching for the doorknob.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," Dennis said again.

Vance stopped in his tracks and turned around slowly. This time he seemed to register the intruder's presence. "Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm Dennis and I came in through the front gate."

"Yeah? Well, this is private property and you're trespassing. And that makes me really, really angry. And it just so happens I've got some excess energy built up that I need to let loose. So get ready to get the living fuck zapped out of you." Vance began to glow with a purple light that grew brighter and brighter with each passing second as he extended both his hands towards Dennis.

"Not so fast!" Dr. Octavius shouted as he jumped out the door and pulled the trigger on the freeze ray.

"Oh thank God, I'm saved," Dennis let out a sigh of relief.

"Oops, looks like the trigger jammed," Dr. Octavius said. "Hang on."

Vance let loose with his energy bolt, which fried all of the feathers off of Dennis and sent him slamming into the gate, which in turn shocked him with another bolt of electricity and sent him flying the other way where he landed in a smoldering heap. "Nobody worry, I'm okay," he groaned.

"There we go," Dr. Octavius said as he tightened a screw that had come loose. "That ought to do it now." He pointed the freeze ray at Vance again and this time it shot out a bolt that started out blue but turned to purple as it hit Vance.

"What the fuck?" Vance said. "Why can't I move?"

"It's okay, son," Dr. Octavius said while holding up an open hand. "You've merely been frozen in place temporarily."

"When I get out of this, you're fucking dead, old man."

"Possibly," Dr. Octavius. "But I assure you I mean you no harm. Somehow you've become an object of scientific interest and I would like to ascertain what exactly you are and how it happened."

"Why the fuck would I talk to you, science dork? I've got better things to do with my time like get laid and shit. Why don't you go play with your test tubes and ram them up your ass, poindexter?"

"Look, just tell me what I wish to know and then I'll release you and we can both go our separate ways and never see each other again."

Vance strained his muscles until his face turned red and all the veins in his neck bulged, but he was unable to move at all. "Fine, nerd. We'll talk. But you better let me go afterwards. What do you want to know?"

"Well, for starters, how did you come by the ability to zap people like you just did to poor Dennis there?"

"Oh, that. Yeah, it was weird. I was just visiting one of my many, many girlfriends and I was on my way to see another one when I looked up and this weird purple light was in the sky flying towards me. Before I knew what was going on it surrounded me. It felt like I was being groped by a bunch of fingers and then the next thing I knew it was, like, inside of me. And then I felt all this power building up inside me and I started to glow. Sometimes it gets so strong I have to kind of blow off steam. That was when I realized I could zap people, which is fucking awesome. And then I started noticing other weird stuff. Like I just knew things. And sometimes I could kind of move stuff around just by thinking about it. Then I heard about that treasure hunt and it felt like if I thought really hard I could know where the treasure was without needing the clues. But thinking sucks. It made my head hurt. I realized it was a lot easier to let other people find the clues and then go take them away from those chumps. Did you see my collection in there? I've got all of the clues so far."

"Yes, yes," Dr. Octavius said. "It was highly impressive. But the treasure doesn't really concern me right now. I'm more interested in this purple light. It seems to me like it's some sort of entity that has taken over your body."

"Bullshit," Vance said. "It hasn't taken me over. I still do whatever the fuck I want. It's just inside me and I can use its power to do cool shit."

"Do you think I could speak to it?" Dr. Octavius asked.

"What? The purple light? It doesn't really talk. But I guess I can kind of understand it if I pay attention to it. It says it's travelled great distances to be here. And it says it knows you."

"It knows me," Dr. Octavius said. "That's fascinating. How does it know me?"

"It says you used to keep it inside a container. Something made of glass. Like a mirror?"

"Fascinating," Dr. Octavius said. "I believe I am familiar with this purple light. It used to be inside my quantum mirror that was stolen out of my lab by those thieving Chihuahuas. I thought I had seen the last of it. But what is it doing here? And how did it escape the mirror?"

"It says the mirror was smashed by some ugly demon guy named Zyvax the Intergalactic Destroyer of Worlds. That set it free and it immediately took off to explore the universe. It had a great time, but after a while it started to miss being in a container again."

"I see," Dr. Octavius said. "If it would like, I could probably build another mirror for it."

"It says, thank you, but no thank you. The mirror was too limiting. This lumpy ball of flesh is slow and unsightly, but it likes the greater possibilities afforded to it that a mirror can't provide. Wait, lumpy ball of flesh. Is it talking about me?"

"Um... no, I'm sure it's talking about something else," Dr. Octavius said.

"Yeah? Well, I'm getting bored of this conversation. And it just occurred to me, why should I break out of your trap with my muscles when I've got all this other power at my disposal." Vance began to glow brightly and within seconds managed to break free.

"Vance, listen to me very carefully," Dr. Octavius said. "You cannot even begin to understand the magnitude of the power that you have come to wield. It's beyond anything you could possibly imagine. You could easily cause harm to yourself or others."

"Yeah, harming others is kind of the idea," Vance said. "When people piss me off it's fun to smash them."

"Yes, but this could cause a lot more damage than just injuring a few people who irritate you. You have the potential to cause destruction on massive scales."

"Why would I want to destroy a scale?" Vance said. "It ain't like I'm fat or anything. I'm ripped as hell and my body is smoking, but I don't break scales when I step on them like some lard-ass. I've basically got the perfect physique and any scale would confirm that. I like stepping on my scale each morning. I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about, loser."

"I'm saying that the power could quickly and easily get out of your control and there's no telling how far reaching the consequences could be. Maybe you'd destroy this city. Or the whole world. Or maybe even the entire universe."

"So what you're saying is I haven't even begun to tap into the full potential of what I can do." Vance rubbed his chin. "Like, do I have super strength? I mean, I'm already strong as an ox, but could I for instance lift up my vehicle if I tap into my energy reserves?" He walked over to the round vessel and squatted down. After a moment he hoisted it up over his head. "Fucking awesome!" he shouted as he set it back down. "What else can I do?"

"Potentially anything," Dr. Octavius said.

"Like, could I lift it up just with my mind?" He turned and stared at the vehicle again. This time it shook a little and then hovered in the air. It suddenly shot straight up into the sky disappearing into a tiny little dot before it came back down and settled back in its place on the ground.

"Well, this doesn't bode well," Dr. Octavius shook his head.

"I wonder if I can fly," Vance said. "Wait, hang on. Let me climb up on the roof and jump off." He ascended a ladder attached to the wall and hauled himself on top of the building, taking a moment to pause and admire the statue of himself.

"You don't need to jump off the roof," Dr. Octavius said. "You could always just take off from the ground." It occurred to him to hope that maybe Vance couldn't actually fly and would instead splatter on the ground. "Never mind. Go ahead and jump."

Vance got a running start and hurled himself off the roof. Unfortunately, he didn't fall but began zipping around through the air.

"Woo hoo!" he shouted. "Look at me! I'm motherfucking Superman! Ha ha! Nobody can fuck with me! I can do whatever the fuck I want!" He landed gently on his feet right in front of Dr. Octavius. "You know what? I'm still pissed at you for shooting me with that ray that made me not be able to move for a couple minutes. Ordinarily I'd kill you for that. But you also showed me how much other cool shit I can do. So because of that, I'm going to let you live. You're still going to have to be punished though, because nobody makes a fool out of Vance. So I'm going to destroy whatever is most important to you. Let me see. I'll just look into your mind. Oh, I see. You love your research and your little science experiments. I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to destroy the fuck out of your lab. And your science buddy hiding in my house who helped you? Yeah, I know about him. I'm going to destroy his lab, too. And then you nerds are going to be fucked. Ha ha! Fucking losers! You're going to be crying your nerd tears over your lame-ass labs and I'm going to be laughing my ass off about it."

"Vance, instead of destroying our labs, why don't you come in so we can study you? Then we can come to a greater understanding of your situation and also find out even more of what you're capable of. Wouldn't that be better for everyone?"

"Nah, I don't think so. I'm going to blow your shit up. But first, let me add this new clue I just got to my collection." He pulled the purple ball out of his robe and held it out to admire it. "Hey wait a minute. This isn't the clue. What the fuck happened?" He closed his eyes and thought for a moment. "That stupid frog switched it on me! Well, he's going on my revenge list, too. All right. First I'm going to go back and get the real clue. Then I'm going to get me some tasty grub because I'm hungry as fuck. Then I think I'll go drop in on one of my fine ass lady friends and get myself laid. But after that I'm coming for you science nerds' labs. And there's nothing you can do to stop me because I'm the most powerful man in the universe, bitches." He extended both middle fingers and then took off into the air.

"Well, this isn't good," Dr. Octavius frowned. "Not good at all."

Then Vance's vehicle exploded.