As Danielle reached the top of the escalator it transformed into a merry-go-round. She found herself clinging to a large plastic figure of a human baby that was moving up and down on a pole as the carousel spun around. She was hoping it would slow down enough that she could walk off, but it seemed to be spinning faster and faster. Finally she decided to just jump for it.

As she cleared the edge of the merry-go-round it changed into a giant banana. Then it became a sewing machine. Then it vanished completely.

"Now that was a really weird store," she said as she picked herself up off the ground. "I guess that guy knew what he was talking about with all that uncertainty business. Unless, of course he didn't. I suppose you really can't be certain."

She turned around and was almost run over by a herd of chickens accompanied by a short, bald human.

"Danielle! How's it going, girl? It's me Esther! And you remember the ladies, don't you?"

The group of chickens squawked hello.

"Oh, hey," Danielle said. "What have you all been up to?"

"We just got tattoos!" Esther said. "I got one of a naked man. Full frontal! It's right here under my wing. You want to see?"

"My, he certainly is well endowed," Danielle said.

"You better believe it. I like 'em packing heat. Speaking of which, Pauline! Show her your tattoo."

The short little bald man waddled over and lifted up his shirt. He had a fresh tattoo on the small of his back that read "I Heart Cocks" with a barbed wire outline around it.

"Get it?" Pauline asked. "I've always been attracted to roosters. And I'm also a fan of big swinging penises. This covers all my bases."

"Yeah, I get it," Danielle said, rubbing her chin.

"What's the matter? Do you not like it?"

"No, it's a nice tattoo. I mean, you like what you like and there's nothing wrong with expressing yourself. But you're not in your own body right now. That body belongs to that Maurice guy. I'm not sure if he's going to appreciate you getting him an 'I Heart Cocks' tramp stamp."

"Well, I don't know," Pauline said. "I'm starting to like this body. I'm thinking maybe I'll keep it."

"Yeah, but maybe he wants his body back. It was his body first. Don't you think you should at least have a talk with him before you make any permanent decisions?"

"That's probably a good idea. But to be honest, we're all three sheets to the wind. We've been on a real bender since the last time we saw you and I don't even really remember going to the tattoo parlor. It was just kind of one of those drunken mistakes, you know?"

"I really think you should go find Dr. Octavius. If Maurice is cool with you guys switching bodies permanently, that's fine, but you need to hash that out with him. Also you're messing up Dr. Octavius's experiment. He's been looking for you."

"All right, all right, party pooper. We'll go see Dr. Octavius. Do you know where he is?"

"Not at this exact moment," Danielle said.

"Well then," Esther said. "It sounds like we've got time to get us another round. Care to join us?"

"Actually I'm trying to find this motel called the Airless Coffin. I have reason to believe Zeke may have been there recently."

"Oooo," Esther said. "I like Zeke! Why didn't you say so earlier? We know where the Airless Coffin is. Come on, we'll take you there!"

*

Esther led the group down an alleyway that was strewn with broken glass, used needles, and no less than seven unconscious homeless people. She stopped in front of a dirty brown door. Next to it a pink light blinked behind a cage.

"This is it! The Airless Coffin. I've had some crazy adventures in this place. Also I got mugged twice standing right where we are now."
"Pssst." A voice called out from the dark further down the alley.

"Oh how exciting!" Esther said. "I think we're about to get mugged again. I hope our mugger is tall, dark, and scruffy. I like when they have that unshaven stubbly look. Oh! And hopefully he has a scar! That always makes them look more dangerous, and I don't know about you ladies, but that's a definite turn-on in my book. You think maybe he rides a motorcycle? And maybe secretly has a sensitive side and writes dark, brooding poetry? Oh my!"

Danielle peered into the darkness. There was a small, skinny, hairy creature waving at her. He didn't look like a mugger. Also he was small enough that Danielle thought she could probably take him if it came down to it. He seemed like he was really insistent about getting her attention. She guessed she'd go see what he wanted.

"Can I help you with something?"

"That depends," the creature said. "You with the fuzz?"

"The what?" Danielle asked.

"The pigs! The bizzie! The po-po! The bullymen! The chazzers! The flatties! The jakes! Mr. Plod! The nuthooks! The oinkers! The peelers! The rozzers! The slop! The tyre biters! You with them?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Danielle said.

"He's asking you if you're with law enforcement," Esther said. "Ooo, I knew he was a criminal. I believe I'm swooning. Somebody save me from this awful thug! Unless you'd like to give me a ride on your motorcycle, mister." The rest of the chickens clucked excitedly behind her.

"Uh, no, I'm not with the police, if that's what you're asking," Danielle said. She could see the creature a little better now that he'd stepped into the light. He looked like a weasel.

"Oh, good. I wasn't sure. You kind of have that Officer Friendly look about you, if you know what I mean."

"I don't," Danielle said.

"I'm Johnny Rodriguez, by the way. You think you could help a brother out?"

"I don't know. What kind of help do you need?"

"I had to tear out of this joint in a bit of a hurry earlier and I left a valuable briefcase in there. Valuable to me, that is. Purely sentimental reasons, I'm sure you understand. If you were heading in there, I was thinking maybe you could do me a favor and see if the coast is clear of wozzles."

"Of what?" Danielle asked.

"Fizzlewhips! Dandy-handlers! Dibbles! Donut Gobblers!"

"Are you talking about cops again?"

Before he could respond the door to the Airless Coffin swung open and a poodle in a police outfit came wandering out while munching on a glazed donut. "Good afternoon, ladies," he said as he tipped his hat to them and walked off down the alley.

The weasel had made himself scarce as soon as the door opened, but crept back out of the shadows once the cop was gone. "Dang it, it looks like the place is still crawling with the plonks. Look, you would really be doing me a solid if you could get into room 109 and retrieve that briefcase for me. I'd make it worth your while."

"I don't know," Danielle said. "It kind of seems like you're trying to rope me into something illegal. I'm not going to get arrested if I bring you that briefcase, am I?"

"What? Heck no. This is all totally on the up and up. I'm a firefighter, you see, and everyone knows firefighters are better than coppers. They get jealous whenever they see me, because their totally justifiable senses of inferiority kick in, and then they want to hassle me. I'm just kind of tired and I didn't really sleep all that well last night. The weirdos in the room next door to me were singing and snoring and apparently having some kind of fish party all night. Couldn't sleep a wink. Anyway, I'm just not in the mood for dealing with some envious little law enforcement twerps, you dig me?"

"This sounds totally legit," Danielle said with an eyeroll. "Look, it was nice meeting you, Johnny Rodriguez. But I think I'm going to have to pass. I'm just trying to find someone."

"Who is it? I know lots of people. Maybe I can help you out. You know. You scratch my back, I scratch yours kind of deal?"

"Okay. Do you know a guy named Zeke?"

Johnny Rodriguez blinked a couple times. "Sure I know Zeke. We go way back. Old buddy of mine from bowling league. Tell you what, you get me that briefcase, I'll take you right to him. We got a deal or what?"

"Do you really know Zeke?" Danielle gave him a suspicious look.

"Of course I do. Everyone knows Zeke. The guy's a total rock star. And also, as I said, a close personal friend of mine. So we doing this or what?"

"Come on, let's do it!" Esther said. "It'll be an adventure!" The other chickens all clucked their agreement.

"Well, okay," Danielle said. "But you'd better take me right to Zeke after this."

"Consider it done," Johnny Rodriguez said as he gave a little salute.