Danielle found herself on a narrow windy road with numerous shops on either side. She paused to look in the window of one that had a display of brightly colored sculptures. She was particularly fascinated by one that looked like a snake with antlers. As she watched it suddenly pounced on a nearby sculpture of a gerbil and swallowed it whole. Then it resumed its still position, although it now had a large bulge in its throat.

She was still looking at it as she turned to continue on her way and bumped into a centaur who was smoking a pipe. "Hey lady, no cuts. Get to the back of the line."

"Huh?" Danielle said as she looked behind the centaur and saw there was a line of creatures stretching down the street as far as she could see. "Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't trying to cut. I'm actually trying to find the Airless Coffin motel. Do you happen to know where it is?"

"Do I look like I'd stay in a fleabag place like that? Jeez, lady. Thanks a lot. I'm wearing my fanciest Hawaiian shirt today, too, and you accuse me of being the type of person who'd stay in the Airless Coffin. Real nice. I paid ten strands for this shirt. I've got a job at the Institute for Pinata Studies. I can afford nice things. Now quit trying to shove your way in line and wait your turn like everyone else."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult you. I just needed some directions. I'm really not trying to push my way into line. What is this place anyway?"

The centaur let out an exasperated sigh. "What are you, a tourist or something? Haven't you ever heard of Anchovy Land?"

"No, I'm afraid I haven't. What is it?"

"It's only the finest source of all things anchovy-related in the known universe. When you've got an urgent need for anchovies or anchovy accessories, this is the place to come. There's always a several hour wait to get in, but it's worth it."

The door flung open and a pungent fishy odor wafted out as a pair of tall pale white elves strolled out with large shopping bags. The line inched forward as two more customers entered.

"All right! I'm almost to the front!" the centaur said. "It's been six hours but soon I'll be able to fulfill all of my anchovy desires. Sorry, I can't talk anymore. I need to get in the proper headspace so I can enjoy this experience to the fullest. Bye now."

"So that's a no on directions, I take it?" Danielle asked. She turned to the next person in line who was an old woman with droopy ears like a dog. "Would you happen to know how to get to the Airless Coffin motel?"

"Shh!" the lady hissed. "I'm trying to focus on my anchovies. Stop disturbing me."
"Okay, it looks like the anchovy crowd is not very friendly. I guess I'll just inquire somewhere else." She walked across the street to a sleek round building with a sign that read "Intergalactic Flower Shop." She hoped they might be a little more helpful in this place.

There was a sound like a duck quacking as she pushed the door open. Her nose was filled with a mixture of scents, some of which were sweet and pleasant and a few of which were strange and exotic.

A little green man popped up from behind the counter with a pair of gardening shears in his hands. "Greetings, denizen of this backwater little planet. I am Nulfar of the planet Hoobler. Welcome to this establishment. Are you interested in obtaining some flowers for the purpose of enjoyment? Or if you wish to obtain flowers for some other purpose that is okay, too. We do not pass judgements here. Perhaps you wish to utilize flowers as an instrument of torture? Or as an object of nourishment? Once you have purchased the flowers, you may put them to any sort of use that you wish for they shall belong to you and you may exert your free will upon them however you choose. Say, you look somewhat familiar. Have we not met before?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Silly me, of course we have. You are the entity known as Zeke, yes?"

"Do you know Zeke?"

"Yes. He is you and you are him."

"No, I'm not Zeke, I'm Danielle."

"Are you sure? You look exactly like the one called Zeke. Same ridiculous hairless body. Same unintelligent look on your face. Same unpleasant smell. If you are not Zeke then surely you are his exact duplicate. Are you a denizen of the place known as Earth?"

"I am!" Danielle said. "You've heard of it?"

"Yes, unfortunately. Nasty unpleasant place. Hope to never see it again."

"Uh, I kind of like it since it's home and everything."

"My condolences," Nulfar said. "Perhaps some nice pretty flowers would help take your mind off your misfortune?"

"Actually I'm trying to find Zeke. How do you know him anyway? Is he a customer here?"

"Goodness no. He is not worthy of my flowers. I could not in good conscience release any of them into his care-taking as he proved himself most incompetent at virtually everything. No, I know the one called Zeke because I collected him for the Earth display on planet Hoobler, which was cancelled because we all realized there is absolutely nothing on Earth of any interest or value whatsoever. Other than goats. But Zeke is no goat. So we discarded him."

"Do you know where he is now?"

"Do you know where the last bowel movement you flushed down the toilet currently exists?" Nulfar asked.

"Um, I assume in some sort of sewage treatment plant or something. But no, I can't say I know the exact whereabouts."

"Then you have your answer," Nulfar said. "Were you interested in obtaining some flowers? I have both the sentient and non-sentient variety. You don't strike me as a very interesting conversationalist, since you are of the same sort as Zeke, so I would recommend the non-sentient. The sentient flowers would probably find you tiresome very quickly and might try to inflict harm upon your person. We're not liable for that, by the way. Whatever happens with our flowers once they're sold is no longer our responsibility."

"Actually I was hoping to find Zeke. I have reason to believe he might have recently been at the Airless Coffin motel. Do you know where that is?"

"Do I know where that is? I know things the likes of which you cannot possibly comprehend. I know how to make a vessel travel at many times the speed of light. I know the mechanism behind the creation of universes. I know how to bend space-time into any shape that I can conceive of. I know how to bake a truly scrumptious cheese souffle."

"That's really fantastic," Danielle said. "But do you know where the Airless Coffin motel is?"

"No I do not," Nulfar said. "But that is only because it is a matter of such

infinitesimal significance that is beneath my notice. Perhaps my partner Archduke Wilhelm knows where it is. Archie? Could you come in here for a moment?"

A goat waddled out of the back room. "Yes, Nulfy?"

"There's a young man here who is looking for the Airless Coffin motel. Have you heard of that place?"

"Yes, of course I have. We stayed there when we first arrived here when we were still looking for a place to live. Don't you remember?"

"I thought we stayed at the Atmosphereless Sarcophagus. I remember the sign with the blinking lights."

"I think you're getting senile in your old age, Nulfy. It was definitely the Airless Coffin. We took pictures out front with the dead wino. You posed him in funny positions and made it look like he was smelling his own butt. Remember?"

"I thought that was when we took that vacation to the Great Icebergs of Zebulon 19."

"No, no, no. That was the trip where we danced the conga with that lovely couple from the planet Glurg. You were hitting the mai-tais pretty hard, so maybe you don't remember."

"I remember you losing half our savings at the blackjack table."

"It was the roulette wheel. And it was you who insisted we bet the farm on red. I told you to always bet on black."

"Excuse me, Archie but I calculated the statistics in my head and there was a .000000000000002 percentage more likelihood based on the spin of the wheel that it would have landed on red. It's not my fault the crook spinning it obviously cheated."

"Guys, I don't mean to break up your little lover's tiff, but can you just tell me how to get to the Airless Coffin motel?" Danielle asked.

"Sure," the goat said. "If you just head out the back door and make a right, it's like two blocks away. Really, Nulfy, we walk right past it every night when we head home."
"Not every night! Last Tuesday you wanted to take the scenic route. We didn't walk past it then, now, did we?"

"Excuse me," Danielle said. "Is it okay if I depart out your back door?"

"Sure, no problem," the goat said. "Just watch out for the red and pink flowers on the lower shelf on the left. They have a bad attitude and sometimes they bite."

"Got it," she said. "Thanks for the help."

"You're welcome, ma'am. Nulfy, did you remember to water the ketchup blossoms?"

"Of course not. I merely haven't gotten around to it yet. Did you prune the sheepdog lilies like I asked you to?"

"I asked you to prune them yesterday! Did you forget to do it? What am I going to do with you Nulfy?" A flower with sharp teeth tried to take a nip at Danielle as she made her way out the back door, but it missed by a couple inches. However, a small dandelion with a diabolical plan to take over the world managed to hitch a ride on her pant leg without her noticing. It had been hatching an escape plan for weeks and finally it saw its opportunity. It cackled evilly to itself as she unwittingly carried it out the door.