Being Replaced

I could write you a novel. I could write you a song. I could write you a story, but I’m afraid it would be too long.

I could send you an email or post upon your wall. I could send you a text message – hell – I’ll just send them all.

I could tell you I’ll miss you, I could say I won’t and lie. I’m so scared of you leaving – I don’t want to say goodbye.

I’m sorry for writing all of this, but I am just so scared. I really don’t want you to go, but I need to be prepared.

You have your fear of being forgotten; your fear of being erased. Mine’s different – though just the same – I’m scared of being replaced.

Please, my dearest friend, I just wanted to be heard. Its okay – when you’re happy forget me – though that’s not my final word.

I won’t be able to comfort you – to hold you so to speak. So if you find a friend whose worthwhile – who makes you forget to be weak...

Promise me you’ll let them in and let them take my place. It’s my final wish best friend, let me be replaced.

                                                                      %%%

All it takes

A slash on the wrists

A bottle of pills

A step off of the ledge

A bullet and gun

A step into traffic

A rope ‘round the neck

A step on the rails

                                                                        %%%

Over

One You’re losing him

Two He’s going to leave

Three He’s losing you

Four He’s going to leave

Five You’re losing hope

Six So is he

Seven He’s out the door

Eight No one wins

Nine He’s down the street

Ten You’re not

Eleven Two broken hearts

Twelve Both in the wrong

                                                                           %%%

Who Am I?

I hate my reflection. It doesn’t show me. it doesn’t show who I am.

I hate photographs. They don’t show me. They don’t show who I am.

I hate my first impression. It doesn’t show me. it doesn’t show who I am.

I hate how I’m perceived. Perceptions don’t show me. They don’t show who I am.

I hate how if you tell someone everything about you, it doesn’t show who you are.

I hate how if someone reads your entire biography, it wouldn’t show who you are.

I hate how only I can see me for who I am.

I hate how convincing people of this reality is so hard.

                                                               %%%

Help me

Sometimes I think I’m winning

And I’m okay

And the sun is shining

And everything is fine

I’m fine

But I’m not fine

Sometime I see that I’m losing

I’m slipping

It’s crumbling down

And I can’t stop it

It’s an endless night

A sleepless night

And I’m lost

I’m so lost

                                                                           %%%

Blue

Blue spends its days surrounding me in a haze. It’s a haze I can’t escape. I spend my life trying to run from it but it’s useless; I'm useless.

Blue catches up.

Blue always wins.

Blue is a feeling. Blue is a colour. Blue is a word. Blue is a moment. Blue is forever. Blue is my life.

Sometimes blue is horrible. Haunting, lingering, persistent.

Sometimes, blue is beautiful. Blue is an escape.

Blue is ever present. Blue is reminiscent. Blue is lonely yet safe.

Blue is always there when the world has fallen asleep.

Blue is always there when the tears start to fall.

Blue is always there to pick me up from the bottom

Blue is always there to drag me down from the top

And place me in a mediocre state of mind.

Blue is forever.

Blue is my own.