Twenty-Seven

Move-In

My alarm woke me up at eight o'clock (way too early) the next morning.  The second my eyes opened, my first feeling was one of overwhelming sadness.  It was my last day waking up in my room, and even though it was empty and didn't really feel like my room anymore, it was still emotional.

Sitting up on the air mattress, I gave myself five seconds to mope before I stood to strip off the sheets.  The busier I kept myself, the less I figured I'd worry about Cody or Julia or everything I was leaving behind.  I just had to look forward, and everything would be okay.

This was easier said than done.  As the air mattress was slowly deflating, I studied it and realized it must feel a lot like I did in that moment: sad, pathetic, and shrinking.  For a moment, I considered running away to Julia's house and refusing to let my parents drag me out, but I knew it would never work.  I had to leave.

Thinking of Julia made me think of Cody, and then my morning mood was ruined entirely.  Stuffing the air mattress into its bag with much more force than necessary, I decided to think of absolutely nothing for the rest of the day.

It's harder than it looks to keep one's mind completely empty.  Every time I started to think, I was brought back to something upsetting that was happening today, and that sucked.

"Quinn?"  Mom poked her head in my door—she was holding some packing tape and scissors.  "Just making sure you're up.  Everything good?  Make sure to put the sheets and air mattress in the box in the family room."

"All right."  I hoisted the air mattress bag over one shoulder and gathered the sheets in my arms.  She studied me for a few seconds, probably trying to decide if it was worth asking about my disgruntled appearance, before she started back down the hallway.

It didn't take me too long to get ready and finish packing up the last-minute things in my room.  Before long I was standing in the doorway clutching my suitcase handle, surveying the emptiness.  I remembered how bright and colorful it used to be, how my bed had always been unmade, how Cody and I used to sit on it and watch TV.  My stomach twisted, and I flicked off the lights.

Downstairs, my family was running around like crazy, prepping for the movers' arrival in an hour.  I grabbed a croissant from the plate on the kitchen counter and began munching, watching Vanessa urge Macy into her travel crate.  

"She won't go inside unless you throw her toy inside first," I told her after watching the struggle.

Vanessa sat back on her heels.  "We packed all her toys last night."

I stood, ruffling Macy's head on my way to the box with her things inside.  After rifling through with one hand while munching on my breakfast with the other, I pulled out a bright purple rubber bone.  "This'll work," I said, handing it to Vanessa.

She took it and threw it into Macy's crate, and my dog followed with a wagging tail.  As Vanessa shut the door she turned and placed her head on her paws, chewing at her bone serenely.

The rest of the morning was a blur.  After I ate, I helped load our suitcases and small boxes into the trunk, then stood back while the movers transported all the big stuff.  Mom was on the phone most of the morning with Mrs. Summers, comparing moving schedules and their progress.  I didn't want to think about Andrew, so I made myself busy when I could.

Finally, it was time to leave.  The house was completely empty, other than a few furniture pieces we'd decided to leave behind for the next owners.  As I walked on the hardwood towards the front door, my flip-flops snapped and echoed.

"Well, say goodbye to the house!" Mom exclaimed, swinging her purse over one shoulder.  She didn't glance back as she stepped out onto the porch and into the blistering mid-morning heat.

I stood in the foyer for a few seconds, turning a slow circle.  I wanted to run back up to my room and look at it one more time, but that felt stupidly reminiscent.  Instead, I ran my hand along the smooth paint on the wall before stepping outside.

Nobody said much as we hoisted Macy's travel crate into the trunk and then climbed into the car.  Immediately, I popped in my earbuds, pulling a snack bar from my bag and starting to munch.  The first song on the playlist was one that Cody and I had loved singing in the car, so I turned to the next one.

Mom pulled out of the driveway and I stared back at the house as she started down the road.  As we turned onto another street in our neighborhood, I caught a flash of a black car and craned my neck.

"Mom, turn around," I said, causing her to slam on her brakes.  "That's Cody.  That was Cody's car."

Vanessa took out her earbuds and raised her eyebrows.

"Hurry!" I said as Mom did a quick three-point turn and started back down the road.  "He'll think we left already."

My stomach leapt in excitement as she turned the corner again and headed back towards the house.  The black car was circling the cul-de-sac, about to pull up towards our house.  Just as Mom came to a stop, it passed us, and I caught sight of the middle-aged man in the driver's seat.

My family was silent, watching the car drive away.  I tried to ignore the pangs in my chest as Mom kept driving, her lips folded together regretfully.  As we made our way out of the neighborhood, I jammed the play button on my music again, scolding myself for being so stupid as to think Cody had come back to say goodbye.

I couldn't help but think back to the previous night, when he'd broken up with me and then kissed me.  It had been bittersweet, and after my family had finished our cookies I'd sat on the floor in my bedroom and thought.  Julia had stopped by to visit me and we'd exchanged a tearful hug, and then I'd told myself that I couldn't handle anymore goodbyes.

It was probably a good thing Cody hadn't stopped by.  It would only have made things harder.

We drove all day, stopping for lunch and gas and then dinner, and a few more times to let Macy out to stretch her legs.  My own legs felt cramped from staying in the same position for hours at a time, and I found myself wishing we could just get to Florida, already.  Around ten o'clock, we finally pulled into our new neighborhood.

"I wish it were light outside," said Vanessa.  "We won't be able to see what anything looks like until morning."

My eyes were drooping, but I said, "I know.  I haven't even seen the house."

I'd only helped with the new house a few times, when Mom had let me pick out paint colors for my room or when she'd asked for advice on the hardwood in the kitchen.  I didn't even know if the exterior was brick or stucco.

It was only a few more minutes before we pulled into a driveway, with the moving truck just behind us.  John immediately hopped out and made his way over to our car, popping the trunk.

"We're leaving everything in the truck until tomorrow," he said.  "Let's just take in our suitcases and get some sleep."

He held Macy's crate in one hand and a suitcase in another.  I climbed out of the car, savored the feeling of standing for as long as possible, and then pulled out my own suitcase.

The lanterns in the yard were on, so I could see what the house looked like even though it was dark outside.  It was cute: white brick with black accents, a little smaller than our old house but cozy-looking.  John was the first one at the door, unlocking it and opening the door to Macy's crate.  She immediately dashed into the empty living room and started barking.

"Quick tour and then dinner and bed," Mom said, whipping out her phone.  "I'll order pizza."

After she ordered the food, she took the rest of the family on a tour of the house.  Some of the furniture was already inside, but most of it was in the moving truck from our old house and would have to be assembled tomorrow.  It was a basic floor plan, and on the second floor my room was an empty box with a picture window facing the front yard.  It was painted the pale blue I remembered selecting from the swatches a few months ago.

I was so tired that most of the rest of the evening passed in a blur.  After we ate and I re-inflated my air mattress, Macy sat down on the edge and I laid on my stomach facing the window.  There were no curtains yet, so I stared directly out into the yard and watched a car make its way down the road.  Then I pulled out my phone and called Cody.

"Hey," I said when he answered.  "We just got settled.  For the night, anyway."

"Are you in your new room?"

It was so nice just hearing his voice again that I almost forgot he'd asked me a question.  "Yeah," I said finally.  "Lying on this super uncomfortable air mattress, but it's okay.  Macy's with me."

"I wish I were there."

"Me, too."  I rolled over onto my stomach and settled my eyes on the ceiling fan.  "I'm so tired."

"Do you want to get some sleep?" he asked.  "What time is it there?  Wait, there's no time zone change."

I laughed.  "I'm in North Carolina, not halfway across the country."

"Well, it's past eleven.  And you've been busy all day."

"I slept in the car."  Did he not want to talk to me?  He'd told me to call him when I got to Florida.  I wasn't trying to be clingy at all.

"Oh."  Cody was silent for a few breaths before he added, "What are your plans for tomorrow?  When are you going to meet people in the area?  You'll probably want to make some friends."

I didn't want new friends.  I wanted my old friends, magically teleported over here so I could live the best of both worlds.  My parents in their new jobs.  The wedding still going as planned.  But my life exactly as I'd left it.

"I'm just going to unpack tomorrow," I said, twisting a piece of hair around one finger.  It was already less frizzy than usual, a sign that North Carolina wasn't nearly as humid as Florida.  "I don't know how I'll meet people until school starts.  You know I'm not good at that."

"It'll be hard, but you can do it.  Maybe Andrew can help."

"Maybe."

I heard him exhale.  "You're not going to push him away, are you?  He's a nice guy, and he's helped us both a lot."

"I'm not pushing him away."  Yes, I am.  "Anyway, I'm surprised you're supporting me getting back in touch with him, considering he still wants to date me."

"I'm not a fan of that," he said, "but you're living another life now.  I'm sure you'll start dating someone else at some point, whether it's Andrew or not."

He seemed a lot more on-board with that concept than I was.  Had he magically gotten over me in the last twenty-four hours?  Was he planning on jumping back into dating right away?  What if he wanted to date one of my friends?

"Look," he said after I failed to reply, "I'm not saying it's the best situation.  I don't want to date anyone else for a while.  But if you do...I don't know, I kind of have to accept it.  Nothing I can do from a thousand miles away."

A thousand miles.  Was that really how far away we were?  It still felt like we were only a few minutes apart, like if I squinted hard enough I'd open my eyes and be back in my old room.  I could run down the darkened street in my flip-flops and be at Cody's door before I was winded, and then he'd let me in and I'd say hi to his mom and everything would be back to normal.

I opened my eyes and saw the blue paint and the picture window and my air mattress, with Macy snoozing contentedly on the corner so that it puckered where her weight was.

"I'm not dating anyone for a long time," I said.  "I miss you so much."

"Me too." 

I could picture him taking off his snapback and running his hand through his curly hair, and I wanted to reach through the phone and flatten it back for him.  How long until I got to see him again?  What if I never did?

It hurt to talk to him again, but it was a good hurt.  While it was a reminder of everything I'd lost, there was also a comforting familiarity in hearing his voice.  I wanted him to make fun of me again, or tease me, just so it felt like normal.

Nothing.  We were both just breathing, and I had to listen extra closely just to hear his exhales.

"I'm going to find out about dates for the beach house later this week," he said.  "Do you think you can make it back down?"

"I'm sure I can.  I don't see why not."  Andrew and I could fly down together, so I didn't have to confront the terrors of airport security on my own.  The possibility of the vacation cheered me up a little, because at least it meant I'd see my old friends again.  "Mid-summer probably works better, so I can get moved in but so it's not too close to school starting."

"Right.  Do you know about your new school yet?"

"No."  All I knew was that it was a small private school about a fifteen-minute drive from the house.  The only thing about it that seemed different from Providence Prep was that it was too far to bike there every morning.  Did people even bike to school in North Carolina?  It felt like a different world here.

Macy awoke and jumped off the air mattress, padding out of my room and disappearing from sight.  I stretched out to fill the space she'd just vacated and said, "I should get some sleep.  I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Okay.  Bye, Quinn."

I didn't want to be the one to hang up, so I closed my eyes and told myself I'd count to ten before I hit end.  I hadn't even made it to six before the line went dead.  Pulling my phone away from my ear, I studied the screen, my eyes flicking from the "call ended" notification to his contact name.

Then I locked my phone, tossed it on the floor next to my makeshift bed, and flipped over onto my side.  Shutting my eyes, I tried my hardest to fall asleep.  It was too quiet—I wanted Macy back so I had something to cuddle.

I pulled my phone back towards me and unlocked it, swiping through social media.  People were still posting photos in a school-is-over kind of bliss, showcasing friend group vacations and new collections of bikini pictures.  I missed how easily accessible the beach was from my old house—from here, it was a good four hour drive.  And it wasn't like I had anyone to go with.

I heard footsteps in the hallway and sat up to see Vanessa slip inside my bedroom.  She crossed the empty floor and sat down on the edge of my mattress, tugging at the drawstring of her pajama shorts.

"Can't sleep?" I asked.

She shook her head.  "I know I should be used to moving by now, but leaving Florida was harder than usual.  It actually felt like home there."

I sat up so my back leaned against the wall.  "I can't sleep, either," I said.  "Moving is the worst."

"I know.  Want to go to the mall tomorrow?  At least we can distract ourselves with retail therapy."

I was so desperate in that moment that I figured even shopping could alleviate some of my homesickness.  "I guess," I said.  "John drove our car here last week, right?"

"Yeah.  It's in the garage."

Shutting my eyes, I tipped my head back against the wall.  Vanessa scooted so she was sitting beside me, picking at her nail polish and staring up at the ceiling with me.  Then she turned her head towards me and said, "We'll make the most out of this, okay?  It's tough at the beginning of every move. But you just have to get really excited.  There's a lot of opportunity.  New friends, new adventures, new you.  Nobody here knows you except me."

"And Andrew."

She shrugged.  "Minor detail.  You can choose to cut him out of your life if you want.  It's totally up to you.  That's the beauty of moving so far away.  You can reinvent yourself."

"Are you going to reinvent yourself here?" I asked.

"Yeah."  She tossed back some of her red hair and said, "I plan on being less obnoxious.  Less popular.  I've had my fill of that, and it's all too superficial.  What about you?"

I thought back to my year at Providence Prep, at how hard I'd worked in the fall to win Andrew's affection.  I'd tried reinventing myself then, and I'd failed.  I liked me just as I was, and with time I thought I'd get used to the fact of Andrew reentering my life.  "I don't think I want to change anything," I said.  "No use messing around with what's meant to be.  That ruins the power of kismet, doesn't it?"

"I guess."  Slowly, her lips separated as she smiled, so wide her bright white teeth flashed in the dim light.  "Think about it, Quinn.  It's fate that brought us here.  We couldn't help moving.  We couldn't help getting dragged to this house.  But we can totally control what happens to us now that we're here.  You ready to make the most of that?"

She was right.  There was so much potential here, a whole life ahead of me that I was totally clueless about.  That uncertainty had scared me at first, but it didn't anymore.  Now I was just excited.

Vanessa must have seen my grin, because she curled her fist and offered it to me, saying, "To kismet."

Grinning, I bumped my fist against hers.  "To kismet."