Eighteen

One More Day

Andrew found me again at the end of the school day, as I was rifling through my textbooks in my locker to find which ones I needed to take home for the weekend.  It felt weird that this was my last time at school before prom.  Somehow I knew that when I came back to this locker Monday morning, not much would be the same.

I was struggling to balance my math and history textbooks when Andrew reached out a hand, righting my French notebook to keep it from tumbling to the ground.  "I have something to show you," he said, passing it back to me.

I shoved it in my backpack and then threw in my other textbooks, grimacing at how heavy my bag was becoming.  "What's up?"

He waited until I'd crammed everything inside my backpack and swung it over my shoulders, nearly toppling at the weight.  Then he shut my locker door for me and said, "I wanted to show you my tie. You know, to make sure it matches yours and all.  And I also wanted to see if you're free tonight."

"Tonight?"  I pretended like I had a social calendar for all of half a second before I said, "Yeah, I'm free.  Where's your tie?"

"Right here."  He reached into his own backpack and pulled out a royal blue tie.  It looked like it would match my dress perfectly, and despite everything I couldn't help but feel a tinge of excitement.  When he passed it to me, I ran my fingers over the soft, silky texture and tried to imagine tomorrow night.  I couldn't—I didn't have a fraction of an idea of what to expect.

I handed it back to him. "It looks great.  It matches my dress, so that's good."

He nodded but didn't say anything else.  For a few seconds we studied each other awkwardly.  I was doing my very best to imagine a night in which he was my dancing partner and not Cody—all of my visions of the evening included Cody somehow showing up where Andrew was or being my prom date instead.  I knew this was very bad, especially considering we'd broken up and I was supposed to be moving on, but I couldn't help it.

"So, tonight," Andrew said abruptly, changing the topic.  "What are you in the mood for?  Dinner?  A movie?"

A movie seemed like a nice distraction, but I also wanted to get to spend some quality time with Andrew.  I figured the more fun, memorable, one-on-one time we had together, the more I'd start rationalizing that I did like him after all.  This seemed like such a fool-hardy plan that I said, "No movie.  Let's just do dinner."

"Okay.  Hey, how about that panini café down the street?"

My stomach sank.  The aforementioned panini café was where one of my final dates with Cody had been, after our adventures at Party City in search of my birthday party decorations.  I didn't know if I felt up to going there and feeling the ghost of our relationship hovering over my present date, but at any rate it seemed as good an opportunity as ever to face my regrets once and for all.

"Sounds good," I said, forcing the words out of my mouth and refusing to take them back.  "How about you pick me up at six?"

There was a twinkle in his eye as he leaned forward to kiss my forehead before walking away.  "See you then."

~*~*~

If I thought I could get any relief by sitting in my room with my music blaring, I was wrong.

Vanessa poked her head in my room at four-thirty, when I had just settled myself in my pillow fort and was shutting my eyes for a quick cat nap.  These naps only worked about fifty percent of the time—I often had nightmares about situations relating to either Cody, Andrew, or the move—but I had figured I might as well give it a shot.

"You do know prom's tomorrow, right?" she asked pointedly, sitting down on my bed beside me.

I sat up and yanked my earbuds out.  "Yeah.  So?"

"So if I were you and I was going to the Providence Prep prom, you know what I'd be doing right now?"  When I shook my head, she rolled her eyes and said, "I'd be at Sephora right now getting makeup swatches and figuring out what color scheme I'm going for.  Let me guess: you don't even know what makeup you're doing."

Hating that I sounded so characteristically dull next to Vanessa, I offered, "I was just going to do black eyeliner and some gold eyeshadow.  I don't know."

"Gold?  With that dress?"

"Okay..."  I trailed off.  "Silver eyeshadow, then."

Vanessa jumped up from my bed and headed into my bathroom, clearly oblivious that talk of prom was stressing me out more instead of serving as therapy.  "Do me a favor and just let me pick everything for you," she said. 

I didn't respond, just watched her lay out various eyeliners, mascaras, and blushes from my drawer.  Then she went into her room and returned with an armful more of product, dumping everything on my sheets.

"We could do a practice run-through now," she said. "To make sure you like it.  You have foundation, right?"

"Yeah."  I handed her a barely-used bottle of foundation from the bin she'd brought over and she placed it in a pile with a contouring kit, some powder, and concealer.  Then she began carefully sorting everything else, opening several tubes of mascara and inspecting the contents.

"When's the last time you bought new mascara?" she asked.  "Do you even wear it?"

"I wear it every day.  And that bottle you're holding is from earlier this month, so don't you dare tell me it's already expired."

She pursed her lips but put the tube in the stack of makeup that I would be wearing to prom.

After a while, I actually found the process of sorting very soothing.  As long as I distanced prom from my mind, makeup was a great distraction.  All I had to do was tell myself that Vanessa and I were looking at makeup for fun, not for prom or for any other related reason.  This was just good step-sister bonding.

"Step-sister" reminded me that we were soon to be sisters, which reminded me of the move, which reminded me of the Cody-Andrew situation and prom all over again.  Groaning, I pulled an eyeshadow palette closer to me and tried to become engrossed in that.

By five o'clock we had all of my makeup picked out and Vanessa was carefully inspecting the eyeshadow I'd chosen, muttering to herself about creases and brow bones and waterlines.  Then she snapped the palette shut decisively and said, "Well, let's give all this a try.  Come sit cross-legged in front of me."

I scooted closer to her and she pumped some primer onto her hand before massaging it into my face.  I kept my eyes shut and tried to transport myself to an alternate universe, where I was a celebrity getting my makeup done before an awards show instead of a high school girl trying to figure out how she was going to survive her prom.

"After the primer we're going to put on foundation," Vanessa explained, rubbing in what I assumed to be the foundation.  "Just a thin coat, because you have decent skin.  We're just making it look perfect."

After the foundation she rattled off a few other product names as she applied them—my brain tuned out once she'd finished contouring and was dusting on highlight.  I wanted to check my phone to see what time it was, because I knew at some point I'd have to start getting ready for my date with Andrew, and yet I didn't really want this peaceful moment to end.

Someone knocked on my bedroom door and Vanessa called out, "Who is it?"

"Andrew."

My eyes flew open at the same time that Vanessa jumped off the bed, yelling, "Don't come in, don't come in!"

"Why not?" I asked.

Vanessa began scooping makeup off my sheets and into her arms, exclaiming, "He can't see what your makeup will look like before prom!  He has to be surprised!  Quick, go wash all that off."

"But it looks so good..."

"Quinn!"

Andrew knocked on the door again.  "Vanessa, is Quinn in there?"

"Yeah, I am."  I glanced at the mirror, figured my makeup was done enough to look decent, and opened the door.  "Sorry about Vanessa.  We were trying out prom makeup looks and apparently you aren't allowed to see it until tomorrow, which is stupid because this is just prom and not a wedding."

"Right."  He cracked a smile.  "Definitely not a wedding.  The makeup looks good, by the way."

Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, I explained, "Oh, it's not finished yet.  We're going to do a little more with the eyeshadow and do a wing thing with the eyeliner and..."  I trailed off.  "Shoot, now I sound like Vanessa."

"No, you don't," she called from the bathroom.  "I wouldn't be caught dead saying 'wing thing.'"  She scurried out to Andrew and I and flashed him her typical megawatt smile.  "You guys have fun, okay? Quinn, I'm going to research some hair styles for you, and have you picked out your shoes yet?"

"No.  I'm sure you have a pair I can borrow."

She nodded as her eyes rose to the ceiling, already making mental notes.  "Well, we'll talk more when you get back.  Enjoy yourselves!"

As we started off down the hallway, me straightening my t-shirt from where it had gotten wrinkled from my almost-nap.

"She's living vicariously through you, isn't she?" he asked.

"Definitely.  There's nothing she wants more than to go to a Providence Prep prom.  I feel kind of bad that she'll never get to go. Unless she and Shane magically stay together and she drives down here next year to go."

He frowned.  "Seems unlikely."

I knew he was right.  Vanessa would break up with Shane any day now if she hadn't already, and the second she got to our new school she would be begin looking for her new target.  I had no doubt she would rise effortlessly to popularity just like she had at Providence Prep—and yet at the same time, I felt bad for her.  She'd already had to transfer to Providence, and now she'd have to move all over again.  How much of her confident, queen bee façade was just that: an act?

We were at Andrew's car now.  He opened the passenger door for me and I climbed inside, buckling my seatbelt as he got in the driver's seat.  When he turned on the engine a Top 40s playlist started blaring, rattling my skull with the bass.

"I'm learning the lyrics to all the hit songs before prom," he explained with a grin as he backed out of my driveway.  "You know, educating myself?  I've got to be able to sing along to everything."

"You don't already know this one?"  When he shook his head I said, "Not acceptable.  How about this one?"

He pursed his lips as I turned to the next song, waiting until the chorus until he said, "All the rappers sound the same.  I know the song, I just can't place it."

"Pathetic," I teased.  "You have a lot of work ahead of you."

While the song played through I turned down the volume and focused on the road.  Andrew's driving was so smooth that it was lulling me to sleep, so I tipped my head back and shut my eyes.  All of the stress of the last few weeks was culminating in exhaustion, and even though I knew I shouldn't I couldn't help but try to take a nap.  At some point he reached a hand over and set it on my knee.

When the car stopped, the sudden movement shook me awake.  I sat up to find Andrew watching me, parked perfectly straight in a spot right in front of the panini café.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Fine."  I rubbed my eyes, blinking so that my contacts could settle back in.  "How are you?"

He cracked a smile.  "That's not what I meant. You seem really tired."

I focused on rubbing a makeup stain off of the flawless leather on the seat so that I didn't make eye contact.  "I am.  It's school and the stress from moving, I guess."

I turned to open the car door but he stopped me, asking, "Is this what you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"To date me."  He stared me straight in the eyes, his eyebrows furrowed.  "You're not acting like this is really what you want."

"It is!"  I was almost one hundred percent positive that I meant it.  At this point I had nothing to do but look forward.  My heartbreak over splitting with Cody would dissolve soon, and I knew Andrew was the logical next step.  This only made sense.

Andrew turned off the car, causing the music to die down.  "I really do think you like me," he said, "Which is great.  But I think you're confused right now.  Maybe you still have feelings for Cody.  Maybe you just regret that you guys broke up.  I don't know, but I really want you to help me understand."

"I guess I'm still a little thrown off by it," I said. "But that's only natural.  And I do really like you, I swear.  But we only just broke up and even though I do want to date you things are just moving fast. Especially with the move and with Cody and I still trying to figure out our friendship and the prom and..."  I rubbed my temples with my fingers, cringing at the pain in my forehead.  "Just everything."

"I'm sorry.  I never thought of it that way."

We were quiet for a few minutes and I focused on the stillness surrounding us.  I tried my hardest to clear my brain, but fragments of worries kept worming their way back in and harassing me.

Finally, Andrew leaned closer to me and said, "I'm looking forward to prom, though.  No pressure, no strings attached.  Just me and you having a good time, okay?"

I nodded.

"Do you think you and Cody should sit down and talk about your feelings and what's going on between you?"

"Probably."  I hated that Andrew was turning into my therapist, but at this point I didn't really have any other options.  It was most likely a recipe for disaster, starting a new relationship while talking endlessly about the last one, but it was the only thing that made me feel better.  "I think he feels bad, too.  He really wanted to go to prom with me, and now he won't get that next year.  Never mind that I'm moving—we've broken up."

Andrew didn't say anything—he just watched me massage my aching head.  Then he sat up straight and said, "We'll figure that out, okay?  For now, I'm sure you want some food.  All this stress probably makes you hungry."

"Yeah."  Forcing all negative thoughts out of my head, I opened the door and stepped out into the parking lot.  When I glanced at the outside of the panini café I tried not to remember a simpler time when Cody was walking up to the door with me.  Every girl was bound to go through a break-up at some point in her life and they'd all survived moments like this before, too.  I just had to persevere like everyone else.

By the time a hostess seated us at a two-top by the window I felt a lot better about myself and my situation.  I had to just tackle one thing at a time.  Right now I had to get through my date with Andrew and enjoy myself as best I could.  Maybe tomorrow, when I was over at Cody's house to work on the French project, I could talk to him.  Then I'd be completely able to have fun at prom without any reservations.

After we ordered, Andrew reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny blue box.  "I want to try and give this to you again," he said, passing it to me.  "Don't take it if you don't want it, but I really think you should have it."

I took the box from him and opened it, finding the sun necklace from my sweet sixteen resting on a sheet of cotton.  It sparkled in the overhead lights of the café, causing the pointy parts of the sun's rays to glimmer.

"Oh."

I knew I didn't have any reason not to take it now.  Cody and I were over, and it looked like Andrew would ask me to be his girlfriend any day now.  Logically, if he tried to give me a necklace I should accept it, right?

I reasoned through this as much as I could and didn't find any reason to refuse, so I pulled it out of the box and let it dangle by its chain. "Thank you.  I really do want it."

While he watched with a contented smile, I clasped it on and smoothed it down over my t-shirt.  "I wish I could wear it with my prom dress tomorrow."

He shrugged.  "You'll have the corsage to wear tomorrow.  But you can wear the necklace when we move to North Carolina and you're in your new school and maybe you feel a little lonely, because I won't be able to be next to you all the time.  And then you'll remember that I'm here for you and I want you to be happy, okay?"

"Okay."  I couldn't help but smile at the open, honest way he was looking at me.  "I wish I had something to give you."

"You can.  Will you be my girlfriend?"

Oh no.  Oh no.  Not now.  My hand dropped from its grip on my necklace and fell against the edge of the table, making a thump.  All I could do was stare at Andrew with wide eyes, wondering how I was going to dig myself out of this hole now.  Truth be told, I should probably have said yes, but the only thing I could think was that I was absolutely not in the mindset for a serious relationship.  So I said the only thing I could think to say, and I said it a little too bluntly than I should have.  "No."

Andrew blinked.  "What?"

"Ugh, sorry."  I ran a hand through my hair.  "That came out wrong.  'No' as in, 'not right now.'  Like I just said, I have a ton on my plate right now.  Don't you think it would be better to wait until after the move?"

Everything I told him was true.  I really did want to date him at some point, just not right now.  And by the look of understanding that was slowly crossing his face, he seemed to get that.

"Okay," he said slowly, as if everything was still registering.  "Not right now.  I get that."

"Do I get to keep the necklace?" I asked.

"Of course.  Why wouldn't you?"

"I don't know."  I shut up long enough for the waiter to deliver our paninis before I added, "I didn't know if it was an early 'thanks for being my girlfriend' present."

"Nope.  Just a 'thanks for being you.'"

I grinned and took a bite of my sandwich, marveling as always about how amazing it tasted.  Andrew reached forward to steal a chip off my plate and I smacked his arm, causing him to retreat.  Even though it was happening slowly and awkwardly, I was finally starting to see myself having a future with Andrew.  I didn't know what that future would consist of or how long it would last, but it was there, dangling right in my immediate future, waiting for whenever I chose to grab it.  Finally, at least one thing in my life was going right.