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[Chapter Nineteen]

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perpend \per-PEND\

(v.) To ponder, deliberate, be attentive or reflect

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"Uh, I can explain," I said quickly to Olivia. I gave my parents an apologetic look and motioned that I was going to go up to my room and talk to Olivia. They nodded in understanding and shooed me out.

"You better damn well explain what's going on!" Olivia lectured. "We've been worried shitless about you! You always answer your phone or text messages. We thought something had happened with your clone."

"No, no it's okay. I'll tell you everything, you don't need to worry," I said. Crap, what was I going to tell her? I couldn't tell her the truth about NANO despite the fact that she knew about my clone. I had to make a story up and fast. I hated lying to my friends, but I had to tell myself it was for their own good. I got up to my room without any interruptions and flopped down on the bed.

"Hold on, I'm putting you on speaker so that Andrew can hear you too," Olivia told me.

"Hey Porthos," I heard Andrew's voice echo over the connection. I returned his greeting absently and racked my brain for some way to explain my random absence.

"So?" Olivia prodded impatiently.

"Um...well you guys aren't going to believe this," I started out, "but my parents decided we needed some family bonding time." I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped they would believe me.

There was silence on the other end for a minute before Olivia blurted out, "Seriously?"

"Yah, I guess my attempts at being a better daughter have paid off. They randomly surprised me with a little trip up north. We're only staying for a couple days because of work, but I'll be back soon."

"Well, hey, congrats then. Where'd they take you? San Francisco?" Andrew asked. Olivia muttered something to him and he laughed in return.

"No," I said, "We went up to San Louis Obispo," I hoped they would buy my story. Olivia was going to be the hardest one to convince, but if I stayed true to the facts, it would all play out according to plan.

"I still find it weird that they suddenly sprung a trip on you," she said skeptically.

I shrugged, and then realized they couldn't see my motions. "Maybe it was the only time they could get off for work. I don't really know, but it was a nice gesture, and I've had a fun time with them."

"When are you heading back?"

"Geez Olivia, you're turning this into an interrogation," Andrew scolded lightly.

She snorted, and I could just picture the look of annoyance on her face. "Well I just think it's a little weird that her parents whisk her off on a vacation with no notice and she doesn't have the decency to reply to our calls and texts. It's not like they don't have service up there!"

Ah crap, I hadn't thought about that. "I'm sorry Livy, I was whisked away out of nowhere that I didn't even think about texting or calling you guys. I'll make sure to text you all the time now. Okay? I'm not sure when we're heading back," I confessed. "It could be today, it could be tomorrow, who knows? But I'll let you know as soon as I find out. Okay?"

"Ugh, fine," she huffed, trying to still sound angry, but I knew that she had forgiven me.

Someone abruptly knocked on my door and I nearly dropped my phone. "Uh, hold a minute!" I yelled at them. "Listen guys, my parents are at the door, they want to go somewhere so I got to go. I'll text you as soon as I can!"

"Okay," Olivia responded. "Hey, movie when you get back?"

"Yah sure, whatever is playing is fine."

She scoffed on the other end, "Whatever is playing? Honestly Dayna, do you even pay attention to anything in the real world?"

"Yes," I said in an offended tone. "Isn't, uh, that one movie...with the guns or something out?"

Andrew started laughing at me as he choked out, "Yah, which movie is that?"

"Shut up," I growled. The person knocked on the door again, so I yelled for them to wait another minute. "I really have to go guys. Talk to you later!"

"BYE!" they yelled together, "Bring Kyle to the movie!" Olivia yelled right before I hung up. Right, I almost laughed, like that was going to happen. Maybe if we actually talked about something. Crap, what if Kyle was at the door? I scrambled off my bed and flung my door open, ready to apologize for making him wait.

"Hullo," a crisp British accent said. I stood there in shock for a minute, just staring at the person who was clearly not Kyle, not sure what to say. "Can I come in?" Jaz asked in an amused tone.

"Oh," I blushed, "yah, come on in. Sorry, you just caught me off guard. I thought you were someone else."

"Some else, being Agent Kyle Drake?" she said dryly as she sauntered into my room. I opened my mouth to deny it, but shut it quickly when she raised an eyebrow at me. Jaz gave the room a casual glance but I could tell that in the ten seconds it had taken her to survey the room she had catalogued every escape route and looked for threats.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked miserably, sinking onto the bed.

Jaz had an uncomfortable look on her face as she joined me. "What? That you like Kyle? Kind of, but it's more obvious that he likes you. He gets insanely jealous, not that he'd ever admit it."

"What do you mean?" I wasn't sure where she was going with this, but I figured she knew just as much as I did about the situation.

"Kyle is a lot like me," she started out in a tight voice, clearly uncomfortable with talking about herself. "He doesn't like to talk about emotions or think about them. Both of us have had a troubled childhood, which makes us more guarded around people and especially around relationships. He'll be slow to trust and even slower to tell you how he feels. Especially since he's a guy; they don't exactly share their thoughts with the world. You'll have to make the first couple of moves, even if their small ones. That way, he'll know it's okay to move forward and give you a piece of himself. Otherwise, he could get hurt. Again. And we've—he's been hurt enough already."

She stopped to look at me, to see if I understood everything. I gave her a comforting smile and nodded. It made sense, and I appreciated the fact that she was willing to open up a little bit to me, even if it was just to help me understand Kyle better.

"Now you, on the other hand, are a lot like Dash. You're very carefree and happy-go-lucky with a streak of mischievousness. Yes, you've had trials in life, but nothing too dramatic. No, don't give me that look," she said dryly, "I am aware of your situation, but you've never been out on the streets, hoping you'll find food for you and your family. You've never been verbally abused by your father all your life."

"All right, I'm sorry. Please continue," I apologized, finally understanding just how damaged Jaz and Kyle were.

"As I was saying, you're like Dash. Both of you enjoy the sarcastic humor of life and finding ways to irritate people. It's your way of caring and bringing light into any situation. You both love fiercely and while you don't trust people right away, you're more willing to see the good in a person and trust them based on that alone." Jaz stopped talking and gave me a small smile. "Do you understand now?"

Did I ever. Kyle and I were so different it was scary. I figured if Jaz understood Kyle so well, she needed to be with him, because she could help him. I had a better chance with Dash. I jokingly told her that. "Maybe I should just set my sights on Dash then. He seemed willing enough yesterday."

Jaz tensed suddenly and pinned me with a death glare. "Woah!" I said quickly, holding up my hands. "I was totally joking. Down Bessie!" She took a deep breath through her nose and released it slowly. "I didn't know that you and Dash had a thing," I commented softly. "How long has that been going on?"

She blushed lightly, "Since this morning." Jaz started twitching her fingers in a strange pattern, almost like she had a knife in her hands and was twirling it with her fingers. I realized it was her way of calming herself down.

"Wait, this morning?" I asked, trying to keep a lid on my excitement. Jaz didn't seem like the type of girl to appreciate squealing and hugs. Not that I was planning on doing any of that crap.

"Yah," she muttered bitterly. "He practically accosted me in The Cage while we were training. Then, he just walked me to my room like we were a couple and kissed me goodbye, saying he would see me later on today." She gave a frustrated sigh and flicked her hair out of her face. "I've been avoiding him ever since."

Resisting the urge to laugh, I tried to casually press for more details, hoping she would open up to me. "Now, by accost, you mean thoroughly kissed. Right?" She nodded miserably and refused to meet my gaze. "Good, that's good!" She snapped her gaze to mine within seconds, confusion clearly on her face. I rolled my eyes. "It means that he's serious about you. Most guys who just want to 'get some' put a little more effort into the wooing. Usually the first kiss is more tender and sweet. It sounds like Dash couldn't contain himself." I let out a small laugh.

"So I shouldn't be avoiding him?" she asked timidly.

"What? Yes you should. It's fine to not see him all the time. Besides, you don't want him to think that he's that amazing that one kiss will win you over."

"It wasn't just one," I heard her mutter.

"If he has to work for it more, he'll appreciate your relationship more. Seriously."

Jaz sighed and fell back on my bed, "I just can't get over the small fact that he's a ladies' man. What if he gets bored with me?"

I fell back next to her and nudged her arm. "Uh, hello, you're fascinating. I don't think he'll ever get bored with you. You're a bucket full of mysteries with a sexy accent. People like Dash and I loooove mysteries. And accents." I turned to grin at her, "Am I freaking you out yet?"

Jaz smiled back at me, "Nope. I already told you that I like you. We'll get along just fine."

"I'm actually surprised you came to talk to me," I admitted softly. She blushed and looked away quickly, trying to focus on something else. I pushed myself to my elbow and gazed down at her in disbelief. "Jazlynn!" I laughed, "You didn't come up here because you wanted to, did you? Dash totally put you up to it!"

"Hey!" she said offended. "I wanted to come up here. Dash may have suggested it," she pointed out, "but I ultimately made the decision to come see you, okay?"

Laughing, I fell back on the bed, "Alright, I understand." We lay there in silence, staring at the ceiling. "Thank you," I whispered after a moment.

"For what?"

"For coming up here and talking to me. For helping me understand Kyle a little bit more. Sometimes it's so hard for me to get him because he's so secretive and moody. Every bit of info helps that much more."

"Dude," she snorted, "if you want to know more about Kyle, without actually asking Kyle, talk to Jay. He knows everything about him."

"I don't think he likes me very much," I said in a small voice.

"He doesn't like anyone. If you can get him to say more than five words to you, you're golden. You think Kyle and I have trust issues?" she whistled, "Girl, Jay is mountain of issues and twisted emotions no sane person should have to deal with." She paused and made a 'hmp' noise. "I guess a crazy person shouldn't have to deal with it either."

I giggled, glad that we could find humor in the sad situation. Jay was an interesting person and I wouldn't mind getting to know him better, but Kyle was my primary project. I had this need to fix him, even though I didn't consider him broken. I just wanted to be the one that he came to when he needed to talk, or just sit with in silence. Kyle needed someone and I wanted that someone to be me.

"He kissed me," I whispered.

"Who, Jay?" Jaz gasped. I laughed at the expression on her face. She looked like hell had frozen over.

I rolled my eyes, "No, Kyle did."

"Oh," she sighed. "That makes so much more sense. Phew." She turned and narrowed her eyes, "How come you don't sound happy about that?"

"I..." I started out saying, but then paused, "because it just happened and then we haven't talked about it at all. It's almost like it never happened."

Jaz rolled her eyes and gave me a light punch. "Hullo, I told you, he's not going to be the one to bring it up. You have to take the first little step. Tell him you like him or that you want to kiss the piss out of him or something." She gave a wicked grin when she saw the look on my face.

"I can't tell him that!" I said, horrified. I could only imagine what Kyle would think if I told him I wanted to 'kiss the piss' out of him. Lord Almighty.

"Why the bloody hell not?" she asked. "Then he'd know for sure that you like him. I'm serious. He's got all these problems and reservations because of his father; he's not going to jump into a relationship without thinking it through fifty times."

"Jaz," I moaned, "I just can't. What if he doesn't like me back? Then—ow!" I yelped. She had reached over and whacked my arm. Rubbing my arm, I gave her a wounded look.

"We've already been over this: He. Likes. You. For Christ's sake, do I need to beat it into you?"

Pouting, I cradled my arm dramatically. "You already did."

She shot me a dirty glare and pointed a finger at me. "We need to toughen you up, Nancy boy. I can't have a mate who cries over a love tap."

Laughing, I whacked her on the arm, grinning when it made a satisfying slap. "How's that for a Nancy boy?"

"Better," she smirked.

We were getting off topic, but that was fine with me. In fact, I wanted to shift from Kyle to Dash and question Jaz about him. She claimed Kyle needed help, but I knew that she was struggling too. "Question for you," I said in what I hoped was a casual tone.

"Shoot."

"Are you and Dash official and if not, do you want to be?"

She tensed, "That's between Dash and me."

"Uh uh, not fair. Tell me your problems. I'm all ears," I said.

Sighing dramatically, she glared at me from beneath her eyelashes. "Fine. I like him a lot, but Dash is a ladies' man and likes all women. I'm worried that one girl won't be enough, or that he'll try and be a 'one girl' guy, but inside he'll be miserable."

"Jaz, you're gorgeous, kick ass and you know how to use your brain; you're twenty steps ahead of most girls Dash previously flirted with. Besides, all you have to do is constantly keep Dash guessing. He'll be so invested in figuring you out that he won't be able to be bored. Plus, he'll never truly understand you—guys never do—so his fascination will last. If he's the right guy for you, he'll understand how you work and what you need. You just need to have a little faith. He's already made the first couple steps, it's your turn to give the relationship the green light."

Smiling softly, I looked at her to see if she understood. "How do you know all that?"

"I'm brilliant, shh!"

She laughed dryly, but stayed relatively quiet, thinking over what I said. "I guess that makes sense," she finally sighed. She glanced at her wristwatch and frowned. "Shite, I have to go. It was nice talking to you, I promise we'll do it again."

"Sounds good to me," I smiled. "Maybe we can even do something girly."

Her eyes lit up, "Like painting our nails? I love painting my nails. I swear I have over a hundred different colors. I tend to get bored with a color after a couple of days," she admitted sheepishly.

"A hundred?" I repeated skeptically. "If that's the case, my answer is definitely."

"Good. By the way, you really need to talk to Kyle." I made a face at her, sticking my tongue out.

Jaz gracefully stood up from the bed and made her way to the door. She reminded me of a cat with the way she prowled around the room without making a sound. Her hand reached the handle of the door, but she paused and looked through the peephole I hadn't seen before. When she pulled back, she looked at me and grinned slyly.

"I think now is a good time to start," she said cryptically and threw open the door. On the other side was Kyle with a raised fist. He looked like he had been preparing to knock, or at least, preparing to prepare to knock.

"Hi," he said softly.

Jaz smiled and winked at me. 'Talk to him', she mouthed before slinking out the door.

"Talk to Dash!" I yelled back at her, realizing at the last second that I probably sounded crazy to Kyle.

"Bugger off!" she called from outside the room.

I looked at Kyle and blushed. "Ahem...right. Just ignore all that...stuff." Cripes I sounded like an idiot. This was never going to work.

"Okay," he said slowly. "Can I come in?"

"What?" I said, a bit slow. "Oh! Yah, come in. Sorry." Hit head on desk. Repeatedly. What was it about him that made me act like the biggest loon? "So, what's up?" Smooth, Dayna. Really smooth.

Kyle entered my room and motioned for me to sit. He (regrettably) left the door open and started pacing back and forth in front of me. I waited patiently for him to say whatever was on his mind. Clearly he was here for a reason. My nerves were going haywire though because I was scared of what he was going to say.

"Uh, well first, I came up here to say that I'm sorry I ran out of the room like that," he apologized. Kyle took a deep breath and swallowed. His next words were forced, as if someone was holding gun to his head and making him say them. "I want to talk...about my father."

Well that was...unexpected.