Looking back at the time when all hope was lost i felt like everything, everyone , My Friends, Family, Colleagues all resented me . Hated me for being a ruined mess. I got so depressed and so traumatized that i didn't know what was wrong with me. All i knew that i wanted to save my relationship cause if you are true to the one you love you will never let go..... but obviously my heart was broken and shattered to pieces but still i thought i should not give up. One fine i remember clearly i had gone to work i was attending a training session in the office premises when my Fiancee (Now Ex) showed up . What he did was shocking as everyone stood around just looking at my face as he hit me. I somehow kept my composure and hid my tears as he assaulted and kept assaulting me up until my Manager and security intervened. That was the baddest day of my life and that was the day i decided that i want out but i knew i was stuck in a realm of torture it felt like i was literally in hell being played by the Devil himself. My hope was fading and i started slipping into eternal darkness. I decided i am gonna end everything now. Since i got into a relationship which that Bastard life became a living nightmare . My parents also got upset with me and started hating him. I would stay away from home just to be with him. You can say i ignored my own family the biggest mistake.

So i went to his place to grab my things and then what happened scared the holy shit outta me. He punched me, hit me with the belt, strangulated me . That when i fought back by hitting him. I took my stuff and went home he followed me all the way and verbally assaulted me on the road. When i reached my parents house i locked my self up in my room for 15days . Did not eat or drink anything and decided to end my life. I just sat in my room thinking about things to do to myself . I don't know what made me decide to watch youtube and i started watching BTS videos

https://youtu.be/9DwzBICPhdM

This was the first video of their which popped up on my playlist so i decided to hear it. I kept hearing it on repeat as i was not able to control the feelings and pain i was going through up until i realized that giving up my life ain't a solution. The words in their song inspired me to be strong. " NOT TODAY" meant not to give up your life for the sake of a loser who is doesn't give a shit about your death or your parents.  This song made me think what i was doing to myself and made me divert my mind. I started crying really loudly and it helped me relieve myself for a while. So put down the pocket knife i had and kept it on the side and cycled through my play list. These boys gave me so much strength through they songs. Then i came across one of their BTS House Video.

https://youtu.be/k46JY4ifGuA

To be honest i just got lost watching their videos and tried to forget the bad things . I felt a little better as i watched each video. It takes time to eliminate the pain and anguish from your whole being. Bangtan has played a huge role in my life it's obvious  that i haven't met them but just to be able to interact with them and see them on TV or the internet , on social media makes my day happy. At present i am still struggling with depression but they have given me so much inspiration through the work they do. I have come to think how to love myself better , how not to degrade and destroy myself, how to learn to hold on to every single moment , cherish the gift of life make the most of the time i have on this earth. Today (6th Aug 18) I am a little emotional i wish i could be able to tell the boys how much they have effected my life . How much they have given me through their words and music. How good it feels to watch each one of them giving love back to the AMI . I have never felt so loved . When all my friends abandoned me left me for dead i had bangtan with me . They were always there for me obviously they don't know individual armies but am talking about they Musters, Their Comebacks, Prom Party , The Wings Tour etc etc... Things just added up for me in all this . It was like they were not here but were present close to me. I don't know it sounds strange but i know for sure what they have done for me through their music and other things.

https://youtu.be/xEeFrLSkMm8

I know that even if people abandoned me the boys are always there. I am so thankful for them saving me and changing my mindset about myself and my actions. I know i have friends in them .I LOVE YOU BANGTAN SONYOENDAN.