Chapter 52 ~ "I Killed Dracula"

While walking alone in England with his hands in his coat pockets, Iérti noticed a woman talking while holding a rectangular shaped device near her ear. His face turned into a puzzled frown when he couldn't see the person she was talking to, yet she was clearly talking to someone. He cautiously approached her, listening as she conversed with the person on the strange device he had never seen before.

"Excuse me, my lady," said Iérti, waiting until a break in conversation before speaking up. "What is that device in your hand called?"

"A phone," said the woman, giving him a weird look. She tried to resume her conversation, but Iérti persisted in saying, "I'm sorry, what's a phone? Is it something you use to talk with people? Where is the person you are speaking to?"

"Yes, this is a phone," the woman elucidated, clearly thinking he was crazy. "Are you high or on drugs or something?"

"What? No," said Iérti. "It's just I've never seen anything like this. Where do you suppose I can get a phone?"

The woman gestured towards a red phone booth on the sidewalk. "You can call someone over there."

"No, I need exactly what you have: a phone. Where can I get one of those?" Iérti asked.

Fifteen minutes later, Iérti got Mallen to go with him to an electronics store to check out cell phones. They looked over various ones, trying to figure out the difference between different kinds of phones. Iérti wanted the same kind the woman had, which was an iPhone, so they selected two iPhones.

The phones were in boxes with security devices on them to prevent theft. Mallen couldn't figure out how to get the boxes out of the locked glass case where they were being kept underneath the displays, so he drew his sword and slashed through the glass case, seizing the phones they wanted and running off with the boxes as the security alarms started going off.

Mallen and Iérti ran out of the store as people gasped and called out, stunned to see a hot attractive guy brandishing an alien sword in an electronics store, with another hot accomplice. The store manager and employees tried to figure out where the thieves went, but they couldn't find them anywhere.

Mallen and Iérti retreated to their ship. They sat on the floor of Iérti's room and opened the boxes, taking the phones out of them and tossing the boxes away. They kept the paper instructions and read through them, learning how to use a phone.

When they found out they needed phone service to use their phones, they went to a store and compelled the employee to give them the phone service, using their fake credit cards for initial charges. After they made sure their phones were activated and able to be used now, and after adding each other's' phone numbers in their contacts list, Mallen and Iérti called each other to make sure everything worked.

"This is amazing!" Iérti exclaimed, practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. "We can talk to each other anywhere in the world! You could be in Ireland and I would still be able to talk to you here in England!"

"I still don't understand how it's possible," said Mallen. "It's like magic, but technological. Are we sure this isn't Magarran tech?"

"Let's explore all the different features phones have," said Iérti, going through the various preinstalled apps on his phone. He hit 'camera' and was surprised to see his own face appear on the screen. "Mallen, look! They have a built-in mirror! I wonder what this circle button does."

He pressed on it, his eyes widening when he saw his first selfie saved on his phone. "Mallen, you're not going to believe this. The mirror paints a picture of you in mere seconds and saves it, exactly as you appear. No watercolors, ink, or anything. It's....magic."

Mallen looked at Iérti's phone, his own eyes raising in astonishment at the saved picture of Iérti.

"Stars above, it is magic!" Mallen said, surprised. "Instant pictures in less than a second. Do you know how many hours it took just to paint a picture in the old days? Some portraits lasted almost the entire day because the artist insisted on every detail being precise. It was even more painstaking in my human years."

"Do you have a picture of you? As a human?" Iérti asked, suddenly curious. "I've never seen any portraits of you, just myself and my family. We had a couple made when...." He trailed off, not wishing to remember.

Mallen ran a hand through his hair. "Uh, yes. I do have several portraits of me when I was a human. One was with me and my parents. The other was with me and Crato – the only portrait there is of Crato."

"I want to see," said Iérti. "But after we take what these humans call 'a selfie'."

Mallen stood next to Iérti as Iérti took a selfie. They looked at the picture, awed by it. Iérti sent it to Mallen, creating his first text message. Mallen saved the picture on his phone, wishing he had a picture of Írásom. There was only one portrait of her; he kept it with his most treasured belongings in a brown leather bag. It was taken back when Írásom was human. Mallen regretted not having done a portrait with her, having been so caught up with the joy of finally having a wife.

Seeing Mallen's fallen face, Iérti wordlessly reached into his satchel and pulled out a parchment paper, sliding it towards Mallen. Mallen felt tears of joy seize at him; it was a picture of Mallen and Írásom at their wedding.

"Ardai drew this picture at your wedding," Iérti told him. "He is an excellent artist and offered to paint a picture for you. I forgot to give this to you until now."

"I'll have to thank Ardai in the afterlife," Mallen said softly. He thanked Iérti for the meaningful gift and reached over to hug him, his tears wetting Iérti's shoulder, but Iérti smiled and hugged Mallen, glad to have made him feel better.

Mallen distracted himself from his personal grief by busying himself with work and hobbies like traveling the world. He learned about all the countries in the world, each with different cultures. He already knew most of the languages and used his bond with Iérti to share that knowledge with him, allowing Iérti to know everything he did: foreign languages, clothes-making, swordfighting, even things like how to swim, though Iérti never took up on it.

Mallen and Iérti lived in England for a year before finally visiting Romania, the country of Mallen's birthplace. He found out the castle he lived in was now a tourist site.

Mallen and Iérti walked with other tourists as they went on the tour guide of Mallen's former home, seeing how it had been restored to its former glory. Though it still looked the same on the outside, the inside kept all the previous king's furnishings and décor.

They chuckled when they heard of Earth's vampire lore and myth. When he heard about the famous fictional vampire named Dracula, Mallen smirked, saying, "I killed Dracula."

"You did?" Iérti asked in astonishment, learning this for the first time.

"Yeah, the guy was such a douche. Fashion worthy outfits, knew how to dress well, but a terrible person. Peculiar dinner host, too."

"Is that so?" Iérti asked, surprised.

Mallen nodded. "Invited me to his castle one night. Killed him the next night when he was on the run from a vampire hunter named Van Helsing. I wasn't going to let some pompous human steal my victory of killing the most famous vampire in history."

"Why did you kill him?"

"Because he posed a threat to me. I mean, the guy had some good taste in clothing, but he was just downright creepy. He slept in a coffin – a coffin! With Transylvanian dirt packed in it. No soft velvet or anything. I prefer a nice bed with silky cotton sheets, thick warm blankets, and fluffy pillows. Who sleeps in a coffin?"

"The dead," Iérti stated dully. "Vampires are technically the undead, so it makes sense for him to sleep in a coffin."

"Whatever. Guy had no hygiene – dust all over his castle rooms, bugs and roaches in the dining hall, and he piled up dead bodies in closets. I would've thrown victims over the cliff his castle was resting on. He had no respect for his victims, which is very unsportsmanlike in my opinion. He had three vampire brides who fed on children, which is absolutely revolting. And what guy marries three women? So messed up."

"I wouldn't say he's quite the Casanova, given your description."

"Those women were seriously deluded and crazy."

"I'll say."

When regrouping with the Csa, Mallen and Iérti showed them their cell phones and how to use them to call people, take pictures, even use cool things like the weather app.

Cyrlin stared at the phone and took a selfie for the first time. "What sorcery is this?"

"Tisn't sorcery; it is magic," said a wide-eyed Blaise.

"It is neither sorcery nor magic; it is technology," Iérti told them.

"But how does it do that?" Cyrlin asked, looking over the phone.

Mallen shrugged. "Beats me. Iérti claims it is technology."

"I think magic is the more logical answer," said Blaise. "I have something magic too. Something better than a phone."

"Oh joy," Cyrlin groaned.

Blaise showed Mallen and Iérti a black, phone-like device with white Apple earbuds plugged into it. It was smaller than a phone. "This is, like, the coolest thing ever! It's called an iPod and it plays music. It stores over a thousand songs!"

Blaise loved music and was more than eager to share it with the Csa, including those of Romena's and Bly Basko's ships. They took turns listening to music on his iPod, fascinated with the concept of portable music files.

Then Blaise brought out speakers and a boombox, and everyone celebrated. The Csa started dancing, having reunited for the time being, due to Blaise's important music announcement. Sparks flying, champagne glasses tinkling, music playing, dancing feet, it was a merry time for all. Stellan locked eyes with Romena, who met his eyes with a slow smile.

Mallen and Iérti both loved rock and metal music. Blaise loved electronic music. He especially loved it when music mixed elements together, for example metal music with pop elements or electronic music with rock elements.

They all agreed most mainstream pop music was "an abomination" and rap music was "worse than garlic burns", though screamo was the worst, making Blaise stammer, "I am appalled somebody would create such a horror" the first time he heard screamo music. He enjoyed dance and house music, particular to some remixes.

After spending much time in Romania, Mallen and Iérti went to Hungary, Iérti's native country of origin. They drove over the Széchenyi Chain Bridge and into Budapest via Mallen's blue Honda Accord. They took the time to visit castles and other surrounding countries of Slovakia, Ukraine, Moldova, and back to Romania.

They bid one last farewell glance at Mallen's former home before returning to England, having decided they would like for it to be their permanent residence.

It wouldn't be permanent for long.

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