chapter twenty-three
this world is
cruel
『 your p.o.v 』
Leaning against the front of his desk, Ryuuya's eyes scanned over us students, never lingering on any single person longer than the last. "As you know, the grades for the top composer and top idol were once again posted outside. It came as no surprise to anyone that Kotobuki ___ once again received the highest marking composition so she and her A-class idol will be performing at the music festival next weekend. As for the top idol student going on behalf of my recommendation, Kurusu Syo will be performing as well."
Syo and I looked to each other with smiles gracing our features. Looks like our hard work paid off and now we both get to showcase our talents at the music festival.~
"As for the composers that presented their songs a few class days ago, Kotobuki ___ also won the ability to choose one of her two idols that she'll be writing a duet for. For those of you who happened to be absent that day," he paused as he looked directly at Ren before once again scanning over the other students, "she chose Jinguji Ren to be one of those idols meaning no one else is allowed to approach him concerning this project. Understood?"
The orangette sitting behind Syo rose his hand with a gentle smirk dancing across his lips, though his demeanor looks more agitated than anything. "Question. What if I don't want to work with her or the other idol she asks to compose for? Then what?"
Ryuuya met Ren's challenging gaze with a smug smirk of his own. "Considering you need a near perfect score on this next song to keep you here at this academy Jinguji, I'll be enforcing her decision and consequently not allowing you to work with anyone else. This is your last chance and if the best composer in this school can't keep you from failing, then I'll expel you myself without a moment of hesitation."
"I see. I look forward to getting that expulsion letter then." The cocky orange haired idol student responded with a light chuckle. "When is this project ending anyways? The sooner the better, don't you agree, Ryuuya?"
Tokiya sighed from where he sits in the desk behind me. The one day Ren decided to finally come to class he just had to go picking a fight with Ryuuya, our teacher of all people. He doesn't care at all if he stays or gets kicked out and there's little I can do to change his ideology on this little-known fact. But I can't let him being so, so annoying get to me. There must be something I can do in order to keep him at this school...
Shaking his head some, Ryuuya looked back to us students with a blank expression. "As for the details on this project, from this day forward all of you have a month and a half, six weeks, to compose a duet. I'm sure as all of you have noticed, many composers have begun leaving this academy and that's simply because they weren't able to keep up with what was being asked of them meaning there's nearly double the number of idol students as there are composers now. From this project forward, all projects will at the very least be a duet with two idol students to one composer. And, if this trend continues, we may start seeing songs with trios or even quartets begin to become the norm as more composers inevitably leave."
I couldn't help but glance around the classroom some only to notice a number of now empty desks that were filled only a couple weeks ago. Students really are getting cut left and right aren't they? Even some of the idol students I had gotten so used to seeing daily have left as well, no one being truly safe. That's even more of a reason that I need to convince Ren to take this seriously. If I can't change his mind on finally putting forth a true effort into his singing, then, I might as well prepare myself to say goodbye to that handsome boy with the velvet smooth voice.
"That reminds me, in two weeks, we'll be leaving to go on a vacation of sorts for a month. There will still be plenty of homework assignments and by the end of this "vacation", you'll all be expected to have completed your duets so don't go slacking off simply because you're in a new and exotic environment." Ryuuya warned. "There are still no restrictions on who you may work with on this assignment. Just keep in mind that the number of projects you'll be given will decrease as the time you have to work on them increases. Start thinking now about who you possibly want to work with for your graduation audition, those will be right around the corner before you even realize it."
A hand near the front of the class shakily rose, Ryuuya clearly still an intimidating man to most while I just see him as a dear and caring friend. "How exactly will the graduation auditions work?" An idol student asked hesitantly.
"You'll get more information when it's time for you all to begin preparing for the audition, but essentially an idol and composer pair will work together to create the best song they can create in only a month. The idol and composer duo with the highest combined score will be given the opportunity to professionally debut with that single and if they accept, they'll be guaranteed spots under Shining Agency as one of Shining's very own idols and composers." Ryuuya explained.
The same idol student once again rose his hand a little more confidently this time. "But there are far more idols than there are composers so how would that work?"
Ryuuya thought for a moment before pushing up off the edge of his desk, walking around the large piece of furniture to begin writing down today's lesson on the chalkboard. "Unless Shining says otherwise, it'll essentially be an all-out war for the idols to choose a composer before all of the composers choose their partners. And if you can't find yourself a composer to work with, then you won't be eligible to participate in the graduation auditions." He answered simply, everyone else's eyes widening.
So some of the idol students won't get to sing for the graduation auditions? How am I supposed to choose between my friends when it comes time to do just that? I already agreed to be Masato's composer and I don't plan on backing out of that agreement in the least bit, but, I also can't just ignore the rest of our friends either...
Just what am I going to do..?
Deep in thought, I absentmindedly began composing a new song on my laptop as Ryuuya went on with today's lecture, something about how idols should present themselves to new employers and how presenting themselves differently to different clients will affect how successful they are in this business as a whole. If I'm to be composing for Masato and Ren next, I'm going to have to really put forth my best effort into writing a song for them. But I'll first need to get Ren to actually work with both Masato and myself otherwise he's going to be kicked out of Saotome all together. This is my last chance to help him and wow is that a lot of pressure to put on someone.
I placed another couple notes on the ledger lines while mentally singing the melody I'm creating. I'm not making it with any one person in mind, but this melody reminds me an awful lot of Natsuki in a way. It's sweet and a little lyrical with a darker undertone to it, just like Satsuki. Maybe if I get far into this song, I'll give it to him and Satsuki as a present while we're on vacation. Oh! I wonder who got the highest scores for A-Class on this last assignment?
Something tells me Masato got the highest score out of the idols. He improved the most out of everyone in my opinion. Otoya sounded great and so did Natsuki, but Masato just has something about him that draws people in and it's amazing. He's going to become an amazing idol one day- if only his father would let him live his life...
With a sigh, I closed my laptop just as today's lesson was coming to an end. Syo fell asleep halfway through class since he's been up since early this morning training. Tokiya wasn't paying much to any attention per usual, just staring out the window to our left while Ren hummed a soft melody to himself. I listened as he did so, the song unfamiliar as he hums it. It's a lovely song and reminds me a lot of the first song of Reiji's I heard.
It's comforting.
"What are your plans for lunch today?" Tokiya asked, him and Syo walking on either side of myself as we make our way down the hallway together.
I glanced between these two idol students with a goofy grin while holding my laptop in front of me. "I'm going to buy some food and go find Ren since he ran off so quickly the second class ended."
Syo shook his head. "Oi, you're an idiot if you keep going after him." He said blandly with a deadpanned expression. "He's such an ass for just brushing you off like he's been when you're being nothing but nice to him- you're just wasting your time by trying to get him to like you again."
"I must agree with Kurusu," the navy haired idol then said, "Jinguji is a lost cause and you'd do better off composing a song solely for Hijirikawa, letting that flirt get himself expelled since he isn't willing to try and better himself is probably the best thing that can happen for us and himself at this point in time."
"You two are being harsh as ever! Ren is a good guy and I'm going to try to convince him to take this seriously right up to the day he finally listens to me." I said matter-of-factly as we walked into the lunch room. "There's no way I'm just going to give up on him. Ren is very important to me just like all of you are and so I'll fight for him when no one else will."
The second we walked close enough to the table for me to place my laptop down onto the tables surface, Otoya wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and pulled me close to him, the side of his head resting on my hip since he's sitting and I'm still standing. Natsuki looked to me with a smile despite Otoya obviously being more clingy than usual. "Who are you going to fight for ___-chan?"
I gently ran my fingers through my red headed friend's hair as he held onto me protectively and almost possessively. "Ren. I'm going to bring him some more food and see if I can talk to him a bit about our duet project." I said before shifting my gaze to Masato. "You're still willing to be my second idol, right Masa?"
The blue haired idol student looked to me with a blank expression before sighing as his eyes closed and his arms crossed over his chest. "If you're going to look to me with such a hopeful expression, then how could I refuse?"
"That's the spirit Masa!" I said with a bright smile, gently prying Otoya's arms from around my waist so I could put some distance between the two of us, my heart only beginning to race at remembering how he confessed just yesterday night. "Anyways, Syo, watch my laptop please? I'm going to go eat with Ren. I'll come back if things turn sour again so save me a spot because something tells me this isn't going to go well." I mused before heading for the nearby vending machine and buying another set of snacks and drinks before walking out of the cafeteria all together, my friends watching me go with pitiful expressions.
I get they don't believe Ren can change, but do they have to pity me to such an extent? I'm not doing this because I'm hopelessly in love with the guy or anything like that. I'm doing this because if just one person can prove themselves to Ren now, then maybe he'll change for the better over time. Maybe not instantly, maybe not in a couple weeks, but if he can see that someone is willing to put themselves on the line for him then maybe he won't isolate himself so much and will actually try and trust someone. Even if that someone isn't me, I just want Ren to be happy and that's not going to happen if no one takes the initiative to at least try and understand him.
I was smarter today than I was last time and actually wore Reiji's heavy winter coat as I walked outside towards the large lake, the snacks nearly overflowing in my arms and on the verge of falling with every step I take down the sidewalk. It really is beginning to get truly freezing out here even during the day! I won't be surprised if it starts to snow soon in all honesty. At least if it snows, this place will become a true winter wonderland and thus becoming a beautiful place to compose in. Too bad we'll be on vacation for a whole month in just two weeks... I really wanted to see what this place looks like covered in pure white snow.
Just as I was expecting, Ren was once again sitting on the bench overlooking the large lake. There's little wind today so the weather is tolerable with the right winter jacket which is probably why Ren hasn't opted to just sit alone in some empty practice room in the old part of school just yet. Though I can't help but wonder why he keeps sitting out here when he knows I'll come looking for him eventually.
Is he doing it on purpose now..?
Sitting beside this pesky orangette, I went ahead and placed his snacks in the space I left between us, not wanting to crowd him any. "I hope you reconsider working with me on our duet project." I said softly just as Ren began to take out his earbuds.
"Why is it you just won't quit, hm Little Lamb?" He asked in return as he took a bag of chips and popped it open with ease. "Do you want something from me?"
I shook my head as I looked out to the lake. "No. All I want is for you to know that I genuinely care about you. That's it."
The orange haired boy sitting beside me scoffed. "No one is ever nice for the sake of being nice; just what game are you trying to play here, Lady?"
"I'm being serious Ren, I'm not playing some game and the only thing I want from you is for you to not let your family dictate how you live your life. That's it." I said as I looked over to meet his cold blue-eyed gaze. "Is it really that surprising for you to encounter someone who honestly cares for you?"
Placing a finger under my chin and lifting it some, Ren leaned down so that our lips were no more than an inch apart now, my heart beginning to hammer against my chest almost instantly at how calmly he can do something like this without batting a single eyelash at the usually such intimate action. "What is it you really want from me?" He asked in a sultry voice, his warm breath fanning out over my face. "Are you hoping for a fun night alone together? Maybe you want my money- or simply the advantage of being called my girlfriend is all you're aiming for? Or are you hoping I fall hopelessly in love with you so you can take everything I have?" He asked with a sickeningly sweet tone that could almost be considered sexy if it didn't sound so cynical.
Looking at him dead on and not moving away or backing down in the least bit, I met his gaze without my own wavering even the slightest bit. "I want you to be happy."
Pulling back from me, Ren laughed as he popped another chip into his mouth, my heart beating loudly in my ears now while he places an arm along the back of the bench we sit on. "You're something else Little Lamb."
I looked to him with a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. "Does this mean you'll stop avoiding me now..?" I asked softly.
"No," he said without a second of hesitation, "I still don't fully believe you so why would I stay around you?"
"Well, why did you even bother being around me in the first place then?"
"You're Kotobuki Reiji's younger sister, you're already the schools top composer, and you're making everyone easily fall in love with you because you put on such a kind act so I thought it would be fun to see if I could turn the tables and have you falling in love with me instead."
I stared at Ren with slightly widened eyes. "All you saw me as was some fun challenge for you to overcome then. You were never truly my friend, were you..?" I asked at nothing above a whisper now.
With another light-hearted laugh, Ren patted my head as I looked out to the lake with a desolate expression. "I don't take relationships seriously regardless of whether they're romantic or not so of course we were never friends." He said without an ounce of care as to how hurtful his words truly are. "This world is cruel, Little Lamb. The sooner you come to understand this, the sooner you'll be able to not be taken advantage of."
"I know this world can be cruel which is why I won't give up on you, Ren," I responded softly. "No one should have to go through this cruel world alone."
"You're just saying that." He scoffed, eating more of his chips before taking a sip of the water I had grabbed for him.
I shook my head. "I'm not. My mother died right before my very own eyes on my fifth birthday and my father died before I was born. I had to live with the guilt of knowing that maybe if I didn't ask to go out to that specific restaurant that day that maybe, just maybe she'd still be alive today and I never would have had to be thrown into the orphanage's system at such a young age. I know how cruel this world can be so don't go assuming things about me simply because I've learned how to smile despite my past. No one is ever what they appear to be, you should know that better than anyone, Ren."
The orangette was quiet for a moment before he spoke up once more. "I didn't know." He said, voice void of emotion now.
"Of course you didn't. I don't exactly go advertising it." I said with a small, dejected laugh as I stared out to the large lake before us. "Everyone goes through their own set of hardships, that's just apart of life. But while some people go through them alone, others have another person there with them to offer support."
"What, you think I need you or something?" Ren asked, once again growing a little spiteful and harsh with his words.
"No," I said with an added shake of my head, "I don't think you need me at all, but nothing is ever going to change for you if someone doesn't intervene to at least offer some sort of support. I'm not saying you need to rely on me or that I need to help you, I'm not saying that at all. I just want you to know that no matter how many times you lash out at me, no matter how many times you tear me down out of anger and hatred, and that no matter how many times you say I'm just doing this for my own selfish reasons, I'll still be here at the end of the day whether you want me to be or not. That's all I can offer you; the chance at no longer facing your demons alone." I said, my voice trailing off as I realized that I might have gone a little too far with my words this time around just like I did during our last conversation.
A chilled wind blew past us, neither of us speaking as we look out to the lake in silence. I didn't bother glancing to him and instead watched as the surface of the water moved and created ripples as more wind began to blow over it.
I've said all that I can. I laid down all my cards, exposed my past for him to hear and take in, and have offered to be there for him when he needs me. I can't do anything more for him other than be here if he ever decides to seek me out. That's all I can do...
"You know Little Lamb," Ren suddenly spoke up after a quiet ten minutes had passed us by, "you're not like everyone else and that's a little scary." He said with a small laugh. "I don't know how to act around you when none of my usual tactics work."
Smiling at his warm tone, I looked to my handsome orange haired friend. "Let's just go back to how things were before I pushed you away, is that okay?" I asked, scared to hear his answer. "I know you said you never thought of us as friends, but, it'd be nice if we could at least try to be friends from this point forward."
Chuckling, Ren stood up with his trash in hand, his lunch already finished long ago. "I'll think about it." He said as he began to walk back up the hill towards the academy. "Don't stay out here too long Little Lamb, you'll catch a cold if you do."
And with that, he disappeared above the hill and out of my sights for good this time.
I couldn't help but smile as I looked back out to the lake. For once, I think my sincere feelings finally got across to that pesky orangette. Maybe now we can start building an honest friendship with one another. I would really love to be his friend. Already I can feel Ren is someone important to me and I can't just give up on him like everyone is telling me to- I won't allow myself to even consider that as an option.
If it's for Ren, I'll fight until I physically can fight no more.
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buttmunch ren was a true buttmunch this chapter smh but at least it had a somewhat happy ending~
Question of the Chapter: Did Ren's behavior in this chapter catch you off guard? I honestly was surprised how real this felt to write lmao something about cynical Ren is hitting too close to home for me to handle lul but things are now looking up for the heroine which is great ^^
To be honest, I loved how this chapter came out :3 From the beginning to when Otoya was subtley trying to hold onto the protagonist to when Ren spoke his honest thoughts and was no longer simply running from his fears but rather facing them head on- I truly loved this chapter lol And soon we'll get to see everyone on vacation and you betcha I'm having Cesshi pop up :'D I can't wait to write for that wannabe Arabian prince lmao Now if only I could write for my true bois Quartet Night ;-; I'm experiencing QN withdrawals while writing so much for the ST☆RISH boys ;-; i want my cute buttmunch of an earl camyu and my flirty rei-chan to have some real romance ;-;;;;;;; (the struggles of writing fanfics lul)
As always, I love each and every last one of you lovely cuties and thanks so much for taking the time to read this chapter <3
~ kat ♡
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