ｎｏ   ｏｎｅ   ｅｖｅｒ   ｓａｉｄ
ｔｈａｔ   ｆａｃｉｎｇ   ｙｏｕｒ
ｄｅｍｏｎｓ   ｗａｓ   ｅａｓｙ

『 your p.o.v 』

Feeling the soft licks of a cat's tongue against my cheek, I couldn't help but to giggle some as I was forced out of what felt like a deep sleep. "K-Kuppuru stop that, it tickles." I said as I gently nudged the black emerald eyed cat away from me, my eyes slowly fluttering open only to struggle to stay open as I'm met with the bright sunlight pouring down from the clear blue sky up above.

Kuppuru meowed as I began to sit up, glancing around some as I did so. I'm back at Saotome Academy. Actually, I'm sitting down not too far from the tree Masato and I first sat under the morning we met and ran into Kuppuru. That's also the same tree Otoya and I would sit under during our free time, the one that overlooks the bench further down the hill where Ren often sat as he looked out to the glistening water of the large lake.

"What am I doing back here..?" I murmured to myself as I stood up, Kuppuru meowing as I begin wandering towards the large building behind me, the flowing white dress I've woken up in blowing some in the soft warm gusts of wind despite it meant to be currently in the middle of winter right about now.

Just as there was no one outside, there was no one inside either, the halls of the school eerily empty and silent as sunlight pours in through the large windows. I make my way down hallway after hallway, checking the lunchroom before wandering to the S-Classes classroom and then to the A-Class classroom. Still no one. Even the teacher's lounge was empty.

Kuppuru stayed walking beside me as I continued down towards the dorms. He meowed every few minutes, reminding me of his presence while I opened the door to Tokiya and Otoya's room first, the room not having a single person inside. Ren and Masato's room was just as empty and so was Syo and Natsuki's.

My stomach dropped some as I tried to push away any of the anxiety beginning to well up in my chest, only making it feel tighter and tighter the longer I search for someone. By the time I made it to my dorm room that's shared with Haruka and Tomo-chan, I wasn't all that surprised to find even that room empty.

I don't have my laptop. I don't have my friends. I don't have anyone, so, I'm alone again, aren't I?

"You're only as alone as you think you are, ___."

The voice coming from behind me as I walked down the many empty hallways of Saotome Academy was one I wasn't familiar with. Turning around, I was surprised to find Kuppuru no longer there and instead a tall, tanned skin young man with short dark brown hair and bright emerald green eyes offering me a kind smile, his clothes looking like something straight out of a middle-eastern prince fairytale of sorts. "Kuppuru..?" I asked softly, none of this making sense.

I must be dreaming.

The handsome boy walked closer and wrapped me up in a gentle embrace, resting my head on his chest as he hugged me. "You've been strong for so long ___, it's alright to acknowledge your fears and to be vulnerable sometimes."

Shaking my head some, I tried to push away from this strange boy. "I-I'm fine. I don't need anything or anyone other than my friends and, and-"

"And you need to take a step back and look at yourself." The boy cut me off, lifting my gaze to meet his own by raising my head with a single finger placed just under my chin. "You've always been so preoccupied with those you hold close to your heart that you've never taken the time to try and fix what's broken inside of yourself, ___. For as loving and caring as you are towards everyone else, you forget to take care of yourself first."

"I don't matter compared to my friends." I murmured, tears prickling at the corners of my eyes as I say the one thing I've never dared to say out loud before.

I want my laptop.

"You matter more to me than anyone else in this world so don't say such a thing. Everyone cares so much about you and wouldn't want to see you hurting inside like this." The boy responded just as softly as he released me from his embrace and placed his hands on my shoulders, turning me around so that I was suddenly facing all of my friends at Saotome with Otoya and Reiji standing at the very front of the group. "These people, every last one of them is scared they'll lose you, the kindhearted and purely selfless person who believes in them no matter what. But if you continue on neglecting yourself, then, they'll vanish as you slowly wither away."

Almost instantly, my friends began to turn into ash as they were blown away by an imaginary gust of wind, my heart twisting in my chest and causing an excruciating amount of pain. "Please, I just don't want to be alone." I said, my voice cracking as the tall emerald eyed boy behind me wrapped his arms around my waist and gently pulled me to his chest.

"This world may be cruel ___, but you don't have to keep yourself so isolated. You can learn to love yourself like you love your friends. You're deserving of just as much love as they are if not more so." He said with a small laugh. "You're the most important person to all of us, if only you could see that for yourself then maybe the darkness in your heart would begin to vanish."

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut as tears truly threatened to begin slipping down my cheeks now, the schools' walls vanishing as the scenery around the handsome emerald eyed boy and myself turned into old ruins out in the jungle. Fireflies now fluttered about in the darkness of the night around us and illuminated the large trees and vines that wind throughout the scattered ruins. "I'm not deserving of love. My mother died because of me. How could someone like me possibly accept the love of my friends?" I asked as my voice slowly began to grow louder the angrier I became. "I don't deserve any of their kindness. They're precious to me and I want to see them succeed because I don't deserve to be happy but they do! Why must I accept their love when I'm too broken to so much as love myself?!"

The tears wouldn't stop now as I slowly collapsed down to my knees, the emerald eyed boy carefully cradling me to his chest as I struggled to control my breathing, the fireflies dancing around and creating a dreamy atmosphere around us. "No matter how broken someone may be, they're always worthy of love and redemption. You didn't kill your mother, you weren't at fault for that accident in the slightest bit ___. It was nothing but the work of a cruel fate that lead you to meeting the wonderful people you know now. Your story didn't have a picture-perfect beginning, but you can make it into the fairytale you deserve to live if you can learn to accept yourself for who you are."

"I'm nothing without my friends..." I whispered. "They're what's important to me. Otoya has been the center of my world since I went to the orphanage, he's all I've ever cared about because I never cared about myself. As long as Otoya could learn to smile, maybe there was hope for me to learn too. Maybe I could be happy if he was happy and yet, I'm not okay. Why is it no matter how hard I work to ensure my friend's happiness, I can never be happy?"

"No matter how much love you give to everyone else, if you never learn to accept yourself for who you are, then their love and your own happiness will never be acknowledged." The emerald eyed boy said softly. "One day, I hope I'll be able to bring you happiness just as all the others hope to bring you happiness as well. But, you need to stop thinking you're not deserving to be happy and to be loved. You don't need to hold onto such guilt over your mother when you weren't the cause for her death. She wouldn't want you to be living like this; putting everyone before even yourself simply because you feel like you don't matter. You matter to your mother, you matter to your friends, you matter to me so please, learn to love yourself a little more with every passing day or else you'll never be happy ___."

Everything suddenly vanished and I was encased in pure darkness once more, the emerald eyed boy now gone as I'm left with only myself to keep me company in the black void. Though all too soon I'm waking up once more, though this time in a place I wasn't expecting.

"A... A hospital..?" I murmured under my breath as I struggled to remember what happened before I was brought here.

The room was dark, fireflies fluttering about just outside the window to my left as I glance around some. There's no one else here in the room other than myself. The soft beeps of a heart monitor kept me company as I laid there in the hospital bed, giving up on trying to understand everything and instead opting for simply staring up at the ceiling.

I feel so drained, my cheeks are wet with freshly fallen tears, and all I want to do is go back to sleep and yet I crave for someone to come and keep me company as well. If I could, I'd ask for my laptop. As long as I have my laptop and Otoya, then everything is okay, I'll be okay.

My mind slowly began piecing together what happened before I blacked out earlier. From my early morning conversation with Tokiya to when we went to the radio studio together all the way up to the point I was kicked off the docks into the ocean, my laptop long gone by that point. My heart clenched as I felt a fresh wave of tears threatening to spill out over my cheeks.

Now she's really gone, isn't she..?

The door to my hospital room opened with a soft click. I slowly pushed myself up onto my elbows to see who had walked in. "Ryuuya, what are you doing here?" I asked softly, my voice still too unstable to possibly use at full volume without cracking.

The orange haired actor took a seat in one of the two chairs placed beside my bed just in front of the large window, the fireflies now gone and nowhere to be found. "The kids wouldn't leave until I promised to come and watch over you for the night." He said with a scoff. "I never thought I'd see the day where Hijirikawa and that deadbeat Jinguji would see eye to eye on something but long and behold they were both stubborn just like that Kurusu kid and the others to the point none of them wanted to leave. Even Ringo struggled to get his students to go back to the resort after they were allowed to visit you."

Slowly, I nodded some as I went back to lying down on my back, the soft beeps of the heart monitor filling the in-between silence as I think of what to respond with. "Have I been here long?" I decided on asking first.

"Five hours or so. Reiji is on a plane as we speak so he should be here within the next few hours, just a heads up so he doesn't give you a heart attack when he inevitably bursts through the door." Ryuuya responded. "How are you holding up though? Ichinose said you weren't responding when he managed to get you out of the water and Ringo and I didn't get to the hospital until after you were admitted."

I halfheartedly shrugged. "I've been better."

"Just focus on resting kid, you've had a long day."

"Okay..."

Staring up at the dark ceiling, I allowed for my eyes to slowly slip shut despite me not being tired. It's better than facing reality right now. I'd rather be surrounded by darkness than acknowledge the fact I no longer have my laptop. I never thought I'd have to be without her even for a second, that she'd always be no more than an arm's length away if she wasn't being held tightly in my arms at that very moment. And just like that, she was taken away from me for the second and final time before I could do a thing to try and stop it. I'm always too late when it matters most and look, I almost died for it both times, first from a drunk driver and second from the ocean that tried so desperately to drag me under and put me out of my misery once and for all.

How am I supposed to love myself when there's nothing about me to love? I have no dreams, nothing I want for myself, I don't care about me. My friends are who matter most. Their happiness comes before my own. As long as I can hold onto the happy moments I share with them, then I can pretend for at least a short amount of time that I'm happy too. With Otoya and our other friends by my side, then I'll be happy, right?

"R-Ryuuya, can you stay outside until the morning when everyone else comes back..?" I asked softly, stubbornly rubbing at my eyes as more tears start to form despite my eyes remaining closed. "I-I don't want you or anyone else to see me like this..." I stuttered out.

"Yeah, sure thing kid." The orange haired idol said as he stood up, patted my head lightly, and then left my room, closing the door as softly as he could behind himself.

I feel bad asking him to leave when all I want is for someone to comfort me, but I'm a complete mess right now and would rather just be alone until I can pull myself together some. Reiji is going to be upset when he's told he can't come in, I just know it. He's going to be so worried and he's flying all the way to Okinawa just for me and here I am wanting to be alone.

I'm such a bad person so why did that emerald eyed boy from my dream insist on me acknowledging that I'm deserving of love?

There's nothing there for me to love. Without those I hold dear to my heart, I'm nothing.

I've never been anything more than cursed from the moment my mother died...

Turning onto my side, I squeezed my eyes closed even tighter to try and hold back the tears. Why did this have to happen to me? I've managed to ignore these feelings for so long and now they're right there and won't let me ignore them for any longer. I have to face my demons head on, don't I? But do I have to do it alone?

I wish my mother was here to help me get through this. If I could just hear her tell me that her death wasn't my fault, that I am not a broken individual, and that I do deserve to be loved, then I'm sure I could move on. But, she's dead. She's not here. I can't talk to her and she can't talk to me. I have to live with knowing that there's nothing I can do to change the past, that what's done is done and cannot be changed. How am I supposed to learn to smile when all I've ever done is fake it until everyone believed I was okay..?

A bitter smile tugged at the corners of my lips. And people sometimes wonder why Reiji and I get along so well. We're not all that different if you really look at us. We both hold guilt for incidents that weren't our faults and yet, we can't help but to shoulder the blame and in turn neglect ourselves in the process of putting everyone else first. There's a reason I knew something was bothering Reiji back when he ended up in the hospital first. He was in the same headspace as I am now.

Nothing but self-loathing and wishing for someone to come and tell me that it's okay, that I'm not at fault, and that I will always have someone by my side to remind me that I am loved. But here I am, alone in the hospital room after asking my teacher, my friend to go out and keep everyone else out along with him.

There's no hope for me...

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EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER TIME MY DUDES it wouldn't be a truly good story if the protagonist herself didn't go through her own character development now would it?

Question of the Chapter: Were you expecting for the protagonist to actually have such dark feelings kept hidden within herself like this considering she's always so happy and willing to help her friends? Or were you expecting for her to break down eventually? I've been lowkey hinting at her having a dark past and sometimes being a little too connected to people when they're in tough spots *cough cough* reiji and ren *cough* so I'm curious if any of you were actually expecting for something dark like this to pop up or not xD

This chapter is about 1000 words shorter than the usual simply because I couldn't bring myself to write anymore for it lmao I think it's just the right length the way it is so sorry it's a bit of a shorter read and doesn't exactly showcase any of the other characters all that much (but we did get human cat boi so i guess that's a plus). Don't worry though, next chapter will definitely be more interesting as the starfish boys plus Reiji, Ringo, and Ryuuya really make their appearances while the protagonist is stuck in the hospital. Now let's all pray for those kids who pushed her into the water because jesus if Reiji doesn't kill them, then Ringo and Ryuuya surely will if the starfish boys don't get to them first rip

As always, I love each and every last one of you lovely cuties and thanks so much for taking the time to read this chapter <3

~ ｋａｔ ♡