ａｎｎｉｖｅｒｓａｒｙ

『 your p.o.v 』

          A cool breeze blew by as I sat on a bench near the very back of the school, an area rarely anyone ever comes over to what with it being the very middle of December now. The snow for the last couple of days has calmed down, though the temperature hasn't risen enough for it to truly melt so a few ice patches along with snow covering all of the grass and the tops to most of the trees surrounding this area remain even with the sky being mostly clear this late afternoon.

          I went to class this morning and managed to sit through it without getting too caught up in my thoughts. It probably helps that I stayed up late composing most of Otoya's song last night so that I'd be half awake when Ryuuya walked in for today's lesson. Kept me from thinking too much and instead I has to focus really hard on just not falling back asleep. But, as what normally happens when this day comes around, I find myself falling into a meloncholy mood.

          With a puff of white smoke flittering up into the air with my heavy sigh, I hugged Reiji's jacket a little tighter around myself. It's cold today and it doesn't help that the trees around me are thick enough to cover much of the sunlight that's pouring down through the large gaps between the clouds. Everything is cold; my feet, my legs, my arms, my hands, even my nose! All chilled to the bone and yet I can't bring myself to get up and head on inside.

          I just want to mope around for a little while.

          It's not often I think about my mother- no, not Mrs. Kotobuki but rather my biological mother. Really, she rarely crosses my mind nowadays since I'm just so busy with everything going on around me. Honestly, if I really took a good look at myself, it would be easy to see the fact that I'm just running from ever thinking too long about her. It hurts to try and remember the way she looked, sounded, the way she always knew what to do and say to make any bad day turn into a magical one. It hurts and so I try to not think about her for too long when she does cross my mind.

          Otoya says he does the same with his mother and aunt. He can remember them a little bit if he tries, but he doesn't go actively trying to remember them since just like it hurts for me, it hurts for him too. We used to tell each other that the past can't be changed and so remembering them now and being sad won't do us any good. If we can't smile at the happy times without focusing on the sad times, then there's no point in trying to remember at all if the happy times will eventually just get overshadowed by all the sadness that surrounds our childhoods. We try to focus on the happy memories as much as possible. It's how we learned to deal with our trauma I guess.

          Today though, today is different from every other day. I allow myself one day a year, a singular day to spend a little bit of time remembering my mother as much as I can; the good and the bad for everything she was made her her.

          There's not many things for me to remember her by what with so many years passing since then. It's hard to remember her appearance, very nearly impossible to remember her voice now, and really, most of the times we spent together have disappeared from my memories too and so now I can only remember snippets here and there of conversations, outings, and everything in between. The human brain is truly something remarkable and finicky. Memories come and go just like that and I guess it's just a part of life I'll never truly get used to.

          "There you are little lamb." A familiar voice said from behind the bench I'm sitting on.

          I shook my head some to try and clear my thoughts before glancing over my shoulder and offering the orangette a small smile. "Ren, I wasn't expecting for anyone to come out here- especially not you. It's freezing. You should head back inside."

          The tall idol student's trench coat flared out some behind him as he walked towards me. "When you didn't come to lunch, I asked Otoya where you could possibly be since you never miss out on an opportunity to catch up with us when you're not busy with work. But after class, you ran off without a word," he paused as he took a seat beside me with maybe an inch of space left between us, "and when I asked Otoya what was bothering you, he wouldn't give me a straight answer."

          "So you decided to come check up on me yourself? How sweet." I said with a slightly forced laugh, trying to keep the atmosphere light.

          Ren looked upwards towards the gaps in the leaves of the trees where strips of sunlight manage to seep through. "You know ___, we have pretty similar ways of coping with loss and grief." He chuckled dejectedly. "But running off and being alone when you're sad won't help you any. If anything, it makes you feel more alone than anything else in this world."

          I looked to the orangette sitting beside me with knitted brows. "I thought you said Otoya didn't tell you anything..?" I asked softly.

          "He didn't."

          "Then, how did you know where to find me?"

          Flashing me a somber smile, Ren glanced back up to the tops of the trees. "Because when I would find myself remembering my mom and wanting to just isolate myself, I'd run off to the park, sit down on a bench furthest away from anyone and everyone I could see, and I'd sit there for hours regardless of the weather."

          "I don't... Did you lose your mother too?" I asked after a few moments in silence had passed.

          The idol student sitting beside me hummed in response. "When I was really little, she died in an accident and my heartbroken father couldn't bear to see or hear her so he trashed all of her belongings and wouldn't let me keep any of them." Ren recounted from his childhood. "He would spend hours running around the house, day after day, finding more pictures and collectibles and CDs and just everything she held dear to her heart, throwing them all away in plenty of garbage bags. All I could do was hide the one thing I had left of her."

          Pulling out the small MP3 player he often listens to when alone from his trench coat's pocket, Ren began unraveling the headphones from around the small device. He didn't say anything as he handed me a single earbud while he placed the other in his ear.

          At first, it was silent with just the faint crackling of audio coming through. And then there was a woman talking. Her voice was soft and gentle and so very sweet as she talked about the child she was carrying at the time. Her voice held the same warm tone as Ren's; one that could easily turn seductive in a moments notice or remain sweet like icing for however long she wanted it too. The woman on the recording decided to sing a little melody that she wanted to maybe one day make into a song for her unborn child. And that's when she began to sing.

          The melody wasn't anything intricate or unheard of, and yet it sounded so very special. Ren smiled as he relaxed some beside me, leaning more into the bench as we listened to the woman sing.

          "You never talk about your mom. You only ever brought her up to me when I said you couldn't possibly understand how cruel this world is." Ren spoke up about halfway through the woman's song with a small frown. "She's a secret, isn't she?" He asked.

          I shrugged some as I looked out to the wide expanse of the sidewalk leading further into the garden behind Saotome Academy. "There's not much to talk about."

          "That can't be true. I'm sure she was a lovely lady."

          "If I could remember her then I'm sure I'd tell you she was."

          Ren's smile softened some as he lifted his arm closest to me and wrapped it around my shoulders, pulling me close to his side as the lady's voice became a dull backdrop to our conversation. "Today's the anniversary of her death, isn't it?" He asked almost rhetorically. "It's unlike you to distance yourself from any of us- especially from Otoya. But this isn't a healthy way to deal with a day like this."

          I didn't fight him as I gladly leaned into his warm side, trying to fight off some of the cold now as I do so. "I'm always a debby downer when today comes around so I just keep to myself so I don't bring other's down. Nothing wrong with that."

          "You bring yourself further down by being alone. There's nothing wrong with being sad, but there is something wrong with making yourself more miserable then you have to be." Ren said knowingly. "You have so many friends all wanting to be here for you when you need us. You can rely on us if only a little bit every once in a while." He chuckled.

          The melody the woman was singing restarted once more, the track most probably being on repeat. "Ren, why are you out here really?"

          The orangette thought long and hard before answering that question. "Well, I remember what it was like when I'd sit alone during the cold winter on a park bench just listening to this song, over and over again until my brother had to come and get me. I remember how depressing it was to just be alone even for a day. It was the worst feeling imaginable when all I wanted was for my mother to hug me one last time and tell me she loved me. Being alone while you let yourself get overwhelmed by the sad memories only makes things worse, never better. I want to support my Lady the only way I know how." He murmured, bending down to place a soft kiss to the top of my head. "No beautiful woman should have to be alone when she's sad or else the sun shines just a little bit less."

          My heart swelled at his words as his arm around my shoulders tightened some. I didn't respond as I pushed myself a little harder into his side, wanting to be enveloped by his larger frame.

          For as flirtatious and air-headed as Ren may seem, he's truly a great guy with many layers to him. I've always said he was more than some playboy and I guess I was right. To be honest, I never expected anyone other than Otoya to understand my feelings like this and to think that Ren of all people is someone who can practically read my thoughts right now, it's shocking to say the least.

          Stubbornly, I rubbed at my eyes, tears pricking at the corners and stinging some as they try to force their way down my cheeks. Ren doesn't say anything as he keeps me close to his side, the two of us listening to the melody his mother created just for him. Something so special he decided to share with me when he saw I could use someone who understands where I'm coming from.

          We must have sat there for about an hour in silence. He never said a word as I tried to keep my tears back, but having someone here to just reassure me that it's alright to be sad and to grieve only has me wanting to cry more. Otoya and I always told each other that being sad solved nothing so really, we never grieved over our lost family. We simply pushed away our negative feelings in exchange for ignoring them completely while we giggled and played as if nothing ever happened.

          I wish Ren and I could stay like this forever...

          A small laugh slipped past my lips as I wiped at my eyes for the last time, the heaviness in my chest finally lifting for the first time in a while. Ren looked down to me with a warm smile. "Now what could my beautiful little lamb be giggling to herself about?" He asked as those bright ocean blue eyes of his met my own.

          I shook my head some. "I talked with Shizu a few nights ago," I said softly, "I told her that you have a way of making anyone you talk to feel special and that if she wasn't careful, she'd find herself getting hung up on you."

          "Oh? Does that mean I've finally won you over, Lady?"

          "In your dreams."

          Soon enough, Ren and I made our way back inside and went our separate ways as he and Masato went to go and talk about ideas for a photoshoot they'll be modeling for in a few days time. They offered for me to head off with them and just sit somewhere while I tried to finish Otoya's song so that I wouldn't be alone, but I declined their kind offer. Ren's right, I don't need to isolate myself just because today is typically a somber day for me, but I do want just a little bit of time alone to settle my thoughts before I go back to composing.

          Hurrying inside the warm cafe that's become a regular hangout for myself, I smiled to the familiar barista as I took a seat near the back of the small building. He struck up a short and sweet conversation with me as the other barista behind the counter got to work making me my mug of hot chocolate, asking what I was going to be up to this Christmas for the holiday season and whatnot while we waited. Though our chat was cut short when the cafe began getting a little busier and he had to hurry off to tend to other customers.

          Taking a sip of my hot chocolate, I cupped the warm mug between my chilled hands, trying to heat them up some as the lively chatter within the normally calm cafe grew in volume. Well something has everyone riled up. I wonder what could possibly be going on to get everyone so excited..?

          "Mind if I take a seat?" A cute brunette with light amethyst colored eyes asked as he stopped just behind the chair sitting opposite of myself at this small table for two. "The fangirls kind of took over the rest of the cafe and there aren't many other open seats." He then said with a shy laugh as he rubbed at the back of his neck some with his free hand, a steaming cup of coffee being held with the other.

          I couldn't help but smile as I looked up to meet his warm and hesitant eyes. "Of course! Please, take a seat. I'm not staying long anyways." I reassured before taking a sip of my hot chocolate.

          The pink sweater wearing boy gladly sat down across from as he glanced around to the happily talking fangirls crowding near the front tables of the cafe. "They're really something, aren't they?" He asked with a bright and genuine smile. "I'm glad they're so excited to see the performance in a little bit."

          "Who's performing?" I asked.

          "My brother's band!" The brunette responded happily. "Oh, I'm Otori Eiji by the way, sorry for not introducing myself sooner."

          Otori Eiji... Otori huh? That name sounds oddly familiar, but I can't quite place my finger on where I would have heard that name before. It doesn't belong to anyone at Saotome that I know of so it can't be another student. None of my friends have that last name so why is it that sounds so familiar..?

          "I'm Kotobuki ___, nice to meet you Eiji." I said, trying to ignore the nagging feeling in the back of my mind.

          Those light amethyst colored eyes of his widened some at that. "You're Kotobuki ___?!" He asked shocked. "You must be Quartet Night's composer then! My brother and the other's talk highly of your compositions and I must say that I really love them as well. I'd even go as far as calling myself a fan of yours." He then said a little more embarrassed as a light blush dusted over his cheeks.

          "A fan of mine? You're crazy." I said with a laugh. "All I do is write the compositions, Quartet Night are the real idols here."

          Eiji shook his head with a very determined look flashing across his face. "But without a wonderful composer, idol's wouldn't be able to create their lyrics which is why I'm such a big fan of yours! I found out you composed some of the songs those Saotome Academy students have been singing at the local music festivals as well and just- wow, your compositions are just amazing. I hope one day our paths cross because I'd do anything to sing a song of yours." He said honestly.

          My heart swelled at such kind words. "You're too sweet Eiji." I responded honestly. "Are you by any chance working towards becoming an idol?"

          "I am! I'm actually a trainee under Raging Entertainment right now, but there are no plans set in stone just yet about me ever debuting." He said with his smile never faltering.

          Raging Entertainment? Ah, I know that agency! It's Saotome's rival, right? But what bands are under Raging Entertainment? Gosh, for the life of me I can't think of anything... I'm just all over the place today it seems.

          "I hope you debut, you seem like you'd be a great idol." I said after drinking a little more of my hot chocolate. "What kind of songs do you like to sing?"

          Eiji thought for a moment before shrugging. "I like doing covers of other artists right now, but if I got to choose what I got to sing more of then I'd say pop or ballads. I'm working on my high notes right now so that I can match Hayato one day." He said with a laugh. "But Hayato is a natural at those high notes so I don't think I could hit them no matter how hard I practice."

          "I'm sure you could get there with enough time. Hayato didn't just wake up one day able to sing those high notes after all."

          "If you think I can do it then I'll work hard until I can!"

          Smiling to the amethyst eyed boy sitting across from me, we fell into a calm silence as we listened to the fangirls happily talk about this and that. So many of them were talking that I couldn't quite catch any words in particular so it was impossible for me to try and figure out what band they're here waiting for.

          Eiji noticed me glancing around to the fangirls and offered me a warm smile. "Are they bothering you?"

          Blinking a few times as I snap out of my thoughts, I quickly shook my head. "No! Not at all. I'm just trying to figure out what band they're all going to see in a little bit."

          "Ah, yeah, none of these fans have the name of the band printed anywhere so I get why it's a little hard to figure out who they're wanting to see." He agreed as he looked back to me. "How about I take you to my brothers performance then? I was headed there right about now anyways and I'm sure him and his bandmates would love to meet you! If you're free that is." Eiji then backtracked with a shy laugh.

          "I have no obligations for today so you know what, let's go see your brother's band perform." I agreed with a warm smile. Going out and meeting some cool people is just what I need to keep me from allowing myself to get all mopey and depressed. And if I can make Eiji happy by going along with him then that's even better since he seems to really love my compositions which is honestly very flattering.

          I never thought me as a composer would garner fans when there are idols like Quartet Night and my friends singing my songs with the lyrics they themselves wrote in the true limelight.

          Eiji and I left the cafe behind soon after we finished off our warm drinks, the harsh winter wind nipping at our skin as we hurried off down the sidewalk. We talked a bit about this and that, a little about his training along with how I've been doing composing for Quartet Night and my friends. Though for as nice as Eiji is, I made sure to not disclose what I'm working on where the Quartet is concerned. Raging Entertainment is rivals with Saotome after all and I don't want to do anything that could jeopardize my idol's careers.

          As we neared the medium-sized stadium venue, I was shocked to see all the posters and headlines and merch and signs plastered about the place with a bands name I wasn't expecting to see still promoting themselves.

          HE★VENS.

          The amethyst eyed boy walking beside me seemed to notice my apprehension to walk any closer to the venue. "What's wrong? Oh, did you not know my brother was Otori Eiichi..?" He asked softly as he grew unsure of himself.

          "It didn't even register," I responded honestly with a laugh. "It's just, HE★VENS and Quartet Night are rivals right now so, is it really alright for me to go to one of your brother's concerts and meet him under these circumstances?"

          Some of the fans around us seemed to recognize Eiji and I because they began glancing over to us as they waited in line to enter the large venue. I paid them no mind, hoping maybe if I didn't make a scene none of them would go making one themselves. The last thing I need are rumors spreading that I'm working with HE★VENS now...

          "You're right, I shouldn't have asked you to come here when you're working for Shining Saotome. I'm sorry for not thinking ahead. How about we exchange numbers though so just in case you change your mind about coming to one of my brother's concerts, you can just message me and we can go together? And, I wouldn't mind being friends if that's alright with you..?" Eiji said as he wrapped an arm around his torso to grab at his arm, looking so very unsure of himself and very embarrassed at even asking something like this of me.

          I couldn't bring myself to turn him down. He has honest and pure intentions and doesn't want to get me in trouble. Eiji just wants to befriend someone he's a fan of and wanted to introduce me to his brother and his bandmates since they also like my compositions. That's no fault of his and if anything he reminds me a lot of Natsuki.

          Just too sweet for his own good.

          Exchanging numbers with the Raging Entertainment trainee, I went ahead and said a quick goodbye as he left to go inside while I hurried away from the venue. Some of the fan's had snapped pics of Eiji and I talking and I'm sure those pictures are going to start circulating around Twitter, Youtube, Tumblr, and everything in between within the hour. I need to hurry back to the Academy and talk with Shining or one of my teachers before this blows up.

          I mean, this wasn't my intention whatsoever. An honest mistake by not asking Eiji sooner just what band his brother was apart of. I can only hope Shining will see this as an honest mistake as well or else I might very well be causing problems for not only myself going forward in my career, but also for Quartet Night and my friends as well...

————————

          Ooooooo so now the protagonist is in contact with Eiji and she's already lowkey kind of met Kira (along with Nagi and Eiichi) so now there's just three more final HE★VENS members for her to meet.~

          Question of the Chapter: How do you think Shining is going to handle pictures surfacing of the protagonist at HE★VENS' concert and talking to Eiji (who he for sure knows is Raging Otori's kid)? I mean, once again I didn't mean for this to be the ending to this chapter so I dunno how ShineShine is going to react lol I was originally going to have Kira show up at the cafe and then I didn't know why he'd even talk to her in the first place because he's just so antisocial and just- Eiji seemed like a good fit since the starfishies and the quartet boiz are all busy with schedules and classwork and whatnot

          I mean, I can't even be upset with myself for writing in Eiji so soon into this fic because like, he's precious and I love him (not as much as I love shion and van and eiichi but he's above yamato so that's a plus lul) I think it's safe to say this fic is about a true third of the way done now- or just about there at least. Once the starfishies graduate then we'll truly be in the second of three parts that I have more or less mapped out in my head. Now if only I'd stop adding stuff to this fic and just plow through to the graduation auditions that'd be great lol

          I wonder if this fic is going to end up being the longest chapter fic for the utapri fandom on wattpad when it's all said and done lmao I haven't read any truly lonnnggggg fics for like any fandoms in a long while, especially not on wattpad (most of the longfics seem to be on AO3 tbh). I lowkey wanna take the title of having the longest utapri fic on wattpad lol longfics are great and so is utapri so it's only natural i mash those two together xD

          I love each and every last one of you lovely cuties and thanks so much for taking the time to read this chapter <3

    ~ ｋａｔ ♡